The embarrassment ate away at me. I spent days crying in my room, trying to avoid anyone and everyone.
A week ago, Pedri confronted me, asking why I was acting so weird around him. I thought that I did well to hide my feelings, but apparently, I was wrong.
The whole thing wasn't entirely my fault. I'm choosing to blame Gavi.
We had all gone to his place after training, where we usually would hang out. Since it was getting hotter, everyone decided to jump in the pool. I decided to just dip my feet in since I was feeling much colder. Gavi took a seat next to me, and we spent a few minutes talking.
He whispered into my ear, asking if I had a thing for Pedri. Of course I didn't, he was one of my closest friends. Gavi said that I'm a liar, and that friends don't look at each other the way that I look at Pedri. I couldn't reply to him. All I could do was think about every single interaction that we've ever had. Maybe I did like him.
Gavi saw how upset I got and thought splashing water on me would be a good way of cheering me up. I did the same back to him and the day ended with him grabbing me and throwing me in. Safe to say, I did somewhat forget about what he said. Up until I got home, at least.
I spent the rest of the night going back to every time I've been around Pedri, right from the second that we met. Maybe Gavi was right. But what if Pedri noticed this? What if everyone else did too?
My imagination ran wild, thinking of all the scenarios. I felt like I had completely embarrassed myself just by being around him.
I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. If the two of us were ever left alone in a room, I'd find an excuse to leave. I couldn't even stand physical contact. No hugs, no more sitting next to him.
I've been trying to avoid Pedri and everyone else. I tried to avoid making plans with them, stopped showing up to games. I just disappeared entirely. Up until Pedri showed up at my door a week ago.
1 week ago
"Y/n, open up. I know you're in there," Pedri said as he continuously banged at the door.
It doesn't sound like he's leaving anytime soon, so I decide to get up from the couch and talk to him.
I open the door, and before I can even say anything, he's pushed past me walks into my apartment.
"Well, hello to you too," I say rolling my eyes as I close the door.
"What's been going on with you? It's like you don't exist anymore." He says sitting down on the couch.
"I've just been busy." I lie as I go to sit next to him on the couch.
"So busy that you can't even text back?"
I just nod at him, and look away.
"Do you want me to leave?" He asks sounding hurt. I feel bad for being so rude to him, but I don't know how well I can hide my feelings.
"Pedri, I..." I begin.
"Was it something that I did?" He asks cutting me off. "Did I say something? Because the last few times I did see you, you barely spoke to me. It's like you couldn't even be around me." He starts to ramble on.
The sound of his voice tugs at my heart, every word of his making it seem like I hated him. It was the complete opposite, but I just couldn't show it.
I knew he didn't feel the same way about me. He had no reason to. All girls he could possibly want were already throwing themselves at him. Why would he ever choose me over them?
As he went on, nagging me for an answer, I finally break.
"You did nothing wrong, Pedri. I disappeared because I like you," I whisper, hoping he'd finally stop.
"Y/n..." he trails off.
I close my eyes, knowing full well where this conversation is going.
"Look, I didn't want to tell you," I say getting up from the couch. "I was perfectly fine keeping this all to myself. I just needed a bit of distance from everyone to figure this out on my own."
He gets up as well, and follows a distance behind me.
"I knew exactly how this was going to end. That's why I never said anything. So please, save me the pitty and sorrows, and let's pretend like this never happened."
"Now, if you excuse me, I actually do have work to do," I say, opening the front door and gesture for him to leave with my hand.
He stayed silent the whole time. A blank expression covered his face. He didn't even try to say anything. He just left at my request, and that was it.
...
It's been a week since and he hasn't made any contact at all, as expected. Maybe things were better like this. I mean, I could never be friends with him now. How do I act when he talks about girls or even gets a girlfriend. It's not that hard to hide it when I'm the only one that knows, but now that he does too, I'm sure he'd also find it awkward to continue being friends.
As much as I loved him as my friend long before any of this, I'd rather never speak to him again than see him with a girl that's not me, and have to pretend to be happy for him.
I hear my phone ring next to me as I'm laying down in bed. I check and see that it's Gavi. I've been avoiding him for far too long and decide to just answer.
"Y/n, what are you doing now?" he asks immediately.
"Nothing, I'm just-"
"Great," he says, cutting the call.
I don't even bother questioning what just happened. I just chalk it up to Gavi being Gavi and I go back to scrolling through my phone.
Minutes later, I hear knocking at the door, followed by Gavi telling me to open up.
I roll my eyes, annoyed by the sudden visit, but decide to let him in anyway.
"I spoke to Pedri today. He told me what happened," he says right as I open the door. He pushes past me and goes straight into my room.
"Well, that's fantastic, but what are you doing in my room?" I ask, following behind him.
"There's a party tonight, we're going." He says as he opens my closest and rumages through my clothes.
"I'm not going anywhere, Gavi," I reply.
"Here," he says, throwing a short black leather dress at me. "Put this on, try and be ready fast." He says walking out of my room and sitting on the couch.
"I'm not going anywhere," I say throwing the dress on my bed and following him.
"Just put the dress on y/n," he says crossing his arms. "You've been locked in here for ages, you need to live a little. One night out won't kill you."
