Winning entry of Project Love Affair contest: Written by AmandaBecker4933
♥
"Oh, who do I see?" said Colin when he saw Penelope standing in front of the ballroom door.
"A bland wallflower." She smiling returned, still remembering painfully Eloise words.
"But that's not what I see." He returned with a smile.
"Then look closely!"
Colin straightened up as if she were a dangerous giant moving towards him, even though she had only taken half a step towards him. Penelope knew he just hadn't expected that angry shout, but otherwise dismissed her as harmless and needy.
"What you see here, you don't recognize otherwise." Sarcasm felt good.
"Pen, what..." His wondering expression gave place to real concern.
"Colin, you're looking at your old friend, an old maid."
"Don't be like that!"
"What am I like?"
"Cynical."
"I'm realistic."
"Just because you don't have a suitor now doesn't mean..."
"Yes, it does. Look at me, Colin. A bland wallflower."
"That's not true!"
Now it was Penelope who was stepping back, although Colin hadn't moved at all. He was still standing next to the stairs. His arms were pressed to his sides, his hands clenched into fists. His words were not loud, but they were blurted out so harshly that they almost caused her physical pain. The air wasn't getting into her lungs fast enough, so she gasped a few times. Colin had said it so seriously, so strong. Nevertheless, she did not give in to the illusion of his words.
"I am." She shrugged. "Even if my dowry were three times as much, no self-respecting man would ever court me. Not even in his wildest dreams. None would be so mad."
Recognition flitted across his features. Yes, Colin, do these words remind you of your own? Pen would have liked to add, but she was too busy trying to stay whole. Pain gripped her, as did the memory of his smug pose earlier as he declared forcefully that gentlemen were mad, to even acknowledge Penelope Featherington as a possible object of desire. It was so utterly absurd, so final. The way he said it was almost worse than the words themselves.
"The man who will court me would have to be very desperate."
"How can you say such a thing?" he asks quietly. Bewildered, he stared at her.
"It's just the truth."
Penelope shrugged in feigned indifference and pinched her lips together to avoid adding another sarcastic question. Or do you disagree? As he still stood frozen like a statue, neither saying anything nor leaving for good, Pen forced a smile and a softer tone. If he didn't leave, she would. She gestured to the door.
"Go in Colin and dance, I'm a bit tired and would like to retire into my room." After all, she should clean up the mess that Eloise had left behind.
"You can't leave now, we need to talk about it."
She laughed out. "What's there to talk about? I've listed the facts and you, on some brotherly impulse, are trying to comfort me. Thank you, but you don't need to, I'm fine." With more dignity than she felt, she walked towards the stairs. "Now if you'll excuse me..."
Penelope had barely taken two steps into the hallway she quickened her pace. She heard his footsteps, all of a sudden felt the sensation of his hand on her arm, strangely saw a blur of colours and stopped to his angry face close to hers. Far too close.
"Oh no, you're not getting away from me like that!"
Colin neither softened his gaze nor his grip on her arm. Probably she would get a bruise, but she would endure that too with what little dignity she had left. Before she could understand the fact that he was holding her firmly and finished thinking up a response, he dragged her down the hall to the man-sized mirror. Colin pushed her in front of it and pointed to her in the mirror.
"What do you see?"
"What are you doing, Colin?" Why did he have to hurt her so? She lowered her eyes to stifle her tears.
"What do you see?" he roared angrily.
Pen was glad she was alone with him, witnesses to this kind of scene would have been fatal. Why was he doing this? Why did he have to humiliate her even more? Angry, she looked at him in the mirror.
"What do I see?" She nodded at him. "An old maid."
"Pen!" indignantly he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her gently.
Penelope was far too shocked by this physical approach that she choked on her breath and gasped. Colin didn't seem to notice, he seemed to be on a mission.
"What do you see?" he growled, his eyes fixed hers in the mirror. A strand of hair lay rakishly on his forehead, his breath was fast as if he was struggling to suppress his anger.
"'Fine, Colin. You won."
Pen took a breath, trying to shake off his hands that felt so incredibly good on her shoulders, but he left them where they were. Yes, this was how he would grab a friend, this was normal for mates. After all, that was all she was to him.
"I see, a pale, red-haired, wallflower! Who even with ten times the dowry will remain alone."
The try to turn away she could have spared herself. Colin's hands lay like some heavy weight on her shoulders. He stood so close that his jacket brushed against her dress. The attempt to put distance between them ended up with her standing even closer in front of the mirror.
"Then you see something very different than I do, Pen."
"I see what I see." The indifferent shrug still didn't cause his hands to slip from her shoulders. She could barely breathe.
