"Bro, I did not need to know this," Kevin said, scrunching up his nose and shaking his head. A Perez family function was in full swing, and Lauren had practically begged Khadijah and her mother to come along. That's how Khadijah ended up sitting on the steps on the porch of Jackie's townhouse, watching Kevin roll. The backyard was packed full of people—Kevin's family members, who extended their condolences to her and mother. Her mother handled the attention with grace—a smile stretched just a tad bit too thin, but she was polite and respectful. Khadijah found the attention overwhelming and Kevin picked up on it—perceptive as always, leading her out front to the porch.
And, of course, because Khadijah was Khadijah and she felt a way—she told Kevin about the shit that went down with her and Arion because she hadn't seen him in over a week.
He hadn't come back to the apartment that night. Or the day after. Or the day after that.
"I don't have anyone else to talk too," Khadijah rolled her eyes, she eyed the blunt Kevin was rolling with deep interest, "have you seen Arion?"
"Bro, Dougie, man," Kevin stressed to her, a smile on his lips, "he busy though. He told you that, right?"
"Busy doing what?" Khadijah whined. "Like bro, I haven't seen him in over a week."
"I woulda think y'all fucked with the way you actin' right now," Kevin mumbled, finishing the blunt and tucking it behind his ear, "whatchu trippin' so much for? He ain't 'ya nigga."
"Damn, Kevin," Khadijah said pointedly with an eyeroll, "I can't ask you where he is? He literally lives with you, bro."
"Not gon' lie, I'on think you should see him right now, Jah," Kevin shook his head again, looking like he was deep in his thoughts, "I can't say too much about it to be honest." He clarified. He leaned back against her legs, and Khadijah resisted the strong urge to kick him off her.
"Is it that serious?" Khadijah asked, furrowing her eyebrows, "is he okay?"
Kevin hesitated to answer, staying silent.
"At least tell me if he's okay, Kevin," Khadijah urged, lightly pushing Kevin's shoulder.
"He's caught up in something, I'm not gon' say anything else but," Kevin spoke again, hesitating, "if shit goes south, I'll let you know."
She blinked in confusion. What the fuck did that even mean?
"Don't ask me nothing else," Kevin commanded, taking the blunt from behind his ear, fishing around in his short's pocket for a lighter, "and before you even attempt to say shit, you can have one hit. Don't tell anyone I let you, though." He told her sternly, sparking up in front of her. He took two hits before he reluctantly passed it back to Khadijah, and she accepted it graciously—finally being able to scratch the itch, taking a large hit before she gave it back with a slight pout on her face. She hadn't smoked in a while—she missed it. Her mother had removed all the liquor from the apartment—they really only had her father's stash of beers and even Arion had stopped smoking around her; opting to just come over to her apartment faded out of his mind rather than doing it in front of her.
Kevin was the only one who didn't treat her like a baby, but he also didn't give her any special treatment at all. Besides the moments where her father was brought up, Kevin acted like nothing had changed. He was still just as nonchalant and unbothered by everything. Khadijah was surprised he'd listened to her ramble about Arion at all—half expecting him to shut that shit down, but he didn't. He sat there and grumbled, but he listened because Khadijah and Arion were two people in his life that he really cared about. If they weren't good, he wasn't good. So he listened to her, even if he really didn't give a fuck that Arion had finally made a move after being a pussy for so long.
They sat in silence and Khadijah just lost herself in her thoughts. She didn't know how long they sat there as Kevin finished the blunt—she lost track of time just thinking about Arion and where he could be. If he was okay—if he was safe. That's what really mattered. They could sort out all the other shit later. She just didn't like the fact he wasn't returning her calls or texts and Kevin was being cagey—she just had a bad feeling settling into the pit of her stomach, and she prayed her gut was wrong.
Suddenly, Kevin stood up, shaking Khadijah from her train of thought.
"C'mon, bruh," he said to her, nodding towards the backyard, "let's go back." She stood up, shaking off her yellow sundress, following Kevin's lead as they walked around to the back. Khadijah saw her mother, sitting in a lone corner with Lauren, sipping a little mimosa, and they made eye contact. Her mother's eyes conveyed everything she wanted to say, and Khadijah nodded inconspicuously; assuring her that she was alright, and she watched as her mother relaxed in the lawn chair.
Kevin grabbed them both a paper plate each, helping Khadijah pick out her food from the grill that was being guarded by his uncles, and she settled on a hot dog with some ketchup. They squeezed together on a couch with Kevin's cousin, Rhea, who was only older than them by a few years. The older girl sent her a small smile, and Khadijah tried her best to reciprocate. Khadijah just wanted to fuse herself with the couch, slouched down, munching on her hot dog quietly. Kevin and Rhea held a conversation in Spanish, leaving Khadijah out of the loop but she didn't mind all too much—it gave her time to think.
She seemed to do that a lot lately. Eventually, she finished her hot dog and Kevin grumbled but got up to get her another one at Rhea's insistence. The Perez family function wasn't bad, honestly—Khadijah just had a lot on her mind and despite his family's best efforts, the pity-filled gazes were hard to shake. Khadijah tried her hardest to just focus on her food, and before she knew it, she'd finished her second hot dog too.
