<02>
Wanda
The night Dumbledore found me, everything changed. Though it has been over 7 years, the memory of crawling through the ruined remains of our apartment, searching for my family, has not left me; despite my best attempts to forget.
For years afterwards, I had dreams, dreams of that night. Ones where I would push through the broken ornaments of our life, sifting through rubble and struggling against great chunks of ceiling resting upon the place where we had all been just moments before, digging and digging through the stone-submerged remains of my life - of our life.
But every time, it was untouchable, just as I knew it would have been had I stayed to try and dig them out for real. The guilt I feel today does not dull.
My life moved on as theirs didn't - but I tried to remember what Dumbledore said to me that night; "They have moved on to the next world. They are happy and safe."
Yes, I really hoped that the next world was nothing like the one they had left behind, that they had the opportunity I've had by moving to England, that they were indeed happy and safe. They are. I repeat to myself. I must believe it, for the sake of my own happiness.
Again, I remember what Dumbledore told me - what I think he may also have told Harry; "Do not pity the dead, Wanda - pity the living. And above all, pity those who live without love."
I'd lost everything I knew and everyone I knew, but I did not live without love. From the moment the sorting hat placed me in the house of the brave, I'd been welcomed into a new life - one with friends, safety, and a family; things I was sure I'd lost forever.
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The morning was a slightly watered down version of the rush it normally was before returning to Hogwarts for another year. Despite Mrs Weasley insisting we pack the night before, Ron had still forgotten half of his things, Ginny had not put her quidditch robes in the wash since yesterday's match, and even Hermione had left Crookshanks in the kitchen.
"Ow, Ron!" I hissed, when he crashed into me and sent us both tumbling into the mud outside The Burrow. "What the hell are you doing?"
Fred and George were laughing from the porch, wands in hand as I picked myself up, scowling; my jeans were stained with mud and the cold wind rushed through my loose jumper, the red also splattered with brown.
"I thought- I don't- I'm not sure-" he responded in a daze.
I nearly asked what? but Ginny called from the waiting ministry car- "He hoped dearest phlegm would kiss him and when she didn't, he sprawled in the mud."
Fred and George burst out laughing again and I glanced behind them - it was unfortunately true, a silvery sheet of hair was disappearing through the front door behind the twins' hysterical faces, and Ron scrambled to his feet - beetroot red.
Neither of us got chance to get into the car before Mrs Weasley came bustling out of the house with Hermione's cat and Ginny's freshly laundered quidditch robes, looking extremely harassed as she berated the both of us for being covered in mud. "Look at the state of you both!" She cried, distractedly, bundling her armful into the backseat of the car and returning to brush down my jumper.
"It was Ron's fault!" I protested, and she gave Ron a withering look. "He fell into me like a hopeless romantic- anyway Ron, Fleur's here for Bill, you really shouldn't be going after your brother's girlfriend."
Ron glared at me as Mrs Weasley vanished the mud with her wand and began ushering me towards where Harry was watching the chaos unfold, his mouth slightly ajar. Ginny and the twins' laughter could still be heard as Ron snapped, "Shut up you-"
"RONALD BILLIUS WEASLEY!" Molly screamed as Ron swore at me. I hopped into the car, sniggering as I shuffled in next to Harry. "Don't you EVER use that kind of language again!"
"Sorry, mum." he mumbled, still scowling as he climbed into the car next to me, hitting me hard on the arm.
I growled in outrage, my fingers flickering in the direction of a water flask on the front seat, the scarlet of my magic encircling it and lifting it up, unscrewing it just in time as I flicked my wrist at Ron, the breeze from the movement whisking my hair out of my face as he gargled a scream and water enveloped his angry face, drenching him entirely as I dropped the flask and laughed.
"That's NOT funny!!" he hissed, wiping water from his eyes as Ginny leant over Harry and Hermione, who were both doing their best not to smirk, and high fived me, the sun streaming through the tinted windows making the strands of her long, red hair glow.
