JIMIN'S POV ::
There are moments when you feel your heart throbbing so much in your chest that you feel like you're going to die any moment. I don't feel like dying though but my heart is going crazy as I keep driving through the street. The rain is pouring down the city, drenching me underneath but I don't care a bit. My airpods are in my ear, still on a phone call with y/n. The rain is cold. My hands shake on the accelerator of my bike. I can't see properly but I still drive anyway.
"Y/n..?" I questioned. "Y/n.. can you hear me..?" She doesn't answer. Instead I hear weird sounds. As if she is choking. Her teeth grinding against each other. Her breathing is heavy. "Y/n.. Fuck! Just talk to me little Siren! Please!" I exclaimed. "J-Jimin... I.. I.. c-can't..." Y/n manages to choke out the words, coughing afterwards. "I'm almost there. Please hold on.. don't close your eyes.. you heard me? Y/n! Just don't close your eyes.. please.." I was desperate. I was scared. I didn't know what happened to her but whatever it is, it's not good.
I've checked y/n's location a while ago and it was somewhere near the cafe she usually hangs out at with her friends. "I'm there.. I'm almost there little Siren.. just hold on.. hang in there.." I kept muttering the words for her. Telling her to breathe. I hated the distance between us. I hated the time and everything that kept me away from reaching her when she needs me there. A while later I spotted the familiar black car in the middle of the street. It's in a non-parking era. I can only hope that she hasn't hit her car or anything.
I hurriedly put my bike on a stand before taking my helmet off. I rush towards the said car and first check for any kind of damages. I let out a sigh after finding no damages. Turning towards the window, I tap on it while looking inside. I can't look clearly because of the water but I see y/n. Lying in the driver seat. Her eyes are filled with tears. She is breathing heavily. Her chest rises up and then down. "Y/n!!" I yell out. "Open the window!!" She can't seem to hear me so I turn towards her window and knock on it loudly.
Y/n's head slowly turns in my direction. Our eyes meet and I swear, I've never seen so much pain in her eyes. "Open the window, little Siren.." I muttered. She shakes her head. "You can do it, y/n. Just open the window for me. Everything will be okay, I promise." I stated. Y/n was struggling to even move. My hands were itching to hold her. If I broke the window then that will be a mess and she might end getting hurt. I run my hands through my wet locks out of frustration. "Please little Siren.. please just open the window for me.. Everything will be okay.." I bang hand on the window again. Letting out a curse, I stare at y/n helplessly.
For what feels like an eternity, I finally see her moving. Her hand is trembling as she moves it towards the window lock. I wait and pray silently for her to just open the window so I can uock the car before getting inside. Y/n reach the button but falls back again. Her body isn't cooperating with her. She tries again and this time the window actually opens but y/n ends up falling back. Her eyes rolling back. I quickly push my arm inside and unlock her car. Opening the door, I get on the passenger seat before taking her seat belt off. I hold her while tapping on her cheek. Trying to wake her up.
Y/n's teeth are grinding against each other. Her tears constantly falls down her cheek. Her breathing is uneven. She is struggling to breathe. Looking at her messy state I can make out that she is having a panick attack. A very bad one. I call out her name several times but she wouldn't respond. "Y/n! Y/n! Y/n, look at me.." I said while checking her pulse which is thumping against my finger. I pull her close to me, her head falling on my shoulder as if all the strength has left her body. The clouds suddenly roars, y/n finches as she clutched my shirt tightly. She is clinging to me, not caring about how drenched I am. "I.. I.. I can't.." she muttered against my chest.
The thunder clatters and she is flinching again. Hiding herself into me as if she wants to dissappear. My hands move towards her ear and I block them from hearing anything for a few seconds. Then I slowly cup her face and push her just few inches away from me. "You're having a panic attack, little Siren. You need to breathe.." her eyes are shut tightly. I brush the hairs off her face. "Look at me.. you need to breathe, y/n.. please.." She is clutching onto my hands holding her face. "You need to breathe.." I whispered, joining my forhead to her. "Can you do that for me.. please? Take a deep breathe.." She still refuses to do so.