"Then you're blind!" he grumbled in her ear. Or perhaps it was more like a barely suppressed growl. Nevertheless, a shiver ran down her body.
Their eyes met in the mirror. His gaze irritated her. She had thought she knew every mood change, every expression in it, but this fixation was somehow new.
"Look at you and tell me what you see."
He couldn't be serious. Why was he doing this? Why was he hurting her like this? Friends didn't wound each other. Or weren't they even that?
"Take a close look." Colin had his voice back under control and his grip on her shoulders loosened a little.
"A woman."
An indefinable sound escaped him before he ran his hands through his hair, which now stood irresistibly tousled off to all sides. He shook his head in frustration before fixing his gaze on her in the mirror again.
Through clenched teeth he growled: "Pen, my patience is very limited."
Even without his hands on her shoulders, she felt the strength of them and squeeze more words out of her. Like the last drops of a squeezed lemon.
"A bland wallflower, pale skin, red hair."
Again Pen tried to escape and turned away from the mirror. This time Collin
cursed quietly and grasped her upper arms, turned her back towards her reflection. Her arms were tingling.
"I see a woman too." His voice was rough, probably due to suppressed anger. His gaze traveled over her face in the mirror. "Porcelain smooth skin."
Slowly, Colin let his hands slide down her arms, as if he wanted his words to be confirmed by his hands, until he finally dropped them. His gaze fixed hers in the mirror, then his eyes brushed over her hair like a touch. Pen gasped as he suddenly buried his hands in her hair.
"Beautiful and thick hair... heavy." With both hands he lifted it from her back, letting it flow through his hands like strips of purest silk. Rubbing one of the strands between two fingers. He looked down at it before lifting his gaze and boring into hers, which had widened in shock. "In this particular colour. Like sunrise reflected in the sea."
Pen couldn't believe she was still standing, these couldn't be Colin's words! She stared at him and he smiled pensively.
"Not blunt like your sisters. It shines, like reflections on a polished bronze statue."
Then their eyes met again and he let go of her hair. It had never seemed so heavy to Pen as the moment it was resting back on her back.
Seemingly unconcerned, he continued. "What else do you see?"
A gesture followed, all business-like. Yes, this wasn't a romantic approach, this was the service of a friend! Remembered Pen and swallowed, trying to suppress the tremor in her voice and looked at herself objectively.
"Blue eyes, small nose, a mouth..."
Colin snorted to let her know he didn't agree with those simple words. She paused and waited for him to speak.
"I see sparkling eyes. Like the sky in summer, after a thunderstorm. Clear, warm and infinitely wide."
Said eyes widened even more.
"That shows intelligence. They are awake and attentive and here," almost he touched the fine lines next to her left eye with a finger. "These little wrinkles are a proof of your sense of humour." He smiled honestly at her. "You have a great sense of humour, Pen. You know so much and it's all told by your eyes."
Embarrassed, Pen lowered them, but that didn't stop Colin from continuing.
"Cute nose, beautiful mouth. Your lips seem soft."
Penelope dared to lift back her gaze and briefly met his in the mirror before he lowered his to look at her lips again.
"Lips that might tempt a man to think of touching those lips..." again both their eyes met. "...with his own."
Pen sucked in a deep breath, feeling as if she were about to faint. She needed more air, her corset was far too tight, her skin too. She gasped as she saw where his gaze wandered.
"Your feminine features... are quite memorable."
Swaying, she swallowed. If she didn't feel his body behind hers, she would think she was alone in front of the mirror, caught in one of her daydreams. Colin did not touch her, although his words echoed on her skin as if he were caressing her with his long strong fingers. Her heart leapt, her breath quivered. All good intentions were gone, with full force she absorbed his words. They seemed to stitch her broken heart.
Penelope could not take her eyes off him. When he lifted his eyes from her bosom, though, she wished she had. Despair and worry were obvious in them. Intensified by sadly contorted features on his face. Shaking his head he opened his mouth, but Pen could not bear his apology, which would refute all these wonderful words.
"It's all right." She turned to him and took a few steps back. " Just let me believe that you meant your words exactly that way."
Pen couldn't manage to look at his troubled face. She tried to make her way to the stairs with more dignity than this conversation had.
"No, I..." The break in his voice, struck her deeper than any insults. "Pen!"
"Goodbye, Colin."
At last she felt the cool banister under her hand. That gave her the strength to take the next steps, faster than she had imagined. In no time she was in her room, but her strength wasn't enough to slam the door. Nevertheless, the click of the lock echoed loudly through the house.
Like the tremor of her heart.