After all of the months attempting to be a super sleuth by trawling social media for the mysterious man, the solution to my parentage dilemma was strangely easy. A quick google search was all it took. One swab test and I would have all of the answers I had been seeking. Or at least, I would know if I was a product of an affair.
And yet, asking my Dad for a swab had been one of the hardest things I had ever done. There had been no judgement. He had only pulled me into a bone crushing hug and reaffirmed his promise. Nothing would change.
Why does it feel like everything is going to change?
The e-mail sat at the bottom of my inbox. It was the same place it had been for days on end, screaming at me in bold font. And yet, I still hadn't had the courage to look at it. Even now, my hand grew clammy as I hovered the pointer over it and prepared to click.
"Did you want me to do it?" Richie asked, scooting his seat closer to mine. "Or we can save it for another day. You can do this at your own pace."
I lifted my gaze from the screen, noting with a jolt of surprise that we were the last two. Not really surprising when I remembered it was a Friday night. Half of the office had dipped into darkness as the new motion sensor lights ticked off one by one as the occupants left for the day until, at last, it was just them.
They all had plans, families, to get home to. Things to be rushing out the door for.
And yet, the only things I had going for me was the contents of the e-mail and the man sitting at my side. Heck, if he wasn't there, I was ninety nine percent sure I would have left at the same time as the others.
Yet he was here. The friend I had wanted for so long. The steady emotional support I had resisted for so long. Why had I tried so had to fight this? For stubbornness. Pride. Things that didn't mean much when it came down to it.
Pride and stubbornness were pretty fucking lonely. I should know, I had a decade of loneliness under my belt.
It's not weak to lean on someone, Rosie.
I glanced to the side and watched as Richie lifted a steaming mug of coffee with his free and blew gently on the surface. As if he sensed my gaze, he lifted his attention to me, his lips pursed on the rim of the cup before he smiled.
My stomach fluttered and the hollow in my chest was oddly absent. It took a moment to realise that the endless ache of loneliness wasn't there. When had that happened? What had that feeling disappeared?
My lips pulled up into a strained smile. Then, blowing out a slow breath before shaking my head. "No, I can do this."
"If you're sure."
I swallowed and nodded. Turned my attention to the screen once more. Then, with one decisive click I opened the e-mail.
The words didn't registered at first. My eyes moved side to side over the text, the lines blurring together into a smudge as if my brain didn't want to compute the text.
I shook my head and refocused. My eyes skimmed over the very mundane covering e-mail before I opened the attachment. And, all breath left my body with a single whoosh.
"Fuck," I muttered.
"Agreed."
It was all there. In black and white. I couldn't decide if I was happy that my hunch had proven right or devastated at the answer I had needed to know but hadn't truly wanted.
Richie's hand reached up and brushed over my cheek. It was only then that I realised I was crying. It seemed like all I ever did these days.
His touch was warm as he asked, "Are you okay?"
My eyes blinked rapidly as more tears formed in my eyes. "No, I don't think I am."
How could I be? My dad isn't my dad.
Richie's arms wrapped around me. I leaned into the warmth of his body, my head coming to rest upon his shoulder.
"I suspected," I sniffled, eyes stuck upon those words. "How could I not after finding the box? But I also didn't really want it to be true."
"I'm sorry, Rosie."
"I know he gave me permission and said he was okay with it all, but it feels like I've betrayed dad in some way." I heaved out a sigh. "When he realised we knew about Mum's infidelity, he was upset. But this? This will crush him."
"I think you need to give him more credit. I think he's always known the possibility but he's loved you regardless. How could he not?"
I shrugged my shoulders in response.
"What did you want to do next?"
I shrugged again. "I don't know. What do you think I should do?"
Richie lifted a hand and run it through his hair. "I wish I could tell you. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. Heck, I don't even know what I would do in your position."
"Right?" I commented bitterly, leaning forwards and resting my forehead against the desk.
We lapsed into a brief silence, his body buffeting against mine as he took control of the laptop.
"Err, Rosie. You might want to look at this."
"What?"
"Did you realise you checked the option for them to search their database for familial matches?"
I lifted my head and glared over at him. "What are you talking about?"
"On the DNA test, there's an option for them to put your information in the database and look for matches." Richie shrugged his shoulder. "My mum did it and discovered a third cousin living in Canada."
I heaved a massive sigh. "Great, so I have some distant cousin who shares a spec of DNA with me."
"No, Rosie." He cleared his throat before nodding at the screen. "You have a half-brother."