"What in the name of Merlin's green earth is going on, NOW?" Molly shouted, having reappeared from the boot of the car where she and Arthur were arranging the trunks.
"Wanda-"
I slapped a hand over Ron's mouth and spoke loudly over his muffled protests. "Ronald doesn't know how to use a drinking flask is all." I said sweetly as Harry, Ginny and Hermione sniggered.
"Yeah, Ron!" called Fred, strolling over to the open door with his twin smirking at his shoulder.
Ron growled as George chimed in, "You muggle-head!"
Molly sighed in exasperation and backed out of the car, muttering and ticking off things from a levitating list with her wand.
I side-eyed the still-sopping Ron with a smirk and he grit his teeth in response.
"George, muggles are actually rather intelligent," Arthur could be heard saying as Fred winked at me and the twins headed back for the house.
"Yes, of course they are Dad," George replied, an air of humour in his voice as Arthur frowned at him. "Smartest creatures alive!"
Arthur opened his mouth to respond, but Fred interrupted, "Why else would we be calling Ron one?"
The two of them laughed with each other and Ron slammed the door; Mr Weasley just shook his head.
The car ride was full of bickering.
It was mostly between Ron, Ginny and Hermione who had all become embroiled in a debate about whether Veela are sinister creatures or not - Ron was defending religiously that they were not and that it was not Fleur's fault that she was so entrapping-ly beautiful, and the girls were mostly laughing in response.
"No one was talking about Fleur this time, Ron!" Ginny cried, as Hermione and I giggled hysterically. Harry looked sincerely like he was praying and that his prayers consisted entirely of not being brought into this argument.
"No, but she's a Veela - and a Veela we know-"
"We've met loads of Veela, Ron!" Hermione interrupted, her cheeks flushed.
Amongst all the noise, Harry's thoughts suddenly flooded into my mind and I had a hard time pushing them out. The arguing dulled and instead I heard it from his point of view, from the point of view of someone not really listening. Thoughts of guilt and discomfort were circling his mind and my stomach sank in response, as though the thoughts were my own;
"All this protection, the cars, the escorts - the enchantments around Ron's home- it's my fault..." Gloom thundered behind his bright green eyes as his thoughts sunk into his most recent loss - Sirius - and I fought harder to shove him out. These thoughts were barely even words, just horrible images and associated feelings of guilt and horror; Sirius' body folding, disappearing, the curse that killed him inches away from a hand - my hand - and I felt my own feelings of dread coalesce with his.
Get out, Harry - please stop I begged silently. But the grief, the heavy, devastating loss, was like a cloud of ink and the murky fog wouldn't budge no matter how hard I pushed against it. It was my fault, too, my reactions that had been too slow to block the curse, my magic that had failed me for the first time ever- and after that, it had only gotten worse.
I rubbed my hands over the scars still burnt into my neck, the only time Harry's memories were broken and instead replaced by mine.
I'd failed to sneak up on him, he knew I was coming - he wasn't stupid. Despite seeing my figure still standing with Harry, fighting the humongous fire, he'd somehow known that another part of me was right beside him. He'd also known about my only weakness; iron.
I could almost feel the burn either side of my throat as I remembered how he had pressed his iron-gloved fingers into my skin, smiling as I screamed in pain, each part of my consciousness flooding into that position so that I could feel every ounce of it. He held me like that, for however long as I struggled, sobbing against the incomparable agony - just until Dumbledore had arrived and set me free - when my magic had surged into my feet in a desperate recoil from the wounds and blasted me out of his reach and into the fountain pool, a pool that I had not even noticed had been refilled.
My heart races just recalling it - I can only ever remember feeling that helpless once before, and neither memory has refrained from haunting me.
"You just wouldn't get it-!" somebody was shouting and I turned my head slightly, still not free of Harry's thought process as I watched his eyes return to the inside of the car and to Ron now leaning over us to hit Ginny.
