I open my bedroom door and look up and down the hallway, since the guards are changing shifts, I have a one minute window to leave my room without being seen. I pull my black hood over my head and slip out, silently shutting my door behind me. I quickly turn around the corner, pressing my back against it as I listen for any movement. When I don't, I turn around and open the secret door in the wall. I quickly enter the hidden passageway before shutting the door behind me. I'm engulfed into darkness but I've done this enough times that I don't need light to find my way. I walk down the winding hallway until I reach the stairs. I go down six flights before being met with two tunnels. I go left and walk some more.
Eventually, I see moonlight streaming in through a grate. I take out the key and unlock the padlock. I open the grate like a door and step out into a forest outside of the castle. I close and lock the grate behind me before walking the trail I've made after so many years. I'm lost in my head as I make my way to the cliffs.
When my parents died five years ago, I took over. Edmund wasn't even close to ready and he was taking their deaths particularly hard. He went out drinking and partying almost every night. Someone had to run our country. I ruled for five years and loved every second of it. It just felt right. I knew what to do and when, I listened to our people and kept an eye on enemy forces. I kept our country alive and well. We were able to develop more advanced weaponry to protect our borders. Technology advanced further, making everyday life easier for my people. We prospered under my rule. I was forced to step aside so Edmund could take his "rightful place" as King a few months ago. He has no idea what he's doing. He's going to destroy everything I dedicated five years of my life to.
I reach a clearing, right before the cliffs. I keep walking until I'm standing close to the edge, looking out at the ocean. I put my hands in my pockets and close my eyes, listening to the waves crash into the rocks at the bottom. The salty air gently whispers past my face. I let the wind tangle my long, dark hair. It ruffles my clothes and cools my skin.
I open my eyes and let my head fall back looking at the moon. When I catch movement out of the corner of my eye, I don't immediately look over. I face forward, watching where I saw it in my peripheral. When I watch the figure stand, I realize it's human and slide the dagger in my sleeve into my hand. My heart races as I watch them inch closer. When they get close enough, I quickly turn my body as I throw the knife. When I hear a man crying out and then a faint thump as he hits the ground, I pull out my other dagger. My heart stops when a hand wraps around the hand I hold my dagger in.
"Give me the dagger."
Ryle.
My breathing picks up and I whirl around. He stands incredibly close to me and I tighten my grip. So close, I can smell his familiar scent. He smells of pine and some cologne. Whatever it is, it's entirely unique to him and, good gods, he smells so good.
"Call them off."
Anger lights up his eyes before he turns his head.
"Clear out!" He yells.
My mouth opens in shock as at least 10 men step out of the woodwork. One of them helping the man I threw my knife into. I should've been paying attention. I look back at the man in front of me. Fury fills my body and controls my movements. I shove him down to the ground and he lands with a grunt. I quickly climb on top of him, pinning him down with my body. I hold the dagger to his throat, leaning over him, daring him to try something.
"What the hell are you playing at??" I shout.
He stares up at me, his body stiff, "If you don't move your dagger-"
"You'll what??" I taunt, "I'm not afraid of you, Ryle."
He goes to grab my dagger but I twist it around and cut his palm. He sucks air between his teeth, keeping his eyes on mine.
"Why did you follow me?" I seethe, pressing it against his throat even harder.
"You're a very hard woman to reach," He snips.
"I'm busy. I don't have time to answer letters."
"Not too busy to find someone to fuck, though, hm?"
My mouth opens in shock.
A twig snapping distracts me and he uses my distracted state to grab my wrist. He uses his other hand to push on my stomach and pushes me off him and to the side. I try to crawl away but he grabs my ankle and yanks me back. He flips me over before getting on top of me, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head. Both of my wrists are in one of his hands as he twists the dagger out of my grip and tosses it away. I struggle in his hold, looking up at my wrists. He grabs my jaw and forces me to look at him.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out about them?" He growls. I feel the blood from his hand on my face but I'm too angry to care.
A smug smile makes it's way onto my face. "I didn't care if you did. You told me you'd kill any man that I fucked. I haven't touched any men."