As if she is already lost somewhere. Y/n is physically present here with me but mentally, she is somewhere else. Somewhere deep inside her past. Maybe the reason behind her panic attack? I shake my thoughts away, bringing my whole attention to the girl in front of me. She is shaking even in my hold. "Open your eyes for me, little Siren.. please.." I bite on my lips as my forehead stays attached to hers. Y/n slowly opens her eyelashes. Her hazel orbs behind her tears staring back at me. "Look at me. Just me." I muttered.
The moment fell silent. She kept staring at me while I counted her breathe. I thank the universe because she cooperates with me despite her terrible state. "Should we go to the doctor?" I whispered a while later. Her hold on my shirt tightens. She shakes her head violently. "N-no... no.. t-take me.. a-away.." I hum at her. Stroking her hairs softly I let out a sigh. "You're good?" She nods. Y/n is anything but good and I know it. I move to get off the car but she holds my hand. "I have to drive.. so you need to move here.. is that okay?" She whispers a hum to me. I help her getting on the passenger seat.
If y/n was any normal then she would've given me shit for ruining her car with my wet clothes,let alone touch her in this state. I get in the driver's seat and start the engine. My one hand hold her hand in mine. She is still crying and flinching whenever the cloud roars. "I.. I don't.. wanna go... h-home.." I don't question her. Letting out a sigh I head towards my house's direction. We reach there just in time as I park the car before stepping out to help her get out.
Y/n looks over me as I open the door. She wouldn't step out as she eyes the rain over my head. Her heads shakes in denial. Her hands moves to her ears, shutting them off. I don't waste my time as I quickly pick her up in bridal style. "Just look at me and nothing else.." She does as she is told and I move inside my house. I walk towards the guest room which my dad uses whenever he comes over. I slowly place her on the bed.
Her eyes move to the open window and I quickly rush to close it. The sound of rain won't stop and she is only focused on it,causing her breathe to hitch. I check her pulse again and fuck its high. Alarming. "We need to call the doctor. This won't work." I move to the phone but her shaking hand grabs me. "Please don't.. they.. they.. will only.. inject me... it.. it won't work.." She is crying again.
Just what the fuck is wrong with her?
"Should I call your father?" She again shakes her head and I let out a curse. "This won't work, y/n..we need to do something.."
Because panic attacks can be dangerous to the point where they can rip off your life from you.
The thought itself scares me. Y/n keeps shaking her head in denial. "The.. the demons... my.. my demons.. they are.. they are here.." She stammered out as I knit my brows. "What?" I move close to her. "They.. they will take me away.. I can't.. I can't.. Jimin.. I.. they will.. reach me.. I.. don't..." I caress her cheek softly. The heater in the room, drying us both. "There's no one here." I mumbled. "The rain.. I.. I hate it.. I hate it so much.." She chokes on her own breathe. Her molars hitting each other. Her eyes rolling back in her head. My eyes widens as I call out her name multiple times and when it doesn't work, I do another stupid thing.
"Fuck this shit!" I curse out before slamming lips to hers. My lips moves against her. She does kiss back but the grinding of her teeth stops. I cup her face in my hands. The kiss is filled with rain drops falling off my hairs mixing with her tears and our saliva. It's a lot messy. She is not in her right state of mind. I take her vulnerability, nipping on her lips. They taste amazing as always but the kiss is sloppy and I taste her sorrows over it. The kiss to keep her sane because she is losing it.
"No one is here. You're safe. I'm here with you. Nothing is going to hurt you." I muttered once I pulled away. Our foreheads connected as she is clutching on my shirt in a fist. Her breathing is a lot better now. "I'm sorry..." she whispered. I pull her in my embrace, wrapping my arms around her fragile figure. Y/n has been everything but fragile. I've never scene her this vulnerable before and God kill me if I want to see it again.
"Its okay.. its not your fault. You're safe now.." I muttered under my breathe. Rubbing her back softly. I keep her in my arms until she eventually falls asleep. I carefully lay her down on the bed. Adjusting the pillow beneath her head. "Don't leave me.." y/n mutters in her sleep. I can't help planting a kiss to her forhead before moving in a corner. Pulling out my phone I dial Taehyung's number. He answers after few rings. "To what do I owe the pleasure of you calling me at ass O'clock?" I roll my eyes at his words. "Its not even 11pm yet." I muttered. "So what? I'm a very good boy and I sleep early unlike you drowning in the books till my eyes actually gives up and body begs to sleep."
