"I know where Kai is."
Cora was leaning against the hood of my car when I went to unlock it after school. Kai hadn't been in today, and it felt as if the rest of his friends were avoiding me.
The only real win of the day was that Tommy hadn't told anyone what he'd learned. Maybe because there was still some hint of morality at his core; some recognition that he had already dealt me enough harm that the scales of who was more grievously injured by the other could never be balanced. I was grateful. I cared more about Kai than I ever would about my reputation, but it would be nice to have both.
But it didn't really seem as if it were likely when I couldn't find a single one of my friends. At least, I hadn't seen them. Jameson and Cora had been absent from homeroom and Seb's usual seat next to me in Biology was vacant. Our usual lunch table was empty, and I'd instead sat with Aurora Anderson and her friends, who'd welcomed me without hesitation, but seemed confused that I wasn't choosing to sit with my usual crowd. I'd have answered their unasked questions if I knew the answers myself, but I wasn't really sure why. Kai, evidently, hadn't chosen to cut me off completely. Just because we hadn't confirmed what our relationship was—romantic only for show, or in reality; friends, best friends, or friends with casual benefits—the one thing I knew was that we had one, regardless of its iteration.
But clearly Cora, at least, had been here, and probably all day. It didn't surprise me that she was ignoring me; we were still fighting, technically, although since the anger all stemmed from her camp, it was understandably and rightly one-sided.
She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for my response. I didn't know how to respond to a statement like that, given that Kai himself was the source of our argument. Especially since Sydney had enlightened me on why, exactly, she'd been so furious.
So, I didn't answer her statement. Instead, I looked her squarely in the eye and asked, "Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?"
Cora rolled her eyes, with the characteristic irritability she always displayed when someone asked a stupid question. "Unfortunately, Sydney has forced me to realise you weren't being malicious, and you really were just stupid all along. She dropped by my house last night begging me to forgive you, as if I wasn't always going to do that anyway."
In her own way, Sydney was truly trying to make amends for what she'd done. It made me think I'd done the right thing by not cutting her out of my life entirely.
"You were right to be mad at me," I said.
Cora shrugged, kicking the loose gravel with the rim of her school shoes and avoiding my gaze. "Not really. It's not as if you knew."
I tapped her shoulder to get her attention and when she looked at me, I tried to effuse every ounce of sincerity I could muster into my words. "I should have known."
At that, she grinned. "Oh, absolutely."
It made sense, when I reflected. Sydney's decision to single-mindedly pursue a guy she didn't really care about. The way Cora kept insisting I figure out my shit with Sydney, because she was afraid I would lead Kai on while still harbouring unresolved feelings for my ex-best friend. Cora's historical aversion to any particularly serious romantic entanglements over the years. A thousand puzzle pieces that slotted into place.
I offered her my hand. "Friends again?"
"Don't ask stupid questions," said Cora, shaking it with a bemusement at the traditionally masculine gesture of resolved tension. She squeezed my hand tightly, until I hissed and withdrew it. She lifted a shoulder, as if to say, you deserved that. "Instead, ask me all your not-stupid questions that you've been desperate to ask, but haven't, because I would've bit your head off."
I did have lots of those. "Why have you all been avoiding me all day?"
"We haven't," said Cora, cheerfully. "Will punched Tommy in the face, and we were all witnesses. We spent homeroom in the principle's office, and lunchtime in detention."
I blinked. Okay. "Why did Will punch Tommy in the face?"
"He found out what happened between Tommy and Isabelle years ago," Cora explained. "Apparently, Will didn't even know about it. Isabelle told me about a year ago, and I always assumed he knew. Kai's always known, but he isn't inclined to violence, much."
"Kai wouldn't have told Will," I said faintly. "Not about that."
"Exactly. Kai knows it would drive Will absolutely mental. Plus, it's Isabelle's secret to tell. Well, Isabelle told Will about it." Cora shook her head. "When Will asked Tommy about it this morning, Tommy made some sort of snide comment about Izzy. I think Will's intention was only to let Aster know that he knew what he'd done, but Will wouldn't tolerate anyone talking shit about her. So, Will decked him."