"If I had known you liked women as well-"
"But you didn't," I cut in.
He leans closer to my face, "Let me correct myself, then: from here on out, anyone you fuck, has a death sentence."
I squirm under him, trying to break free, "You're maddening, Ryle! You have sex with me twice and now you think you can stake some kind of claim on me?!"
"You'll come to learn that I'm a possessive man," He grumbles, "And that I keep my word."
"You can't do this! It's my body! I decide who's allowed to fuck me!"
"Your body belongs to me," He declares, "Just as mine belongs to you."
"Fuck you," I spit.
He chuckles without humor. His head tilts as he stares down at me, "Tell me something. Did they make you feel good, my love?"
I suck in a sharp breath, "What?"
He leans closer to me, "Did you beg them to stop because you couldn't possibly handle another orgasm?"
"Get off of me," I demand.
"Hm?" He moves between my legs and I squirm a little.
He leans down and begins to kiss my neck. My breathing gets shallower and he smiles against my skin. I try to cling onto all that anger I was feeling but when he's this close to me, I can't think straight. It's that same pull I felt all those months ago when I thought he was just some random guy. A fog clouds my mind as he kisses up my throat. He lays a few kisses on my jaw before brushing his lips against mine. I suck in a breath before leaning up to kiss him but he pulls back. I watch a grin spread across his features.
I almost tell him to get off again, irritated by how cocky he can get but then he crashes his lips onto mine and that familiar spark I always feel lights up. He releases one of my wrists, cupping my cheek in his hand. I slide my hand into his hair, gripping.
I know this is awful. I'm well aware. But I can't stop.
He lets go of my other wrist and I wrap it around his neck, gripping the shirt on his back. He moves the hand on my cheek to my jaw and pulls away before kissing my neck. He angles my head the way he wants to give him more room.
"You know we commit treason every time we do this, right?" I pant, trying to give him a reason to stop, gods know I don't have the strength to.
"Mhm," He mumbles.
"Great," I say under my breath.
He sits up and unties my loose, black pants before sliding them off. He leans back over me and kisses me, his hands cupping my face. I grip his forearms as he begins to grind his hips into mine, only the thin fabric of my underwear covering my vagina.
I moan into his mouth and he breaks away before moving down my body. He takes my underwear off before immediately licking me. I gasp and grip his hair as he wraps his hands around my thighs. I look up at the moon as he finds my clit. My mouth opens, letting out heavy breaths as he swirls his tongue around it. I fist the grass beneath us. He sucks on my clit and I let out a sharp breath. His grip on my thighs tighten as I moan.
His teeth scrape my clit and I let out a cry of pain.
"Stop doing that!" I pant as I look down. When I meet his eyes, I watch anger swirl around them.
His teeth nip a little harder and I cry out, clenching my eyes shut against tears. Although it definitely hurts, it sends quite the shock up my spine, quickly pushing me towards an orgasm.
He stops using his tongue and only nip and scrape his teeth against my clit. My cries get louder and I try to push his head away but he traps my wrists in his hand against my stomach.
"Dammit, Ryle!" I shout, frustrated. I'm so close, all he has to do is use his tongue for a second and I'm done for. He finally moves away from my clit and nips my inner thigh as I heave for air.
"Good girls get to come," He says lowly, "Have you been good, Wren?"
I don't answer him but he tightens his grip when I try to pull my wrists away.
"Let me answer for you," He says before his teeth are on my clit again. I groan, squirming. "You haven't."
"So you're going to punish me all night??" I throw at him.
He sits up and I look at him.
"I'm going to do whatever I want with you all night," He throws back, "And you're going to let me because you know that when I allow you to come in the end, it'll be worth it." He lets go of my wrists and takes his shirt off. "Lift your hips."
Begrudgingly, I do as he says, and he lays his shirt under my butt. Then he impatiently unbuttons his pants, only pulling them down enough to pull his dick out. He watches my face as he pushes into me. My mouth opens, letting out a sharp breath. He starts moving and I close my eyes, fisting the grass beneath me.
