We were sitting together in silence for the entire ride the only interaction we had was him passing me the tissue box. Somehow, everything feels different now not a good kind of different. We both lost a lot today, and I'm starting to fear that in some ways, we lost each other too.
Now what!! A Few hours before I didn't even know that Rohan had an elder brother and now I am married to him . I don't know what to expect or what to say a lot going on in my mind . I have never been good with words.
I realized that the car has come to a stop in front of a Mansion , not that I expected anything less. Before I could open the door My Husband swiftly came out and opened my door (It feels weird to even call him my husband even in my thoughts.) He offered me his hand and I took it after a little hesitation.
We both entered the house there was a Kalash filled with rice.
There were only Family members present with Dadisa by my side telling and guiding me about each and every ritual that need to be done and RUDRA behind me . We both sat in front of a big bowl filled with white liquid probably milk and rose petals. It was now Kakisa , I have met her before a few times she was so excited for both of us to play the game . I can't believe it after all the drama that happened today she expects us to play a game .
For God's Sake!!
Can't she read our faces! do we look even half interested in the game No so why is she doing or I should say enjoying it .
Oh God give Me some much needed patience. !!
We both do what is expected from us because Dadisa wants every ritual to be done so there isn't much we can do
Also there are still some people maybe his maternal family or close friends. So we do everything just for appearance. Rudra was so disinterested in the ring game that he just moved his fingers in the milk as a result I found the ring pretty quickly so that we both can put a full stop to this charade, there was no need to drag things and waste time .
And thank God everyone left our side.
"I need to talk to both of you." Said Dadisa we both stood there and just looked at her.
"I know the circumstances in which you both married are not normal . I am sorry to both of you , one of the most significant day of your life didn't go as planned. But.. I know that I am asking a lot from both of you still I want both of you to give this Marriage a chance." She looked at us with a pleading expression.
"Please, Keep that in mind that no one is perfect but a marriage works when two imperfect people refuse to give up on each other. Give each other a chance , make efforts for each other . "
We both didn't say anything. She let us through a small corridor in the opposite direction of where Kakisa left .It looks like everyone here loves their privacy . A completely new area opend but we didn't stopped their instead we climbed the stairs and were led to a new area.
Oh God what's this house Alice in fucking Wonderland, house in a house . Just that it's far from wonderland for me.
This area is completely different from the rest of the Mansion more secluded I should say . While the rest of the house is filled with Painting, portraits, family photos, antique pieces and furniture more than necessary in bright shades.
It's devoid of any feelings, lifeless . With only a L shaped sofa set in dark Grey fabric and a glass coffee table , a small open kitchen can be seen. The Walls are dark in color without a single photo or any signs that a life exists here.
I can feel his eyes making a hole in my back as I am observe the place. It's clear that he is not used to having people invade his privacy and judge him .
It's just my conscience saying that he do not like having many people in his space .Maybe I am wrong but it's my guess.
Their are two doors and I followed Dadisa to one of them which I assume is the Master bedroom. And she left leaving me alone with Rudra.
It's same as the rest of the area empty , minimalist one can call it .
Only a bed , lamps on the side , a door leading to the balcony I assume. Every thing dark .
Just like his personality.
The only thing that I like in the room is the Jharoka with cushions and bedding.
We need to talk I say to myself, look like he is not going to say a word .
"We should probably talk about... us," I say.
Rudra tenses, his spine straightening. "Yes. We should." He said very calmly.
He run a hand through his hair and stare up at the ceiling for a moment.
"I'm sorry it came to this. This is not something we both wanted. " My voice doesn't sound like mine.
"Shivanya." His voice is gentle yet firm this is the second time I have heard him say something other than our embarrassing encounter in the afternoon today, I looked straight to face him. "This isn't your fault. I admit that I also didn't think Rohan truly wouldn't show up, but it's done now. We're married."
I take a calming breath before I con say anything he beats me to it and says.
"Shivanya, I want you to know that I don't expect anything from you. All I want is some time to process all that happened today. " He didn't beat around the bush and said what was on his mind.
" I agree with you." That is all I managed to say , I also need some time. Him and I .
It's unbelievable! But I don't want to make him feel trapped. He was living his life and suddenly his world turned up side down. I can totally understand.
Why am I being so considered and thinking about him when he can't do the same.
Maybe he already has someone in his life.
Maybe he is in love with someone.
It wasn't until now this thought crossed my mind my heart is pounding hard . I looked at him and he said.
" Just because I need sometime doesn't mean that there is nothing between us.
I will not tolerate you seeking around the house to meet Rohan. We are married and you are My Wife."
I tense and grit my teeth, surprised by the statement and the venom in his voice. His words hurt me but I tried not to look like a lady in distress .
"Of course not," I snap.
I can't look weak in front of me when my heart is breaking for the second time in a day after hearing his words.
"Just what do you think of me, Mr Rathore ? "
My hand in a tight fist , nails digging in my palm . My voice filled with anger . I can't be that sweet and patient person and let him walk on me . His expression changed maybe he realized what effects his words had done to me.
He inhale deeply, my mind a complete fucking mess.
"I'm not sure what this marriage will be like for us. I'm not sure where you stand with Rohan , what was the relationship between both of you .Right now, there's a lot I don't know, Shivanya."
I nod . Today has been a hard day for both of us, and at least for a little while, things won't get easier. It's not his fault if he thinks that Me and Rohan are in love.
"We don't need to figure everything out at once. We can take our time, okay?" I tell him .
"And I do not Loved or still love Rohan and even if I did now I can never have any kind of feelings for him after what he did , just disappeared at the last movement ." I said everything in one breath. It's important to make everything clear before making a fresh start and don't want him to keep on thinking that I will Betray him at some point.
He just nodded and disappeared out of the room.
After All I said he just nodded. Will it hurt him to give a proper reaction or say something. He just left!!
I see my suitcase was already there someone might have kept it in the room while we were in the hall downstairs I took out my comfy night clothes a pajama and a t-shirt . Kept my two suitcase in the corner of his closet and went in the bathroom.
I freshen up and started to remove all the layers of make-up and came out of the bathroom hoping that he might have come back but there is no signs of him. I am too tired and exhausted to find him and complete the rest of the conversation when the clock shows two in the morning.
I take a pillow from the bed and adjust some cushions in the Jharoka I can't sleep in unfamiliar surroundings still in the hope that I will get some much needed sleep I lie down . Every time I close my eyes the events of the entire day came flashing in front of my eyes and tears started streaming from my eyes. But I need to control myself I can't break like this I keep on telling myself and soon the sleep took over me.
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