For a new boyfriend, and his first time as one, Percy thought he was doing a pretty good job. Ok, he'll admit that despite the fact they'd been fighting together for over four years, flirting with each other for the last two and fought just about every creature you could find in your standard Greek History textbook, but the second she frowned or sometimes when she said his name, his stomach dropped with the thought that he'd done something wrong. Of course, he never did - mostly. Cressida was an easy girl to please. And because she ended up staying in his apartment whenever she came to visit from camp, the two things he did that annoyed her the most was leaving the toilet seat up and chucking his school bag on the floor where she kept tripping over it. He'd eased up on leaving his clothes everywhere - he didn't want his new girlfriend that he was completely obsessed with to think that he was a total slob.
But right now, as she laid on his chest on the Great Lawn in Central Park, he was patting himself on the back.
Comfy blanket? Check.
Cressida's favourite burgers from that New York Diner on her 15th birthday - with no pickles and extra cheese? Check.
Chocolate-covered strawberries that Cressida was obsessed with? Check.
Weapons in case of a sudden Greek mythological apocalypse? Check.
He knew he was definitely winning boyfriend brownie points with this little picnic as he lazily rubbed her back while she drew pictures on his chest with her finger.
"Annabeth sent me an Iris message this morning," Cressida said after a time.
"Do we have monsters to fight or was it just girl talk?" he asked, and he could feel her cringe.
"I hate that term."
"I know."
She smacked his chest lightly as he chuckled. "To answer your question, she actually called to ask if you remembered what today was."
Percy became deathly still and that in itself gave away his answer.
Percy sighed. "How much trouble am I in?" he asked, and Cressida's lips turned into a smirk.
"I could be mean, but you're cute and you planned this picnic today, so I'll take pity on you."
"Thank the gods," he said as he kissed her hair.
"Apparently, today is important because what happened exactly a month ago?"
Percy thought about it. Today was September 18th which meant a month ago was August 18th.
"My birthday," he answered. "And another day that you took pity on me and finally said yes to being my girlfriend."
"Not that you asked the question."
"Hey, you're the one that kissed me," he defended, and she laughed again. She always looked really good when she laughed - actually, she looked good every day, but he thought she looked even more attractive when she laughed.
Today, she was wearing a white tank top with the word BLUE printed on it in blue, apparently, it was the name of some boyband she liked, along with shorts and Converses but when they'd laid down, she'd shucked her shoes off. Her dark hair was also out and flowing down her back as Percy played with it. Her charm bracelet jangled as she moved her hand, and her camp necklace was hung around her neck. Her stunning indigo eyes looking up at him.
Man, he was a lucky guy.
"Annabeth meant that today is our one-month anniversary," she explained, and Percy furrowed his brows.
"Why don't you sound so happy about it? Getting sick of me already?"
"Eh. On occasion," she teased, and Percy just squeezed her playfully. "Books said that we should be celebrating every month because every month that I put up with you is an accomplishment."
"Hey!"
"Take it up with her. I'm just the messenger," Cressida defended. "But anyway, I just don't see the point in it. Every month just seems a bit excessive."
"Hey," Percy said softly as he tilted her head up to look at him. "You deserve the world. And I will celebrate every second we are together if that's what you wanted."
"Ok, that's definitely excessive."
"I'm trying to be romantic here!" Percy exclaimed.
"I'm just saying," she said innocently as she smiled, and he rolled his eyes he could never find it in him to be angry at her. "Also, how does one celebrate an anniversary?"
"You're asking me?"
"Well, you're the one that's had more social interactions than I have. I only know what I've read in books."
"How about a fancy dinner?" he suggested though he was internally kicking himself. He'd blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. He had no idea if he could even get a reservation - or afford a fancy dinner. They could probably just use Dionysus' magic credit card that he gave Cressida, but still, there was the problem of actually being able to plan it in the first place. "I'll do all the planning."
"Are you sure? We don't have to."
When the hole has been dug, dig it deeper.
"I want to."
Cressida studied his face as if she didn't really believe what he was saying.
Percy was half praying that she'd say no and take all the pressure he'd just put on himself away. And somewhere, he swore he could hear Dionysus laughing at him as she answered,
"Ok. But how fancy are we talking here? Because my wardrobe is basically band tees and camp t-shirts."
"My mom can take you shopping then. She loves any excuse to spend time with you."
Cressida couldn't help the smile that grew on her face. Sally Jackson was the best human being on the planet.
"She totally loves me more than you."
"Do you really need to rub that in my face when I'm trying to do something nice for you?"
"You offered."
"Ok, well, should we get going then so my mom can take you out?"
She snuggled closer to him as she lifted her leg on top of his. "Soon," she said as her eyes closed. "I want to stay like this a little longer."
"Fine by me," he agreed as he held her closer.
His eyes drifted closed as he rested his head atop hers, content to just stay in this perfect moment before he dealt with the idiotic promise he made. And it wasn't even because she made his brain all fuzzy by kissing him. But that was a problem to worry about in five minutes after he was done holding his girlfriend (not that he'd ever be done – her just meant done for now).
It wasn't until a loud honk startled them both and they saw a brown delivery truck parked in the middle of the Great Lawn where no cars were allowed.
While Percy was deciphering what was printed on the truck, Cressida just sighed as she collapsed back down onto the blanket.
"Oh great," she huffed.
"What is it?" he asked before he finally read the words Hermes Express. "Oh goody. Mail."
"Get back down here," Cressida said as she reached for him, but Percy stayed sitting as he watched Hermes climb out of the driver's seat and he could only imagine what the god had to tell them.
When he finally spotted the two of them, he beckoned, Get over here!
Cressida sat up at that, watching the god out of the corner of her eye. "We saved Olympus, if you want something from us you can come over here!" she shouted, uncaring about the looks she got from both the people around and the god of Messengers.
He raised a brow, but Cressida's glare was unwavering, and the god conceded as he walked over and, both of them were not happy about this.