"Even when you're pissed at me, you're this wet," He goads. He leans over me and I face away from him, refusing to look or touch him. He nips my ear. "Just listen to that wet pussy, Wren."
As he pushes in and out, the sounds it makes betray my fake indifference. I can act like I couldn't care less about him all I want, but my body will always tell the truth.
He threads his hands into my hair and grips, fucking me harder. He forces me to face him and I clench my teeth against the moans threatening to pour out of me. One of his hands leave my hair and travels between us. His finger swipes over my now extremely sensitive clit and I suck air between my teeth, moving my hands to his upper arms, almost like a reflex. I look at him like he's insane.
"Don't look at me like that."
He slows his thrusts, going deeper, hitting a spot that sends pleasure rippling through me. My mouth opens and my brows pinch together.
He nods. "That's how you should look at me."
I dig my nails into his arms as a moan escapes.
"Right there?"
I nod before uttering a yes.
He adjusts his hips before hitting it over and over and over. I move my hands to his shoulders as my eyes roll back. He begins to move faster and my moans become impossible to hold back. He whispers some cuss words before his lips find mine. I gladly kiss him back, beginning to think he's no longer angry with me. My back arches as he continues to fuck me. I moan into his mouth and squirm under him. I wrap my legs around his waist as I dig my nails into his back. He lets out a sharp breath before gripping my thigh.
I get closer and closer, my moans getting higher and higher. He smiles before letting his dick slip out of me. I almost scream out of frustration as my impending orgasm fades. I pull away from him before pushing at his chest.
"You're such an ass-" I start but he pushes back into me, beginning his thrusting again. I pinch my eyes shut as he starts off hard. He grabs my wrists and pins them above my head.
"Look at me," He demands.
I do as he says, my eyes barely open.
"If you want to come," He begins, "I suggest you stop pissing me off further."
He picks up his pace, a whimper leaving my mouth before I can stop it.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I'm sorry. Please, I need it, Ryle, please."
He nods, "Uh-huh, keep begging me, Wren. It just might work."
I bite down on my anger and he puts my wrists in one hand before gripping the back of my thigh and pushing it to my chest. I throw my head back as he fucks me deeper, hitting that spot. My breaths come in heavy and erratic as he pushes in and out. It doesn't take long before I'm on the edge of my orgasm.
"Please, Ryle," I gasp, "Please let me come."
He stops moving, letting my orgasm disappear once again. I groan and squirm under him, frustration mounting even more.
"You can beg better that," He taunts.
I look up at the moon, trying to catch my breath and rein in my temper. He pulls out completely, making me feel incredibly empty. He leans down on his forearm, making me see only him.
"Have something to say to me?"
"You're driving me insane."
"Good," He snips, "Now you know how I felt."
He begins kissing down my body, holding my wrists against my stomach. He kisses down my stomach until he reaches my core. He blows on it, making me squirm. He then flattens his tongue and licks me. He passes over my clit and I gasp. He releases my wrists and I quickly grip his hair. My breaths come in heavy and fast as he sucks on my clit. Moans fall out of me as he tightens his grip on my hips. My back arches as I cry out.
He's been edging me for so long it doesn't take much for me to get close.
My moans get higher and breathy as I clench my eyes shut.
"Please," I breathe, "Please, I need it."
His teeth clamp around my clit in a light bite and I scream. He pulls his head back and I almost start crying. He's so frustrating.
He crawls up my body as I try to catch my breath and keep my temper in check, once again.
He pushes into me and I gasp, grabbing onto his arms. He begins to fuck me and I dig my nails into his arms as he stretches the sensitive muscles inside me.
"Beg for it, Wren," He demands, out of breath.
I whine as he leans down and kisses my neck.
"Your pride or your orgasm," He teases, "Decisions, decisions."
My legs begin to shake so I wrap them around his hips. I tug at his hair to make him pick his head up. When he does, I place my lips on his and his hand comes up to cup my cheek.
"I'm sorry," I whisper against his lips, "I won't do it again, you're the only one I want anyway."
