"Is Mummy here?" I asked Monique. I couldn't see Mummy from here, so I'd gone to the first person I saw on the beach. And I was sure that she could help me whether that meant knowing where Mummy was, or suggesting one of the other mummies who might be willing to change me.
"She's just looking after Hannah," Monique said. "Is there something you need? She said you would probably ask your sister if you need a grown-up."
"I think I..." I blushed, and it was hard to say again. That was even more proof that my baby thoughts were just slipping away. "I might need a change. I went to find Sarah but she's busy now. I don't want to disturb them anymore."
"Okay, honey. Can I get you changed then? Do you trust me to look after you until your Mummy gets back?" I just nodded, and she gave me a quick smile. Then she picked up her diaper bag over one shoulder, and picked up Piggy in the other so she was leading both of us along. It was so cute, and that reminded me of how small I really was compared to her. It made me feel small and safe again, and that was exactly what I needed.
There was a changing station nearby, in a little tiled room. Of course, in the part of the park designed for little kids, there were probably quite a few. Monique lifted me up onto the changing table and strapped me in to make sure I didn't fall off, before she lifted the bag up beside me. I blushed as the unfastened my diaper, but being treated like a little kid was enough to start making me feel smaller than before. She untaped my diaper and wiped me down, all the time cooing at me like I was a real baby. I didn't know what wipes she was using, but I knew I would be happy to be surprised.
"Not a stinky butt today," Monique said with a smile. "Just extra soggy. Did you feel that you made tinkles, baby? You're almost a big girl, aren't you? When you're a real baby, you won't even be able to tell." I blushed and giggled, then shook my head. I hadn't felt myself pee; but I was pretty sure I had done, because I knew that I was rarely dry for more than an hour at a time now.
"Well then," she said, "do you know which pattern of diapers you would prefer? Did your mummy give you a choice before? Because I don't think I have those ones, and I'm not sure which ones she prefers." My first answer was more blushes. And then I realised that I should just ask for what I wanted. Mummy usually listened to me if I asked her for something in particular, and Monique sounded like she wanted to pick one Mummy would be happy with.
"Can I have one that makes my head feel all fuzzy?" I asked. "Like the regular blocks ones? I don't know about these swimming ones. But I kind of started thinking too much grown-up stuff, and when I talked to Sarah I couldn't stop thinking about what's the right thing to do and what I should say and all the responsibility and everything, and it's not so much fun when that happens."
"Aww, you're a silly one," she said, putting on a bg fake smile. "Diapers don't change who you are. You're just a baby, you shouldn't say it's something else." For a second I hesitated; wondering if there was any possible way she really didn't know. But I'd seen the other mummies asking her for tips, and I knew that she had to be the one making her little girls into babies again. Out of all the other families, she was the one I was most sure knew what she was doing.
"I read some of Mummy's book," I said. "And I read some stuff on that forum where you know her from. Mothers Hub I think it was."
"You must have misunderstood," she said quickly, and I didn't really understand why she was being so defensive. "Your Mummy loves you, and she'd only ever try to help you. You shouldn't tell anybody about that stuff, because you're not really big enough to understand it." And then I thought maybe I might understand. She was worried because she thought I'd figured out what Mummy was doing to me. She had it all the wrong way around.
"I know!" I said, with a big smile. "I promised Mummy I wouldn't tell anybody. I said I'll keep it secret if she lets me be the baby. But I can tell you, right? Because you already know."
"You're okay with being a baby?" she asked, and she seemed more confused than I ever would have imagined.
"Yeah. Less chores, and less homework. I even stopped going to school now. It's..." I wondered how to explain. And then I realised that I could clear up her confusion about Sarah at the same time. "Last year one of the bullies at school started a rumour that Sarah's drinking beer and doing naughty stuff. And Mummy didn't know it was all made up, so she started making Sarah into a baby. Then when she found out, she didn't want to stop 'cause she found out she really liked having a baby to look after. But I found out, and I said I'll keep the secret so long as she lets Sarah grow up and I can be the baby instead. Sarah used to keep the bullies away from the little kids, so if she can't be big it's harder for everybody. So now it's like everybody's happy. Mummy gets a baby to look after. Sarah gets to help her friends. And me and Lyra and Penny get to play and not worry about all the grown-up stuff."
