Rosie had fallen asleep right there in Daryl's arms. She was beyond exhausted after the constant walking and all the nights without any sleep, but now that Daryl was there and those men were dead, she could go to sleep again, because she was safe now. After a minute or two of hugging each other like their lives depended on it, Daryl had moved to lean his back up against the car and Rosie had moved with him, not wanting to let go of him. If she let go of him, he could have disappeared from right in front of her. By the time a half hour hit, Rosie was passed out in Daryl's arms, her breathing finally calm. Knowing that Michonne and Carl were in the backseat of the car, Daryl carried Rosie to the car and placed her in the front seat.
Daryl knew Rick was a bit out of it, and someone needed to keep watch, so he stayed up. He moved the Claimers' bodies from the road and into the woods so that neither of the kids would have to see them in the morning. He covered the windows of the car with blankets and sheets that he found in the Claimers' bags. And by the time he was done with all of that, the sun was already starting to rise up above the horizon.
With a bottle of water in his right hand and red rag in his left, Daryl approached Rick, who was still sitting with his back up against the car. His face was stained with blood and his eyes were distant. Daryl poured some of the water onto the rag and held it out to Rick.
"We should save it to drink," Rick said, shaking his head.
"You can't see yourself," Daryl sighed, giving him the wet rag anyway. "They can."
So, Rick accepted the rag. And as he began to wipe the blood off of his face, Daryl sat down on the ground next to him, leaning his own back up against the car, too. He looked at Rick, and Rick kept wiping the blood from his face. "I didn't know what they were," Daryl said, looking down. He couldn't get rid of the guilt that plagued his mind and made him feel sick to his stomach.
"How'd you wind up with them?" Rick asked.
"I was with Beth," Daryl said. A frown seemed to form on his bruised up face. "We got out together. I was with her for a while."
"Is she dead?" Rick asked after a short moment of silence.
It took Daryl a moment to answer. He looked a Rick, shaking his head a little. "She's just gone," he said. Rick took in his words and nodded his head in understanding, although he didn't really understand. "After that, that's when they found me. I mean, I knew they were bad, but..." he trailed off for a moment, "they had a code. It was simple. Stupid, but it was somethin'. It was enough."
"And you were alone," Rick reminded him, his eyebrows raised a little to convey sympathy.
Daryl bit down onto his lip for a moment, shaking his head so slightly that it was barely even noticeable. "Said they were lookin' for some guy, 'cause he took their girl. Thought they were talkin' about a daughter or somethin'. Last night they said they spotted them- the guy and the girl. I was hangin' back. I was gonna leave. But I stayed," Daryl said. He looked at his shoes again, the guilt building up in his stomach more and more with each word that he said. "That's when I saw it was you four. Right when you saw me." The guilt was so bad that it made a lump form in his throat. He felt disgusted with himself. He swallowed hard, trying to bury back that lump in his throat. "I didn't know what they could do... or what they did do," Daryl said, his voice soft and quiet despite the anger and disgust he felt towards both himself and the men he was with. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked down at his shoes again.
Rick looked at him for a moment, and he understood. "It's not on you, Daryl," he said. Daryl didn't look back at him. He wanted to believe it, but he couldn't get rid of the guilt. "Hey," Rick said. This time, Daryl did look at him. Rick raised his eyebrows, his eyes full of understanding. "It's not on you," Rick said again. Daryl looked back at him, but didn't say anything. His eyes drifted towards the ground again. "You being back with us, here, now, that's everything."
The words Rick was saying made sense, but they still couldn't take away that gnawing feeling that lingered in Daryl's gut. No matter what Rick said, there was still that little voice in the back of his head saying, "It's your fault. You should have known better. It's your fault, and they know it." Rick looked at Daryl and Daryl looked at the ground. Rick saw right through him.
"You're my brother," Rick said, making Daryl's head turn towards him again. Rick nodded, as if confirming his own words. Blue eyes to blue eyes, the brothers looked at each other. There was an understanding between the two of them. They could see through each other. Rick could see Daryl's guilt and Daryl could see every thought running through Rick's brain.
"Hey, what you did last night," Daryl began, "anybody would have done that."
"No, not that," Rick replied. He shook his head, which was still stained with the men's blood despite his weak effort to wipe it away. The two of them looked forward, into the woods.
"Somethin' happened," Daryl paused and chewed on his lip for a moment before turning to look at Rick again. "That ain't you," he told him.
"Daryl, you saw what I did to Tyreese. It ain't all of it, but that's me," Rick said as he wiped his hands with the cloth. His voice was calm and quiet, but sad. "That's why I'm here now. That's why Carl is. And Rosie. I want to keep them safe. That's all that matters."
•
When the sun was higher in the sky, the group of five decided it was time to move on. Rick was still set on going to Terminus, but Rosie still wasn't sure about it. Now that Daryl was there, though, she felt a little better.
