Feeling my heart quail and feet heavy, I walked towards her bedroom. Tyrell and Leena appeared in front of the door and exited laughing and talking together. They didn't seem to notice me approaching. What were they doing in there? Was she ready to talk? I crept to the door, easing it further open before sneaking into the room. Nazira was seated on the bed looking up at Celina who stood in front of her as if a mother scolding her kid for doing something wrong. Nazira's one hand held onto Celina's and the other grabbed a glass with half-filled hot chocolate.
The screeches of the creatures suddenly faded away. The palace seemed quiet but for an odd chuffing sound.
I gazed at her. There were nicks and cuts on her cheek and chin, her bruised shoulder wrapped in a cloth. She was back in her jeans and tunic top, and she did look healthier than the last I had seen her. But that did not make me happy. The day she had decided to save the country and her guardian by putting our relationship in jeopardy came back to me with full force. She did the right thing in the wrong way, I was convinced of that. So very much like King Harsh. "It means it was never meant to happen. You and I, it cannot happen." Those words....how dare she speak of them. No, I was not mad, but deeply disappointed. She had plotted the entire scheme only to make me disappointed. Should I really let her succeed?
"Look," Celina said, there was a slight shiver in her voice. "You see...the thing is..." Her gawkish awkwardness and pretend tenderness were timeless. She then sighed heavily, dramatically, as if to get rid of the nervous strain from her system, and spoke quickly with a voice like that of a breaking storm. "Screw it! You know what, you did some nasty stuff, and I don't think I'm ever going to forget that I underwent the process Almourah because of you, and I'm never gonna. But I know in my heart that I shouldn't be blaming you for the decisions Haimavati took a thousand freaking years ago. And I certainly don't want to be like Endira. Holding onto those grudges will not make me a better person..."
Nazira then spoke something. Her lip clearly moved and Celina took a step back, staring black-eyed. The suddenness of hearing a voice in her mind had to be too enthralling. It certainly had been to me.
"I don't know," Celina then said, and her voice turned brittle. "I don't know if I'll ever be in a position to forgive you. Crap, this isn't easy to say, but...I really want you to be one of us. Leena told me a lot about you, and how your presence filled the void left by my departure. That made me realize that you certainly...are not Himavati. Also...Hayden's been a total bummer, you should know this. It is difficult seeing him emotionally repressed, walking about with a lost puppy dog expression. Urgh! I hate that! We all want him to be a great king, you hear? His failure will be our failure, the dynasty's failure. We don't want that, do we? I guess it's best to leave our differences behind...perhaps." There was a look of genuine insecurity in her eyes. The quality of her voice and the expression on her face...Celina did not seem to have trouble making up her mind as well.
Nazira smiled and nodded. The girls shook their hands and I was glad they talked through their awkwardness and cleared things up, even though I wondered if it was as simple as it seemed. Celina noticed me and turned gimlet eyes my way. Unwillingly she approached. "Your turn. But she is still quite unhealthy. Try not to be hard on her."
"I won't. Thanks, Celina."
She gave an assuring press on my shoulder and left closing the door behind her.
About time, I said to myself and walked inside. A chair at the corner seemed to be waiting for me, and a Samavek on the table that I had placed the day before when I'd come to see her only to send healing energy her way. I dragged the chair closer and sat in front of Nazira. My stone lay dormant in my pocket but I did feel its warmth before taking it out and boxing it away. It hit me suddenly and directly in my face that the person sitting in front of me was Cornelian's Third Eye who shared the vigor of the stone as much as Singh and I did. Then I went ahead and extended my hand. She placed her warm ones over mine and looked up to read my lips, her face expressionless.
"How's your shoulder?" I asked. Small talk was not the order of the night but I preferred those first to getting straight down to business and making her uncomfortable in her condition.
"Better," she replied, her sad eyes wanting to say more than that. "Is Pruthvi still mad at me?"
"He'll get over it," I replied. "Getting over seems to be one of only finest qualities."
The snide little remark didn't make her smile as I expected. "Ira Zutshi was a good friend," she said.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"How's Viraj?"
"Safe and sound. He's with my aunt."
"Shourya?" She then asked as though she also wanted to get track of everyone and everything before getting to the actual conversation.
"I've locked him in Sharad's prison," I replied, obliging. "He is going to stay there for a few days. It's the only safest place on earth for him right now."
"And Shashi's men?
"Ready for jail time, if not executed. They are impelled."
She tensed up slightly before she relaxed and forced herself to keep her face straight. "I've read your laws. Well done with that. A bit harsher though. They are so...you."
Her voice trilled but there was a hint of challenge in it. "You seem to be calling me stringent."