Hermes glanced at Cressida and then back at Percy. "I didn't know Miss Lynn would be here. She'll have to swear to keep her mouth shut."
Cressida got to her feet as she crossed her hands over her chest. "Miss Lynn, won't be doing anything and neither will Percy. We've done our part already."
Percy got to his feet as well, mostly in case he had to hold her back.
Hermes seemed jittery. "I'm serious, Cressida. If word gets back to Athena, she'll never stop teasing me. She already thinks she's so much cleverer than I am."
"She probably is. And this sounds like a you problem," Cressida returned.
Hermes glared at her, and Cressida glared back as Percy grabbed her hand pre-emptively. "Cress-"
"Promise," Hermes interrupted. "Before I explain the problem, both of you must promise to keep silent."
Then it dawned on Percy. "Where's your staff?"
Hermes's eye twitched. He looked like he was about to cry.
"Oh my gods," Cressida said in disbelief. "You lost your staff?"
"I didn't lose it!" Hermes snapped. "It was stolen. And I wasn't asking for your help, girl!"
"Good!" Cressida spat as her grip on Percy's hand tightened. "Finally, a god wants to solve their own damn problem. Let's go, Percy. I have shopping to do, and you have a dinner to plan."
Percy kind of loved the fact that she was the kind of girl that would leave an entire picnic along with her shoes behind just so she can be dramatic and make a point. And though she'd walk barefooted happily, he would probably end up giving her a piggyback ride which meant a lot of cheek kisses and hair playing for him.
Yeah, he was definitely on board with the idea.
Asides from both their fathers, and probably Annabeth's mother by association, they weren't exactly happy to do any favours for the rest of the gods after the whole war, people dying, saving Olympus thing. They just wanted peace and Hermes showing up like this with a missing staff screamed not peace.
Cressida was definitely more annoyed than Percy was because she'd lost her brother during the war and now, he was stuck with the potential to have to stop his girlfriend getting into a fight with a god.
And as much as he'd love to see his girlfriend (oh, how he loved that word) wipe the floor with Hermes, it probably wouldn't be good in the long run. And he couldn't exactly play the long game with his girlfriend if she wasn't around.
"Cress, how about this?" Percy intervened. "This sounds important. Let me hear him out and I'll be back in a second. I promise."
She raised her brows at him. "You?"
"Yes, me. What's wrong with that?"
"You'll cave. Percy, you're too nice. You always cave."
"Not always," he insisted. "If Hera turned up, I'd let you wrestle her to the ground."
She rolled her eyes, but Percy could tell that he was winning her over.
"How about you finish the chocolate-covered strawberries while I talk to Hermes and then we'll make a decision. Together. Sound good? I'll even throw in two more points on the board for you."
She narrowed her eyes and for a split-second, Percy thought he was done for.
"Fine," she relented. "But the second I run out of strawberries, we're gone."
"Deal. So long as you don't cheat and eat them quickly. Then the points are off the table."
"Deal. Kiss."
And he gladly kissed his girlfriend who didn't give a damn that a god was waiting for them or watching them before she pulled away and sat back down as Percy walked back over to the truck, not bothering to check if Hermes was following.
"Alright, I've got a date to plan and a girlfriend to keep happy, so let's make this quick," he said. "Talk."
And so Hermes talked.
Percy was on the verge of saying no after hearing the stupid story about how a little giant that was only 10 feet tall stole the staff while Hermes was making a delivery to Janus and he wanted them to get it back because he couldn't have the other gods knowing that he'd been thieved, but then Hermes dropped his trump card.
He knew how notoriously stubborn Cressida was and how Percy was by association which was why he offered something in return and when Percy discovered what Hermes offered, he couldn't exactly say no.
He seemed in better spirits when he came back to the picnic blanket, Cressida still eating her strawberries. "So?" she demanded after taking a bite.
"Good news," he said before telling her everything about what Hermes said. And when he was done, his good feeling faded at the blank look on her face.
"Are you feeling ok?" she asked after a moment as she felt his forehead.
"What? What are you doing?"
"I'm just wondering what's wrong with you that you'd think that Hermes wanting us to find his staff that was stolen by a ten-foot-tall fire-breathing giant is good news?"
"Well...it's not. But what he offered in return is good."
"And what did he offer?"
The nerves grew worse.
"I can't tell you, not because I don't want to but because it's a surprise, but I promise, I swear on the Styx that it's a good surprise."
Now she looked like she wanted to slap him for making that oath.
"Percy-"
"Look I know you just wanted some peace after Kronos, but George and Martha are serpents, surely you can't let them stay prisoners of an evil giant. And the two of us are so powerful together Cacus won't stand a chance."
She pointed a chocolate-covered strawberry at him aggressively. "I told you that you're too sweet and that you'd cave," she said before taking a bite of it.
"But am I sweet enough that you're going to help me because the surprise is worth it and it's killing you not knowing?" he asked hopefully, and she rolled her eyes at him.
"You're lucky you're cute, Fish Face," she huffed as she finished her strawberry. "Let's get this over with because your life is literally riding on this being a good surprise."
******************************************************************
After placing a quick call to Annabeth who used her magical shield to find the giant near High Line Park in the Meatpacking District. The police had cordoned off a big square hole that was apparently because of a worker getting injured in some freak accident involving fire. It was a good place to start. She wasn't happy to hear that they were going on another quest after everything they'd done, but Cressida explained that Percy arranged it and that there was a great surprise apparently waiting for her once they completed the task.
Cressida sighed as Percy hailed a cab for them. "Not even a month into our relationship and we've already forgone picnic dates to find a dangerous cave and fight a fire-breathing giant."
"Have I mentioned that you are the best girlfriend in the world for doing this with me?" he said, and she glared at him.
"No. No, you haven't. And I was the best girlfriend before I agreed to this. So, this surprise better be so freaking amazing that you spend the rest of your life trying to one-up yourself."
