The morning after, Khadijah was almost scared to look Arion in the eye. Both her and Kevin had been forced to sleep on the floor, keeping the garbage bin nearby in case Arion needed to throw up. She was still shaken by the events from last night, so she woke up early, sitting with her back resting against the side of the bed, texting her mom back to let her know she was okay. That Arion was okay.
The low groan Arion emitted caused Khadijah to stiffen. The bed squeaked as he sat up, looking around the room before his eyes rested on her body leaned against the bed.
"Khadijah?" He voiced, throat raspy.
"Hi," she settled on saying, finding the courage to twist her body and look at him properly, "how do you feel?"
"Like shit."
Yeah, he looked like it, too.
"Go shower and stuff, Kevin went to go get food, it's already two P.M.," Khadijah sighed, glancing at her phone again. They lapsed into silence—neither one knowing what to say to the other. Khadijah didn't know how to address the elephant in the room—she didn't know how Arion would react. She didn't want to talk about what she'd seen last night; his behaviour or the amount of pills she had found stashed around Kevin's house. They found almost eight bottles of pills.
She just pretended to be busy with her phone when Arion finally decided to get up from the bed, walking around to get to his dresser, picking out a tracksuit and a shirt before he disappeared into the bathroom that connected to his and Kevin's room. She heard the shower turn on, and Khadijah let out a heavy sigh of relief, letting her head flop back against the bed. Khadijah was exhausted—having stayed up late last night with Kevin watching over Arion and making sure he didn't fucking overdose. Thankfully he didn't, but Khadijah almost went crazy last night with worry. She didn't want to take her eyes off him for a second lest something happened.
"Jah," Arion's voice shattered her inner peace and her head shot up, body tensed. Arion's head poked through the slightly ajar door of the bathroom, and his face scrunched up in confusion at her response. "I just wanted to say I had an extra tooth brush for you." He told her plainly, and Khadijah shook her head slightly, trying to will herself to calm down as she stood up.
"Okay, thanks," she said quietly, padding into the bathroom. Arion backed away, giving her room to stand at the double vanity with him. Khadijah looked around, seeing the bathroom vanity split into two sides—one for Arion and one for Kevin. She accepted the brand new packaged tooth brush from Arion graciously. She'd spent most of the morning just sitting there at the side of the bed, and Kevin had rushed out once he realized she was awake.
Khadijah felt fucking awkward as she opened the toothbrush, dropping the packaging into the trash can in the corner by the toilet. Arion turned on the sink for her, slathering some toothpaste onto his own toothbrush before he passed it to her.
The only sound that could be heard in the bathroom was the steady stream of water running as they both stood there in front of the vanity brushing their teeth, standing at least two feet apart. Khadijah even hesitated to spit out her toothpaste because there was just so much tension between them, but she did it anyways even when she felt the heavy stare of Arion follow her as she bent over, leaning down into the sink. She rinsed her mouth before moving away to let Arion do the same. He pointed her to the hand towel resting on the counter, and she used it to wipe her face. She stared at herself in the mirror, poking at the slight bags underneath her eyes.
She looked tired.
"You guys found them all?" Arion asked her after he'd put his toothbrush back into the holder at the side of the sink.
"Yeah," she stated, looping her arms behind her back, rocking back and forth on her heels. Arion stared at her through the mirror, and she was so ashamed, she couldn't control herself as her mouth just opened, and her heart poured out, spilling onto the bathroom floor. "Listen, I—I-I didn't k-know about any of this the other day. I said what I said to hurt you, and I fucked up—real bad. I know that. I didn't know my words held truth—I'm sorry. I feel like a fucking monster, bro, because last night—I—" Khadijah paused, catching herself, and she just let out a deep sigh. Arion stood there, gripping the counter hard. His gaze fell to his hands as he pushed himself off of it, looking down at his trembling hands.
