“PAKI-USAP LANG”
[Some of Paki-usap lang MV are related in this story]
🎥: You can watch his M/V in this link below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkUB9xCZHn4
🎧: Or listening to his music
https://push.fm/fl/DKVjpwOL
—Josh Cullen Fanfiction—
“Sir Josh? bakit wala ka po sa opisina?”
Tumawag ang sekretarya kong si Charlotte sa telepono, may meeting kami ngayon kay Mr. De Dios pero kinansela ko ito.
“Nothing, cancel my meeting to Mr. De Dios and move to another day”
Pinasadahan ko ng pag-oobserbasyon ang kabuuan ng pinagbibiling bahay— balak kong bilhin ang bahay na ito, 10 taon na ang nakakaraan at maraming nagdaan ang nakabalot rito sa bawat taong iyon.
Malawak, malinis, marupok na mga kahoy, may isang kuwarto, pulidong mesa, malinis na palikuran, maayos na sala at halatang naalagaan ng husto ngunit ang kakayahan ng bahay na ito ay unting-unti nang naguho dahil ilang taon na rin ang nakaraan.
“Sir, maiwan ko po muna kayo sa labas habang tinitignan ninyo po ang kabuuan ng bahay. Tawagan n'yo na lang po ako pag tapos na” anunsiyo ng caretaker ng bahay.
Tumango na lang ako at ngumiti bago ibalik ang atensyon sa balak na pagbili ng bahay. The furnitures are weak, but if you reminiscing those memories inside of this house will remaining the same.
A cold wind directly pass behind my back, I suddenly sat on the living room while flashing back the time where I love her. Yes.. She's Angela—she died 10 years ago, we agrue that time and she'll involved in car accident which is the reason why she died. An angel who's part of the billion stars, still remaining in my heart even though I love her twin sister.
—
“Ano bang problema mo sa buhay?!”
She murmured while her eyes are full of anger. I tried to hold her hand but she take it away.
“W-wala naman akong ginawang masama, masama bang mag-video games ako lagi?! It's not a big deal to you, Angela!”
A life with her become brutal, I always ask myself if I'm wrong to do some thing that makes me happy one time.
“Not a big deal?! What is the matter to you?! Sarili mo na lang iniisip mo, paano na ako?! Tapos nag-iinom ka pa kasama ang mga tropa mo sa bar, with those girls snaking at you everytime you're drunk in that place you wanted! For what? For finding a girl who's willingly gave their body to touch in every part of them by those man? And finally I found out, that you're one of them! And there you are, video gaming way back 19 years old? You're already adult, Josh! May nais ka nang pakasalan, hindi ko na kayang sikmurain iyang ginagawa mo e! Mabuti pa magbreak na tayo!”
I watching her face furious, running to get out of here. The big footsteps she give, the ache in my heart brutally insane for one set of agrument sake!
“Angela, please. I wholeheartedly kneeling to you to forgive me, please. I know I'-”
“You know? So, alam mo na may nalingkis nga sa'yong mga babae? So alam mo ang ginagawa mo mag-video games umaga hanggang gabi and you know how much I hurt when I found out that you're lying! Sana sinabi mo una pa lang! Hindi iyong..ako na lang ba lagi ang mag-aadjust? Let me guess.. Did you love me or just infuation? TELL ME!...” she cried loudly, tears flowing directly in her cheeks, and I couldn't forgive myself for this f*cking problem! “Pagod na pagod.. Ako! Pagod na akong intindihin ka sa mga bagay na gusto mo! Gusto ko mang sabayan ka sa kagustuhan mo pero wala! Parang hangin lamang ako sa'yo... Ano ako papampalipas oras?! Tandaan mo! I don't want to hear other words coming from you! WE ARE DONE!”
Did she not hesitate to say that? Ang dami kong problema, dumagdag pa itong break up. Tiningala ko ang bahay, ngumiti ng sobrang pait. This house, it's just a memory of out last promises.. The promises that meant to be broken.