Percy just kissed her temple before getting into the cab.
It dropped them off on West 15th, near the construction site. The two police officers at the intersection didn't even pay any attention to them as they turned up the sidewalk before doubling back and ducking under the barricades.
The hole in the street was about the size of a garage door. Pipe scaffolding hung over it with a sort of winch system, and metal climbing rungs had been fastened into the side of the pit, leading down.
"Ideas?" Percy asked, seeing as she was more likely to come up with a plan that had them alive at the end of it.
"We climb down. We find the giant. We get the caduceus. We kill the giant if he tries to get in our way," she answered.
"Wow," Percy said. "Annabeth would be proud. Truly a plan worthy of Athena."
Her glare was bordering murderous now. "You got any better ideas, Barnacle Brain?" she snapped, and his eyes fell.
"No."
"Then shut up."
"Shutting up."
Percy kept watch as Cressida climbed in first before he followed, and they found it surprisingly easy to sneak into a dangerous steaming pit in the middle of a New York intersection.
And they climbed down. And down. And down.
The rungs seemed to go down forever. The square of daylight above them got smaller and smaller until it was like the size of a postage stamp. The sounds of traffic faded away and the sound of dripping water became clearer. Every twenty feet or so, a dim light flickered next to the ladder, but the descent was still gloomy and creepy.
Eventually, Cressida's feet splashed as she reached the bottom and said, "Holy shit."
"What is it?"
"Look," she said as he dropped down next to her in a puddle of muck.
They were standing in a factory-sized cavern with the tunnel they just crawled down like a narrow chimney.
The rock walls bristled with old cables, pipe, and lines of brickwork- maybe the foundations of old buildings. Busted water pipes, possibly old sewer lines, sent a steady drizzle of water down the walls, turning the floor muddy.
There wasn't much light, but the cavern looked like a cross between a construction zone and a flea market. Scattered across the cave were crates, toolboxes, pallets of timber, and stacks of steel pipe. There was even a bulldozer half-sunken in the mud.
Even stranger: several old cars had somehow been brought from the surface, each filled with suitcases and mounds of purses. Racks of clothing had been carelessly tossed around like somebody had cleaned out a department store. Worst of all, hanging from meat gooks on a stainless steel scaffold was a row of cow carcasses- skinned, gutted, and ready for butchering. Judging from the smell and the flies, they weren't very fresh as Cressida gagged and Percy hugged her head to him, trying to help smother the smell.
The place was creepy and even as they discussed how some of the junk got down there, their whispers turned into echoes. There was a bulldozer that looked like it had been through hell.
The driver's seat was charred to a crisp. In front of the rig, the big shovel blade was dented as if it had run into something ... or been punched.
Cressida was heading towards the bulldozer when something groaned in the far tunnel and Percy pressed her into the machine as they hid and the giant appeared from the darkness as he stretched his massive arms.
"Breakfast," he rumbled.
Though he really was smaller than some of the other giants they'd fought over the years, he was still downright ugly.
He had curly orange hair, pale skin, and orange freckles. His face was smeared upward with a permanent pout, upturned nose, wide eyes, and arched eyebrows, so he appeared both startled and unhappy. He wore a red velour housecoat with matching slippers. The housecoat was open, revealing silky Valentine-patterned boxer shorts and luxurious chest hair of a red/pink/orange colour not found in nature.
Cressida gagged again. "He makes my father's leopard print tracksuits look like they belong on a runway."
Though her voice was barely above a whisper, the giant had extremely good hearing. He frowned as he scanned the cavern and zeroed in on their hiding spot.
"Who's there?" he bellowed. "You-you behind the bulldozer."
Percy turned to his girlfriend with a glare.
She just mouthed, oops.
Come on!" the giant said. "I don't appreciate sneaking about! Show yourself."
While Percy hesitated because that didn't sound like a good idea, Cressida heeded the giant's words. She had her thyrsus out and like a month ago on the Williamsburg bridge, she dragged the sharpened edge on the ground behind her, seeming rather bored before Percy appeared next to her with his sword in hand. And neither of their weapons looked very intimidating against the massive giant.
The giant grinned. "Well! Demigods, are you? I call for breakfast, and you two appear? That's quite accommodating."
"Yeah, we're not here for breakfast or to be your breakfast," Cressida said.
"No?" the giant stretched lazily. "I imagine you'd taste wonderful with tortillas, salsa and eggs. Huevos semidios. Just thinking about it makes me hungry."
He sauntered over to the row of fly-specked cow carcasses.
Their stomachs lurched.
"Oh, he's not really gonna-"
Cacus snatched one of the carcasses off a hook. He blew fire over it- a red-hot torrent of flame that cooked the meat in seconds but didn't seem to hurt the giant's hand at all. Once the cow was crispy and sizzling, Cacus unhinged his jaw, opening his mouth impossibly wide, and downed the carcass in three massive bites, bones and all.
"Oh, he really did it," Cressida groaned in disgust.
The giant belched as he wiped his greasy hands on his robes. "So if you're not breakfast, you must be customers. What can I interest you in?"
He sounded rather friendly as if he was happy to talk with them. He almost didn't seem dangerous - not including the fire breath of course.
Cressida was still trying to keep her food down as Percy stepped forward and said. "Um, yeah. We might be customers. What do you sell?"
Cacus laughed. "What do I sell? Everything, demigod! At bargain basement prices, and you can't find a basement lower than this!" He gestured around the cavern. "I've got designer handbags, Italian suits, um ... some construction equipment, apparently, and if you're in the market for a Rolex ..."
He opened his robe. Pinned to the inside was a glittering array of gold and silver watches.
Cressida snapped her fingers, seeming to swallow her nausea. "It's fake! They're designer knockoffs that he stole from street merchants."
The giant looked offended. "Not just any knockoffs, young lady. I steal only the best! I'm a son of Hephaestus. I know quality fakes when I see them."
Percy frowned. "A son of Hephaestus? Then shouldn't you be making things rather than stealing them?"