She swallowed before her lips moved. "We tend to assume that people who have been in prison lack the potential for good in the future."
"Beyond the fact that we've personally seen this proven to be untrue time and again?"
"Doesn't killing betray the core goodness of a dynasty's king?"
"I do not believe that the goodness of a king depends on the number of people he kills but on how hard he strives to keep a fair number of people alive." My voice came out stronger than I expected but I did manage to keep my gaze unperturbed.
A small smile broke into her face, and she said softly. "You've gotten good in this."
"Thanks. I learned from the best."
She broke eye contact and blinked severely before putting the mug aside. She took a long breath, and said, "I'm ready too."
"For what?"
"Jail time."
A creature screamed a deafening screech followed by a crash outside, and her preparedness for condemning herself to bars triggered a simultaneous crash in my heart.
She raised the topic. Thanks for bringing that up yourself, no matter how painful it was. For a moment all other thoughts were expelled from my mind. My face hardened as a stone. We stared at each other for a few seconds, unmoving and then I aforementioned, "Boundaries exist everywhere, even in friendship. Whatever shall happen tonight I want to take it as a concept of our personal space. It is our personal matter. Nobody needs to know unless it's worth sharing. Do you agree?"
She blinked, with a little frown between her brows reminding me of Pruthvi's. "Yes."
MY jaw tightened. "Why did you do it?"
Her eyes began to sparkle. "You know why."
"I want to hear it from you, in your own words without including Lady Chandrika or the Firsts. Tell me something that I haven't been told before. Why did you do it?"
"I wanted to protect Shourya. It was the only way."
"By sabotaging our relationship?"
"There's no relationship. I don't want to be Cornelian's Third Eye." The fearsome wobble in her voice was lost. It turned into something I could imagine was Haimavati's.
"Do you have a choice?"
"No."
"Then what's up with the idea?"
"I'm not an object. It's not fair."
"Did I ever treat you that way? Like you're an object?"
"No."
"Then why you did you think I'd be like the first two, Nazira."
"You're understanding it all wrong. It's not like that."
"What is it like?"
"I'll be the one to kill you," she said, her voice raising. "I'll be the reason for your death. I'll be the weapon." She took a pause there, perhaps waiting for me to say something. When I didn't she sagged her shoulders down, wiped her eyes, and tried to explain. "It's difficult to know the value of someone when we have, isn't it? But I do. I understand the impact your absence may cause on this country and your dynasty. You are more valuable than you think you are. And I don't deserve you. None of you."
I felt my brow raise. Her words, though obviously chosen with care, flowed easily from her. She'd practiced this beforehand. "What else have you got?"
"I'm ashamed of my deeds as Haimavati," she said and began to cascade down a shower of self-critical thoughts upon me. "I put you in so much trouble. I was way too ambitious, and everything I did was only to acquire what was rightfully mine. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I didn't realize the consequences would cost the lives of so many people for all these centuries, including you and your friends. I'm truly, honestly sorry for all the pain I've given you."
She bent down, covered her eyes with her free hand, and broke down crying. The uncontrollable, noisily cry gave me a sinking feeling in my chest. There was a magnifying quality to it coming from a powerful absorbing experience. She was shedding down a recurring sense of excessive guilt that was brought about too easily and lasted too long. My sleepless eyes had dried out but listening to her break down this way burned tears stinging in my sinuses.
I gently rubbed my thumb against the skin of her palm, seeking her attention. She looked up, wiping her tears before I said, "I'm not here to make you prove your credibility nor make you understand how it feels to be sucker punched..."
"There's only one way to have my consciousness clean," she said, and I doubted if she'd read my lips. "I'll help you find Breaking Samagraha's stones and lead you to the Molten Vault where the stones are hidden. After that, you're free to throw me in jail. And I insist you to do that."
The sound of rain pattering on the window added to her utter feeling of hopelessness. She was expending energy more than necessary. I had to stop that. "What if I forgive you?"
Her eyes widened and she sat bolt upright, her hand in mine quivering a bit. "Before deciding that, bear in mind that people will expect you to follow your laws."
I smiled. "Are you certain you've read my laws? Because I remember mentioning that punishment can't be delivered without evidence or a witness. Who is going to speak in my favour? Shourya? And I'm willing to investigate for a shred of evidence, it's a total waste of my time." She stared, eyes still wide with disbelief, and opened her mouth, trying to speak, but no words came out. I continued, "Should have thought things through before you went for the blow, right?"
She set her jaw, her eyes filled with defiance. "I know what you're trying to do. I already feel terrible, alright? You do not have to grant mercy to make me feel more guilty."
