Shrishti stood up in shock. Where was she? Why was it white everywhere? She looked down to see the floor was also white. And there were no visible corners in the room. It felt like she was in a white space that was never ending. What is happening here? Just then a bright light shone in the room making her eyes hurt. She flung her hands over her face while closing her eyes. Once again she questioned; what was happening here?
After few minutes, Shrishti peeked between her fingers. The light had dimmed and in front of her stood a person. Shrishti pulled her hands down and stared at the person. She could not see the person's features clearly for a while and she squinted. And then her eyes widened. Because standing in front of her was none other than her own mother.
'Ma....', Shrishti whispered, unable to believe what she was seeing. But who else would it be? The person looked like the way her mother did in her last picture. The same eyes, the same smile, the same loving glance towards her, if this was not her mother then who else it was? The woman's eyes were tearing up as she raised her arms wide and Shrishti could not help but sob as she hurled herself into the arms of her mother.
'Mumma!', she cried out as she started to sob softly. Her mother felt solid in her arms and Shrishti instinctively tightened her grip. How much had she longed for her mother in her life? How many times she wished her Ma was around her? How many times she wanted to ask her advice but did not have the option? She yearned and yearned for her mother for so many years and finally her mother was next to her. Shrishti could not stop her sobbing even if she wanted to.
After few minutes, her mother was the one who stopped her tears.
'Enough, my doll, enough. How much will you cry?'
Shrishti opened her eyes wide. Her mother's voice was so beautiful, so soothing. She burst out crying again as she realised that the first time in her twenty five years of life she heard her mother's voice was after she died.
Her mother sighed, 'Enough crying, my dear. When you cry, this mother's heart also hurts. Please.'
The please did the trick and Shrishti pulled away while wiping her tears.
'Let me have a look at my daughter. Last I saw you, you were a small baby in my arms.', her mother murmured as she cupped Shrishti's face and smiled at her. Her mother stared at her face as if she was memorizing it. Shrishti did not mind it; after all she was doing the same. Her whole life she had been told that she looked like her mother. Today was the first time, Shrishti could confirm it face to face.
'You look so pretty.', her mother said softly.
'Of course I do.', Shrishti retorted, 'I am your beti, aren't I?'
Her mother let out a laugh, 'You talk just like your dad.'
Shrishti's eyes widened. Her mother's laugh was so sweet. Suddenly, she felt jealous of everyone who heard her mother laugh for so long. Even Pappa must have heard it more than me, she mused. Then she blinked. She could not believe she was jealous of her own father. How silly was she! She chuckled at her own silliness.
When she looked up, her mother was looking at her with teary eyes, 'I feel jealous of your father today.'
'Huh?'
'How many times he got to hear you laugh!'
Shrishti blinked. Was her mother pouting?
'We are similar. I was thinking the same thing. Pappa got to hear your laugh so many more times than me.', Shrishti huffed.
Her mother and she shared a look and both burst out laughing at their silliness.
'You may talk like your dad but you are as silly as me.', her mother patted her head.
She grinned brightly, 'Like mother, like daughter.', she chirped.
Her mother gently patted her head, 'My sweet Panchi.'
'Panchi?'
Her mother chuckled, 'I had named you Panchi, because I wanted you to be free and fly and reach the skies. It was my death that made your father think that without me, you were the only thing left in this world for him. So he named you his world, his Shrishti.'
Tears trickled down Shrishti's cheeks as she started to sob.
'What happened?'
'This is all my fault. Pappa is suffering because of me. Because of my stupidity. I was his world and I destroyed myself and hurt him. What have I done, Mumma? What have I done?'
'Oh my baby.', her mother pulled her into a hug and she hugged her back tightly. Tears kept flowing down her cheeks as she let out the pain inside her heart.
'My buddhu beti, my naïve baby. Its not your fault. You were just a misguided girl, that's all.', her mother whispered into her hair. She shook her head as she pulled away, 'No, Mumma. You don't know what I have done. You don't know.'
'Buddhu Panchi. Do you really think dead know nothing?', her mother cupped her face and smiled at her, 'I know. I know everything. And it was not your fault. You just fell in love, Panchi. You just fell in love.'
'A love that destroyed everything.', she blurted out, as she stared at her mother with pain in her eyes.
Her mother smiled, 'Do not forget. Your father forcing you to marry Raghav also played its role.'
She shook her head, 'You don't know, Mumma. If I had not been in love with Sharad, I am sure I would not have said no to Raghav.'
Her mother looked taken aback, 'But you did not love him. Do you think you would have fallen for him if not for Sharad?'
Shrishti shrugged, 'I don't know that. But if I was not in love, I am sure, for Pappa, I would have married anyone. As long as Pappa did not send me away from him, I would have married anybody.'
'But what about love?', her mother looked at her worriedly.
'My Pappa loved me. Is that not enough?', she smiled at her mother. Her mother choked on her sob before pulling her daughter close and hugging her again, 'If only I was alive. I could have changed everything.'
'Would you have stopped me from falling in love with Sharad?', she asked softly.