Cacus snorted. "Too much work! Oh, sometimes if I find a high-quality item I'll make my own copies. But mostly it's easier to steal things. I started with cattle thieving, you know, back in the old days. Love cattle! That's why I settled in the Meatpacking District. Then I discovered they have more than meat here!" He grinned as if this was an amazing discovery. "Street vendors, high-end boutiques- this is a wonderful city, even better than Ancient Rome! And the workers were very nice to make me this cave."
"Uh, hello? You almost killed them before you ran them off," Cressida said.
Cacus stifled a yawn. "Are you sure you're not breakfast? Because you're beginning to bore me. If you don't want to buy something. I'll go get the salsa and tortillas-"
"We were looking for -"
"You got anything real? Maybe something magic? Or do you only steal other people's fakes?" Cressida interrupted, her voice still uninterested like she wanted to just hurry this along.
"Ha!" Cacus clapped his hands. "A high-end shopper. If I haven't got what you need in stock, I can steal it, for the right price of course."
"Hermes's staff," Percy said. "The caduceus."
The giant's face turned as red as his hair. his eyes narrowed. "I see. I should've known Hermes would send someone. Who are you two? Children of the thief god?"
Cressida looked extremely offended. "You save Olympus like six times over and destroy Kronos; you would think our enemies would know who we are by now?! Not to mention the damn pinecone that is clearly not the symbol of Hermes! I should kill you just for-"
"I'm Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon," Percy told the giant, putting out his arm to hold Cressida back. "This is Cressida Lynn, daughter of Dionysus. We help out the gods sometimes with little stuff like- oh, killing Titans, saving Mount Olympus, things like that -"
"Unwillingly."
"-Perhaps you've heard stories. So about that caduceus ... it would be easier just to hand it over before things get unpleasant. My girlfriend is rather eager to get this over with."
Percy expected the giant to at least be a little scared, especially since Cressida had mentioned the whole destroying Kronos thing.
Instead, he threw back his head and laughed. "Oh, I see! That was supposed to scare me! But alas, the only demigod who ever defeated me was Hercules himself."
Percy shook his head in exasperation. "Always Hercules. What is it with Hercules?"
"We're better than Hercules," she assured him, waving away the matter.
The giant kept boasting. "For centuries, I was the terror of Italy! I stole many cows- more than any other giant. Mothers used to scare their children with my name. They would say, 'Mind your manners, child, or Cacus will come and steal your cows!'"
"Oh no," Cressida droned boredly as if she wasn't standing in front of a tall fire-breathing giant. "The terror."
The giant grinned. "I know! Right? So you may as well give up, demigods. You'll never get the caduceus. I have plans for that!"
He raised his hand and the staff of Hermes appeared in his grip.
Godly items just radiated power and the staff was no different as it sent shivers down their spines. The staff was smooth white wood about three feet long, topped with a silver sphere and dove's wings that fluttered nervously. Intertwined around the staff were two live, very agitated serpents that started speaking to the demigods in their heads.
"Martha, George. Are you guys alright?" Percy asked, their answers ridiculous and confirming the fact that they were fine aside from the fact that the giant wanted to keep them.
Cacus looked back and forth from me to the snakes. "Wait ... You can speak with the snakes? That's excellent! Tell them they'd better start cooperating. I'm their new master, and they'll only get fed when they start taking orders."
"Again, know who we are," Cressida stressed. "I'm the daughter of Dionysus, patron god of serpents. I can speak to snakes in my sleep and they will never obey you. They only work for Hermes. Which is exactly why you should give it to me since it's useless to you. And since I'm feeling particularly generous today, we'll pretend this never happened."
"Great idea," Percy agreed.
The giant snarled. "Oh, I'll figure out the staff's powers, girl. I'll MAKE the snakes cooperate!"
Cacus shook the caduceus. Geroge and Martha wriggled and hissed, but they seemed stuck to the staff. Finally, the giant growled in frustration. He slammed the staff against the nearest cow carcass and instantly the meat turned to stone. A wave of petrification spread from carcass to carcass until the rack because so heavy it collapsed. Half a dozen granite cows broke the pieces.
"Now, that's interesting!" Cacus beamed.
"Oh great," Cressida huffed.
"Just our luck huh?"
"Isn't it always?"
The giant swung the staff in their direction. "Yes! Soon I will master this thing and be as powerful as Hermes. I'll be able to go anywhere! I'll steal anything I want, make high-quality knockoffs, and sell them around the world. I will be the lord of travelling salesmen!"
"That," Percy said. "is truly evil."
"Ha-ha!" Cacus raised the caduceus in triumph. "I had my doubts, but now I'm convinced. Stealing this staff was an excellent idea! Now let's see how I can kill you with it."
"Hang on a minute," Cressida called. "You mean it wasn't your idea to steal the staff?"
"Kill them!" Cacus ordered the snakes. He pointed the caduceus at them but before Cressida could order the snakes otherwise, the silver tip only spewed slips of paper that she picked up.
"You're trying to kill us with Groupons," she announced. "Eighty-five percent off piano lessons. You know, you'd be much more attractive if you could play the piano," she said to Percy who simply smirked.
"I don't need to play the piano to be attractive. I won you over without the skill, didn't I?"
"Barely," she returned before the giant roared.
"Gah!" Cacus glared at the snakes and breathed a fiery warning over their heads. "Obey me!"
George and Martha squirmed in alarm.
Stop that! Martha cried.
We're cold-blooded! George protested. Fire is not good!
"Hey Cacus!" Percy shouted, trying to get back his attention. "Answer our questions. Who told you to steal the staff?"
The giant sneered. "Foolish demigod. When you defeated Kronos, did you think you eliminated all the enemies of the gods? You only delayed the fall of Olympus for a little while longer. Without the staff, Hermes will be unable to carry messages. Olympian communication lines will be disrupted, and that's only the first bit of chaos my friends have planned."
