CHAPTER 23:
Where She Learns About His Past
~~**~~
T.W: Mention of S*icide
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I told Archer again.
We were seated in the living room of my apartment. Spartacus stretched lazily at our feet before yawning and going back to sleep again.
Archer swallowed. "No, I want to." He said softly. "The only reason I didn't tell you earlier was because I was afraid that you would abandon me if you found out." He ran a hand through his hair. "But I've realized that you don't hide stuff from the people you want in your life. You show them the broken parts of you and let them choose if they want to stay."
I placed my hand over his and squeezed lightly. "I've already made my choice," I told him firmly.
He smiled at that. It was a sad smile but it was beautiful all the same.
He turned to me. "You know we just moved here last year, right?" I gave him a nod. I knew that Archer had joined the school at the start of our senior year.
"Well, before we moved to Long Beach we used to live in Upstate New York." He ran a hand through his hair, "There's a reason why our family left New York so suddenly and came here."
The sound of thunder followed by the pitter-patter of raindrops could be heard coming from outside the window.
After a small pause, Archer continued, "My brother Jordan was twelve years older than me. My parents had him really young. He was kind and he was thoughtful, the only person in my family who I could look up to. He practically raised me." Archer's expression grew distant, "Jordan loved art and music, he even got accepted to Julliard." He closed his eyes like the words caused him physical pain. I squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"But my father didn't approve and making our dad happy meant everything to Jordan. So he went to law school like my father wanted and he passed the bar exam. He even joined a law firm my dad had suggested for a while here in California." Archer sighed. "Jordan was miserable the entire time. He hated being a corporate lawyer, he hated representing rich stuck-up clients. Jordan had always wanted to make a difference with his actions, he wanted to help people. He finally got the courage to quit after a couple of months. He flew back to New York and joined a small law firm as a criminal defense lawyer. My father was furious but Jordan wouldn't be swayed this time. He'd finally found something that he loved doing and he was good at it too, really good. Most of the cases he took were pro bono. He just wanted to help people."
Archer's voice grew hoarse. "He'd been practicing as a defense attorney for a couple of years when he got the call. He'd become relatively well known by then. It was from a man called Derek O'Malley. My father had been the one who had guided him to Jordan. Derek wanted Jordan to represent his son who was being put on trial for the assault and murder of two thirteen-year-old girls. Derek was one of New York's biggest and most powerful business tycoons but that didn't matter to Jordan. He told him he would talk to his son first and then decide if he was willing to take the case."
He took a deep breath. I could tell that this was hard for him.
"Damien O'Malley, Derek O'Malley's son, the person who was on trial for murder was a skinny nineteen-year-old boy and Jordan believed he was innocent when he talked to him. He told me this much. That was the only reason he took the case in the first place. From what we heard from the news, things didn't really look good for Damien, there was a truckload of evidence against him. Everyone told Jordan that it was a lost cause but Jordan took it anyway. And to everyone's utter shock . . . he managed to win."
I inhaled sharply. A horrible feeling churned in the pit of my stomach. I didn't like how dark Archer's expression had become.
Archer's turbulent gaze turned to me.
"At first everyone called him a hero who got an innocent kid out of death row but a week after the trial had ended the unimaginable happened. Someone had reported a disturbance in their area and when the police went to investigate, they found Damien O'Malley bent over the bloody and beaten body of a poor thirteen-year-old girl. He was immediately arrested and confessed to all three of the murders on tape in exchange for a reduced sentence."
Archer took a shuddering breath.
"The news absolutely shattered Jordon. The thought that he'd put a murderer back on the street, that an innocent child had lost her life because he'd chosen to defend the wrong person absolutely crushed him. My brother changed after that, it was like the light just left his eyes, and he didn't laugh or smile anymore. As if that wasn't enough now there were people on social media calling him a murderer, telling him that he'd been the one responsible for that little girl's death, and sending him death threats... The press and the public were relentless too, they followed and harassed him endlessly. Our entire family was a target, wherever we went there were cameras flashing and people shoving microphones in our faces."
"Archer, that's awful," I whispered, tears prickling my eyes.
He sighed and ran his thumb over my cheek affectionately. "I wish I could tell you that things got better but they didn't. They got worse . . . so much worse."
"Soon after Damien's confession an investigation was carried out and it was discovered that the jury had been bribed in Damien's initial trial, the trial that Jordan had miraculously won. The payments were made anonymously and in cash, so it was never determined officially who the bribe was from, but people immediately blamed Jordan for it because in their eyes he was the one who'd benefited the most from winning such a high profile case. The hate he got only grew after that."
Archer's eyes shone with unshed tears. "He was so distraught Fallon, he was absolutely heartbroken," Archer whispered brokenly. "He called me the night the news came out and I remember him sobbing on the phone, begging me to believe him. He just wanted someone to believe him, to be on his side. I tried to reassure him. He just kept saying over and over again that he would never even think of bribing a juror and that if he could he would go back in time and undo it all so that little girl could survive." A tear escaped his eye and I brushed it away and kissed the underside of his jaw hoping to give him some comfort. My cheeks were wet with my own tears.
"A couple of months passed and things started to get better, people were finally moving on. I wasn't getting bullied in school for being related to Jordan any more people just chose to avoid me. I'd finally started to hope that there was a chance that things could go back to normal one day."
Archer paused, closed his eyes, and exhaled.
"I'd been in school when I got the call, I saw it on the news before I heard my mother say it."
A strangled sound left his lips. He was hurting so badly.
I could feel my heart break for him.
This beautiful, tortured boy.
I wished I could take away all of his pain and make it my own. I wished I could ease his burden a little.
But I couldn't.
"Jordan was a gentle soul. He saw the good in everything and everyone. That was the reason he took the case. His kindness was his downfall." Archer turned his head away, looking at the rain falling down through the window. "Two years ago on April the third, he stole my father's shotgun from his office desk, went back to his own apartment, and shot himself.
"Oh, Archer." A sob ripped out of me. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I'm so so sorry."
Suddenly it all made sense.
Why Archer hid behind his hoodies and baggy clothes.
Why he avoided people.
Why he'd been so scared when that man recognized him today.
He didn't want to go through what he'd gone through in New York again. He didn't want to be forced to relive the loss of the most precious person in his life.
"It was too much for him to face alone." His voice was distant and then suddenly his expression changed and he looked angry.
So angry.
"He shouldn't have been alone. I should have helped him. I should have been there for him. Maybe if I had he'd still be alive."
My hands cupped his jaw and I turned his head gently so he was looking at me.
"You can't take that burden, Archer. It's too big of a burden to carry." I told him firmly. "You lost everything because of what happened too. No matter how much we want to, we can't save everyone." I touched my forehead to his. "You saved yourself and sometimes that's all a person can do."
He closed his eyes, his tears were falling freely now.
"I miss him." He murmured. His arms wrapped around my waist as he pulled me to him. His face nestled into the crook of my neck. "I miss him so much Fallon."
"I know," I whispered. My fingers tangled in his hair.
The sound of thunder and rain filled the background. Archer clung to me like he would drown if he let go. "Sometimes I feel like it's all too much for me. I feel like I'm drowning, barely managing to come up for air."
At that moment I knew that this boy had taken a piece of my heart without even realizing it. So I told him what someone had told me not so long ago, that had helped me when I felt like I was drowning.
I leaned back and looked into his beautiful tortured eyes,
"We're meant to float, not sink," I whispered.