"Cut the crap, tae i need your help." He fakes a gasp as I take a glance at y/n, making sure that she is not waking up. "Did you actually murder someone and do we need to hide the body? I'm up for that shit." He sounds so thrilled that I'm tempted to just murder him. "God! You sound so much like Jungkook!" I exclaimed. "Should I be concerned?" Taehyung questioned and I pinch the bridge of my nose.
You can't murder him. He is your best friend.
I remind myself before collecting myself. "Shut the fuck up and listen to me. Can you go the friend's cafe and get my bike from there?" I questioned. "What?! What's your bike doing there in this weather??" He questioned all surprised because I'm not the guy who leaves his bike behind. Nonetheless to say I love my bike more than anything. "I know. I know. It's just something came up and I.. " I actually reconsider telling him about y/n. Thats not my story to tell. "Well.. something came up and I had to go to help y/n there. She couldn't drive because of the weather. I left my bike there so can you please get it for me and park at your home?"
I hear his long silence before he replies. "You abandoned your bike for a girl?" I know right? I surprise myself too. Thank fucking brain of mine. "She needed help Taehyung. Will you get my bike or not?" I coldly questioned. He let's put a snort before replying. "Fine I will since only I have the spare key. I'll ask Jin hyung if he can drive me there." I hum as I proceed to hang up but his words stops me. "Also, tell y/n that she is lucky." I roll my eyes before hanging up and then proceeding to call another person. I had her number for a quite while now but I never considered calling her. Desperate times.
"Hello?" Sam answers my phone after few rings. "Hey! Its Jimin." I hear the sound of shuffling. "Why are you calling me and how did you get my number?" She questioned. "Got it from y/n the last time we were locked in a club." I muttered. "Okay?"
"I want your favor. Can you tell y/n's father that she is staying at yours for the night? If he asked?" I questioned. Sam lets out a snort at my words. "If you both are doing something so dirty together then tell y/n that i don't want to get involve in her shit. She is a big girl. Better act like one." Damn this girl. I can't help but feel the hurt for girl laying on the bed in my guest room. "She can't tell herself because she is sick." I stated. "Sick? Wait- did she go out in the rain?" Concern drips from her words. Sam can't hide that she cares about her ex best friend and it shows. "Yup. I happen to call her at the night and I went to pick her up."
"Oh God! No! She is not supposed to go out in the rain. She never does that! Is she okay?" Sam question and I sense that she is pacing around. "For someone who has been only hurting her for the past few days, you sound a lot concerning for her." I couldn't help the words rolling off my tongue. "Shut up. You don't know her Jimin." Sam muttered. I rolled my eyes at her words. "I'll tell her father. Take care of her and make sure,she doesn't goes in rain." Sam hurries to hang up and I'm left staring at the black screen of my phone.
I let out a sigh,moving towards y/n who is sleeping. A frown on her face. I couldn't help the lump forming in throat. Kang y/n. The girl who doesn't gives a shit about anyone. Gets under my skin very easily. Shows the tough side to the world. Never shows her fear. Always wear that fiercely look on her face. I always knew that she wore a mask. But I never knew that the girl under that mask is that vulnerable or the reason for her to wear a mask can be very dark.
I brush the hairs away from her face,staring at her unscathed beauty. She is so beautiful that its hurtful.
I wonder how many dark secrets you've holding behind that strong and fearless mask?
I freshen up myself and lay on the couch nearby. Thinking about y/n and how surprising it is that she fears rain. That her demons comes in the form of rain. I eventually drift off to sleep.
[Few hours later]
A raw scream rips me out of my sleep as I instantly move towards the bed where y/n is screaming. I quickly turn on the lights and find her screaming and crying in her sleep. "Y/n! Y/n!" I shake and call out to her but she wouldn't wake up. "N-no! No! Please! Please! Please! Don't! Don't!" She keeps mumbling the words over and over again. "Y/n! Open your eyes!" I give her body a violent shake and she finally opens her eyes. Looking around herself. "I...how...?" Her eyes roams around before they lands on me and then she wraps her arms around me. Hugging me so tight as if I'll disappear.