He smiles a little.
"Please let me come, Ryle," I beg, "I need it-"
"It?"
"You. I need you." I wrap my arm around his neck as I get closer.
"Gods- You feel so good, let me come, Ryle, please," I moan, "I need you, please. Fuck me until I come, please."
He groans before his hand travels between us and he circles my overly sensitive clit. I suck in a sharp breath as I whip my head back, my nails scoring his skin. Pleas fall from my lips as I get closer and closer.
"Don't make me wait anymore, Ryle," I beg, "I can't-" I gasp, "Oh! I can't- please-"
Then I snap. My back arches off the ground as I claw at his back. Screams leave my lips as tears escape, streaming into my hair. I feel like I've been struck my lightening. I'm coming so hard, I feel like I might be floating. My hearing and vision goes for just a moment as he wraps an arm around me. I cling to him as I continue to come for what feels like an eternity.
As I eventually come back to reality, he pulls out, but finishes me off by continuing to circle my clit. He sits up and I look at him, heaving for air and suddenly exhausted. He gazes down at me as he pumps his dick, his chest moving erratically as he gets closer. He lets his head fall back with a groan and then he's coming on my stomach. He tightly grips my thigh as he grumbles profanities. He look at me when he's done, breathing so heavily. He fixes his pants and buttons them back up. He sits back on his heals before tapping my hip.
"Up," He breathes.
I lift my hips and he pulls his shirt out from under them. He wipes my stomach clean with it before tossing it away from us. He then leans over me and kisses me. His hand slips up my shirt and he cups my boob. He swipes his thumb over my nipple and I moan a little, wrapping my arms around his neck. He then snakes his hand lower until he's plunging two fingers inside me. I moan, a little surprised. He pumps them in and out at a lazy pace. He pulls away and slides down my body, again. His fingers leave me only to be replaced by his tongue on my clit. I moan out, gripping his hair. He grips my thighs, keeping my legs apart. He swirls his tongue around the overstimulated bud, making me suck a sharp breath in. I squirm and shake and moan as he quickly brings me close to another orgasm. He quickly flicks his tongue and then he sinks his two fingers back into me. A whimper escapes, making him smile. he only pumps a few times and then I'm coming again.
I cry out and scream as I come hard, once again. I moan his name as he licks up everything I give him. That familiar tingling sensation explodes all over my body as he continues until I'm done. He then kisses my hip before coming back up.
"If you keep saying my name like that, I may just fuck you again," He warns as he kisses my neck.
"Fiend."
He smiles before picking his head up and pecking me. He sits up and then grabs my hands, making me sit up, too. He stands and then reaches down for my hand, helping me up. I sway a little when I get to my feet and he chuckles as he stabilizes me.
"You alright?" He teases.
I nod, "Mhm."
"Okay," He says before kissing my cheek. He crouches down and grabs my pants, handing them to me. I pull my pants back on. I glance at him before looking back at my pants.
"How is your hand?" I ask as I tie the drawstring around my waist.
"It's fine."
I drop my hands before looking at him. He's inspecting his wound with a pained look.
"You can't see very well in the moonlight," I say, quietly, suddenly feeling very guilty.
He looks at me with a small smile, "I can see fine."
I let out a breath before taking a step towards him and grabbing his wrist. I hold his hand close to me and see that I have left a serious gash across his palm that is full of dried blood.
I should apologize for threatening to kill him.
I sigh before looking up at him.
"I'm sorry I held a knife to your throat," I whisper.
His smile fades.
"And cut your hand," I go on, "My temper gets the best of me, sometimes," I admit, "And you seriously piss me off."
He chuckles. "You piss me off, too."
"I'm really sorry, Ryle," I whisper.
He uses his other hand to cup my cheek. He pecks me, "It's okay. I got my blood all over you so we're even."
I force a small smile, "Thought I felt that."
He laughs softly before kissing my forehead.
"I should dress your hand," I say to him.
"I can't be seen inside the castle," He informs me, "I'm not supposed to be here."
My heart flutters, "So why are you?"