I couldn't forgive myself. Tinapon ko ang mga kagamitan sa loob ng bahay, sinira ang ginagamit ko ang video games, at binasag ang mga alak na nakahanay. Wala akong nararamdaman, parang manhid ako kahit maraming sugat ang natamo ko sa pagbabasag ko ng gamit.
Kinaumagahan, pagod akong tumayo sa sofa. Puno ng mabahong mga kagamitan ang nakapalibot sa akin, namamagang mga mata ang bumungad sa akin at ang mga sugat na ngayon ko lang naramdaman. May nakatarak pang maliit na piraso ng botseng babasagin sa aking binti.
Binuksan ko ang TV. I thought she back to forgive me, until I found out that she's on TV screen. Reporting the car accident that she involved, her name appear on it.
‘Charlotte Angela Hermoso, the owner of the car that accidentally bumped in Mahogany tree. Police send an autopsy report to trace why did she died before the accident, some of the residence who's near in this place said that the owner of this car was drunk. And we find out the real reason until the autopsy will done’— the reporter annouced. Two decent tears flowing.. Sorrow, hatred and unacceptance covered me, I almost out of balance on what I heard.
I lost her. No! She's alive! I promised to myself, she's alive!
—
Ayaw ko nang maulit pa ang dati. The hatred made me to realized, to forget what the past but It's unforgettable, she's really important to me. She give me the love that I want, she can't replaced by other people either her twin or other girls around me!
“Babe? Bakit sabi ng tropa mo nariyan ka sa pinagbibiling bahay? Bibilhin mo ba?”
Sa pagtawag ni Charice sa cellphone, umaalingawngaw ang boses ni Angela. I can't.. I can't believe that I still love her even passed years ago.
“Mamaya na lang tayo mag-usap”
Malamig kong binaba ang aking tawag. I noticed the silhouette of the girl in all black at the door, I tried to reached why did she blocking the door and why did I look at it was there no figure of it.
Nagkibit-balikat na lamang ako at dinamdam ang ilang oras sa dati naming bahay. Her twin knows about it but I refuse to her this place, she doesn't want to hear the voice or her twin.
Charice Andrea— red hair, doesn't same personality to her twin sister, she rather attitude than sweetness while Angela is soft and warm hearted.
—
“I have a question for you”
She started.
“What is it?”
“Why did you stated that I can't replace Angela on your heart?”
“I have so many unfinished memories with her, I can't spend time with her before the incident. There's something that I don't want to replace her in my heart, because she's very special to me”
I answered. I catch her changing emotions towards me, rolling her eyes and furiously toring the pictures of her twin in front of me.
Pinulot ko ito, pagalit kong pinupulot iyon, bawat bagsak ng pira-pirasong picture nito. Hindi nawawala sa isipan ko ang silhouette ng babae sa pinto. Kakauwi ko lang ng bahay galing work at ito ang nadatnan ko.
“WHAT THE F*CK! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO HER PICTURE?!”
I almost screaming out of my lungs towards her. The furious in her eyes changes into sadness, why did she do that!
“BAKIT HINDI MO SIYA MATANGGAP NA WALA NA SIYA?! AKO IYONG NARITO, BAKIT HANGGANG NGAYON SIYA PA RIN ANG INIISIP MO, JOSH?!”
Did she cries? Do I deserve this? I love her but not love that I've felt for her sister. Why? Do I wrong to warning that my heart don't belong to her because I can't move on?
“..J-josh, ang hirap sabihin pero 10 taon nang wala siya. Ako na ang narito, ako ito oh! Si Charice, bakit ang hirap mong kalimutan si Angela... A-ako na lang ba lagi ang masasaktan? Ginawa ko naman ang lahat p-para bigyan mo rin ako ng atensyon na deserve ko? B-vakit ba ang hirap mong kalimutan siya?! May wala ba ako na katangi-tanging meron siya?!”