"You have friends?" Cressida asked with surprise.
Cacus waved off the questions. "Doesn't matter. You won't live that long, and I'm only in it for the money. With this staff, I'll make millions! Maybe even thousands! Now hold still. Perhaps I can get a good price on two demigod statues."
"Dude," Cressida said. "I've already fought Medusa. And you ruined our date, so I guess you could say I'm a little mad."
Her eyes flamed for dramatic effect and Cacus only belched, a small cloud of fire coming out which they suspected was his version of dramatic effect.
Percy met her eyes. "Time to fight?"
She gave him a sweet smile, his smile. "Smartest thing you've said all morning."
Despite the fact that they had no plan, the two of them had been fighting together for years. They knew each other's abilities. They could anticipate each other's moves - well most of the time, Cressida was a bit unpredictable when she wanted to be. Percy may still have been a little nervous about being her boyfriend after waiting for so long, but fighting with her? That came naturally - both fighting with each other and fighting against monsters.
Despite the many things that Cressida was better than Percy at, running was something he was better at, but only because he was taller and had longer legs. She was a short girl, she couldn't help it.
Percy reached Cacus first before he realised something - and as Cressida would tell him when the battle was over, it was a very stupid thing to realise.
His startling discovery was that flaming breath was hot.
His frontal assault was stopped as he leapt out of the way, but his skin was already starting to head, and his clothes were steaming as they dared to ignite.
Percy rolled through the mud to douse the flames and knocked over a rack of women's coats.
The giant roared. "Look what you've done! Those are genuine fake Prada!"
Cressida's timing was perfect as she took advantage of the distraction.
She lunged at Cacus from behind and stabbed him in the back of the knee- usually a nice soft spot on a monster. She leapt away as Cacus swung the caduceus, barely missing her. The silver tip slammed into the bulldozer and the entire machine turned to stone.
"I'll kill you!" Cacus stumbled, golden ichor pouring from his wounded leg.
"You can certainly try," she grinned as the giant blew fire at her and Percy's heart stopped dead in his chest as she made no attempt to move. In fact, she even dropped her weapon as she faced the fire and took a deep breath before her eyes opened and they flamed purple.
And her hands waved through the air in a massive circle as the red fire turned purple and responded to her will and she sent it shooting back for Cacus.
The giant was knocked off his feet as Percy slashed at his other leg and Cacus howled in pain before turning with surprising speed and smacking him away with the back of his hand.
"PERCY!" Cressida screamed before hastily throwing her spear and impaling the giant in the shoulder before running towards him. Unfortunately, though, Cacus tried to dodge her spear. She'd been aiming for his right shoulder, hoping to injure the arm that was holding Hermes staff, but the giant jumped to the right and her spear went straight through his left shoulder like a needle through cotton.
Cacus was back on his feet almost instantly as he leaked ichor and pointed the staff at them and Cressida stood in front of Percy who was still getting up to his feet.
"Enough!" Cacus bellowed.
And while Percy was still dizzy, his spine feeling like it had been stretched, he slid his pen across the floor so at least Cressida wouldn't be unarmed and Riptide sprang to life in her hands.
She charged at the giant, spear on sword and Percy didn't have to have clear vision to know that she probably fought better than he did even though her weapon was a spear and she hardly ever fought with a sword.
At least until her feet were swept out from under her by the caduceus. Cressida coughed as she landed on her back and all the air was pulled out of her lungs.
She would've been turned to stone had the caduceus not then changed form. It became a cell phone and rang to the tune of "Macarena." George and Martha, now the size of earthworms, curled around the screen.
Good one, George said,
We danced to this at our wedding, Martha said. Remember, dear?
"Stupid snakes!" Cacus shook the cell phone violently.
Eek! Martha said.
Help-me! George's voice quivered. Must-obey-red-bathrobe!
The phone grew back into a staff.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Cressida scolded as she got back to her feet, her back aching. "I get that you're angry but don't take it out on the snakes."
Exactly! They both hissed.
"Now, behave!" Cacus warned the snakes. "Or I'll turn you two into a fake Gucci handbag!"
Percy was eventually up on his feet as the two of them backed up to the ladder.
"Our tag game strategy isn't working so well," she noticed. She was breathing heavily and Percy guessed that whatever the hell that fire magic was that she did, it made her a lot more tired than he realised and the fall on her back didn't help either. "Any suggestions?"
Percy's ears were ringing. Her voice still sounded like she was underwater.
Wait ... underwater.
He looked up at the tunnel- all those broken pipes embedded in the rock: waterlines, sewer ducts. He wondered ...
"I don't like you!" Cacus yelled. He stalked toward them, smoke pouring from his nostrils. "It's time to end this."
"Hold on," he told Cressida and wrapped his arm around her waist.
He concentrated on finding water above them. It wasn't hard. There was a dangerous amount of pressure in the city's waterlines, and Percy summoned it all into the broken pipes.
Cacus towered over them, his mouth glowing like a furnace. "Any last words, demigod?"
"Look up," Percy told him, and Cressida looked at him in disbelief. Yeah, he could've chosen words that were more dramatic, but he wasn't going to let them die so she could let it slide for now... probably.
Cacus looked up.
Note to self: When causing the sewer system of Manhattan to explode, do not stand underneath it.
The whole cavern rumbled as a thousand water pipes burst overhead. A not-so-clean waterfall slammed Cacus in the face. Percy yanked Cressida out of the way, then leapt back into the edge of the torrent, carrying his girlfriend with him.
"What are you-?" she made a strangling sound. "Ahhh!"
He'd never attempted this before, but he willed himself to travel upstream like a salmon, jumping from current to current as the water gushed into the cavern. If you've ever tried running up a wet slide, it was kind of like that, except at a ninety-degree angle and with no slide-just water.
Far below they could hear Cacus bellowing as millions, maybe even hundreds of millions of filthy gallons of water slammed into him.
