Carina knew from the second that Maya stepped into her hotel room that something was bothering her. She wanted to know what, but she didn't want to pry too much.
"Are you okay, bambina? You're quiet tonight." Carina asked as she laid back into the pillows of her bed, Maya next to her.
Maya sighed and began twisting her ring around nervously. "Beckett's back at 19. Theo is still acting captain but once Beckett's deemed fit to return he'll be captain again unless someone beats him for it." She explained.
"Beats him for it?" Carina asked, brow furrowed. "Ross asked anyone who wants to be captain to step forward and she'll take them into consideration." The firefighter admitted.
"Did you?" Carina asked after a second of silence. Maya inhaled and exhaled loudly. "No."
"Why not?" Carina questioned, taken by surprise. She fully expected Maya to try to get her job back, truthfully.
"Last time I tried to get my job back I almost lost you. I....can't do that again." The blonde replied.
"Maya...." Carina trailed off, glad that her wife was putting her first again, but a little upset that her career was taking a toll because of it.
"Carina, you're my priority. Not work. I know I haven't been showing it well, but it's true. I want my focus on you, not on climbing the ranks. I doubt there's even a point anymore since Ross hates me." Maya said firmly.
"Are you sure? Because I want you to go after what you want. I don't want to hold you back."
"Trust me on this, babe. If anyone deserves captain, it's Andy. If I'm meant to be captain again, then it'll happen with time and I'm okay with that." Maya said, wiping a stray tear off of Carina's cheek.
"Thank you." Carina whispered, pressing a kiss to Maya's forehead. Maya smiled, but Carina could still tell it didn't reach her eyes.
"What else happened today?" The OB asked. Maya sighed. Her wife knew her so well, it was annoying sometimes.
"We had a call to an MVC. One car was three teenagers, the other was an old couple. The driver of the teenagers car looked down at her phone for a second. Her friend in the passenger seat had a nasty compound fracture in her leg, and....their friend in the back died on impact. The passenger called her mom and I can't....I can't stop hearing the mothers' screams." Maya explained, her voice cracking at the end.
"Oh, bella." Carina soothed, taking her wife into her arms and pulling her close to her chest.
"I saw her collapse into Ross' arms and I can't....I want to be a mom and have kids with you, but I don't know if I can....send them out into the world just for them to die because of a stupid mistake." Maya admitted, letting out a sob.
Carina's heart ached for Maya. She knew what it was like for newborns to pass away, but to physically watch a young adult pass away had to hurt.
"I know. I know it's scary to let them go, but we have to just trust that we will raise them the right way."
"If something like that ever happens to one of our kids, I don't....I don't know if I'll ever be okay again." The firefighter whispered.
"We can't worry about that right now, bambina. I'm not even pregnant right now. We have to worry about the things we can control, si?" Carina prompted.
"Yeah." Maya said, inhaling shakily.
The two women stayed in the same embrace for a few minutes, enjoying a comfortable silence between them.
"Are you feeling better now?" Carina asked, pressing a kiss to Maya's hair. "Yeah. Thank you." Maya said, smiling.