"It just might," I mumble as I go back to my room.
As much as I want to argue with Gavi and stay home, I figure one night won't hurt. And he's right, I've barely left my apartment. I need some fresh air right now.
I put on the dress and try to make my hair and makeup look as nice as possible in the little time that I have. Within 20 minutes I run back out to him with my shoes and purse in hand, ready to leave.
We get to the party and immediately grab drinks before meeting up with everyone else. I was greeted by hugs all around, everyone more than delighted to see me again. Everyone but Pedri. Once again his face was unreadable.
It was hard being around him again, just looking at him makes me want to go back home and stay there. Through the few minutes of small talk with everyone, Gavi noticed my nerves and continuously whispered to ask if I was okay, or reassured me that I would be fine by squeezing my hand when no one was looking.
I felt a lot more comfortable with him around. It makes seeing Pedri a whole lot easier.
Eventually, everyone starts to break away, only Gavi, Pedri and myself not moving. I sense the awkward conversation that's about to start and decide it might be better to wander off alone than to stay here.
As I turn around, I see a tall figure in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. I look up to see Vinicious Jr in front of me, looking down at me with a grin.
"I'm sorry, have we met before?" He asks, still smiling.
"I'm not sure," I answer awkwardly, caught off guard by the whole interaction.
"I'm certain we haven't. It would be hard to forget a face as beautiful as yours," he replies.
Nerves fill me as I awkwardly look down, trying to avoid eye contact. He quickly says hi to Pedri and Gavi as I collect myself. I'm not used to guys complimenting me like this, and definitely not guys like him.
"Why don't we get you another drink?" He asks, turning his attention back to me.
I quickly glance towards Gavi, almost asking him what I should do. He looks at me shocked and turns his attention towards Pedri. I can't see Pedri from this angle, but the reminder of his presence is enough to sway my decision.
"Sure," I say with a smile, confidence now starting to build up.
He places his hand on my lower back as he guides us towards the bar. We spend the next half an hour talking and having so many shots that we can barely sit up straight.
Oddly enough, I actually really enjoyed being around him. He made me laugh so much that for a while, I actually forgot about everything that had happened. He was the perfect distraction for tonight.
After many drinks, Vini excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Once he leaves, the seat he was in is almost immediately filled by Gavi.
"What the hell are you doing?" He asks, almost yelling at me.
"You're the one that told me to live a little. That's what I'm doing," I reply.
"I didn't mean go talk to other guys," he says, covering his face with his hands.
I continue to sip my drink, not wanting to leave this little bubble of happiness that I'm in right now.
"Mind if we talk?" A voice says from behind me. Before I can turn around, Pedri has now taken Gavi's place next to me.
Against my better judgement, I just nod. I know this conversation is going to happen at some point, might as well be when I've drank so much that I won't remember it tomorrow.
"Why are you with him?" Pedri asks.
"What was I supposed to do? Sit around and hope you'd change your mind?" The alcohol is giving me a massive confidence boost and I suddenly don't feel scared to speak to him anymore.
He opens his mouth to speak again, but I feel the liquer take control of my mouth, using this as my chance to get everything off my chest.
"Look, I shouldn't have even said anything. I wasn't planning to. If anything it just kind of slipped out..." I trail off as his hand reaches for the bar under my stool, and drags it forward so that I'm closer to him. My words tangle with each other in confusion as I get pulled closer.
He places a hand on my jaw as his thumb caresses my cheek. He leans himself forward and gently places a kiss on my lips. He pulls his face back only slightly, our lips just barely brushing each other's.
"You talk too much," he whispers as his lips crash into mine. I kiss him back this time, as I feel myself fall apart entirely under his touch.
As we pull away from each other, he keeps his face close to mine, only inches apart.
"I never said that I don't like you back
y/n, you just assumed that." He says, a light smile growing on his face.
"I just didn't see you feeling the same way about me," I reply.
"I always assumed you liked Gavi, since you two are really close," I furrow my eyes at his comment, slightly laughing at the irony in all of this.
"When you told me how you felt, I was caught off guard. I was not prepared for you to say that," he continues.
"I couldn't keep it all a secret, like I planned to and ended up telling Gavi today. He said he'd get you to come tonight so that we can finally talk."
A genuine smile grows on my face for the first time in many weeks. My heart doesn't feel so empty anymore, knowing that he feels the same way.
As much as I was prepared to do it, I know that ignoring Pedri and everyone else would eat away at me. My mind is at ease at the hopefulness that now fills me.
"I guess we both need to stop assuming things," I say and we both laugh.
"Why don't we get out of here? We can speak about all this properly somewhere else," he stands up, offering his hand out to me.
I take his hand with a smile as he leads us out of the house.
"I forgot about Vini," I whisper to him as we make our to the front door, my hand still in his.
"Don't worry, I think he'll forgive you," Pedri replies, nodding his head to the staircase ahead of us.
Vini is leaning with his back against the rail, with a girl in front of him. They're so encapsulated in making out with each other that they don't even notice the people trying to push past them on the stairs.
"Well, tonight could've ended horribly for me," I say awkwardly looking away from them as we walk out.
"Tonight was always going to end with you leaving with me," he says with a smirk. "I let you get away once, I wasn't going to let that happen again."