Tahimik kong nilapag yung toga ko sa ibabaw ng study table ko. Hinubad ko din yung suot ko at nilagay sa hanger at sinabit sa isang tabi. Kakauwi lang namin at medyo lutang pa ako dahil nag speech pa ako kanina. Sabi nga ni Kuya dapat daw nilagyan ko manlang ng feelings yung boses ko. Pero para sakin okay na iyon, nagpasalamat naman ako sa lahat e.
Pumasok ako sa walk in closet ko para humanap ng damit na presentable. We will have a formal dinner outside. Instead kasi na maghanda nalang sa bahay ay nagsabi ako na baka pwedeng intimate dinner nalang sa labas. Ayaw ko muna kasi makakita ng madaming tao. Gusto ko kami kami lang.
Napapagod ako... nalulungkot din dahil hanggang ngayon iwas pa din si Addison sa akin.
Though nagpadala sya ng gift kanina pero hindi iyon sapat para sa akin. I want to see her.
Kahit masilayan ko lang sya ulit na nakangiti, okay na sa akin iyon. Huwag lang yung ganito na parang tinataguan nya ako.
Matapos kong mabura yung make up ko at makapaglinis ng katawan ay lumabas na ako ng banyo at nagbihis. Finold ko hanggang siko yung sleeve ng damit ko. Inayos ko din yung belt ng slacks ko at sinuklay ang medyo humahaba ko ng buhok.
I still look beautifully handsome, but I can't bring myself to smile, even if it's a fake one. I lost the joy in my eyes too. Mabuti nalang hindi nila napapansin iyon dahil sanay sila na tahimik ako at may sariling mundo.
Basta, parang bumalik ako sa dating ako nuong hindi pa sya nakakapasok sa buhay ko.
I sprayed some perfume on my neck,shoulders, and wrist, and when I was satisfied with my looks, I decided to go down.
Nasa sala na pala silang lahat at ako nalang ang inaantay.
When they saw me, Dad and Mom flashed me a genuine smile. I know they're proud because I got the highest spot in our ranking. But I know that they're still proud of me even without those things. Bonus nalang kumbaga na honor student ako dahil mahal naman nila ako kahit wala iyon.
Umakbay sa akin si Kuya at inamoy ako. Siniko ko tuloy sya kaya napa igik sya sa sakit.
"Mom, I told you! Look, she's becoming mature, alam na nya magpabango. Siguro may pinopormahan na ito."
"Shut up.."- I said lowly and rolled my eyes.
"Kenz, stop teasing your sister."- suway ni Dad.
Ngumuso naman si Kuya at lumapit ulit sakin. Hindi para mang asar kundi para bumulong.
"If you like someone, don't be afraid to tell it to me, okay? Kikilatisin ko because I don't want to see you get hurt. You're precious to me, Juztine."
He kissed my head and tapped my back. Until they all decided that we should have a group hug. Their laughter resonated in the air, and I'm sure some of our maids who were busy cleaning heard us and saw us having sweet family moments.
We arrive at the restaurant, which is too familiar to me. I swallowed hard and couldn't even move my feet to walk inside.
"Why are we here?"
"What's wrong? You said yes, right?" - Mom inquired, sounding confused.
"You didn't tell me, dito. Akala ko ba sa ibang resto——"
"Mom? Juz, what's wrong?"- my brother asked. He's looking through the open window.
Palipat lipat din ang tingin niya sa amin ni mommy pero ang atensyon ni mommy ay nasa akin lang.
Narinig ko din ang pagbaba ni Kuya sa kotse kasunod nya si Dad.
"Anak, ayaw mo ba dito? Ang totoo nyan mag papa reserve sana kami sa iba pero nauna ng kausapin ng Kuya mo si ate Rein mo at pumayag naman sya na dito ka nalang mag celebrate."- she explained.
"It's not that I don't want to be here. I'm just... confused."
Napaisip ako habang papasok kami. Baka nga nag aasume lang ako na galit sya at umiiwas sa akin. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing everything that's happening around me.
The waiter guided us towards the VIP room. I'm just quiet the whole time, but I'm low-key appreciating everything I'm seeing. Hindi ko expected na maganda talaga ang design sa loob. Para akong nasa isang magarbong mansion.
"Is she here?" - I heard Dad talking to Kuya.
"I hope she'll come. She's a part of the family naman."