I rub her back while she cries in my chest. We both don't speak anything and I let her keep silent. I let out a sigh,not understanding the kind of pain I'm feeling after seeing her in this state.
Why something in me is breaking?
Y/n gathers herself a while later and pulls away from me. "I'm sorry.." she muttered. "You don't say that.." I smiled at her. She looks everywhere but me. I look over the clock and realize that it's 3am.
I pass her the glass of water which she gulps down without any questions. "Are you feeling better now?" I questioned. "Yeah.." She wipes her lips by the back of her hands. "Were you having a nightmare?" She hums at my question. "Do you wanna talk about it?" She shakes her head. I run my tongue over my lower lip, slowly taking her hand in mine as I run over her knuckles. "Do you not like rain?" She shudders at my question. Flinching suddenly as she slowly looks up to me. "I loathe it." She muttered.
We stare into each other's eyes for a brief moment. The silence looms over us. I see the mask falling off her face. There's a girl behing her. A timid and vulnerable one. She is scared of rain. She is somewhere deep withing y/n and she is afraid to come out.
The sudden peal of thunder roars and y/n hides herself in my chest again. She is shivering again. Just how bad her fear is? I don't force her to open up but I'm concerned because what if I hadn't called at that time? She was loosing her breathe and as I've said panick attacks can be very bad. "Does this happen often with you?" The question comes out before I could even stop it.
"I hate rain. I hate it so much. You can't even imagine..." she starts to speak and I just listen her. "..the rain comes over with my demons.. It scares me. It asks myself from me.. It wants me dead.." her voice shakes at the end. "I.. I was not supposed to exist.. Jimin.." she stares up at me with tearful eyes. "She wanted me dead.. she.. she was going to.. to k-kill me.. I.. I was supposed to be dead.." I flinch at her words. They are heavier than the rain outside. "She.. she was killing me..." her breathe becomes uneven again. "Who?" I can't help the curiosity.
"M-my... m-mom..."
What?
[FLASHBACK]
13 YEARS AGO
(when y/n was 8yr old)
Y/N'S POV ::
Fairy tales are always magical. The princess always waits for her prince in her castle and he whisks her away from her problems. This story has a princess too. And her prince as well.
Han Yusoo. My mother.
Kang Daniel. My father.
The story goes with a prince taking the princess away from her problems and then they have their own happily ever after. Yusoo was painful beautiful. Her features were fragile, her curves were perfect, the soothing voice, mesmerizing eyes. She was the object of every desire a man could have. But with beauty comes its price.
Yusoo's mother died right after giving her birth. She was a premature baby but the healthiest one. Her father couldn't help but blame her for his wife's death. A tragic story here is the father loathed his daughter a lot. He refused to see her. Coming from a very rich family, yusoo had maids to take care of her and they did. She reached the age where she was supposed to go school but her father refused. Yusoo was confined withing the walls of her castle. The princess was locked up. She was home tutored.
She was restricted of many things. The only world she knew was the fictional. The lack of human relations led her to obsession of fictional characters. She started acting like them. Talking to herself was her favorite thing. No one understood the things going on with her. The heart which never knew what love was fed up of everything. She loved fairy tales. And so, she believed a prince will come up save her.
Years were going by, Yusoo never talked with her father. She was starving of his love and it hurt her deep. Yusoo's father had reasons to hide his own daughter as he liked to claim. One, her beauty was unmatched. Anyone could easily fall on their knees for her. Two, he hated how she reminded him of his dead wife. The wife whom he loved more than anything else in the world.
Time didn't stop and did it work. Yusoo soon reached the age of 24. When her father took a glance at her, he realized that it was time to let her go. Yusoo couldn't act like normal women in their 20s. She was different. She would smile a lot to herself. Talk a lot to herself. Play a lot with people who didn't exist. She was locked in her own brain. Her own cage.
Her father hosted a party for his success in business and that was something new for Yusoo. She was unfamiliar of everything that was happening with her. People scared her. Her father would shut her up with his glares whenver she tried to speak.