I can't answered, thinking in blank. I scar by her love, If I have a chance to love her and rewinding the memories with her, I can't take off my eyes for her. Watching her while there's a time, avoiding that might get triggered into our relationship. Pakiusap lang, hayaan niyo muna akong isipin ang lahat upang matanggap na wala siya.
“Wala.. S-sorry”
Sa sobrang takot ko wala na akong laban kindi ang yakapin siya. Simula ngayong lilimutin ko na ang lahat ngunit pakiusap lang aking puso, huwag mo nang bigyan ng pasakit ang susunod na pagkakataon.
—
Lumabas na ako ng pinagbibiling bahay. Binigay ko sa caretaker ang susi.
“Salamat”
Tugon ko, kita ko ang paglitaw ng ngiti nito kaya napangiti na rin ako. Pauwi na ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Angekang nagsasabing “Ingatan mo ang kapatid ko”. Pinagmasdan ko uli ang bahay at sinabi sa isip na “Pakiusap lang, lubayan mo na ako. Pakiusap lang rin na patawarin mo ako, kung may natitira pang panahon ay iingatan kita”.
I enter into my Mercedes Benz car and get back to our house. Sigurado akong naghihintay na si Cha, may sakit siya. May trangkaso ito kaya ikinancel ko muna ang aking meeting with Mr. De Dios too.
Until I get into our house, filled with savoury aroma of those flowers around out house. Charice planted some of our flowers. I accept her attitude changing, she became soft this past few days with her.
“Josh”
Nanghihinang sambit nito, halatang tanaw niya ako dahil humakbang ako patungo sa kaniyang kuwarto upang bisitahin siya. Magalang na rin siya sa mga kasambahay at driver namin and she conclude that she's starting to change herself and be natural in her own.
She realized that if her sister will be there. She always support us on whatever we want, she forget herself obssesing on me. And I glad that finally realized it. Suddenly, some of our maid has a tray of medicine with water on a glass. I approach her that I want to bring this to Charice and she just nodded at me.
I walk on Charice's room. Binaba ko iyon sa table at inalalayan siya upang uminom ng medisina niya.
“Salamat”
After she take the Medicine.
“What did you say if Angela was here?”
She unhesitately asked me after a long silence.
“I say that pakiusap na patawarin niya ako. I know that I am not destined to her, because of that she got involved to car accident 10 years passed. I can't convinced myself to reached her and ask for forgiving on what I've done to her. She's too precious to hurt her life that. At pakiusap lang na gagawin ko ang lahat upang magsumikap na kalimutan siya at mahalin ka. I know that I'm saying that Angela can't replace by other but I always say that If other replace my someone, I give my best not to hurt her. Lastly, pakiusap lang Angela. Palayain mo ako sa pagtataksil kong nagawa sa'yo noon at kung maiibalik lang ang nakaraan ay sisiguraduhin kong hihingi ako ng kapatawaran sa lahat.”
“My sister hear you, she can't forgive you but she always treasure you and me. She supporting us”
Lumawak ang aking ngiti, niyakap siya at parang nabunutan ako ng tinik.
—Special Part
‘Ang pakiusap mo ay matagal ko anng pinatawad, pinatay ko ang sarili ko hindi dahil sa pag-aaway natin kundi dahil sa aking sakit. I love you no matter what happened, hindi ka mapapalitan sa aking puso. Nandito ako umaasa at pakiusap lang na maging totoo kahit sandali ngunit ngayong kapiling mo ang aking kapatid. I supported you, I treasure you and forgive you because I still love you even though you can't see me. My silhouette will still be there, and witnessing how you'll be caring at my sister. Witnessing how happy you are to her. Pakiusap lang mahalin mo siya ng buo, kung maaaring ibalik ang lahat.. Ipagpapatuloy natin ang pag-ibig na simullang ng walang hadlang sa ating pagmamahalan’
—WAKAS