That didn't surprise me. Will was the appointed Dad friend of the group, and Isabelle's self-imposed protector. I couldn't really imagine Will hitting anyone—like Kai, he was far more a lover than a fighter, and had a gentler temperament than almost anyone I knew—but somehow, those things didn't seem to apply for either of them when it came to Isabelle.
"How did the rest of you get involved?" I asked.
"Ah, well. Most of us were there when Will hit him. Jameson told Tommy his hands didn't perform manual labour and also didn't touch trash, but the same didn't apply to his feet. So, Jamie, uh, stepped on Tommy's fingers. Seb hauled Jameson off and I—" Cora looked momentarily guilty, but also a little gleeful. "—I was maybe filming. It wasn't a great look when the teacher sauntered past. We spent half the morning facing the music. Will and Jamie have been suspended, which for Will is an abomination and for Jameson seems to be the fulfilment of a lifelong ambition. If Will wasn't so good at everything, he'd probably have faced expulsion, but I don't think the school particularly wanted their Dux and football captain kicked out."
I was glad to hear Will hadn't suffered any irreversible consequences, mostly because I knew Tommy would be a smug little shit about them. And also because I cared about Will's future. But also, the Tommy thing.
"Did Tommy break his face?" I asked, not because it was the most pertinent question, but because I was scared of the answers to anything more serious.
"Unfortunately, no. But here's to hoping. Maybe he'll fall over on the way out of the GP and severely damage everything." Cora seemed to understand my avoidance technique, and would only indulge it for the extent of three sentences. "And since you actually want to know where Kai was, he didn't come into school today. Zac drove down from Casserine last night to discuss the next few years with Maria and Kai. I hear that might've been your doing?"
Zac had pulled through. Huh. I was glad that my actions had at least actualised one good thing. "Might've been," I said.
Cora nudged my hip with hers. "Thank you."
I wanted to see Kai, to know what he thought about my intervention. And to find out how Kai planned to escape Maria. But there was something else I had to know first.
"Did Kai really tell you that it was fake?" I asked. The question had driven me to distraction for days, but it had only confused me more since speaking with Tommy. Why would he tell them? He'd cut me out of his life to ensure that the secret never got out, and yet he'd told Cora and Jameson and Will and Seb about it anyway?
"Yes," said Cora. But then she bit her lip. "I didn't tell you the whole story when I was yelling at you though. He told me that it was fake, but that it was all his idea. That he'd pressured you into it because he had some kind of dirt on you, and he wanted revenge on Tommy. He said he was cutting off contact because he felt guilty about it all."
Oh, Kai. Kai had known there was a possibility that Tommy would spread rumours regardless of the efforts Kai made to keep it all a secret, and he'd crafted a contingency plan, just in case. The fastest way to spread gossip in this town was Jameson Miller; if Tommy ever decided to share the story, Kai could spread one where he was the villain far, far quicker, and no screenshots of evidence from Tommy would ever be considered more factual than gossip from Jamie.
"You didn't believe it, though. If you did, you wouldn't have been mad at me. Didn't think I'd let him pressure me?"
Cora snorted. "No. You were still in your sheep era. Anyone could have talked you into anything."
"So why didn't you believe it?"
"I have a higher opinion of Kai," said Cora.
Of course. And she should; Kai had never pressured me to do anything, and never would. In that vein, really, none of them would have believed the story Kai fed to them. Will certainly wouldn't, and Isabelle never could've either. And I was thankful for Jameson, who would have been desperate to uncover the truth the other night, but who had evidently refrained from asking, because he knew there were things I needed to unload. No one who knew Kai Delaney could believe an idiotic story like that, but they didn't need to. If Kai spread that story, it would suit his reputation.
And it would protect me from the humiliation I'd feared since starting the ruse.
