Despite knowing full well that lethargy was the first glaring warning sign of succumbing to a curse, I couldn't bring myself to care, which was the second warning sign that always closely followed: apathy. I was too exhausted to do anything about it even though I knew what was right in front of me, even though I knew I was supposed to stay up, resist it, throw the full weight of my determination into overcoming the insidious magic woven into the sirens' cries. All I could do was fall back into fitful sleep, stirring every few minutes whenever fear made me jolt back awake, and reassure myself in the hellish depths of my all-consuming fatigue that just as soon as I was refreshed, I would do things right. I just needed this bit of good, solid rest first, that was all. Then I would have my head on straight.
Of course, I knew, too, that was how it always went. It wasn't that far off from the effects of hypothermia. I was an idiot for letting it get the better of me when I had all this knowledge at my disposal, when I knew exactly what to do to not end up like the countless other humans who fell prey to dangerous magic.
I used to think I was so smart. If they just had some common sense and an ounce of backbone, they would have lived! I would say, and my grandmother would look at me with a mixture of sternness and amusement before shaking her head and continuing to drill me. In hindsight, that had been a spark of grim resignation in her gaze, too, because she had known something I didn't — that I wasn't invincible, even armed with such knowledge.
I was just a little brat who thought she was built different from all the rest, the hero of the story, the exception to the rule. I'd figured out not long after that I was far from invincible, but traces of that smug arrogance must have lingered in me all these years if I seriously hoped that I could overpower a species that had evolved over millennia to specifically hunt my kind. To hunt me.
But because I had stubbornness to spare, I chose to believe I had a shot at being the exception. I would still fight.
... As soon as I recovered.
I only just almost died. Gruesomely. Life had to have a cooldown period before it could do that to me again, right?
Anyway, Lust was here. Even if Mammon might now be straddling the fence about helping me after our last disagreement, I could rely on Lust to do his best to keep me alive. For now.
For a little while, I dipped into deep dreams, the demands of my body overwhelming my anxiety and forcing me to remain asleep this time. I didn't know how long it lasted, but by the time I righted myself in my dreams and realized where I was, it felt like it had been ages.
Again, I thought. Lucid dreaming. Now that I was here, the other memories flowed back, too, the ones that had overtaken me right before I awoke earlier to find myself being swarmed by the sirens and inches from death. It was this river again, this grassy bank. The blue, blue sky and the puffy clouds floating high overhead, so soft I wished I could bite into them. And most conspicuously, that boy with the big, beautiful blue eyes and feathers in his hair, again, waiting for me on the other side.
It was clearer this time, the ethereal vision of him that floated up through the layers of unconscious memory to the surface. The lines of his boyish face and body became sharper, gained color, ruffled in the breeze. I smiled before I knew it. He smiled back, hands lifted and waving as he called to me.
"Sa...el. S...ael."
His voice was so distant, or muffled, I didn't know which. I patted at my ears, wondering if something covered them, but found nothing obstructing my hearing. Ugh! Why couldn't I hear him, then!
But more importantly, who was he?
He was real. I remembered him, and it wasn't a false memory constructed from loose fragments floating around inside my head. I had lost almost all recollection of my younger childhood years, but this — this remained, and it wasn't imaginary. He wasn't imaginary.
"Who are you!" I shouted, cupping my mouth with both hands so he could hear me above the rushing of the river. It was loud all of a sudden, as loud as before when it swept me right out of the dream altogether. That was about to happen again, wasn't it? I had to solve the mystery before I lost my chance. Hurry! Answer! "Tell me who you are! I can't remember you! Please, I know you were important to me, I just can't remember anything else."
He shouted back, hands cupped around his mouth just like me. But no matter how much I tried, ears straining, body leaning, on the verge of toppling into the river that had swollen to such a width that no one could even dream of crossing it now, I couldn't hear him. But how was it he could hear me? Damn it, just a little more, and I could find out why of all times, this memory came back to haunt me. Who was he? Why was he reappearing now? And why, the longer I stared at him, the more desolate and horrible I felt, gut clenching, legs shaking, eyes burning as I struggled to hold back tears?
It was like I was on the brink of remembering him, of what he meant to me. Maybe even what had happened to him and why he had vanished in real life along with nearly all my memories of him.
But it was nothing good.
Pain. Fear. Loss. It was a familiar shadow of all the terrible agony that nearly killed me in when I lost my mother, then my grandmother. It felt like there was nothing else to live for. Like the sun had gone out and there would never be light again. I never thought there would be something that could ever make me feel that way again, like I was a weak child once more standing alone against the entire world and everything in it, dark and evil.
