XVII.
WE ARRIVED AT THE LAKE house just gone ten in the morning, Amanda's mum making sure before we left that I was okay to be driving a long distance. In regards to how I looked, Joy was most definitely right about looking worse and was DeCeno right, I did look like I lost a fight with a bear. The bruising along the bridge of my nose spread under my right eye into a dark purple colour, my chin not looking any better, the bruising the colour of black. It looked like someone smudged a black pen across my chin to my jaw. The gash on my upper lip was going to scar me. I ran my fingers over the sutures on my upper lip, I wish I got to see it before they stitched it closed.
When we finally got to the lake house, which in my eyes looked more like a cosy cabin but whatever makes my parents happy to call it, I went straight to the fireplace and started to pile the kindle and add bits of dry flower stems before lighting it.
Once I got the fire going, hoping it would take the chill from inside the cabin, warming my hands up before I walked over to Amanda to hug her from behind, my hands going under her shirt when I put my warm hands on her stomach.
"You feel like a space heater," she murmured when she turns around, my hands on the small of her back when I pulled her into me more. Her hands ran up my chest to snake around my neck with a smile on her face.
"There are plenty of other ways we can warm up," I suggested on how to get warm when she slapped me playfully.
"No, Wilson," she deadpanned when I over-dramatically pouted at her, her lips pressing against mine when I tightened my arms around her. "Now let me put this away," her hand pushing me back, my hands still on her hips.
I helped her put away the bits of food we got on the way here, probably going to have to stop at the shops to get some more and whatever else we might need. I went back to tending the fire, taking a pillow from the sofa to sit on, putting in a few more logs, the cabin already starting to feel cosy. There is nothing better than a log fire, the flames catching you in a trance with the sound of the wood letting out a crackle and a pop.
For the remainder of the day, we took a walk down towards the lake, the snow coming down in large flurries, the sky in the distance looking black, knowing we are meant to have a snowstorm at some point tonight.
We took a little stroll along the edge of the water, trying to make our way back when we kept slipping in the mud when I finally fell over, dragging Amanda down with me as she let out a small scream, her fist catching me in the chin on accident. I let out a few profanities while holding my jaw when she quickly sat up and moved my hand out the way to look at the stitches and the wound, all I wanted to do was grab a handful of snow and hold it to the cut, my chin feeling insanely hot.
"I am so sorry," she quickly apologised as she tried to get onto her feet to help pull me up.
"I'm fine," I smiled, touching the heel of my palm to it, the area warmer than the rest of my skin.
We took a slow steady walk back to the log house, the snow becoming several inches deeper by the time we got back inside, the cabin nice and warm, warm enough to make my fingers tingle with temperature change. I shrugged off my wet jacket and slung it over one of the wooden chairs when I made my way towards the fire, slumping down on the floor so I could warm my feet up and in the hope the warmth would also dry out my shoes for tomorrow.
We stayed sat down on the rug that covered the wooden floor most of the evening, just talking and laughing amongst ourselves, looking back at our earlier school years and the terrible choices we had made. I think getting away for a few days was a good idea, escaping from that town, from them all. Giving myself time to rest and forget, even though my face right now is a constant reminder and looking worse for wear, knowing the healing part hasn't set in yet in regards to the bruising.
After that hit to the chin earlier, she hasn't stopped apologising, when we got inside she checked it over to make sure it wasn't bleeding or the butterfly stitches hadn't moved. I was curious as to how my mother will act when she sees the state of my face and when she comes home to my car not being on the drive. It wouldn't surprise me if she cared more about me having my car than what happened to me, she has never really been a maternal person.
I looked up when I watched Amanda come back out to the lounge area, two bottles of wine in her hands, "do you realise how expensive this stuff is?" she questioned with a look of disbelief.
"It's not mine," I shrugged knowing it's pricey but by how much since I don't drink wine.
"Can we?" one of her eyebrows lifted, taking my silence as yes when she left to get two glasses.
She quickly came back and sat in front of me, pouring two glasses of wine when she smelt it, her nose scrunching up making me chuckle when she handed me the glass, taking a small sip it was my turn to scrunch up my nose.
"Taste bad?" my reaction making her hesitant.
"Tastes like every other red wine," her face falling flat when she gave me a look that she gave me all too often.
She took a sip and nodded her head slightly, muttering a 'not so bad when she took a larger sip. The wine and the warmth from the fire helped my muscles relax when they left an ache forcing me to sit up straight to stretch my back. I went to open my mouth to ask her a question when my phone started vibrating, the sound muffled until it moved off the rug, Ryan's name illuminating my phone when I chose to ignore it, I'll just give him a call tomorrow.