In that party, many fell for her but there was this man 30yr old who was bewitched by her. He needed her. He wanted her at all cost. The business tycoon, Kang Daniel was head over heels. He didn't dare prying on her because he knew she was the one for him.
Daniel talked with Yusoo's father. He asked for her hand in marriage. Yusoo stood there being confused of what the hell was happening. Her father gave green lights to Daniel, refusing to tell him things about her. Daniel didn't waste any time and decided to get married. When she would ask him if he was her prince,he would smile and tell her yes he is.
The innocence that Yusoo held was out of the world because her world was different from normal people. She believed in fairies and prince, knights, castles, princess, mermaids. Basically, she believed in everything that didn't exist in the world.
Soon the day came by and Yusoo got married with Daniel. Yusoo's castle was changed. She started living with her prince. Daniel never understood her language but he kept her. They started their life together. Things were good but as the business tycoon Daniel has to get back to his work. He couldn't give her the time or love her the way she wanted him to. Truth to be told, Daniel was never a man full of love. He believed in practical thing. Yusoo was his attraction and then his wife to show off to the world.
Yusoo started behaving weirdly soon after. Daniel got furious and took her to the doctor.
"She is not normal. Her mental health isn't normal. She has Solipsism and Fantasy prone personality."
Daniel was furious again and glared at his wife who was crying for God knows what reason. In the form of beauty, he got the sick wife. A wife who wasn't normal. A wife who's world was different than his and her world never exist. Its all in her head. The doctor suggested to get a psychiatrist help but Daniel refused. Why? One, he loved his reputation. Two, he couldn't leave his wife, his possession. Three, he thought he loved her too much to let her go.
So now, Yusoo was one again locked up in her new castle. The woman was again deprived of love.
"What would it take my prince to love me?" She would question herself a lot. No one answered her. Instead, Yusoo soon after got pregnant with me. Daniel once again started to show affection. He was in love with his unborn child.
Yusoo liked whatever that was happening but she hated the child because it was causing her unbearable pain.
"Starving people feed themselves on whatever they are given. Doesn't matter if its a knife and they are given to lick off the food from it, they will do it."
That was so true in her case but no one realized it. She was feeding herself with everything. Soon after Yusoo gave birth. Daniel was happy to meet his daughter. He forgot to ask his wife and would spend time with his daughter. Honestly, he sometimes wonder if she had some of Yusoo's symptoms so he made sure to make her like him.
She was me. Yusoo'a daughter.
I grew up with a mother who wouldn't look at me with love in her eyes. I didn't grew up with a father who would tell me bed time stories. If anything, he kept me away from stories. He was strict indeed.
My mother couldn't take my father ignorance towards her. She started blaming me for it.
"Mum.." I called her out and she lost it, throwing a glass in my direction. It shattered in pieces. I was 3 that time and thankfully didn't get hurt.
"Mum.. I'm hungry.." I muttered but she pushed me away. Her ignorance hurt me. I would feel bad seeing other kids with their mothers. They had their parents picking them up from the school, I had my driver. My jealousy towards them turned into something else and I distanced myself from everyone out of anger.
I was a good student but there was no one to praise me on my achievements. My grandpa and grandma lived in other city and they would come rarely until I lost them too. I was 5 when I lost them.
My mother's ignorance didn't change, instead it turned into abuse.
"Its all because of you that he doesn't look at me!!" She would yell at me while hitting me. I cried and she then scooped me up in her arms. She rubbed my back,stroke my hair and I finally felt her close to me. "I'm sorry baby.. I'm so sorry.." she would cry with me on my pain. I didn't understand her. My mother would make me bleed, hit me,yell at me and I took it all because she would hug me afterwards, feed me,let me sleep in her lap.
Now I was a starving a person and I was feeding myself on the knife of her love.
It hurt. It hurt so much but I didn't tell my dad anything. He would come home early and buy lots of things for me but none of them were dolls or toys of story books. It's all the chocolate, snacks and encyclopedia for kids.
"Why can't you buy normal stuff for me?" I asked and he let out a sigh. My father was afraid that I will develop my mom's disease. He kept me in real world. I had no escape from it.