Meanwhile, Cressida alternately shouted, gagged, hit him and called him endearing pet names like, "Idiot! Stupid-dirty-moronic Barnacle Butt-" and topped it all off with, "Kill you!"
Finally, they shot out of the ground atop a disgusting geyser and landed safely on the pavement. Pedestrians and cops backed away, yelling in alarm. Brakes screeched and cars rear-ended each other as drivers stopped to watch the chaos.
Percy willed both of them dry (Cressida would definitely kill him if he didn't) but they still reeked.
"That," she said, "was horrible!"
"On the bright side," he said. "We're alive."
"Without the staff, genius!"
Percy grimaced. Yeah ... minor detail. Maybe the giant would drown. Then he'd dissolve and return to Tartarus the way most defeated monsters do, and they could go collect the caduceus.
That sounded reasonable enough.
The geyser receded, followed by the horrendous sound of water draining down the tunnel, like somebody up on Olympus flushed the godly toilet.
Then a distant snaky voice spoke in their minds.
Gag me, said George. Even for me that was disgusting, and I eat rats.
Incoming! Martha warned. Oh no! I think the giant has figured out-
An explosion shook the street. A beam of blue light shot out of the tunnel, carving a trench up the side of a glass office building, melting windows and vaporizing concrete. The giant climbed from the pit, his velour housecoat steaming, and his face spattered with slime.
He did not look happy. In his hands, the caduceus now resembled a bazooka with snakes wrapped around the barrel and a glowing blue muzzle.
"Okay," Cressida said faintly. "Um, what is that?"
"That," Percy guessed, "would be laser mode."
"Of course!" Cressida said like she was the idiot for not knowing that. "Why wouldn't it be?!"
Percy grabbed her hand as they fled, and another laser bolt gouged a ditch through the street to their left. Chunks of asphalt rained down like confetti.
Behind them, Cacus yelled, "You ruin my fake Rolexes! They aren't waterproof, you know! For that, you die!"
They kept running, trying to get the monster away from the innocent mortals but it wasn't the easiest task to do in the middle of New York. Traffic clogged the streets. Pedestrians screamed and ran in every direction.
"The park!" Cressida exclaimed as she pointed to the elevated tracks of the High Line. "If we can get him off street level-"
BOOM!
The laser cut through a nearby food truck. The vendor dove out of his service window with a fistful of shish kebabs.
They sprinted for the park stairs. Sirens screamed in the distance, but they didn't want more police involved. That would just make things more complicated, and Cressida more tired as she would have to convince them that they weren't the problem.
They climbed up to the park.
******************************************************************
The High Line was empty, though- maybe because it was a workday, or maybe because the visitors were smart and ran when they heard the explosions.
Somewhere below them, Cacus was roaring, cursing, and offering panicked mortals deep discounts of slightly damp Rolexes.
Cressida turned, handing Percy his sword back as she flexed her wrists, preparing to summon her grapevines and entangle the giant.
"I catch him," she said, "You kill him."
And Percy was momentarily stunned by how beautiful she was. Yeah, it was a weird thing to say after they'd just climbed a sewage waterfall, but her purple eyes were dark and filled with determination, the way they were when she was fighting for her life. The fallen hair blew past her face as her hastily done braid dangled down her back and her camp necklace rested around her throat - she looked like a goddess. She kind of always did. They should've made her a goddess a month ago instead of -
"Percy?!"
"Yeah! Yeah, I'll kill him. I got it," he stuttered.
"Are you sure? You don't seem certain."
"I'm certain. I'm good."
"Ok, then you may want to take out your sword, you know, because you're so sure," she mocked, and he rolled his eyes at her as he turned his pen into a sword.
"I got it."
"DEATH!" Cacus stormed up the steps and onto the High Line. He spotted them and lumbered over with slow, grim determination.
And vines stretched up from the ground as they wrapped around him, holding them tight as Cressida's hand was squeezed into a fist.
Percy charged.
But the giant was faster.
Cacus' jaw unhinged as he belched fire, burning Cressida's vines to ash and narrowly missing Percy, whose shirt sleeve was on fire as he began to panic, trying to put it out.
The heat faded though, as the fire turned purple before going out along with Percy's panic.
Cressida, being the ever-crazy warrior she was, charged with her thyrsus in hand, the giant missing the first bazooka blast he fired as Cressida jumped out of the way. He was forced to use the weapon as a staff to defend himself as Cressida attacked.
"George, Martha," Percy called, hoping they could hear him. "Please change out of laser mode before you vaporise my girlfriend."
We're trying, dear! Martha said.
My stomach hurts, George said. I think I bruised my tummy.
Cressida was then knocked to the side as the bazooka hit her ribs as Percy cried out for her and the giant aimed the bazooka at him and Percy backed up slowly down the dead-end tracks, edging toward the crane. Cacus followed.
Now that he had Percy trapped, he seemed in no hurry to kill him. He stopped twenty feet away, just beyond the shadow of the crane's hook.
Percy hoped to keep him distracted long enough for Cressida to get back up and attack him from behind - preferably with some of her magic voodoo to screw with Cacus' mind because they weren't getting anywhere.
Percy tried to look scared and panicked. It wasn't hard.
"So," Cacus growled. "Any last words?"
"Help," Percy said. "Yikes, Ouch. How are those? Oh, and Hermes is a way better salesman than you."
"Gah!" Cacus lowered the caduceus laser and pulled the trigger, and suddenly the caduceus changed form. The giant tried to zap him with a credit card-swiping machine, but the only thing that came out was a paper receipt.
Oh yeah! George yelled in my mind. One for the snakes!
"Stupid staff!" Cacus threw down the caduceus in disgust, which was the chance he'd been waiting for. Percy launched himself forward and snatched the staff.
When he got to his feet, despite having the staff, Cacus still wanted to kill him and there was still no sign of Cressida.
"You put out my fire with that cursed sewage," he growled. "Now you steal my staff."
"Which you wrongfully stole," Percy scolded.