Ginny pressed herself against the other side of the car, smirking. "Ron- RON- get back in your seat!" Mrs Weasley called from the front, and Ron growled, slamming back down; Ginny and Hermione were both grinning smugly. "That's enough, girls- please, we're almost there." She added, with an air of exasperated relief.
Mrs Weasley's sharp tone had brought Harry back to the present and I forced him out of my mind, building a mental barrier in case it happened again. My hands were shaking slightly, but I begged myself to ignore it and focus on Hermione's voice, jerking my hands away from my neck as she turned to Harry. "Harry, what do you think?"
"I- er- well," he stammered, glancing at me with wide-eyes.
"Evil." I whispered, and he took one look at Ron, who was positively glowering, and clamoured a desperate- "Hedwig! You naughty bird..." He bent down to tend to his exceptionally well-behaved snowy owl and hid beneath his dark fringe.
I snorted into my hand and he elbowed me.
"Harry, Hedwig's fine-" Hermione began, only to be interrupted by Hedwig hooting loudly.
Clever bird. I thought and teasingly shook my head at Hermione. "That's owl cruelty, Hermione Granger. Negligent behaviour is the first sign of abuse-"
"Hey, you - shut it!" Hermione cried, playfully pulling my hair over Harry's bent double form in between us.
I gave in to the giggling and Ginny joined in, allowing the knot in my stomach to unravel as the car eased to a stop outside of King's Cross Station. Molly twisted in her seat to give us a stern warning and handed me a handful of steel rings - and then another. "Alright, this is serious now - we'll be going through the barrier in pairs, each with a member of the Order-"
"Molly-" I interrupted, "Why do I now have 15 for each hand?"
The others quickly scrambled out of the car as Arthur began handing out the luggage and I frowned at the barely holdable collection of metal in my palms, looking back up at Mrs Weasley.
"Dumbledore has requested you wear an extra set in order to make absolutely sure it doesn't escape," she told me quickly, grabbing a bag from her footwell and reaching for her door handle.
As she clambered out, I swallowed hard - this was clearly because of what happened in the Summer - when Voldemort had almost killed me despite the power everyone thought was too dangerous for me to possess.
I got out of the car, striding after Molly and ignoring the car driver who was holding out my owl and trunk. "But, Molly, it won't- please, I promise-"
"It's Dumbledore's orders!" She declared, not sparing me a single glance as we entered the station. "If the other side know how to stop it-"
"How?" I asked, and for the first time since leaving the car, she glanced back at me.
"What do you mean, dear?"
"How is it they know?" I said, willing her to slow down as my head pounded uncomfortably. "I thought only The Order and the highest people in the Ministry knew?"
"I wish we knew, Wanda dear," she said, a little softer this time and touching my arm sympathetically as the others caught up. Harry wheeled my trolley up to me, Hermione and Ron by his side looking anxious. "But this is You-Know-Who we're talking about, and if he knows how to stop it- you are no longer as safe as you thought. Which means you must try in every way that you can - starting with continuing to keep it a secret from everybody else."
I pressed my lips together, feeling the blood throb as worry and fear riddled in my stomach.
"Surely you understand, dear?" she asked gently.
Her searching brown eyes, very like Ginny's, probed my face and demeanour for an answer. I couldn't, so I simply nodded and fell into step behind with the youngest Weasley, who's pretty face was fixed in a mistrusting frown towards the rings.
I reluctantly slid all 30 of them on, feeling the power shrink away from my fingers and bury itself deep inside of my chest instead. I felt horribly suppressed and trapped again, a feeling you'd think I'd be used to despite the Summer's break.
We hurried on through the station, having only just made it on time, passing countless staring muggles on the way. As we approached the barrier, Mrs Weasley touched Harry's arm and guided him forwards, checking anxiously over her shoulder, despite us being with two ministry officials and two members of the Order; herself included.
"Right- Harry, you better go first, with-" Molly looked inquiringly at a grim-faced auror stood on my left and the man nodded, gripping Harry's arm and dragging him towards the barrier.