"Oh nah, you not getting another one," Kevin told her, raising an eyebrow, "you ate that in—like what? Two minutes, you gon' get indigestion."
"Kevin, cállate y deja que la niña coma (shut up and let the girl eat)," Rhea mushed his head, rolling her eyes, "you good, Khadijah? You want some more food? Don't listen to Kevin's miserable ass."
"I'm good, I'm good," Khadijah mumbled weakly, letting Kevin take the wrinkled paper plate away from her. As she spoke, a song came on that made everyone in Jackie's backyard erupt into cheers and Rhea muttered something to Kevin that made him immediately protest, but at that look in his older cousin's eyes, he backed down, kissing his teeth.
"Work off that food, girl, let's go," Kevin instructed, tugging her up by her arm, "sitting here all depressed and shit at my abuelita's (grandma's) birthday party. Get the fuck up."
"Kevin, I can't dance," she stressed to him as he positioned to them to stand face-to-face.
"So, you just gon' stay sad forever? At least try, bruh," Kevin shook his head at her, "just follow my lead, do what I do. It's easy." Khadijah pursed her lips.
She had a feeling this would not as easy as Kevin tried to make it out to be. She understood what he was doing—trying to distract her, and she appreciated it but learning bachata at a function did not seem like an adequate choice of action.
Of course, she was right.
As she was always because ten minutes later, Khadijah fell on her ass—unable to keep up with Kevin's footwork. Still, he dragged her ass up again and again until each time she fell, she did it with a laugh and a small smile despite the spikes of embarrassment that prickled at her neck worryingly. She told Kevin, she was a horrible dancer—she had no coordination, but Kevin was determined to get her ass up standing on her feet and seeing that smile told him it had been worth it after all. Even if Khadijah kept fucking stepping on his toes.
He just powered through it.
✧
It's almost three A.M. when Khadijah phone started ringing off the hook. She swiped a hand over her face, blearily blinking sleep away as she fumbled, finally answering the phone.
"Hello?" She groaned, moaning like a zombie as she pressed her face back against her pillow.
"Jah, remember how I said I'd tell you if shit goes south?" Kevin's voice chipped in through the phone connection, and she hummed in response. "Come outside 'cuz we gotta go get Dougie, bro. I'm really finna kill this nigga, word to."
"Wait—what?" She said, suddenly sitting up in her bed. She was more alert now, just from hearing Arion's name.
"Bro, I'm outside your apartment, come out. Now." Kevin demanded before he hung up. Khadijah pulled the phone away from her ear, staring at it in disbelief. When her phone buzzed again with another text from Kevin, she hauled ass. She threw off her blankets, stumbling around for a pair of socks and a hair-tie to pull her braids into a low bun with. She slipped her phone into the waistband of her spandex shorts, debating on changing but opting out, rushing out of her bedroom.
She felt bad knocking on her mother's door so late at night especially when she had work in the morning, but Khadijah knew better than to just rush out of the house before at least letting her know first.
"Hooyo! Waa inaan aado, Kevin bannaankiisa, wax baa ka qaldan Arion (Mom! I have to go, Kevin's outside, something's wrong with Arion)," Khadijah spoke fast, hearing shuffling on the other side of the door. It was only a minute before her mother opened the door, lips pursed in concern.
"Maxaa dhacay? Ma u baahan tahay inaan ku sugo? (What happened? Do you need me to wait for you?)" Her mother asked.
"No, it's okay, hooyo, I just—I gotta go, Kevin's outside," Khadijah said, fussing as she gestured with her hands towards the front door, "he didn't tell me much, but I knew there was something up with Arion. I knew." Khadijah's voice softened to a whisper.
"Bring him back safe, jacaylkayga (my love)."
With her mother's blessing, Khadijah rushed out of the unit, sprinting down the staircase of her apartment building. She didn't stop moving until she spotted Jackie's car parked right in front and Khadijah hopped right into the passenger seat, barely putting on her seatbelt before Kevin sped off.
"Tell me what the fuck is going on right now," Khadijah commanded, breathing heavily as she tried to catch her breath, "where is he? Is he okay?"
"He called me asking me to pick him up, he's at the trap," Kevin replied, fingers tapping against the steering wheel as he weaved through the streets with ease, "I think he's on 'em again."
"On what?"
"Popping percs again, Jah. He been on them since freshmen year but—bro, I just... I thought he stopped so I wasn't worried about it too much. He did them that one time at that party but he swore to me he didn't relapse—that he just saw 'em and took 'em in the heat of the moment."
"You're fucking kidding me right now."
"I'm not, Khadijah," Kevin said through gritted teeth as he made a sharp right-turn, "listen, I know you and Dougz are pussyfooting around each other right now 'cuz y'all can't figure how to fucking feel but this isn't a joke. I tried to get him off 'em a long time ago. You don't know how hard I fucking tried. I thought it worked. He was sober for a while and he was with you most of the time but you didn't say shit so I thought he was good but then the other day, he came home talking 'bout how he was gonna lay low for a minute and he'd be back in a few days. Obviously the nigga lied."