I burst out laughing, throwing my head back. I laughed so hard that my face hurt and ended in a slight wince as the pain flared up again. "You're a very intelligent person, Nazira. You're honestly a blessing to an inexperienced king like me. How in the world would I ever think of losing you?"I leaned forward and stared intently into her watery eyes. "Thanks for helping me find a way out of my dilemma because now you know what, I'm only going use love and respect as the most powerful weapons against your intelligence to conquer you."
My statement or rather the confession startled her. She stood bolt upright, looking away and breathing heavily. "You're talking like the First."
"I beg to differ," I said, standing up tall, coming face-to-face with her, and holding her hand tighter. "You don't even realize this but you're the one repeating whatever crap the First pulled on Haimavati. You play the role of an all-knowing expert on the topic, so tell me- who gave you the right to decide what is and what not is best for my life?"
"This is going to be difficult for both of us," she said, flashing anger. "Ever since I realized I have magic it's been hell. It feels like there's a choking bitter lump in my throat."
"You didn't have to face this alone..."
"You have to believe me when I say that it will get worse if you don't lock me up right now."
"How do you know? Can you predict the future? Like Zarina Khan?"
She hesitated to reply.
My heart skipped a beat. "Nazira if you can see the future, you have to tell me now."
"No, I can't!"
"Then how do you know?"
"Samagraha's lives are pre-planned. Everything is pre-planned. Things will get worse if I stay. I'll be the reason for your death! "
"Didn't you try that already?"
She huffed in annoyance. "I just want you to understand that my magic is not even in my control. That's why I had to stab you in the first place. My magic scares me. It scared King Harsh even before I was born. Your grandmother spent many sleepless nights worrying about me. Doctor always wanted you to be safe from me. And I want to respect his wishes. It was his last."
"So you came back, returned everyone's memories only to accompany me to the Molten Vault? You get this in your head right now. No matter what you do, no matter how far you push yourself away from me, I think it's a total waste because nothing can change my feelings for you."
"It happened only 'coz you were seeing me in your mind," she retaliated. "It happened only 'coz you were able to hear my voice. That fake heart led you to. You were being deceived."
"Fine! I was deceived. You did it for your own benefit, I understand that. But I'm sorry the plan backfired. It wasn't harmful in any way, Nazira. In fact, I liked it. I liked having you in my life in the most bizarre way possible. What am I supposed to do about it?"
"You liked it? So I bet you've come to know everything about me."
"Of course!"
"What's my middle name?"
I seized for a moment. "Huh?"
"What's my favorite animal?"
"Animal?"
"What's my favorite color?"
"Come on, Nazira."
"You know nothing. You just fell for my face and my voice."
"These details have nothing to do with how much I need you in my life."
"These details are my life," she yelled, her voice strong and ringing. "That life of a socially awkward girl you thought I was. And not the likes of someone Pizaca showed you."
That was the point she wanted to make, and undoubtedly...she hit the spot. It did not seem to be an evenly matched battle of wills any more. It was all one-sided. I stood there, mortified, feeling the tightness of my chest.
Pizaca's visions had once clawed at my heart and mind, and thrown me in a state of confused dilemma. I remembered how tormenting it was to get over the images he had shown me. She stared accusingly at me, and I knew she was right. I had been the demented one the night she stabbed me. A shade of disappointment was etched on her face and she looked levelly at me before she asked politely, nonetheless gutting, "You believed him, didn't you? You really thought that I'd plan so much, kill your grandmother and make Singh choose you only to have all your money?"
Regretfully, I dragged my eyes off her. My grip slightly loosened, but I didn't let her go. "It was a misunderstanding," I explained. "I was confused and unsure of what might happen to us even if I asked you about it. I know I broke your heart. But believe me, in the process, I broke mine too. The pain is mutual, Nazira. Still, I sincerely apologize for my misbehavior."
She hissed, furtively stretching her shoulder. The wound on her shoulder seemed to be sending sudden stabs of pain. I further loosened my grip but wasn't going to let her go. Not this time. She closed her eyes allowing the spasm to pass, and slowly lifted her teary-filled, beaded heavy lashes. "You are not to be blamed. Pizaca was working on Haimavati's orders," she said, her voice low.
That was the part I did not remember if Singh had ever mentioned. A speculative nerve throbbed but I didn't prolong the matter. There would be another time for it.
"Everything concerning Pizaca," she continued, "became the least of my concerns when my visions from the past showed me how I killed the First and the second. I plotted against them and I committed murders. The fact that one day I will kill you too has been haunting me day and night. That's why I wanted to cut and run away from your life before we go any deeper into this relationship. What else was I supposed to do?"
I pulled her closer and lifted her chin. Her beauty shone out again with a gleam of its old glory. "How about just telling me the truth?" I said, as a matter of factly. "I was right there. I even gave you permission to slap me in the face and educate me on everything I didn't know. We spent six together in Uttarameer. Six months! Only if you had just told me the truth, all of this could have been avoided."