Kumunot ang noo ko at lumingon sa kanila.
"Hindi mo pa nga asawa.."- malamig na sabi ko dahilan para matigilan sila.
Napatawa naman si Kuya at kumindat. "Soon little sister."
I looked away and didn't bother responding to him.
I felt my mother's hand caressing my back and smiling softly at me. "You can relax. No one's here except us."
Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na sobrang stiff ko pala. Bumuntong hininga ako at sumandal. Hindi din naman nagtagal ay dumating na yung mga order namin na pagkain. Masyadong madami pero bahala silang umubos nyan dahil pipiliin ko lang anong gusto ko.
Saktong nainom ako sa baso nang bumukas ulit ang pintuan.
I almost choked when I saw how breathtakingly beautiful she is. Her hair was in a stylish messy bun that suits her angelic face, and her shoulder blades were being shown because she was wearing a beige off-shoulder short dress that perfectly hugged her curves. Her long legs were walking elegantly towards our table, and the more I heard the sound of her heels, the more my heart was beating fast.
Kakainom ko lang naman pero parang nauhaw ako lalo.
"Hello po. Good evening."- she greeted politely.
Napayuko ako dahil tumayo si Kuya at hinalikan sya sa pisnge at pinaghila pa ng bangko para makaupo sa mismong tapat ko pa.
"Good evening din, hija. You look beautiful."- sabi ni mama.
"Oo nga. Kaya baliw na baliw ang anak ko sayo e."- si Dad naman ngayon.
Mga anak dapat.. joke lang pala.
"Si Dad naman e!"- nahihiyang sabi ni Kuya.
She was just smiling as if she were used to this kind of teasing. My brother was too shy to even look at each of us.
While they were exchanging conversation, I was slowly becoming deaf. I'm looking down at my plate, and as each second passes by, everything becomes blurry until all I can hear is my own heartbeat.
And then I realized one thing. Liking her will only create chaos. Both of them look so in love, and my parents love their tandem as well.
I gasped lowly as I swallowed the food after chewing it. It's hard to pretend, but I need to act normal like I always do.
Isang tapik sa balikat ang pumukaw ng atensyon ko.
"Okay ka lang?"- tanong ni Kuya. "Kanina ka pa tahimik. We are here to celebrate. So stop sulking there."
"Hayaan mo na ang kapatid mo. Hindi ka pa nasanay dyan."
"Pero Ma——"
Dad cleared his throat and was about to say something when his phone rang, which is why he excused himself first.
"Kumain ka ng madami anak. Masarap lahat. At saka favorite mo yung iba dito, diba?"- bulong ni mama at nilagyan pa ng madami ang plato ko.
My lips pursed. "Ayaw ko na po."
"Anak..."
Tumayo ako at nilapag yung table napkin sa mesa.
"Restroom lang ako."
Tumalikod na ako at lumabas. Hindi ko din sya tinapunan ng tingin dahil mabigat ang loob ko.
Hindi naman ako nag c.r. Dumiretso ako hanggang labas at sumandal sa isang lamppost. Humalukipkip din ako at tumingin sa kalangitan.
I should be celebrating right now, but the opposite happened. Totoo nga na mawawala ka talaga sa mood kapag inatake ka ng negative thoughts.
I used to love darkness, but lately it's suffocating me.
I heave a sigh and comb my hair, making some of its tips fall in front of my eyes.
"Why are you here? It's cold."
I straighten my back and quickly turn my head to where that angelic voice came from. She's standing a few steps away from me while caressing her arms.
"How did you know I was here?"
I put my hands in my pocket and stared coldly at her. I need to keep my cool.
"The CCTVs were connected to my phone, that's why."
Nanatili akong nakasandal sa lamppost at pinagmamasdan sya. Bakit sya nandito? E kanina hindi nga nya ako binati sa loob.
"Let's go back. They're waiting for you."
"Ayaw ko."
She blinks her eyes and smiles a little. She stepped closer, making her face more visible in my sight because of the light coming from the lamppost.
She's really pretty.
"Claire, come on,"- she said, offering her hand.
"Ayaw ko nga. Ikaw nalang bumalik duon."
Umalis ako sa pagkakasandal at tumalikod. Kung ayaw nya akong tigilan might as well layuan ko sya ngayon.
"This celebration is for you. There are more things coming that we have prepared for you."- rinig kong sabi nya at ramdam ko din ang pagsunod nya sa akin.
