"NOW IF YOU can all turn over your papers, you'll see the words: name, date and class. Please make sure to fill in all the slots before you start your test. There are about 100 multiple choice questions that you'll have to answer in the time span of 35 minutes. Nothing less nothing more. If you so happen to be finished before the time, go through your work again and again. Remember it's not always who finishes first that matters. Your time starts now, good luck."
I flip my test paper over and start filling in the blank spaces on the page, reading through the questions while simultaneously shading in the circles on the sheet. Overtime, I suddenly find myself staring at someone I hardly expected myself to be looking at. Brielle. But she wasn't doing what the others were doing, she wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing then again, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing as well.
She was staring at someone, intensely. Like her whole life depended on it. Curious at whom she must be looking at so earnestly, I follow her eyes, the path it takes me on led me to . . . Juliette? Why is she looking at Juliette?
Maybe she has mistaken Juliette for Natalia, after all she is looking at the back of her head. People make that mistake all the time; it isn't anything unusual.
My eyes go back to Brielle, she's no longer staring, she's glaring, if she could, daggers would have been found at the back of Juliette's head blood already pooling at the floor.
Brielle, her eyes now in slits, scowls at the back of Juliette's head pushes her pencil down on the paper that sits there idly on her table, any more pressure that pencil of hers will probably break.
Okay, so it is quite obvious it's Juliette. She doesn't like Juliette that's what I've gotten from it.
My attention now focuses on Juliette whether she may know that Brielle is currently cursing her in her head, but no. She sits there on her desk her attention on her work and her work only. The rays from the sun bounce of the window casting a beautiful golden light unto her already golden hair. She pushes a stray of hair that falls in front of her eyes and places it behind her ears.
I can't help but look at her, how perfect she looks under the sunlight. I haven't felt this way before. This feeling, it's weird, like a thousand things crawling up inside of me fluttering everywhere. I don't like it but in a way I do.
It feels nice.
I never had this feeling with Brielle, it was an entirely different feeling with Brielle. I can't explain that feeling but it was I also can't explain this feeling, but it is.
Then I see him. Flicking his pen in one hand the other on his chin resting on the table he stares at Juliette a sparkle in his eyes. Now I feel bad, I mean you would too if you were staring at your best friend's crush.
I go back to looking at Brielle, she still sits there eyeing Juliette disgust apparent on her face. The tapping of a finger against my shoulder makes my skin jump a little in surprise when I hear a cold hoarse breath speak against my ear, "Master Hawthrone, is there a problem?"
I look up to Ms. Rogers in all her fifty-ish glory, her ocean blue eyes pierce into mine as if she could see into my soul, her lips pursed and tight disapprovingly at me.
"No, there isn't a problem Ms. Rogers."
"Then if there is none, I'd advise you to stare at your paper and not at girls Master Hawthrone."
"I wasn't staring at anyone Ms. Rogers," I lied, " I just zoned out. That's all."
"Mmm," Mrs. Rogers eyes me skeptically as she regains her full length. "I have high expectations for you Master Hawthrone. I also hope you know that your parents have high expectations and hopes for you too," she whispers.
"Yes, I do Ms. Rogers. And thank you," I whisper back at her smiling softly.
She gives me a grim look before a small youthful smile breaks out on her small wrinkly lip a twinkle in her eye. She quickly reverts back to her stern facial expression a curt nod follows before walking off.
She leaves my side of the desk and moves to the next person's own walking around the classroom making sure everyone is focused on his or her own papers and not on the other persons'.
Brielle swiftly faces her test script like nothing had ever happened before flashing Ms. Rogers one of her strategically picked smiles as she passes her by.
Ms. Rogers not paying any attention to it whispers something in Brielle's ear that makes her turn pale. She looks at Ms. Rogers in shock her eyes following her as she walks away.
If there is any person in this world that can deal with spoilt brats like Brielle, it's Ms. Rogers.
When Brielle notices me looking her way, all the shock and paleness had suddenly vanished she gives me a sly smirk and a wink like she wasn't just traumatized a few moments ago, before going back to the work she hadn't even started.
Shaking my head, I pick up my pen and go back to my work.
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I push open the men's bathroom door desperately as I rush to the first free urinal I see. Faint noises can be heard from one of the stalls, but I pay no attention to it whatsoever.
After relieving myself I walk up to the sink, putting some soap in my hands I switch on the tap and start rinsing.
Midway the once faint noises that I heard had become clearer. I still couldn't place a name on it up until a loud sound came out. It was a moan. Someone moaned. It was a female moan a girl is in here, and if a girl's here you don't have to look further to see a guy here too.
Another moan sounded, this time it wasn't a girl's it was a guy, so I was right. Switching of the tap I choose the option to air dry my hands as the noise became louder and more profound.
Now what I did next was very silly of me, I should've just left and let the two continue doing what they were doing, but curiosity got the better of me, I wanted to know if I knew the people or at least one of them.
As I crept slowly towards the open stall tiptoeing as to not bring any attention to myself, I peeked inside, and my heart instantly dropped as my face grimaced at the sight.