"What happened to your arm, baby?" Dad questioned one day. There was a red mark on my skin because my mum hit me a while ago. I quickly shook my head, feeling her glare at me. "I fell down while playing at school." He believed my lie. He always believes them. Can't he see through me? Doesn't he knows that his daughter is in pain?
Years went by and nothing changed. If anything then mum started arguing with dad and then when he left, she would hit me again.
"Why did I gave birth to you?! Why?? You were not supposed to exist!!"
"I should've killed you in my womb itself!!"
"You're a monster in my story!!"
"You're taking my prince away from me!!"
"You shouldn't have born!!"
They says that physical pain hurts but you know what's painful more than that? The words. They cut you deep. They slice you where it hurts the most. I became numb to the physical pain itself.
It went on until I turned 8.
That one day, dad and mum had a biggest argument. He pushed her away and called her a crazy woman. He stormed out the house and I went to mum. Because I cared about her and she didn't.
She was crying as I crouch down to her level. My tears fell down seeing her crying. She suddenly held my hairs and pulled at them strongly. I yelped in pain. I cried to her. She wouldn't let go, instead my head was slammed against the wall. The blood ooze out from my head and she immediately pulled me in a hug. My blood staining her beautiful dress. She loved wearing beautiful dresses. They made her look like a fairy princess.
Just that, my mum was never a princess.
My dad was never a prince.
Their story was not a fairytale which my mum liked to believe in.
"P-please..stop.. s-stop.. d-dont.. please.. mum.. mum.."
I begged her not to hit me and let me go from her grip. "It will be over soon baby.." she whispered. Her hand wrapping around my throat as tears stung in my eyes. "P-please.. let.. go.."
"Shush.. it will be over soon baby.. trust me.. hmm?" She hushed me with her softest voice. I shook my head at her. The sky started roaring. The thunders clattering against each other. The night was stormy. "Ahhh.. let's go for a ride.. okay?"
Mum dragged me towards the car and all I could do was wail behind her. Her grip was tight against my wrist and I'm sure it will leave a mark. I begged her but she threw me in the car, taking a passenger seat afterwards. "You know.. my prince taught me how to drive years ago.." She muttered, starting the engine. I flinched at the sound of clouds and thunder. The raindrops were falling over the window of our car. She started driving on the empty street. I kept crying and wailing.
"Mum.. mum... please stop.. please don't.. please mum..." She threw a glare in my way, grinning afterwards. The red lipstick on her lips and the brown hairs made her look anything but pretty. My whole body was shaking at the sight of my own mother.
"If he can't love me then I won't let him love you too."
Who will tell her that dad was just incapable of love?
"No.. no.. no.. no.. please.." I looked at the front. "Don't worry baby.. it will be over.. shush... trust me.."
Those are the same words she tells me whenever I cry after she hits me. "Should I sing until we meet your death?" I kept shaking my head in denial. She chuckled at my state. Increasing the speed she started driving mindlessly and I had my eyes shut. The sound of rain was anything but soothing. I hated it so much. Can't rain stop?
There was a huge tree in front and my mum was laughing. "There we go baby!! This is the end of my story!!" I let out a scream when our cat hit the huge tree. It was a wreck. I felt something sharp digging in my thigh and lost my consciousness.
When I opened my eyes, the pain was everything that I could feel. My eyes landed on my mum who was staring at me with open eyes. The blood covering her entirely. My breathe hitched at her sight. The car was side ways she was on top of me, tied to her seat. Her hairs falling down and her eyes on me. "M-mum.." I muttered but she never answered. She kept staring without blinking. I started crying, the sight of blood, her lifeless eyes, the smell and the pain. I think my bone was broken because I couldn't move.
I wish I didn't open my eyes,I wish I fell unconscious again but no,I was left staring at my mom who looked nothing but a creepy ghost doll from haunted movies. The blood trail from her head to her nose and the drops started falling down on me. I stared screaming again. Calling out for my dad but no one heard me.
I was left with my demons.
-to be continued..
A/N :: It took a lot in me to write y/n's pov in this part 😭
This story will be updated regularly now so no worries <3
I'm sorry for the waiting but I had exams 🗿💔
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