He shakes his head, "Don't ask me questions you already know the answer to."
I sigh, "Then how did you follow me?"
"I posted my guards at every entrance and exit, even ones that looked unlikely to be an entrance or an exit."
"But I didn't see anyone."
"You weren't really looking, my love," He says, "You were in deep thought."
When he calls me his pet name for me, I feel butterflies fly around my stomach, against my own wishes.
"There's old tunnels hidden all around the castle," I explain, "I know them like the back of my hand, I've been using them my whole life."
He grins, "So the rumors of you suddenly disappearing and the reappearing whenever you want are true?"
I nod, "Yes, they are."
Ever since I was a kid, I've been known for "disappearing" when I was actually just in the castle. Only I was exploring the tunnels and finding places to hide out. I actually have found old servants quarters below the castle so there's rooms with beds that I'll stay in if I need more than just a few hours alone. Sometimes the pressure of a royal overwhelms me and I just need a moment to myself. Castle staff used to freak out when I did this, understandably so, but it's now become normal. I don't know why the tunnels are no longer in use and I don't know why no one knows about them but I'm grateful they provide me with much needed solitude.
"So, I can get you in and out without being seen."
He tilts his head with a small smile, "To dress my hand?"
I let out a nervous breath. The way he's looking at me is too much to bear. "To dress your hand."
"If you insist."
"I do insist," I say as I begin walking towards the castle.
He walks beside me as I keep my eyes on the ground, questioning all my morals, once again.
"I don't know what I'm doing," I admit in a whisper, "We can't keep doing this."
"Why are we a problem?"
"I'm betraying everyone I love," I hiss as I look at him, "Every time I allow you to do what you do, I'm betraying everyone. My people, my brother, my parents-" I suck in a sharp breath, before looking back at the ground. "We just- I know better but I'm not doing better."
"My love-"
I scoff as my stomach does backflips, "I don't understand why I like that. I hate that I like that. Gods- my parents must think I'm such a disappointment-"
He wraps his arm around my waist and crashes his lips onto mine. I rest my hands on his hips as his taste and smell invades my senses. I love it and I absolutely despise that I love it. I hate that his lips are so soft, I hate that he smells so good, I hate how warm he is, I hate how much I love when he touches me.
He pulls back a little and brings his hand up to my cheek. He runs his thumb across my bottom lip, his eyes following the movement.
"You don't have to understand why you want something in order to want it," He whispers, his eyes flicking up to mine, "Do you like it when I touch you?"
I hesitantly nod.
"Then that's all that matters," He whispers before dipping his head and kissing me softly, "Forget everyone else. I have," He licks my lip, "It's your turn."
"But I want to understand," I mumble.
He smiles, dazed, "We can't always get what we want."
~~~
We sit on an old bed as I wrap gauze around his hand. He's staring at me and he won't look away.
"You know," He starts, "When you said you knew these tunnels well, I didn't think you meant you were able to navigate them in the pitch black darkness."
That makes me smile, "What did you think I meant?"
"That you need a candle at the very least."
"There's drafts in certain parts that blow out my candles," I say, "Very irritating to have to relight it a million times." I pull his hand closer to the candlelight, "And holding it is also very annoying."
He chuckles, "So you learned your way with no light because it was inconvenient to have it?"
I glance at him before looking back at his hand, "Yes."
He laughs, "Sounds about right."
I reach behind me for the medical tape. I tape down the end of the gauze, "You're all done."
I get up and start putting my supplies away.
"Thank you, Wren."
I glance at him over my shoulder, "You shouldn't be thanking me, I'm the reason you have it."
"Thank you, Wren," He repeats.
I sigh, "You're welcome."
I turn around and look at him and he's gazing at me with a softness in his eyes. I shake my head, "This doesn't make us friends, now."
He raises his eyebrows, "Oh, I never want to be your friend, my love."
A shiver runs down my spine. I don't know how to respond so I just turn around and rummage through my drawers, "I'm going to wash your blood off of me."
I hear him stand, "Let me."
I look at him, shocked.
He chuckles, "What? I've already seen you naked."