'No. But I would have taught you to move on when he rejected you on your junior college rose day.', her mother replied, 'And then, I would have rejected your engagement with Raghav and would not let you get married to anyone unless you love that person.'
Shrishti shook her head before pulling away and staring at her mother, 'Forget it, Mumma. Its all in past. I don't want to bother with it. All I want is Pappa to wake up and live. I don't want him to cry for me. He is all alone in this world. I am scared for him. He is all alone, Mumma.'
Once again her mother hugged her and both mother and daughter cried as they worried for their loved one lying in coma.
Shrishti opened her eyes only to find herself sitting on the floor of her father's floor. What was that? A dream? She stood up only for her eyes to widen. Her mother was leaning over her father's body. She could not touch him but she was moving her hand over his body as if she was touching him. Tears once again welled up in Shrishti's eyes and she blinked them back. She had cried enough. She came to stand beside her mother and stared at her father's body. She placed her head on her mother's shoulder and her mother patted her head gently.
'I cannot stay here.', her mother whispered, 'But I had to come and see him once.'
Shrishti blinked and they were back in the white space.
'Pappa will be fine, na Mumma?', she whispered softly.
For a while there was silence and Shrishti felt uneasy. She looked up at her mother with pain filled eyes, 'Mumma. Why aren't you saying something? Pappa is fine, na?'
Her mother sighed before looking at her, 'How will he be fine when we are not there with him?'
Shrishti shook her head, 'Its all my fault. I made Pappa so unhappy with my decisions. If only I had listened to him.'
'Enough!', her mother whispered but there was sternness in her voice, 'Stop scolding yourself like this. You did nothing wrong. Yes, your decisions hurt people but that's because you are a human and you did what your heart wanted. If you had known this was the consequence, I am sure, you would have done things differently.'
'But it is my fault Mumma! Don't you see? I am dead. My soul should not be lingering on earth like this. After all, I don't have any unfinished business or any kind of resentment. Then why am I down here, suffering?'
'Oh my Panchi! You are not lingering because of that.', her mother cupped her face, 'You are on earth because of me.'
'Mumma?'
Her mother sighed, 'I have kept you on earth. I did not let you ascend. Sorry, my little bird. I did not want you to suffer. But it was my actions that kept you on earth. I am the reason your soul is hurting. Your feet bleeding, your hair falling off, your whole being suffering, all is because of me.'
'But why Mumma? Why do you want me to roam around on the earth like this?', her voice was full of distress as she stared at her mother with betrayal.
Her mother shook her head, 'Because I have some unfinished business.'
'Mumma?'
'I did not like the way your life went. My whole life, I have done good, I have remained kind, selfless, helpful, compassionate. I never harmed anyone. And yet I died early. I did not mind. You survived. Your delivery had become complicated and I was happy that atleast you survived. Your father was not left alone in the world. And yet, my baby suffered. You are young. You did not even experience the life I did even though I died younger than you. I refuse. I refuse such an end for you. I did not die for you to have such a horrid ending.', her pain filled eyes turned severe, 'I refuse to let you have anything but happy ending. So I stopped your ascension. I found a deity and made them stop you from coming up!'
Shrishti's eyes widened as she stared at her mother. Her mother is the reason she was a ghost. She felt relieved. It was not something she did. It was not her fault. The guilt she felt since her death loosened in her chest and tears of relief flowed down her cheeks. Then her mind processed rest of the things her mother said.
'But how will stopping my ascension help me get a happy ending?', Shrishti asked.
'Stopping you was just one step. As I said before, my whole life I have done good, so when I found that deity I begged them to help you. To take all my good points and bring you back from death. But sadly, they told me they cannot do it. Dead cannot come back to life,' she sighed, 'But the deity told me there was another way. She stopped your ascension before taking me to another bigger deity. They asked me to do two things. First I have to give up my place in Swargaloka.'
'Mumma!', she cried out.
Her mother smiled, 'Don't worry. I am not going to Paataalaloka. I will just reincarnate. Just like you should have if I hadn't stopped you. Ascension leads to three options, if you are good, you go to Swarg, if you are bad, you go to Paataal and if your life was a mixed bag, you reincarnate. Most people end up reincarnating. You, my little bird, hurt many people when you became selfish, that is why you were supposed to go back into the next cycle of life and death. But I stopped it and gave up my place in Swarg.'
'But why give up what you earned rightfully?', Shrishti could not help but ask.
Her mother winked at her, 'I lived in Swarg your whole life. I am bored.'
Shrishti huffed, 'Right. As if! Stop joking, Mumma!'
Her mother simply smiled, 'Panchi! A mother would give up anything and everything for their child. A place in Swarg is nothing.'
Shrishti blinked back her tears at those words before hugging her mother tightly. She pulled back and stared at her mother with determination, 'And what was the second condition?'
Her mother smiled, 'I had to become a guide to lost souls. I have to convince them to let go of their grudges, anger, whatever that kept them from ascending. My job was to get them to leave the earth and move to wherever their fate takes, Swarg, Paataal or next life. And honestly, that job is fun. I like it.'