Oh, I knew them and now I hate them, well at least a lot more now. It was Brielle and Nick, in nothing but their underwear in positions that I never knew to even exist. Love bites covered Brielle's body from head to toe as her chest moved up and down, she was panting very loudly while Nick-
I couldn't take it anymore, I really couldn't. I rushed out of there not caring if they noticed me or not. I'd admit it, as much as I hate to say it but a part of me still had feelings for Brielle. A part of me- no matter how small- still beats for her.
And it just breaks me, absolutely breaks me to see her like that with HIM!! Out of all the good people on planet earth Lord why him?
I'm running. My destination? Unknown. I just want to get out of here. I want to go somewhere quiet where I know I'd be alone. Where no one will bother me. Where I can finally breath.
As my eyes starts to get blurry, I find a secluded table at the back of the library and just sit there trying to keep everything in. Trying to hold the tears back the same way I did six months ago.
I'm panting furiously trying to hold everything back, all the memories, all the thoughts, all the 'I Love You's' and the 'I Hate You's.' My hands are shaking, I can't see, I'm trying to breathe but I can't, my head is spinning, my heart is pounding.
God, I wish my mum was here, she'll know what to do. I haven't had this, this thing ever since I was eight when my grandpa died. I loved my grandpa more than anything in the world so to hear that he passed away in his sleep just ruined me.
I immediately entered a frenzy shutting everyone out, not wanting to open up to anyone until my system couldn't take it anymore. I was rushed to the hospital; there I was told that I was having a panic attack and stayed there for two weeks for my mother's sake. I was supposed to be there for only an hour, but my mother wasn't convinced I was fine when I finally came around.
Now, I think I'm having another episode. "Okay Dean, you know what to do just breathe. She's just an ex she's not important," I try muttering to myself to calm my nerves, but it only makes it worse. Now I'm thinking of her, the image of Brielle and Nick having sex in the men's bathroom engraved in my mind.
My heart starts beating even faster. I'm trying to hold everything in, I have to I don't love her anymore so it shouldn't affect me. It won't affect me. But I'm breaking, bad. I can't focus on anything my head hurts my eyes are filled with trapped tears. I'm losing my grasp on reality as I feel my heart start beating even faster and more rapidly than the last.
Then I heard a voice. A soft angelic voice calling to me in my hectic state of mind. In that moment I fall of my chair, crawling to the wall behind me trying to breathe as the voice calls out to me again.
My hand immediately goes to my chest grasping it tightly as the person who holds the most beautiful voice, I have ever heard comes rushing to my side holding unto my right arm like her life depended on it.
She calls out to me more clearly now that she was next to me saying something along the lines of how I should stay here while she goes to get help.
By the time I put the words together in my head I shouted a loud NO!! Grabbing the hand of the girl making her stop and come back to my side.
"Dean? Dean, can you hear me? I'm here. I'm not going anywhere!" she says, I try telling her I hear her, that I know that she's there that I need her to help me. But I can't, I continue panting grasping unto my chest and trying my hardest to breathe in and out in and out.
I hear her panicking; I can't have her panicking I'm the one panicking she can't do it. Slowly but surely, I take my shaking hand of my chest and move it towards her I pat her shoulder twice trying to calm her down but all she does is shout.
"Are you trying to calm me down? Dean! I'm the one who should be calming you down not the other way around!"
She goes back to talking to herself while I sit there against the wall trying to breathe. She then takes my head and lies it on her lap her hands wrapping around it, wiping away all the sweat and starts caressing it softly.
"Dean can you hear me?"
"Yes, angel," I reply in cracked voice.
Through blurry vision I see she looks stunned. Her body stops, her breath hitches but then she continues relaxing herself.
"Okay, now Dean, I need you to breath, in your nose and out your mouth," she tells me in a soft soothing voice, but my body is still tense, not wanting to relent. My breath's shaky, and I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, wanting to fall out. "Dean," I hear her say in a stern voice, "breathe, do it for me. Think about me, and no one else." And I listened. I start breathing according to her instructions, in my nose and out my mouth while she repeats the mantra, in and out.
We repeatedly keep on doing this until I am finally calm. I no longer have the dizziness in my head but, Brielle. I just had to remember her. I try to hold it in, but a sly sob escapes my mouth.
"No, don't do that. Don't hold it in, let it out. Let it all out." And I do, every last bit of it. I turn my body over, my stomach no longer up but now lying on the floor while my head lies on top of her lap as I cry my entire heart out.
The combination of her cold thighs below her blue plaid checkered skirt, plus her warm hands combing through my hair and softly caressing my cheek makes me calm. It makes me feel safe, I wrap my arms around her waist, pushing myself up so that my face is right on top of her lap.
Tears slowly trickle down my cheeks as I continue to cry. I didn't even realize when my eyes started to fall shut, drifting me into a slow relaxing slumber.
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a long chapter because i've been gone for the entire month.
but like i might be gone longer since my exams are starting next week
but i might post during the weekend.
don't take my word for it though . . .
kisses