I did not deserve that boy.
"Cora," I said. "I don't... it's not really fake."
Nothing about the way I felt was fabricated. It was genuine, and real, and maybe forever. I couldn't fathom ever feeling differently about Kai.
"Valerie, I know," said Cora. She met my eye with pure sincerity, without malice or jealousy. "I told you that I know you, and I know Kai just as well. If it was fake, you never could have fooled me. I was suspicious at the start, remember?"
I did remember. Cora had interrogated me in the hallway, all suspicion and doubt, and I'd put it down to her overbearing tendencies. I'd even thought of Cora as a sister-figure in Kai's life; to Kai, I suspected, she was. I'd never even considered that Cora held a candle for him. But I had been afraid she could see right through me; she was so perceptive, always had been.
"What changed your mind?" I asked.
"A fucking smile, can you believe that? It was when we were getting ready for that party at Rebecca's. You called Kai from Izzy's phone, and you kept making these ridiculous jokes about him hiding in your cupboard. And you just had this look on your face, like he was some revelation you'd never expected and..."
Cora looked sad, but it was a kind of nostalgic melancholy, as if she were reflecting on an old, old wound that she was only reminded of when it twinged. I couldn't do this to her. I didn't know what to do.
"Well, I've never heard you laugh like that before. I knew that it was serious, maybe even more serious than you even knew. I knew that look because I'd worn it myself, a hundred times. I knew what unrequited love with Kai Delaney looked like, and I felt sorry for you. I thought, she is going to be exactly like me." Cora exhaled softly, and it looked as if a giant weight had come to rest on her shoulders. "Then he came to pick us up. I saw the way he looked at you, Valerie, and I knew it wasn't only you who felt it. Why do you think I decided that was the night to start really drinking? I didn't begrudge your happiness, because I could see that it was some tangible thing for both of you. He will never see me that way, so I wasn't going to prevent you from being happy for a crush that will never be realised. It just hurt when I was told that I was sacrificing my happiness for something that didn't deserve it."
She was right. She was so right, and I couldn't believe I'd ever dismissed her valid feelings towards the fake relationship. In all the months Kai and I had circled each other, Cora had never made her feelings known. To be so concerned for my happiness was a degree of friendship I could never repay, and could not believe I'd ever disregarded for a second.
"I need to talk to him," I told Cora. "But after that, I will walk away."
Cora nodded slowly. "You're telling me you will ignore your feelings? On my behalf?"
"Of course," I said, even as the promise tore me in two.
"I thought that's what you were saying," said Cora, placing her hands on my shoulders. We looked at each other for a moment, and Cora bent slightly towards me to emphasise her words. "That is fucking stupid, Valerie."
I took a step back. "It is not," I said, indignantly.
"Yes, it is," Cora insisted. "What, do you think I want all three of us to be miserable? One of us should get to date that sexy motherfucker, and given he is not and will never be interested in me, it's going to have to be you."
"But, Cora—"
"And hey," she said, lightening the mood with a small smirk. "Better you than Sydney."
She was so brave, my Cora. So selfless and kind. I didn't know how I'd never recognised those traits as so much more significant than her flaws. How I'd let Sydney make me overlook them. Cora and Kai had grown up together; I wondered if his kindness was inherent, or if part of it had been instilled by the Hart's? I would never know, but I was grateful for both of them. I just wanted to do anything I could to deserve them.
"I don't want to hurt you," I said softly.
"It will hurt me more to watch the two of you gloomily pining for the rest of our lives and knowing I could have made you happy just by setting aside my own feelings," said Cora, flicking her blonde braid over her shoulder, as if the action could hide the sheen to her eyes. She blinked furiously. "I've made my peace with it, Valerie. Just treat him right, okay?"
"Okay," I whispered. "I love you, Cors."
"Yeah, I know," she said, waving her hand. "Now, I told you that I know where he is. Do you want to stop being a sap and go get your man?"
I dropped my keys into her palm.