"Honestly, bro, I'on even know how it started," he said quietly, shaking his head, "I couldn't tell you. I know it was off some dumb shit, and I just couldn't stop. The other day, after I left—shit, I got overwhelmed. Got in my head about shit, so I took one. That was supposed to be it because I'd been clean for months at that point. Next thing I know, I'm there for days, and it just kept getting worse and worse. The high only goes so far, then the anxiety kicks in, and I just start to lose my mind."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not," Arion shrugged, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants, trying to hide them from her view—it was useless, she'd already seen, but she didn't say anything.
"I am though," Khadijah stated, furrowing her eyebrows, she stared at his back as Arion tugged the hoodie over his head, "I'm sorry, and I want to help you." She clarified, watching as he tried to hide from the world. She tentatively reached out, placing a gentle hand on his arm.
He was shaking.
"I want to help you." Khadijah repeated herself because Arion had been there for her, and she wanted to do the same thing for him, even if she didn't know the first thing about addiction besides the basics.
"I'on think you can," Arion said, voice cracking towards the end, "just go home, Khadijah."
"No," Khadijah said, tilting her head slightly to the side, "no, I won't." She spoke with more conviction.
"Go home."
"Why? Why would I just leave you here by yourself?"
"Bro, just go home. I'm not gon' say it again. I don't want you here."
"Okay, I don't really care," Khadijah shrugged as Arion shook off her arm. She ignored the way her chest constricted painfully, but she brushed it off. Kevin already told her he would act like this. She just had to be persistent. Plus, they couldn't leave Arion by himself right now—not until he'd gotten through the thick of it.
He pulled open the bathroom door, stalking out, and Khadijah followed behind him quietly. She just sat on the bed as he looked around the room, eyes scanning for something.
"Arion," she called out to him, she sunk down onto the bed, her hands in her lap as he ignored her, marching over to his closet and looking through the bins organized at the top. The bedroom was almost completely void of Natty's things—it was bare except for the few things Arion owned. "Just sit down." Khadijah said, pleading a little bit. The area he was looking in was where she'd found two bottles, stashed away at the back of the closet.
No doubt that's what he was looking for now.
"Don't listen to a fucking word he says. Take everything with a grain of salt. He'll make you think he's fine then he'll switch up. Stay calm—don't let him affect you, aight? He's gonna get angry then maybe he'll try begging you for help but I'm serious, Khadijah—Don't. Give. In. Just watch him and make sure he doesn't do nothing crazy like hurting himself or sumn."
Kevin's words echoed in her mind and she took a deep breath.
"Jah, you irritating me now," Arion kissed his teeth, tossing the bin back onto the floor, "where the fuck is my shit, man?" He groaned.
"Arion, can you—"
"Jah, leave it, bro—seriously."
"But, I just think—"
"Khadijah."
"What?"
"Just go home, man, like, what the fuck are you really here for?"
"I'm here for you."
"I don't want you here." Arion stressed. He threw the second bin down on the floor, old photos from their childhood spilling out. She caught sight of one that landed face up with him and his mother—when she was still around, at least. He saw it too, picking it up and shoving it back into the old rickety bin it'd fallen out of.
"Okay," she said quietly, easing off the bed to help gather the scattered photos. It was mostly photos Jackie had taken of him—at his middle school graduation, photos of him and Kevin, but there was also a photo of her in it. She was squeezed between the two of them, the faintest smile on her face as Jackie encouraged her to pose. Kevin and Arion grinned wildly on each side. They couldn't have been older than seven or eight-years-old.
It just made her sad.
Arion snatched the photo away from her, the aggression almost ripping the photo in half. She hissed quietly as the photo sliced her finger, wrapping it in the fabric of her t-shirt as Arion shoved the bin back at the bottom, in the furthest corner of the closet. Khadijah stood there as Arion prowled around the room, looking in places she and Kevin had already cleaned out—cursing under his breath as he got more frantic.
"Fuck!" He yelled suddenly, making Khadijah jump. A loud thud echoed throughout the room, and Khadijah's eyes widened at the hole in the wall next to the doorway. He'd actually punched a hole in the wall. "Khadijah, man, just tell me where they are. Please." Arion spoke softly.