'How long?'
'Huh?'
'How long do you have to keep doing it?'
Her mother took a deep breath before answering, 'For few centuries!'
'Mumma!', she cried out in horror.
Her mother huffed, 'It is not that bad.'
'But.....?'
'No! No buts. Its my decision. And I am standing by it.'
'This is all my fault.', Shrishti mumbled as she looked down.
Her mother grabbed her face by her chin and made her look up, 'Shrishti!', her mother sounded stern and Shrishti stiffened while staring at her mother with wide eyes.
'If you feel that guilty about my decisions, then use that guilt to live a better life next time. Any time you feel like you cannot do it, you remember me and my sacrifice and keep fighting.', her mother sternly told her.
'Mumma....', Shrishti whispered before nodded vigorously, 'Yes, Mumma. I will do as you said. I won't waste your chance. I will do better. But....', she frowned as she finally realised that she had no idea what was going to happen to her, '....What do you mean by next time? Doesn't that mean I would be reincarnating? That's the only way I can have another chance, right?'
Her mother shook her head, 'You are not going ahead, you are going back.'
Shrishti felt her breath leave her, 'Woah! I could go back to Pappa. Good.', a grin spread on her face, 'I will try my level best to bring him out of coma. I will devote myself to him and make sure that Pappa lives his best life. I will make him live till 100....', she was cut off by her mother.
'Buddhu!', her mother scolded her while lightly slapping the back of her head, 'Back does not mean back to earth. Back means back to past.'
'Huh?', Shrishti's jaw dropped open and her eyes widened.
'What do you mean?', she cried out, totally shocked.
'You are acting as if you have not seen a single movie or tv show with going back in past story line.', her mother looked offended.
Shrishti rolled her eyes, 'Exactly, Mumma! In TV! In Movies! In Books! Not in real world! This is impossible!', she was screeching now. A distant part of her mind noted that she was panicking but a larger part of her just could not believe it.
'And this is not happening in real world?', her mother retorted sardonically as she waved her hands around them, 'You and I are ghosts! We passed impossible months ago!'
Shrishti deflated at that, 'True. Never thought, ghosts exist. I existed as ghost. Never thought I would meet you again, I got to meet you. Anything is possible.'
'Exactly!', her mother grinned at her, 'And now you need to prepare yourself. In few hours, you will be in the past.'
'In the past?'
'Ayya! Why do you still sound so surprised? Didn't I tell you that I am sending you to your past to give you a better chance? I will be sending you soon. You just stay by your father and I will go and get the procedure started.'
'But mom.....?'
'Now what?'
'Can't you give me more time?'
'Why? What do you want to do? Go frolicking around as a ghost for a while? Haven't you done that enough in past few months?'
'Uff! Mumma! No! I want to go and reread all the old newspapers and magazines.'
'WHAT?'
'I have seen it in TV Shows and read it in fanfictions and web novels. When they go in past, they use the knowledge of the future and earn a lot of money or get fame and do so many things. I want to do the same. But sadly, I am weak in studies and remembering things, so I don't remember everything that happened in last decade. So I am going to reread the papers and magazines and byheart everything that can help........'
'Stupid!', her mother slapped the back of her head, put a stop to her words, 'Do you think I am sending you back for such silly things? What are you going to do with all those information? Its not as if we aren't rich enough!'
Her mother huffed and shook her head, 'You died at the age of 25, you silly bird! Your selfish actions led to your death and that is what I want to prevent. I want my child to live longer and that is why I am sending you back. Not for this! Seriously! You are too buddhu sometimes! You are not going to get rich or get fame or even to take revenge. You are going back so that you take better decisions next time and survive. I am doing this so that you can live. Live Panchi! Live!'
Shrishti took in a sharp breath before nodding solemnly, 'Ok. Mumma. I will do as you say.' Saying this, she hugged her Mumma, for the first time realising all the things her mother was sacrificing just for her to keep living. She swore that moment; she would do anything and everything to keep herself alive. After all, since she died, all she wanted was for her father to live a long life and be happy. And the key to that was Shrishti's survival. So she had to live and be happy to keep her father in the same state. She swore, that she would not hurt her father ever. She would do as he asked to keep him happy and live her life to the fullest to keep her Mumma happy.
As Shrishti hugged her mother tightly, her mother spoke up, 'Be a good girl. Don't trouble your Pappa much. Always be happy and smiling.'
Shrishti realised; this was a goodbye. Tears welled in her eyes as she hugged her mother tighter, 'I will miss you Mumma.', she whispered.
'Silly bird. How can you miss me? I live in your heart.', her mother whispered back.
Shrishti smiled at those words when suddenly, her arms became empty. Her mother had vanished. Shrishti was back in her father's hospital room. She turned to look at her father. He was breathing through ventilator and Shrishti had to take deep breaths to not cry again.
'Don't worry, Pappa. I will make everything right. Just wait and watch.', she promised to her father just as a light lit up in the room again and she closed her eyes.