"Okay," she said, smiling at last. "I think you're a good girl for your Mummy, aren't you? And you'd like to be just like a real baby, and not worry about anything at all." I nodded excitedly, and let myself babble just a little bit to show her how excited I was. Whatever she could give me, I was sure that it was going to be a whole lot of fun. She got out a new packet of wipes on, with pictures of princesses riding dragons. She made extra sure to wipe me all over, and I found that I was getting a little bit curious as well. It was like having a big gift for my birthday, all wrapped up in pretty paper, and no idea what might be inside. I didn't think I'd ever seen those wipes before, and I was so excited to find out what was in them. And when she put me in new diapers, they had dragons as well; but they were mermaids hugging dragons underwater. I didn't know what kind of dragons could swim that good, but I thought they looked cute so that was all that mattered.
We were just coming out of the changing room when I saw Mummy with another little girl, who was probably twice as tall as me but was talking in all baby babble. She seemed happy, anyway.
"Hi Alice!" she said, and waved to me. The other baby waved too, and then everybody laughed.
"Alice asked for a change," Monique told her. "I thought I'd best deal with her while you were occupied and Sarah and Scott were... Well, I understand that those two might need a few words when you get them home. I hope you don't mind I gave her serpents; you didn't actually mention the roles for your little ones."
"Little one," Mummy smiled. "And serpents, I don't think I know those. Are they–" The next bit of the conversation seemed to mostly consist of two mummies implying things with a tilt of their head, or turning their eyes in one direction; maybe a minimal bit of body language. I couldn't follow it at all, but I could only guess that they were trying to keep the truth from the other baby there. I didn't need to think about it though, because I was already starting to feel a little giddy. Whatever it meant, I was sure that I was going to have a lot of fun just being a helpless little baby.
They went back to the main part of the beach, and put me down beside the water. I sat down on the sand, with some other babies who were trying to make sandcastles. I noticed right away that the sand here wasn't quite like real sand; it was more like a bunch of jellybeans that stuck together when they got close. So maybe that meant it wouldn't clog up the water, and it was extra easy to make sandcastles. And I thought it might be easier to brush out of a baby's hair as well. A beach trip that would be extra-easy for the grown-ups, that sounded perfect to me.
I started playing around, but I still noticed that Mummy found where Sarah was sitting on a ledge, and I could tell from the way she stood that she wasn't too happy. I started feeling bad then, worrying that I'd said much and gotten my sister in trouble. But there was no yelling, so I could still hope that it wouldn't be too bad.
A few minutes later, I realised that I wasn't enjoying myself as much as I was supposed to. Playing in the sand should have been just fun for a little baby, but I was still worrying about Sarah. I wanted to help her, of course I did, but there wasn't anything I could actually say. I needed to stop thinking so that I could stop worrying. And I felt a little bad about that, because I wanted to help Sarah if I could. I didn't want to be dependent on being babied, not when I would have to give it up sooner or later. I just didn't want to think the big girl thoughts right now. And I knew how to fix that; at least if these diapers were like the other ones, working better when they were wet.
I could have stood up, but I wanted to try thinking like a baby. So I decided to pretend, and started crawling across the weird fake sand. And then I was on the edge of the pool, rolling myself into the shallows. And the swim diaper swelled up instantly with pool water. It got a little bit thicker, and then it was extra snuggly around my tummy, and I imagined that I could feel special tingles in my bum as well. I didn't know if it was going to do anything, but when I started moving back to my new friends, I knew that I couldn't remember any of their names. And my legs were just a little bit more wobbly, so maybe I couldn't have stood up like a big kid even if I wanted to. It was so easy while we were here, and I was glad that I didn't have to think about anything. I could just stare at the sandcastle, and think about how much I wanted to make a bigger one; all the other thoughts ran away out of my head.
I felt myself start to pee, but that didn't make a difference now. It wasn't even something I needed to think about, just a little funny feeling in my tummy. And then there was the tingling from my diaper area as well; and just maybe I was aware of what was going on enough to notice that some of my muscles had started to go numb. I needed to go, but I was just a little baby. I didn't need to understand what those feelings meant. A pressure that I didn't even know how to care about built up inside me, and then I could feel that I was pooping, without any signals from my brain to make it happen. I didn't need to push, it just happened. I was too little to know about it at the time; my brain was completely in baby mode again. But when I thought back later, I realised that I'd had no control at all; just like a real baby. And I knew that somehow this was a special treat, something that would always be a treat for me.
"Ohh!" Misha said, pointing and laughing. "Alice is a stinky bum!"
"Yeah!" I cheered, and for a second I felt so proud of myself for being able to remember a word.
"We'd best get you changed then," Mummy said. "Again." And I could only giggle as she carried me away, sure that I would get to play with all my little friends some more for the rest of the day.