The whiplash from Arion's emotions scared her. His mood was bouncing all over the place. Kevin told her he'd often get aggressive but witnessing it—seeing it first hand was scary.
This wasn't even Arion at all.
Khadijah was stunned into silence. She backed away, pressing herself up against the wall closest to the door. Arion's eyes were pinned on her, and all she could feel as she looked at him was a tinge of fear.
Part of the reason Kevin had left so early was to dispose of all the pills—get them as far away from here as possible, and Arion was going insane just looking for them.
"Um, you hungry?" Khadijah tried her best to smile. She wanted to take the edge off—distract him a little until Kevin returned, at the very least.
"I just need one, ma, I just need one." Arion pleaded with her. If she didn't know any better, she'd give in, but Kevin told her to be firm—hold her ground against him no matter what he said to her or did. "After, I'll stop. I promise." He swore to her. His hand looked a little swollen now, a bit bruised around the knuckles and despite his best efforts, Khadijah could see that he was still trembling.
"Don't lie to me," Khadijah said, her lip quivered slightly but she just leaned against the wall more as her eyes locked with Arion's. He looked exhausted but frantic all at the same time—he was so fucking dependent on those pills, it was crazy. He looked a little crazy too, she guessed but she just didn't want to see it. She just wanted to believe that he was still there—he was still there somewhere beneath all the bullshit and all the pills he'd pumped into his system.
"I'm not lying to you, mama, I promise I'm not lying."
Just hearing his voice—hearing those words—hearing the raw emotion in his voice hurt so much more. It made it so much harder to keep her head on straight but she knew it was all a lie. He was just trying to manipulate her—his anger wasn't scaring her into complying despite the fear running through her veins so he had to switch tactics. Kevin told her everything last night—what to look out for, what to expect. All he really had was one moment of clarity before something else took over.
It felt like her heart was breaking in half all over again. He kept pleading with her but once he realized she wouldn't give into that either—he punched the wall again and Khadijah swallowed the yelp that wanted to jump out of her throat. They were alone for an hour before Kevin came back and he'd ushered her out of the room, locking the door behind him. Khadijah sat on the steps listening to Arion shouting at Kevin—saying all types of things really; flinching everytime she heard a loud crash echo from inside the room.
She sat there until the sun went down again and Kevin had left the room, joining her on the steps. He sported a bruise forming on his eyes and his shirt was a little tattered but Khadijah didn't say much. Neither did he. Apparently Arion had passed out but his body was breaking out into a cold sweat and then Kevin had disappeared into the room once again. Khadijah couldn't bring herself to move.
Kevin came out routinely every hour, only for ten minutes, sitting there with her—giving her a brief update on Arion's condition before he went back in.
"We're helping him, right?" Khadijah asked, voice croaking after not speaking for so long. She cleared her throat, swallowing deeply although it felt uncomfortable.
"We are," Kevin confirmed, gently touching his eye and hissing in pain when he grazed the bruise, "he'll be good. You can go if you want though, I know this shit is scary and its a lot to handle."
"I don't want to leave," she shook her head, knees pressed to her chest, "I just don't know what to do. I've never seen anyone like that. I'm never seen him act this way."
"He needs help," Kevin agreed with a sigh, "we don't have the money though. I wanted to save up but my mom—she's having a hard time paying the bills and with my little sister, she's fighting for custody and all that shit. I just—" Kevin exhaled slowly, fist clenching on his thigh. "I'm tryna do what I can. This is all I can do for now."
"I know," Khadijah nodded even though she really didn't but she didn't want Kevin to think she didn't understand. Kevin was always trying to take care of everyone around him but himself. She'd crumple under half the pressure he was under yet he still stood tall. "He'll be okay." She echoed. "We just gotta stick it for a few days, right?"
"Yeah, just a few days then the worst is over. Its aight, we got him."