Having him bathe me feels like something we would do if we were in love. But we're not. We're just fucking.
"No, just-" I sigh and then turn my body around, "I'm not rewrapping your hand."
He shrugs.
"Then I won't get it wet." He walks over to me.
I shake my head, "No, I'll just take a quick bath."
He gently grips my chin, "Let me take care of you."
Those words slice straight through me.
I nod with a small smile, "Well... Alright."
He grins before leaning down and pecking me. I walk around him and into the bathroom, bringing a candle with me. I set it down on the edge of the tub before turning the faucet on. I then walk to the sink and look in the mirror.
His blood really is all over me. It's smeared on my cheeks, my hands. I lift my shirt up a little and it's all over my torso.
"Gods, how much did you bleed??" I ask as I look at him. He's staring at me as he leans on the doorframe, arms crossed.
"I told you it's all over you."
"Yes but-" I untie my pants, letting them fall. His handprints can be seen very clearly on my right thigh, where his left hand was gripping me. "This seems like a lot of blood. Are you feeling okay?"
He smiles, "What?"
"Are you lightheaded from blood loss or anything?"
He chuckles, "I'm fine, my love."
He walks into the bathroom and stands behind me. He grabs the ends of my shirt before lifting it up. I raise my arms to help him and he gets it off. I take off the last article of clothing, my underwear, and he looks me up and down.
"It's unfair how beautiful you are," He mumbles, "Truly unfair."
I fight a smile before looking over his shoulder, "Bath is ready."
I hear him quietly laugh to himself as I walk towards the bathtub. I step in and then sit down, wrapping my arms around my legs, my knees up to my chest. I rest my chin on my knees and close my eyes as the hot water eases my muscles. I hear Ryle get in behind me and then feel his hands on my shoulders.
"Lean back, Wren," He says softly, "Get comfortable."
I lean back against him and he scrubs soap onto a washcloth, careful to not get the gauze wet. He pinches my jaw in his fingers and begins to wash the blood off my face. Once he's satisfied he moves to my chest. I lean my head back against his chest, watching the water slowly turn pink.
"What do you want out of this?" I ask him.
"Out of what?"
"Us."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want us to be more?"
I ask because he's been treating me like more than just some girl he sleeps with. Even from the very beginning.
"Yes," He admits.
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"We don't make sense."
"What does that mean?"
"You know what it means."
"Humor me."
I sigh, "We're rivaling kingdoms. We've hated each other for a long time. Our parents hated each other. Their parents hated each other and so on," I explain, "We don't work. We can't."
"And yet we do."
"This isn't right," I say lowly, "What we're doing. We're being selfish."
"So then we're selfish. I want you and you want me. In my eyes, that's all that matters," He says as he washes my arms, "I know you want to do right by your family and your people. You care about them deeply and that's a good thing," He points out, "But you also need to consider what you want. Not what they would want you to do. You've been doing the latter for years."
I keep my eyes on the reddening water, taking in everything he's saying.
"You should also know that as long as you continue to want me, I'm not going to stop. I'm not a good man, I will go to great lengths to keep you," He warns before kissing my temple.
I look at him before crossing my arms over my chest and then facing forward, "Well, I knew you were crazy but hell-"
He laughs, "I blame my upbringing."
We fall into a comfortable silence as he continues to wipe his blood off. I'm stuck in my head, thinking about everything he said and what I want.
Being a royal is lonely. I have one friend. June is the only person who treats me like just another person. It's why I have to go out in disguise in order to find someone to have sex with. If they knew I was their Princess, and former Queen, they wouldn't touch me. Ryle is an equal and he doesn't care for decorum when it's just us. He does and says whatever he wants. That's hard to find and something I really like about him. If he wants to touch me, he does. He doesn't hesitate, he knows what he wants and acts on it. I've tried to court other royals before and it is painfully boring doing it the right way. Whatever Ryle and I are? It isn't boring, it's maddening and exciting and scary and confusing. He's maddening and exciting and all that.
He makes me feel things and I don't know if I'm okay with that.