But he made me feel that again. This sketch of him, barely salvaged from the past, with no identity except an appearance I couldn't even be certain was accurate — he made me feel it all.
Why? Why now? Did the curse embedded in the sirens' cries drag him back up out of the depths of my mind, or was it something else that summoned him out of my lost memories? God, why did everything have to be so complicated, why couldn't everything just be straightforward for one damn minute!
I had no idea I was awake for the first five seconds after I gasped back to jolting consciousness, gulping air like I hadn't breathed in days. Lust's arms were around me, and his voice was in my ear as he rocked me from side to side ever so gently, but it still took me another long moment to get my bearings and remember where I was. And to calm down my terrified inhales that locked up tight in my chest, gripping me in a choke hold that refused to loosen.
"I know him, I know him," I babbled as soon as my voice returned, though I didn't realize I was talking until Lust moved his head and leaned in close enough to nearly press our lips together. The nearness of his crimson gaze shocked me enough to inject a bolt of awareness into my veins, but not enough to make me shut up as I rambled away. "I'm supposed to remember something but I can't, he won't let me get to him, he's too far away—"
"Sable, my love. Calm down. Sable, tell me what's wrong. What is it?"
"You're going to choke her. Let her loose so she can breathe. Can't you see you're making it worse?"
"I can take care of her, Mammon."
"You're shit at it. She's had a nightmare and you didn't even know. I thought you said you could still dreamwalk? Why didn't you know?"
It was my irritation at their resurrected squabbling that finally brought me out of my frantic confusion. Nothing like two male egos bashing into each other to demand my attention from actually pressing matters. Still, I should be thankful. It was like being sucked down into a black hole, unable to free myself and pulled down into the abyss even harder the more I struggled. Ridiculous. My panicking was for nothing. It was all just a dream, probably... maybe. The sirens' cursed cries were messing with my sanity, that was all. I shouldn't even be entertaining this nonsense in the first place.
But that was pure denial. I knew what I knew, and it was no dream or curse. It was a memory — one I never should have forgotten.
"... It's quiet," I said suddenly, throat hoarse as if I'd been screaming. "I can't hear the sirens anymore."
"Good, good," Lust praised, as if I'd done something to cause it. I still didn't believe what he said about me using magic earlier to deal with the sirens or whatever, but clearly he was still on that trip. "The storm stopped while you were asleep. If things went according to Mammon's fears, they would have rushed out and ambushed us already, but they're nowhere to be seen. If we can only continue to keep them away like this, we can explore the island more thoroughly and search for my Shard. Removing you from this place is my priority."
"It can't be that easy," Mammon cut in. "Even when she attacked them, they only withdrew far enough to avoid being injured. They didn't retreat any more than that, and they were following at a distance even when we came back here. She could hear them. They were still trying to call to her when she fell asleep again. Weren't they, witch? ... Sable."
"They were," I answered. I rubbed at my eyes. They throbbed painfully — I still couldn't see any better even after that sound sleep, huh? "But I can't hear anything anymore. Not a peep."
"Then there's a reason." Mammon's voice faded slightly, moving upwards. He must have stood. "They have no reason to fall quiet, all of them at once. It makes no sense. Unless..."
"Unless?" Lust and I asked in unison.
"Unless there's something out there to make them quiet."
My heart skipped a beat, then thudded hard enough to hurt. Oh, no. Please, not something else...
"Stay here. I'm going to look around. I won't go far, since Asmodeus finds it too difficult to keep an eye on you alone."
"You are most free to never return, dear Mammon."
He snorted and presumably left — except he didn't, not for long. His voice returned not seconds later, filling the cave with a sharp urgency. His words bounced and echoed between the stone walls, curling around me and sinking its hooks deep into the anxiousness I tried to keep buried.
"Up!" he ordered. "Both of you. Move!"
"Why?" Lust asked, but he wasted no time in picking me up and placing me back on his arm, his favorite perch for me. This might be the first time he was taking Mammon so seriously with no explanation. "What did you find?"
"Something big. It's moving slowly but it's not far, and it's coming towards us. How did I miss it! Move, Asmodeus!"
"We'll simply get rid of it. Why are you acting so strangely? Frightening Sable for nothing."
"Don't question me," Mammon snarled. "We knew we weren't alone when we saw that water beast head bitten clean off. This is it! And it's not to be fought. Now I said move!"
***
Author's Note: I'm back to releasing free updates for now! Thank you for your encouragement while I was on hiatus, and I appreciate all of your messages and comments. I am focusing more on publishing Early Access content, so these chapters will be released on a significant delay after being published first on my Patreon. Thanks for your patience!