"I'm not feeling well."- pagdadahilan ko.
Hindi naman ako pwedeng pumasok sa kotse dahil wala sakin yung susi kaya nilagpasan ko lang ito.
"Tell me what's wrong. Is it the food? Tita told me you like those; that's why I told the chef to cook all of them."
It's not the food. It's the atmosphere inside that room that's making me sick. I hate what I'm feeling right now, and I don't want to feel it again. That's why I don't want to go back inside.
"Claire naman.."- rinig kong reklamo nya. "Humarap ka nga sakin. Kinakausap kita."
I felt her hand grabbed my arm. Hindi ko naman sinasadya na mapalakas yung paghawi ko e. Muntik na syang matumba pero mabuti nalang at mabilis ko syang nayakap kaya sa akin sya sumalampak.
Her breasts crushed mine! Damn it!
"I'm...done," - I whispered while holding her and staring down at her expressive eyes.
My eyes drop down on her lips, and trust me, it looks like she's inviting me to taste them, but I know better. I won't kiss her.
Her hold on my arm and shoulder tightened, and her brows slightly furrowed.
"What's that?" - she asked, confused.
"Ha?"
She pushes me, and her eyes rake all over my body. She stopped in the middle, and I saw how her eyes went wide. Her lips parted as well, and she became pale.
I looked down and cursed. I have a boner!
"Addi..."
Humakbang ako palapit pero umatras sya bigla at napatakip sa bibig.
"Let me explain——"
"What the hell, Claire! Oh my gosh!"
Naalarma ako dahil bigla nalang nag sway yung katawan nya, mabuti nalang ay nakalapit ako kaagad. Bumagsak sya sa mga bisig ko na walang malay. Dumoble ang kaba ko at hindi alam ang gagawin.
Sinubukan ko syang gisingin pero wala talagang respond. Maingat kong nilagay ang isa kong braso sa ilalim ng mga hita nya at saka sya binuhat ng maayos. Siniguro ko na hindi sya masisilipan habang naglalakad.
Hinanap ko sa parking lot yung kotse nya at nilapitan. Binaba ko sya saglit at hinanap sa loob ng purse nya yung susi. Matapos ko itong mabuksan ay pinasok ko sya sa backseat. Narinig ko na nag riring yung phone nya at yung phone ko pero hindi ko muna pinansin iyon.
Inayos ko yung pagkakaupo nya at sinandal ng maayos yung ulo nya para hindi sya mangalay. Pumasok din ako sa loob at tahimik na naupo sa kabilang side.
Pinakiramdaman ko yung sarili ko at tinignan yung gitna ng slacks ko.
Bakit kasi nagising ka?!
Habang tulog sya ay nag focus naman ako sa pag iisip ng magagandang bagay para humupa ang init ng ulo ko sa ibaba. I don't want to touch myself here. Pwede ko naman pakalmahin ito na hindi kumikilos. Basta kailangan ko lang mag isip ng ibang bagay.
Masakit sya pero kailangan kong kayanin. Lilipas din ito.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto akong nakatulala. Kung hindi pa ulit tumunog ang phone namin pareho ay hindi ako matatauhan.
Tumatawag sa akin si Mama tapos tumatawag naman sa phone nya si Kuya.
Napalabi ako at ginulo ang buhok ko. Hindi ko sinagot ang calls nila. Nag text nalang ako na masama ang timpla ng tiyan ko at nagpasama muna ako kay Addison na bumili ng gamot.
What an alibi. Sana lang maniwala sila.
Napalingon ako sa katabi ko at napabuntong hininga.
I'm really done. Oh my gosh!
Of all places and times, why does it have to be now?
Inumpog ko yung ulo ko pero ako lang din naman yung nasaktan. Ilang minuto pa yung lumipas bago ko naramdaman na humupa na yung ibaba ko.
Salamat naman at nakisama sya. Dahil ayaw kong magising si Addison at makita na may boner pa din ako. Baka mag hysterical na sya at takbuhan ako.
Ayaw kong umabot sa punto na pandirihan nya ako kaya ieexplain ko nalang sa kanya ang lahat kapag nagising sya. Sana lang maintindihan nya ako dahil hindi ko kaya kung layuan nya ako dahil dito. I trust her, and I hope she can understand my condition.
~~~~~
Thoughts nyo sa size este sa chapter na to? 😂