"I can walk myself, thanks." I heard Harry grumble as they disappeared.
Crookshanks wriggled in Hermione's arms as the second auror moved beside her and Ron, hissing at him. "Ron and Hermione, you go together," Mrs Weasley instructed, ushering them through and still looking anxious as the auror followed them.
I glanced at Ginny, who squeezed my hand as Molly called us over and smiled comfortingly. I smiled back, though not quite feeling it as we pushed our trolleys towards the bricks - unlike my owl, Nexus, who hooted gleefully as we breezed through onto Platform 9 and 3/4 and joined the others already waiting.
"She still thinks you can take care of yourself to some degree," Ginny whispered with an understanding smile, her brown eyes shining. "We went through last."
I tried to suppress the embarrassment and fear of what had happened in the atrium, tried to ignore the look on Dumbledore's face when Voldemort had gone and I was still submerged in the water of the fountain, but as usual, it was right there again whenever I closed my eyes.
I tucked a curl behind my ear, jolting at its fiery reflection in the Hogwarts Express' shiny surface. I leant forward to get a better look-
"Okay, have a lovely term everyone," Molly cried, pulling me away from the train as my turn for a hug came; I hadn't imagined it my hair was bright orange - brighter than all of the Weasleys' put together. "We'll see you at Christmas- and you, young lady," she whisper-hissed, narrowing her dark eyes at me. "Be careful!"
I was barely even listening as Ginny groaned beside me. "Muum, leave her be- she'll be fine, won't you?"
Why had nobody mentioned it?
"Maxi?"
"Hmm? - oh... right." I must have visibly deflated on the last word because Molly's face creased and she pulled me into another suffocating hug.
"Oh I am sorry, dear." she said into my hair, rubbing my back and pulling away to put hands on my shoulders. "You know how I worry."
I nodded and pushed a smile onto my face, doing my best not to lean out of the tenth kiss she planted on my cheek as Ginny towed me away. "I won't miss that." she said, shaking her head. "Anyway, I'm going to find a compartment with Dean - tell Harry, won't you?"
"Yeah, but don't snog too much though or the giant squid might think those lips are for him-" I called, and Ginny hit me, dashing onto the train in a flash of red-orange.
I glanced around for Harry and the other two, unable to use my magic to search for their minds as the rings kept it firmly within myself, restricting me in the most annoying way - that's what I wouldn't miss, the freedom of not having to hide my magic from everyone I passed. Although I had to admit, I was feeling rather strange - like my magic was feeling a bit... different.
It was undecipherable, but there - like a sixth sense.
I stood alone waiting for Harry, leaning against my trolley and twirling my hair idly - now noticing that, without the reflection, it was its usual brown. The platform was getting gradually emptier and the steam tumbling out of the train doubled in quantity, last minute students scrambling aboard.
Where on earth was Harry? He hadn't got on without me had he?
I frowned, glancing around, and finally spotted Harry, talking to Mr Weasley in the niche of the waiting area and looking mildly frustrated. "Harry, quickly!" I shouted, noticing that we were now the last still on the platform and the train was groaning on the tracks, preparing to leave. "Harry!"
"Just a moment-" he begged, trying to say something else to Mr Weasley, who was frowning at him.
"Harry, now!"
Finally, Mrs Weasley grabbed Harry by the arm and pulled him away from Arthur, dragging him all the way to me, stood by the nearest carriage door. "Thanks, Mrs Weasley- I've got it- I can walk-"
"Harry, come on!" I barked, grabbing him by the hand and tugging him into the carriage just as the great steam train rolled into motion. "Watch your head-" I warned, reaching onto my tiptoes to place a heavily-ringed hand between the top of his soft hair and the roof of the doorway, steadying him as the train movement knocked him off balance.
"Thanks." he muttered, dodging as Mrs Weasley levitated our trunks and owls through the carriage door just in time.
"Have a good term!" She called again, waving as the train picked up speed. "Be good!"
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