They walked along the railroad tracks. In front were Michonne and Rick, behind them was Carl, and behind Carl were Daryl and Rosie. Rosie was holding her velociraptor tightly in her right hand. When she had fallen asleep, she still thought it was lost, back on that road where the Claimers had found her. But when she woke up, there it was, placed right on the seat she was sleeping on, next to her hand.
Rosie still didn't feel good. Now that Daryl was there, she felt better. But better still wasn't really good. Her stomach felt empty, but she tried to ignore it. What else is new? she thought to herself. The difference this time, though, was that the emptiness wasn't a lack of food or water. The emptiness was that missing part of her. But she pretended that it was the hunger.
"Hey," Daryl said quietly, lightly tapping Rosie's arm in order to get her attention. Rosie looked up at him, waiting for him to say something. "You feelin' ok?" Daryl asked her. He was sure he knew what the answer was, but he asked anyway because he wanted her to talk. She hadn't been talking very much. It was like when they first left the farm.
After giving her answer careful consideration, Rosie answered with, "I don't know."
Daryl, of course, assumed that her answer of I don't know really meant I know, but I don't want to tell you. But Rosie's answer really did mean I don't know. She didn't know what this feeling was called. It wasn't sad or happy or angry or scared or neutral. And she couldn't think of any other emotions. So Rosie really didn't know how she was feeling.
"I feel like shit. And it's ok if you do, too," Daryl told her. He wanted her to know that it was ok to feel whatever she was feeling, because she had been through something awful. He didn't want her to think that she just had to get over it or swallow it and move on.
Rosie didn't know that like shit was something you could feel. She thought that maybe because Daryl was feeling like shit, it would make sense for her to feel something that wasn't sad or happy or angry or scared or neutral, too. So she described how she felt. She didn't know the name of it, but maybe Daryl would. "Feels like somethin's gone," Rosie said.
Another wave of guilt and sadness washed over Daryl upon hearing how Rosie felt. He looked down at her, but she wasn't looking back at him. She was looking forwards, towards where they were going. He looked at her eyes and they didn't look sad or happy or angry or scared or neutral, they looked distant. "How's that?" Daryl asked, hoping for her to expand on it.
"Like somethin' that was there, ain't anymore. Don't know," Rosie said. She looked down at her shoes and Daryl looked at her, but neither of them said anything for a moment. "Think they took somethin' from me, but I don't know what," she mumbled.
Daryl wished that he could tell her that they didn't take shit. That she was just the same as she was before. That what they did didn't change anything. But then he'd be lying, and Rosie could tell when he was lying. What they did would change her. It would change anyone.
"Shouldn't've gone with 'em. Shoulda ran. But I didn't," Rosie murmured. She kicked a pinecone on the tracks in front of her.
"What?" Daryl asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
"I knew they were bad, but I didn't run. That's my fault," Rosie said, her shoulders sagging slightly. "Stupid," she muttered to herself.
"Hey," Daryl said quickly, his head jerking towards her. He grabbed onto her shoulder, stopping her from continuing on walking. Rosie looked at him with wide eyes, a little shocked and a lot confused. "It ain't your fuckin' fault," he said sternly, looking Rosie directly in the eyes. He felt Rosie tense at his harshness, but he kept his hand squeezing her shoulder, anyway. He wanted her to know that he meant was he was saying and that it was real, that he was serious. "Ya woulda ran, those assholes woulda caught up to you. You were still sick."
Rosie felt tears start to burn in her eyes and she shook her head. "I shoulda fought 'em more. I shoulda tried more. I didn't," she said, her voice high-pitched and shaky.
"No. You're just a kid, Rosie," Daryl said, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at her. Her eyes darted around, unsure of where to look. "Listen to me," Daryl said. Rosie looked at him again, with teary eyes. "It ain't your fault. It had nothin' to do with who you are, or what you did or didn't do, or what you said- nothin'. You hearin' me?"'
"But-" Rosie began.
"No. Nothin' that you say is gonna make it your fault. Those men did what they did because they wanted to. That makes it their fault. It had nothin' to do with you. Nothin'. Now, are you hearin' me?" Daryl said, his eyebrows slightly raised.
"Yeah," Rosie sighed out, looking down at her boots. She stopped having to keep rolled up socks in the toes. They were only a little bit big now. Soon, they'd fit perfectly.
"Good," Daryl said, letting go of the girl's shoulder. "'Cause it's the truth. It ain't what I think, it's what is." The two of them continued on walking, quickening their pace in order to catch up with the others. They slowed back down to their normal pace once they were a few feet behind Carl again. Daryl glanced down at Rosie, feeling that guilt come up again. "I'm sorry, by the way. That I was with 'em. I didn't know," he said.
