"Oh, God," I press my forehead into River's shoulder.
My heart sinks into my chest at the look on Luca's face. He liked River before and I know he likes me now, I can't even imagine what he's feeling inside. Betrayal. That was what was written across his face.
I glance at River and he flashes me a sympathetic look. We both know how this is going to end. After a few moments I crawl out of the tent, Luca is standing towards Troy as he attempts to get the fire going.
"Luca," I say carefully.
He shakes his head and looks down to the floor. "I knew you didn't like me, is this why?"
My heart crumbles as River climbs out of the tent and stands beside me. "It wasn't like that, Luca I promise." I feel my stomach begin to crash over with anxiety, I hate confrontation. It's the worst thing that could ever happen to me because it makes me feel nauseous and dizzy.
This is my worst nightmare.
Luca turns to us, eyes glistening in the moonlight. "Is it not?"
"What's going on?" Demi asks, frowning as she glances between the three of us.
Troy and Mason are now facing our direction and I begin to panic. My palms become increasingly sweaty and I want to reach out to Luca and give him a hug and tell him this wasn't malicious or planned, it just happened.
"Luca, we can go talk about this." I say, gesturing towards the trees covered with fairy lights.
I know that River probably won't want it to spread to the rest of them that we're dating, he said he wasn't ready and I don't want to make this worse by saying the wrong thing. Or something that could out him.
"How long?" Luca's voice wobbles.
"Lu–"
"How long?" He repeats but louder.
I glance at River, my throat clenching. I don't know how we're going to get through this without explaining the situation. My lips stay sealed because it's not my secret to share, it's something that River knew he'd struggle with so I leave it up to him.
"Me and Alex," River sucks in a breath and my eyes focus on his as he stares at his friends. "Have been dating for a few weeks. We decided to take things slow and not put any labels on it right now. It hasn't been long Luca, I promise."
Luca's eyes flicker slowly, the skin around his lids becoming red. "A few weeks."
"Wait," Mason steps forward and points a finger at River. "So you're gay?"
"Shut the fuck up, Mason!" Demi and Troy roar at him from across the campfire.
Mason holds up his hands in defence. "I was just asking a question."
When I glance back at River his jaw is clenched and I can see the pain of this conversation run through his eyes, this is probably what he wanted to avoid. All the questions. "I'm actually bisexual, Mason. Not that it matters because what is my business, is my business. And I shouldn't have to explain myself to my friends."
Fuck. I want to hug him right now.
"You never have to explain yourself to us, Riv," Demi steps closer as Luca turns away and walks through our little camp towards the fairy lights by himself.
I watch him leave but I'm torn because this is something I know River wasn't prepared for.
"Yeah man," Troy nods in agreement. "We all still love you for who you are. Nothing changes."
River's shoulders relax and I step towards him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I'm proud of you." I whisper.
"Me too," he smiles gently.
"I'm going to go and speak to Luca," I say as I step back. "Is that okay?"
He nods. "Sure. Tell him that I didn't mean to hurt him, that none of this was because we're trying to keep secrets from him."
"I know," I say quietly. "I'll tell him the truth."
River steps closer to Troy who brings him into a hug, thanking him for being brave enough to share that with them. I grab a jumper from my bag and head towards the fairy lights, pulling the fleece over my head.
He didn't go too far, he's sitting on a log that faces the outlook of trees and a few lights of buildings in the far distance. I pause in the clearing, he can hear me because I'm not light on my feet against these crunchy leaves and sturdy twigs.
I notice how he raises his hand to wipe his eyes, I'm already frowning before I even sit down next to him.
"I'm sorry you had to find out like this," I whisper to him.
Luca sniffles. "Were you afraid to tell me?"
"No," my voice comes out rushed. "Not at all. River wasn't ready to tell anyone yet and we decided to keep things to ourselves for the time being. I did things on River's terms, so that he could do it to be prepared. We didn't want you to find out like this."
He purses his lips and nods, staring out into the distance. I shuffle closer to him on the log, neither of us saying anything for a few moments. I sigh quietly and wait for him to speak, if he wants to speak to me at all.
After a minute of silence he turns to me, I can see the dampness of his cheeks from the dimmed lights. "Why does nobody like me, Alex?"
I can feel my heart crush against my ribcage at the tone in his voice. Utterly defeated and broken. "People do like you, they do."
He shakes his head. "Why does no one want to ever pursue anything with me? Is something wrong with me? Am I just disgusting to everyone that ever exists?"