"It doesn't matter." Cacus cracked his knuckles. "You can't use the staff either. I'll simply kill you will my bare hands."
And Percy saw a flash of indigo as Cressida snuck up behind the giant, her eyes angry and her stealth classes from camp really coming in handy and Percy made a mental note to himself to sign up for them next summer.
Percy just smiled at the giant as he tossed the caduceus from hand to hand like he didn't have a care in the world. "Actually, Cacus, I have another secret weapon."
The giant's eyes lit up with greed. "Another weapon? I will steal it! I will copy it and sell the knockoffs for a profit! What is this secret weapon?"
"Her name is Cressida," Percy said smugly. "And she's one of a kind."
And Cressida launched herself onto the giant's shoulders with the help of a grapevine, her hands grasping at his scraggy hair as her eyes flamed as she ordered Cacus to, "Freeze!"
And while Percy thought she meant for the giant to not move, she meant for him to literally freeze.
The giant began turning blue, the red colour that warmed his skin vanishing as he began to freeze. The colour even leeched from his ginger hair before Cressida grew grapevines the wrap around him again, the girl sliding down one as she stumbled a little and Percy caught her.
"I'm ok. I'm ok. He's not that old. I got it."
"I know you do," Percy said as he tucked the staff under his arm and dug around in his jeans pocket. "But you're still going to drink this."
Cressida seemed pleasantly surprised to see that he had a vial of Solace Solution in his hand as he pulled the cork off and offered it to her.
She downed it as she shook her head as if attempting to shake away the exhaustion. "How far do you think I could throw him?" she asked as the giant tried to fight the vines that wrapped around him and rose up like a giant catapult about to fire, but he was too cold.
"I reckon you could hit the Hudson surely."
"If you hit him, you get a point. If you miss and he hits the Hudson, I get the point."
"You're on," Percy agreed eagerly and Cressida snapped her fingers as the vines arched and launched the Cacus into the air.
"Aahhhhhhhhhh!"
The giant sailed over the rooftops, straight over Chelsea Piers, and began falling toward the Hudson River.
"George, Martha," Percy said. "Do you think you could manage laser mode just once more for me?"
With pleasure, George said.
The caduceus turned into a wicked high-tech bazooka.
Percy took aim at the falling giant and yelled, "Pull!"
The caduceus blasted its beam of blue light, and the giant disintegrated into a beautiful starburst.
That, George said, was excellent. May I have a rat now?
I have to agree with George, Martha said. A rat would be lovely.
"You've definitely earned it," Cressida praised before they turned back into a staff and Percy grinned smugly.
"That's another point on the board for me."
"And I still get one for freezing the giant and another for throwing him so you could kill him - I'm in the lead and you're never going to win," she boasted, and Percy grabbed the belt loops on her shorts as he pulled her to him.
"I have you. I'd count that as a win."
The words made her insides melt as her heart fluttered, not that she'd tell him that. "That was so corny, but I'll kiss you if that's what you were angling for."
"I always want to kiss you," he said lowly before joining their lips together. Now it's hard to pull off a romantic kiss when you're both drenched in muck, but they gave it their best shot.
What about our rats? Blurted George's voice as they pulled apart.
"Rats?" Percy asked, his brain foggy again.
George, leave the poor kids alone. They were having a moment, Martha admonished.
"Hey Fish Face," Cressida asked.
"Yeah?" Percy said, not quite making it to being able to form two-syllable words yet.
"What time did Hermes say to meet him with the staff?"
"Five. Why?"
Because it's nearly five, Geroge informed them, and their eyes widened.
"Let's go!" they shouted in unison as their hands linked together as Percy led them towards the subway.
******************************************************************
As they travelled north, the serpents curled around the caduceus and dozed contentedly with bulging bellies seeing as the subway was full of food for them.
They met Hermes by the Atlas statue at Rockefeller Centre and Cressida still flipped off the statue as they were reminded of the time they actually met and fought the real Atlas and Cressida took on his curse like an idiot. A gorgeously brave idiot but still an idiot because Percy remembered the heart attack he nearly had when she did that.
"Thank the Fates!" Hermes cried. "I'd just about given up hope!"
He took the caduceus and patted the heads of his sleepy snakes.
"There, there, my friends. You're home now."
Zzzzz, said Martha.
Yummy, George murmured in his sleep.
Hermes sighed with relief. "Thank you, Percy and you too Cressida. I just have time to finish my deliveries! But what happened with Cacus?"
They told him the story but when Percy related what Cacus had said about someone else giving him the idea to steal the caduceus, and about the gods having other enemies, Hermes's face darkened.
"Cacus wanted to cut the gods' communication lines, did he?" Hermes mused. "That's ironic, considering Zeus has been threatening ..."
His voice trailed off.
"What?" Cressida asked darkly. "Zeus had been threatening what?"
"Nothing," Hermes said.
It was obviously a lie, but it was probably safer for everyone to just ignore it for now because gods didn't like it when you called them out for lying to your faces.
"Okay ..." Percy said before his girlfriend could press the issue. "Any idea what Cacus meant about other enemies, or who would want him to steal your caduceus?"
Hermes fidgeted. "Oh, could be any number of enemies. We gods do have many."
"Oh, I wonder why," Cressida said sarcastically but Hermes didn't catch it as he nodded, or maybe he had other things on his mind.
The god managed a smile. "At any rate, well done, both of you! Now I must be going. So many stops-"
"There's a small matter of my reward," Percy reminded him.
"Ah, the mystery surprise you refuse to tell me about," Cressida said pointedly.
"It's our one-month anniversary," Percy boasted. "And I told you that you deserve something special."
Cressida just rolled her eyes as she reached for his hand. "Yeah, well your definition of surprise and mine are probably very different."
"Yeah, we'll see about that."
"Ah, yes, your reward." Hermes looked them up and down. "I think we'll have to start with new clothes. Manhattan sewage is not a look you can pull off. Then the rest should be easy. God of travel, at your service."