Rosie looked up at him after wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her dark green, long-sleeved shirt. "If it ain't my fault, it ain't your fault neither," she said, her voice just as stern as Daryl's was before. Daryl nodded at her, chewing on his lip. He felt some of that guilt float away, but it still wasn't all gone. That would take awhile. Things don't just go away. Things linger.
The group slowed to a stop when Rick spotted a fallen over sign. He scraped leaves off of the sign with his foot. Printed in black letters was the word Terminus. Rosie looked at it with a slight frown. She still wasn't sure about it. She just wished they could have stayed at the prison.
"We're gettin' close," Daryl said, coming up next to Michonne. His words didn't make Rosie feel any better about Terminus. She wished that it was further away, so she'd have more time to think about it. "Be there before sundown."
"Now we head through the woods. We don't know who they are," Rick said, holding a duffel bag over his shoulder. It made Rosie feel a little better to know that they were at least going to be cautious about it.
The five of them walked through the woods for awhile until they reached a chain-linked fence. This had to be Terminus, Rosie figured. Looking through the fence, she could see the word Terminus printed onto the side of the building in big, black letters, which confirmed it. There they were.
"We all spread out, watch for a while, see what we see, and get ready. We all stay close," Rick said, looking out at Terminus. He turned to Carl, who was starting to walk with Michonne. "You wanna stick with me?" he asked.
"It's alright," Carl mumbled out before following after Michonne. Rick watched him go, biting down on his tongue as he did.
Rosie looked between Rick and Daryl, waiting for one of them to tell her what to do. Luckily, Rick did. "Why don't you help me dig?" he said, nodding towards a spot on the ground next to his blue duffel bag. Rosie nodded and plopped down onto her knees. Right where Rick pointed, she started digging, while Daryl walked around, keeping watch. Rick looked across at Rosie. "You know, you've grown a lot since I met you in Atlanta," he said.
Raising her eyebrows a little, Rosie looked back at him. "Really? My clothes still fit," she said, which made Rick chuckle a little.
"I don't mean in size. I mean who you are," Rick told her, his eyebrows raised, too. Rosie hummed, as if to say oh, and went back to digging. "You didn't used to smile very much, and you used to hate me," he said, which made Rosie scrunch her face up. Rick chuckled at that, too. "You've grown. You've changed, for the better."
"I guess," Rosie said, shrugging her shoulders.
"You have," Rick said. He nudged her shoulder in order to get her to look up from the dirt again. "I'm proud of you for that," he said. Rosie felt her eyelids lift a little upon hearing his words. She felt less heavy on the inside- lighter. "We all are. But I don't want you to let what happened set you back. And it's hard dealing with things on your own, so you have to let us help you when you need it. You can't do everything on your own. If you need help, you can ask for it. Ok?"
"Ok," Rosie said, nodding her head a little. She understood what he was saying, she really did, but asking for help- talking about what she needed to talk about- was much easier said than done. Yet, she told herself she would try. Because that's all she could do. All she could do was her best.
"Good," Rick said, and went back to digging. Rosie went back to digging, too. After a few more moments, she found a worm in the dirt. As she picked the worm up, held in her delicately cupped hands, she lifted it to her eye level and watched it wriggle around. She felt herself smile a little. Then she heard Rick chuckle again and felt him ruffle her hair.
Rosie hadn't thought much about how different things were until just then. She didn't feel like she'd changed much, but looking back, she could see that everything about her was different. When she first got to the Atlanta camp, she would have called someone a baby for caring so much about a stupid toy, but now here she was, carrying around that velociraptor like her life depended on it. In the beginning, she was very timid and scared to talk to either of the two Dixon brothers, but now she felt like she could tell anything to Daryl. She used to hate when Carl came to talk to her back at the camp, but now he was her best friend. She used to think Rick was just a pussy ass cop, but now she thought he was one of the bravest men she'd ever met. She used to hate when anyone touched her, but now she found herself wanting to be hugged and to have her hair ruffled. She was so different. She couldn't believe that she hadn't noticed.
But Rosie was glad that she was different now. She was braver and she was stronger and she was better than she had ever been before. Even after everything that happened, she was still ok. She was still ok because she had herself and she had her family and that was all she needed. And despite how horrible the past few days had been, Rosie didn't feel sad or happy or angry or scared or neutral while she was digging that hole; she felt grateful.
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I didn't think I'd have time to post a chapter today, but I did it!!!! 💪💪 also, I have two more finals (one on Thursday and one of Friday) and then I'm done and I'll be able to write so much more ! I'm so excited
OH also also, I have a bunch of quotes and little pictures saved in my camera roll that I look back on sometimes when I need inspiration/motivation for writing this- they remind me of Rosie and Daryl. I was wondering if you guys would want me to post them on here after chapters, just for fun ? Lmk 🫡