"I was trying to fix things."
"It was never broken, was it? And believe me, it's not too late yet."
Tears streamed down her eyes. "How can you still forgive me?"
I smiled a sad smile, feeling my dry eyes heavy and sweltering. "Honestly, Nazira, I'm tired. Way too tired to even give this matter any more weight. I want to leave this behind, and start fresh and see the big picture where you and I are supposed to be happy and make the best of our time together and grow old and..." I stopped there and waited for a few seconds to allow my breathing to slow. "I'm also scared," I continued, unknowingly pouring my heart out. "Very scared being both a Samagraha and a King? It's too much...no matter what people say. And I'm not perfect, I know that. I need support. I need help. A man can rise to the level of the woman he is with, that's what my dad used to say. He is so darn right, now that I see myself as a living proof. Nazira, I need you."
"Even after everything I did?"
I shrugged, my voice low and cadence easy. "Is it regressive to still need someone this way? Call me selfish for all I care, but I cannot imagine my life without you being a part of it. Whether these feelings are mine or First's, I don't know, but there was a time after my parents died, I thought I'd never have anyone to love as much as I loved them. My friends proved me wrong. You proved me wrong. And my family is once again complete but with you. I don't know what else to say or do to make you believe that."
Nazira dropped her head down and wiped her eyes. "Singh told me it was a mistake. He told me the way you think about me is different from the first two. It was I who didn't believe him because I didn't want your life to end like theirs. I'm such a jerk, I'm sorry."
I swallowed a huge bile and pulled her chin up again. "Look," I said, sternly. "I'm glad we had this conversation. I'm glad we sorted things out, but as I said, I don't want to prolong this anymore. I thought it was best to wait until Shashi falls but now I realize it wasn't a wise decision. So, tonight if we walk out of this room, it shall be either hand in hand or it will be me walking out with my best friend's sister. Just that and forever. Tell me and tell me now, do you want to give us a chance?"
With the unnatural commotion outside, it had gotten dark early. The wind howled and the rain poured down greater than ever. Nazira comfortably and more confidently squeezed my hand. "Yes," she said and smiled a radiant one.
I looked at her thoroughly with deep affection, and wrapped a protective arm around her waist, pulling her further closer. There came a slight shiver from her sides, her lashes blinking to free off the tears. I leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. Her shoulders relaxed at my gesture, her nerves eased down as my arm encircled her in the deepest warmest hug.
We stayed there embracing for a few more minutes. She was silent and relaxing. Goosebumps ran down her bare arms, and she snuggled into my chest, seeking comfort.
My mind swam with excitement, the feel of the touch of her body against mine soothed me more than I expected. This emotional and spirited excitement to start a new relationship was taking me beyond the moon. Then, she slowly pulled back, with a small smile playing at her lips. I wanted to make a comforting conversation. I wanted to ask her to never leave me again or to give me back my second heart back or atleast to ask what her middle name was, and instead, I asked. "Will you marry me?"
Time stood still. Breath held. Her eyes flickered with the suddenness of the question, but she stared at me expressionless as if she knew I would ask her that. Then she bit the insides of her cheek and smiled sheepishly. "Is King Aghasthya pressuring you to start a family?" she asked, sweetly.
I sniggered at that. "You can say that he is the one who floated the idea, but...no, I want this to happen. Only when you say..."
And I heard an ethereal, "Yes, I'll marry you, Your Majesty."
The hearty response rang in my mind and the joy of having her as my queen blossomed into an even more outstanding euphoria.
We hugged again.
There were no expectations, no boundaries, no concealed fears, and no requirement to call for each other's seal of approval. The trust was implicit and the comfort level was high. There seemed nothing at all to impede the desired experience.
This was about close companionship. When the time felt right, we moved to the bed and had long overdue caresses.
I put my arm around her pulling her to sleep in a better comfortable posture, while she placed her head on my shoulder, a hand on my chest and chin slightly raised only so to read my lips.
"Want to tell me about whatever happened in the basement with Shashi?" I whispered.
She told me everything and I listened- this time for real- understanding her mind, her pains and suffering, and her soul.
The lighting was dim. We cuddled on top of the covers for better freedom of movement. We enjoyed the closeness, warmth, support, and uncomplicated nature of totally relaxed and loving platonic contact. It was fun and soothing. Later, we slept. Peacefully. Our deserted sleep had come back to us. Just this night we spared and shared, spending quality time with each other, part feeling like we were on a mini-vacation. It was a much-needed vacation and it was energizing.
Tomorrow, we shall be ready to face the world again.
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