"What is he talking about?" Cressida asked.
"A fancy dinner with a special surprise," Percy said. "I did promise."
Hermes rubbed his hands. "Say goodbye George and Martha."
Goodbye, George and Martha, said George sleepily.
Zzz, said Martha.
"I may not see you for a while, Percy," Hermes warned. "But ... well, enjoy tonight."
He made that sound so ominous, and they wondered what he wasn't telling them, but they didn't get much time to wonder before Hermes snapped his fingers, and the world dissolved.
******************************************************************
Their table was ready.
The maitre'de led them to a table on a rooftop terrace with a view of the lights of Paris and the boats on the River Seine. The Eiffel Tower glowed in the distance.
Percy was wearing a suit. And not just any suit, but he was wearing a tux. He felt like James Bond if he was being honest.
At least that was until he saw Cressida and then he felt like he was back on Circe's island in guinea pig form and there she was dressed like a goddess. But this was that times a hundred.
Her hair fell in waves down her back, her grey streak matching her silver dress. It hugged her torso before flaring out at her hips and falling to her ankles, no design on the shimmery but smooth material as the straps clung to her biceps rather than her shoulders, showing off her athletic figure. Her camp necklace was gone and in its place was a single teardrop diamond with matching ones hanging from her ears. Percy forgot that she had her ears pierced sometimes. Her charm bracelet still sat on her wrist and her feet were clad in glittery sandals.
Percy was speechless. Then again, that was a constant state for him when it came to anything Cressida.
"Whoa," he muttered as Cressida looked up from her outfit and she smiled when she saw him.
Someone pinch him.
"Likewise," she returned as she sauntered over to him, closing the distance between them.
"You look...beautiful."
She laughed as she ran her hands down his lapels, making his heart race. "You say that when I'm wearing your oversized clothes and we eat cookie dough on a rainy day."
"You're lucky I'm even speaking right now," he said as her deft little fingers flattened his bowtie. "You kinda short-circuited my brain."
"More so than usual then," she replied as she continued admiring his body in a suit. "I am definitely a fan of you in a tux."
He rolled his eyes at her before he gave into his impulses. "We're in Paris. Before we have dinner, can I just..."
And Cressida was beaming as he took her hand and spun her around, the ends of her dress flaring out before he tugged her to him and dropped her into a dip as he kissed her.
It was the kind of kiss that was so magical that they were trying to savour it as long as possible to try and burn it into their brain.
It seemed fake. It seemed staged. Something you saw in a movie or read in a book.
And yet it was completely and utterly real.
When they pulled away, both of them taking a second to start functioning again, Percy led her to her chair and he pulled it out for her before taking his own seat.
The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, a Diet Coke for Cressida and a regular Coke for Percy, because even though they were in France and in fancy clothes, they were still themselves.
They dined on a bunch of food that Percy couldn't pronounce, but Cressida could because he nearly forgot how multilingual she was and that she spoke fluent French. Either way, it was delicious.
It was only half an hour later when Cressida was finally able to comprehend it.
"Fish Face, this is incredible," she remarked, and he grinned.
"Only the best for you. I also can't wait to rub this in your father's face the next time he threatens me about taking care of you."
Cressida let out a musical laugh and when Percy died if he could just relive this moment over and over again that would be Elysium enough for him.
"I look forward to watching that," she said. "This is a nice save though. I can't imagine what you could've tried to pull together had Hermes not shown up."
"Well, I guess it's a good thing for both of us that he did show up."
"Either way, I'm impressed."
"I have my moments."
"Your timing isn't always the best but yes, you do have your moments." She reached across the table and took his hand, their fingers playing with each others. "Did you get the feeling that something back is about to happen? Like Kronos bad? Especially with how nervous Hermes was."
Percy just shook his head. "Let's just enjoy tonight. Hermes will be teleporting us back at midnight."
"Care for a walk along the river then?" she suggested, and he smiled.
"Sounds perfect," he said as he stood and walked over to her, offering her his hand.
"How about for both of our sakes, we'll just celebrate our one-year anniversary next? I don't even want to imagine what kind of monsters you'll have to fight to take me to... Hawaii for our two-month anniversary."
"You know, my dad could probably organise that," he said, and her hand froze from where she'd been about to take his as she gave him a dead look. "Kidding. Unless that's what you wanted."
"How about we just take that walk?" she sighed before she did that thing he loved where she slid her hand up his palm.
"Whatever milady wishes."
"By the gods," she laughed as she stood. "You're ridiculous."
"Come on," he said as he began leading her inside back the way the waiter led them. And he pulled out the black metal Olympus Express card Hermes left in his jacket pocket, just like the purple card she had from her father. "I want to explore Paris with a beautiful girl. And I want to add another charm to your bracelet."
She blushed before she hit him with a counteroffer.
"So long as I get to kiss you in front of the Eiffel Tower when it lights up at midnight."
Percy sucked a breath through his teeth. "You drive a hard bargain, Grape Girl. And I am left with no choice but to accept."
"As if it was a hard choice to decide to kiss me or not. Everyone we know knows that you're obsessed with me. "
They walked out onto the street, across from the river as he tugged her to a stop.
"And I am never going to let you go."
She wasn't wearing makeup, but her blush made her cheeks rosy as she gave him a bashful smile. "So you don't mind if I ask you to prove it by locking one of those locks on that bridge like cheesy other couples do when they visit Paris?"
Percy brushed her hair over her shoulder as she gazed up at him. "I will reassure you about this, about us, as many times as you need me to. I'm not going anywhere, Cress. And the lock can be as big and as bulky and as dramatic as you want it to be. You can engrave it yourself with your switchblade too. Anything to prove that this is real and that I am not going anywhere."
And her breath was shaky as she exhaled and simply wrapped her arms around Percy, needing nothing more in this moment than to just be held by her boyfriend as the Paris streetlights shone down on them.
And it was perfect.