"Of course not," I say, my voice dipping with desperation. "None of that is true, Luca. I know you've wanted to find yourself a boyfriend for a while now but just because the right person hasn't come along, doesn't mean that something is wrong with you or that you're disgusting."
Luca drops his head into his hands. "Everything with the cafe and with mum has just been so tough and stressful lately," he sniffles. "All I wanted is for someone to be able to distract me from that, for someone to fucking hold me and tell me everything would be okay because I feel like I'm drowning in this loneliness."
"Luca," my eyes prick with tears.
"And it's not your fault," he shakes his head. "Or River, or anyone. It's no one's fault but my own I guess. Maybe I was never destined to meet someone who could make me feel like how you feel for River."
My hand presses to his shoulder gently. "Of course you're destined to meet someone," I say softly. "But he's going to waltz into your life when you least expect it. I promise you, Luca."
He turns to me with those burning blue eyes. "I'm happy for you both," he croaks. "But I guess it just hurt to see at the time."
I nod slowly. "I'm sorry you had to see us like that."
Luca shakes it off and straightens his spine. "Everyone has always told me that I should focus on myself and I've always ignored it. Now I think it's time to focus on myself for good. I know I don't need a man to make me happy but it would be nice to have the company of someone else."
"Focusing on yourself sounds good," I offer him a small smile. "Finding happiness in yourself is the key to life and then bringing that happiness to someone else when you finally meet them, that's what matters."
"Yeah," he rubs his hands down his thighs and clears his throat. "Mum needs me, she really needs me. And everything with the cafe, I should be focusing more on that. That's what is important in my life and it makes me happy knowing my mum will be happy if we find a solution to the cafe."
I grin at him this time. "You're a good person, Luca."
He flashes me one back and looks to the floor. "Thanks, Alex. You've always been so kind to me."
"That's what friends are for, right?"
"Right," he nods.
I lean over and run my hand across his shoulders, Luca tugs me into an embrace and I feel his heart thump in his chest. "Things will get better, I promise. And you have all of us, even Mason."
Luca laughs into my shoulder. "That idiot? I'll pass."
"But the rest of us," I shake my head. "We're all here for you, whatever you need. You're not alone and you don't have to be alone. Friends are meant to support one another and I'd hate to think that you're suffering by yourself."
He inhales deeply, sounding like he's on the verge of crying again.
I feel his hand clutch onto my shoulder tighter. "Thank you," he whimpers into my fleece.
When a few moments tick by, Luca pulls away and holds me at arms length. "I really hope everything works out between you and River. You both deserve to be happy. You both deserve to find love."
"You deserve to find love too," I whisper.
"One day," he whispers beneath a single tear. "One day."
"We should go back," I say, beckoning my head to our campsite.
Luca nods. "I feel bad," he groans. "I took away from River's special moment. Coming out like that to everyone, I feel guilty."
"Don't," I shake my head. "River will understand."
He sucks in a breath and we walk back to our tents where River is sitting in a chair by the fire with a beer, chatting away with Demi and Troy. He glances up when he notices that we're coming closer.
"Hey," Luca says towards him. "I'm sorry."
River's brows crease. "For what?"
"For acting immature just then," he shakes his head. "I'm really proud of you, River."
He then places down his beer and stands, hugging Luca tight to his chest. "We didn't keep it from you out of spite, it was because I wasn't ready."
Luca clings to him. "I know," he nods. "And I'm sorry for acting out. But I'm really happy for you both."
River smiles and I find myself stupidly tearing up again. It's been an emotional day for so many damn reasons. When they pull away we reach for our own drinks and sit around the fire, we cheers to a good night and long lived friendships of support.
I lean over and grip River's fingers, at first he's a little shocked at the action but he relaxes into my hold. Entwining our fingers together properly, he gives me a light squeeze and I shoot him a smile in response.
"Who wants to hear a ghost story?" Demi grins at us.
Mason groans. "Ugh. Really? So childish."
"Or you're just a pussy, Mason," she shoots back.
River grins and I can't take my eyes off him when he looks this good, radiant and relieved. He catches me staring at him and he lowers his brows. "What?"
"Nothing," I beam at him.
"Go on, Demi," Troy encourages her. "I wanna hear it."
"Me too," Luca agrees. "Although I hate scary shit."
Demi clears her throat loudly and we all turn to her. "Buckle up guys and prepare to scream."
❖ ❖ ❖
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Author's Note
Awwww man, Luca's confession about thinking no one wants him. UGH. My heart. But worry not, his story is full of love, fluff and spice. Perfect for Luca who thought no one would want to be with him!🥹🥰😭
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I'm so damn proud of River for coming out to his friends too. Such a huge step.
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