"What the fuck... " Khadijah whispered, trying to desperately wrap her mind around all the new information Kevin had given her.
"I should've pressed him about it when he told me... fuck!" Kevin shouted suddenly making Khadijah jump in the passenger seat, he gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands; driving in a rigid stance Khadijah wasn't used too.
"W-will he be okay?" Khadijah asked nervously. She didn't know much about addiction or withdrawals—the process of getting sober—none of it. It just made her feel a thousand times worse about what she said to him the other day. She never expected Arion to actually be addicted to percs, she'd just said the first thing that came to her mind and unfortunately, it was true.
She felt like a monster because Arion had disappeared after kissing her and now he was back on percs—throwing away months of being clean and sober.
But why?
Now, she was just secondguessing being there but Khadijah leveled her head with a deep breath as Kevin pulled up to a house in a ghetto ass suburb, lit with dim lights and guys scattered around the front yard.
She felt anxious as Kevin turned off the car, ensuring his piece was tucked into his waistband, shoving his keys into his pocket.
"Walk behind me and don't say nothing to anyone, aight?" Kevin said and Khadijah nodded. They got out the car and she followed closely behind him as he led her through the mass of men who leered at her openly, whistling at her. No one approached her—they didn't dare but they stared and hollered at her. She ignored it although her skin crawled in fear because what mattered more was getting to Arion and making sure he was safe.
The house was dirty as fuck—garbage, red cups, and cans littered all over the place and the stench of weed was strong in the air. It just—looked bad but according to Kevin, this was the trap so she didn't know what she expected really.
"Where he at?" Kevin asked one of the men inside lounging on the couch, Khadijah cringed in disgust when she noticed he was getting his dick sucked by a girl naked from the waist-up.
"He upstairs—aye, who that is?"
"Nobody, nigga," Kevin responded, moving towards the staircase which was on the left side of the living room and Khadijah hurried up the stairs after him, "Doug!" Kevin called out and a faint groan could be heard down the hallway. They moved towards the direction of the sound and Kevin slammed the door open, seeing Arion laid out on a spring mattress, some next hoe poking around in his pockets. "Get 'yo ass out, man." Kevin frowned at her and she obliged, her hair messy and top askew.
Arion looked high as fuck and just a tad strung out as he gazed at her with glossy eyes.
"Why'd you bring her?" He whined loudly, words slurring together. "I told you, Kay."
"And nigga, look where you at. Look at what you doing! This the same shit you don't want her doing, right?" Kevin interjected. "This the same shit you be preaching to her about stopping yet you out here doing the same shit. Bro, I thought we beat this." Kevin sighed, shaking his head. "What happened?"
Arion didn't respond but it wasn't like Kevin expected him too. Khadijah just stood in the doorway, frozen in shock as Kevin helped Arion off the bed, slinging his arm around his shoulder. Honestly, her body just moved automatically, following behind Kevin and Arion as they walked back tot he car and Kevin situated Arion in the backseat. Khadijah sat next to him and she was a little flustered when he spread out, laying his head in her lap but she didn't say much about it. They rode in silence. After twenty minutes, they pulled up to Kevin's place and Khadijah helped Kevin bring Arion into the house. Thankfully, Jackie wasn't awake and they snuck Arion in without much fuss.
After Natty went to college, Jackie had reluctantly given his room to Arion once Natty stopped responding to her calls and texts—too caught up in his own life to give a thought about the people he had waiting on him at home.
Arion just kinda laid in the bed, unmoving, just staring up at the ceiling—taking deep breaths. Khadijah didn't know what to do, she sat at the foot of the bed, still just struggling to process everything as Kevin tore the room apart.
"Doug, just tell me where they are," Kevin said, knocking over his trash can and checking beneath it.
Arion didn't respond and Khadijah's heart pounded painfully in her chest.
Still, he just laid there.
"Where what are, Kevin?" Khadijah asked but she couldn't even believed she'd talked—everything felt so far away like she'd drifted far down underwater.
"He hid pills around the house, he did it the last time, I know he did it again," Kevin sighed, standing up as he righted the garbage bin back onto the floor, "c'mon, help me look. We gotta do it now before he realizes what the fuck is going on. He's out of it right now but shit will get ugly, Jah. Know that because regardless of what he does or says—i-it's all just a bunch of bullshit. He can't control himself."
And after what'd happened later on that night, Khadijah wished she'd taken Kevin a little bit more seriously because she never wanted to experience that ever again.
✧
LONG ASS CHAPTER. ngl i had writer's block for a min but now, i'm enjoying writing this story so much!!! do y'all like my characterizations of kay and dougie? because personally—me? IM IN LOVE WITH THEM. literally in love. dougie is literally so sweet and understanding, like he's really trying so hard with khadijah and they're both just so adorable together but shit is not always sweet so i gotta start with the angst. mannnnn. i love it tho. i love khadijah and kay's friendship too, seeing it develop and writing about moments that were only mentioned in niraiya's song really helps paint the bigger picture. let me know what you think!!
— 𝐂.