Whatever I had been expecting him to say, it had definitely not been that. "I have a -."
"Brother."
I sat up straight and glared at the screen. Dared it to show me the truth.
Yet, there it was. A close DNA match. A half-brother.
I had spent so long thinking about the elusive potential sperm donor, I had barely stopped to think about his life. The family he had betrayed. Which letter on Mum's little list was he?
In truth, I hadn't wanted to linger too much on her list. The one which simplified our lives down to pros and cons. I hadn't wanted to think what it meant. I had barely spared more than a thought about the simple letters which summed up the little chess pieces of the game she was playing with other people's lives.
Yet, there was no hiding from it now. Those letters belonged to real people who would be hurt by the truth of the situation. They belonged to my family.
My family.
"Oh god, what have I done." I muttered, scrolling through the e-mail. "What if they didn't know about the affair? This could ruin everything for them."
Richie placed a hand over mine and stilled my hand, preventing my frantic scrolling. "Rosie, for once in your life, think about you. You deserve to know the truth. And maybe they do too."
"I don't know. How would I even start?"
Richie cleared his throat and nodded his head at the screen. "Maybe you don't have to start."
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"He's sent you a message request." He clicked on another e-mail in my cluttered inbox, one I'd mentally assigned to the junk e-mail folder. "Now, all you need to decide if you want to read it and take that next step."
Fuck, this is really happening.
"What should I do?"
"I can't tell you that. This is your life, not mine."
"You're supposed to be helping me." I retorted. Swallowing loudly, I stared at the offending e-mail as if it were a bomb that would explode at any moment. "This is going to change everything."
"Rosie, everything changed the day you found your mum's box of secrets. You just haven't quite accepted that yet."
I snorted and shook my head. He wasn't wrong. I had spent so long living in denial, it was hard to imagine living any other way.
"What are Diane and Dad going to say?" Chewing on my bottom lip, I scrolled the page up and down, unwilling to click on the link which would take me to the website. If I clicked that link, they would be real. I would truly have a half-brother.
"They've told you they will support your decision on this. You can delete that e-mail and ignore the message he sent you. Or-."
"Or I could read his message." I whispered.
Closing my eyes, I hovered the mouse over the e-mail before moving it decisively. And then, with one big click, I pressed the link.
The web page open swiftly, as if it had been waiting eagerly for me. After entering my credentials, the message request popped up on to the screen. I breathed in deeply and then, with a sigh, I clicked to open.
'Hi,
I know this is strange and probably comes as a bit of a surprise.
I received an alert and I wasn't sure where to begin. Where do you begin?
A part of me wasn't sure whether it would be the right thing to send a message at all. But, curiosity wins, I suppose.
If this DNA test is correct, you're my half-sister and I've been waiting a very long time to meet you.
I'm not sure how much you know. This may have come as a complete surprise to you but, when you are ready, I would love the chance to talk.
I hope to hear from you.
Graham'
I blinked once. Twice. Three times.
It was real. Really real.
"Graham. My brother is called Graham. I have a half- brother." With eyes wide, I turned to Richie and gave a strangled laugh. "Is this really happening?"
"It is."
"What do I do?"
Richie sighed. "What do you want to do?"
The part that had always put my Mum's needs above my own instantly wanted to shrug my shoulders, delete the message, and never look upon Graham's name ever again. And yet, there was a deep yearning inside of me. I had to know the truth. I wanted to know them. I wanted -.
"I'm going to message him back." I said, fingers already resting over the keyboard. "I think I need to."
Richie nodded his head. "Okay."
I inhaled deeply, stared at the screen for several moments trying to gather my thoughts. After all, how did you respond to the half-brother you've never met? I barely knew how to deal with people I had been around for years.
"Everything okay?"
I glanced up at Richie and offered a smile. Then, on impulse, I leaned across and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. He blinked owlishly.
"What was that for?"
"Just thank you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here on the verge of getting the answers I need." I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. "If it wasn't for you, it would have taken me a lot longer to get to this point."
"It's just a DNA test. Anyone can do them these days."
"Really? Are you going to be that obtuse?"
Richie's lips quirked up at the corners, his eyes sparkling as he replied, "I don't know. Am I?"
"You are a difficult person to thank. But I am grateful. I think I would have found my way eventually but having you as a friend just made it all easier."
"I didn't do anything. You did the hard work."
I slapped him on the arm and rolled my eyes. "Fine. Be that way." I turned my gaze back to the computer and drew in a steadying breath. "Now, help me write a response because right now, I'm drawing up a blank."