When I looked up I noticed Amanda looking at me with a small smile on her lips when she turned away to look at the fire and the glowing wood. I placed in a few more small logs to pick the flames back up, the wood crackling before catching fire, not wanting it to die down just yet. I needed it to at least stay glowing through the night as we slept to keep the cabin warm until morning.
Throughout the night we sipped on wine and had several strange conversations until the topics took a turn into asking personal questions that hadn't been asked yet, the level of comfort went out the window the more we drank, Dutch courage coming into play when we started to answer without any hesitation, our laughter erupting throughout the cabin. The both of us stopped when we heard a hard noise hitting the side of the wooden wall, the two of us quieting down until she questioned if there had been any recent murders around here.
"Hey, how do we know he isn't real. Tonight would be the night," our laughs cutting through the silence while I tried to steady myself, Amanda's hand continuously holding me up by the backside of my jeans to keep me steady so I could go and double-check the locks.
"No Jason Voorhees tonight." Giving the door a middle finger before stumbling over my own feet, my hand grabbing the back of the couch.
She raised an eyebrow at me when I rolled over the back of the sofa until I hit the hardwood floor, knocking the air from my lungs. With a roll of her eyes, she gave me a look before turning her gaze back over to the fire.
I found myself gazing up at her from the floor with the soft flames flickering and illuminating her face, a small smile on her dark rose coloured lips and a dimple that would settle in her cheek now and then. She left her dark hair to fall over her shoulder in soft, delicate waves, her skin flawless without a blemish in sight, the light from the fire revealing a scar along the underneath of her jaw, the only way to see it would be getting close and personal with her. I didn't want to speak and ruin the moment enjoying the silence with the fire crackling in the background.
Recently I had been wondering a lot to myself that if we never got grouped up together would we be here, would my life have changed or would it have been like how it used to be. Would I be at this point knowing that I'm gay or just having that small nagging feeling that I could usually drown out? It's hard to believe how one person can make a huge impact on your life, whether it be good or bad. Right about now I felt like my life was in turmoil that I'm trying to stop.
She finished off her drink as she shuddered at the bitter, dry taste when she leaned over to press her lips to mine, feeling myself smile as my fingers knotted into her thick, luscious hair when she tried to pull back, not wanting the kiss to end just yet when she let out a small chuckle.
Even though I didn't want the make out to end, I mean who wouldn't it's Amanda, every guy's dream girl and crush, she helped me sit up and lean against the couch once again, filling my glass up with more expensive dry vinegar.
"I have a question I want to ask you, which will probably turn into more than one question," wanting to get it off my mind so I can stop thinking about it. "If we were never paired up, do you think we would have ended up where we are now? Be honest, no sugar coating." I know I already knew the answer but just wanted to get it off my chest.
"Honestly, probably not, I'd still be with Chrissy listening to her bullshit and the other two's along with it." She answered, her eyes looking down at her hands while she traced the rim of the glass with her fingertip.
"Then I'm glad he didn't change us, I did go to him and beg a little to be swapped to work with someone else." Just putting it out there when she looked at me in disbelief, mouth wide open.
"Wow, the truth finally comes out, you little snake." She joked her eyes narrowing as she looked at me.
"The only time we would talk was to either say something sarcastic or to take a dig at one another." Reminding her of how we used to be.
"And now you're sleeping with the enemy. Also, in my defence you weren't any better, most of the time you'd start the little bickering, I'd just answer you back."
"You would never talk to me and had a constant resting-bitch-face." Her point setting in when I started to bicker as she just looked at me when I proved her point. "I see your point," I laughed when I realised it was probably me most of their time.
"Becca, you wouldn't talk to me either, We have been in the same school since we were children, not once did you ever strike up a conversation with me, then the last year of middle school hit and Chrissy prowled around for a new side bitch, and well and behold I was available for the taking." Finally learning how it was on her side instead of just mine, a little shocked that she took notice of us being in the same school through the years.
"Not going to lie, I'm a little shocked you even noticed me," I laughed lightly while a sad look crossed over her face when she looked up at me.
"Wilson, I never once hated you." She sighed, knowing she had more that she wanted to say but nothing else followed which left us in silence, the fire crackling in the background.
"I want to hear your side then," trying to coax her into telling me.
"I'm sure you don't want to hear that." Her turn to laugh lightly before taking another sip of her wine.
"I'd like to know the becoming of Amanda DeCeno," trying to make light of the conversation when she laughed at my wording.
"It's not that interesting."
"Try me," I shrugged my shoulder when she let out a sigh, knowing I wasn't going to give in.
"Okay. In middle school, I was a nobody, kept to myself, didn't have many friends. That's when Chrissy plucked me up, everything started out being fine, she wasn't who she is now. High school came around that's when she started to change, then my dad died which hit me really, fucking hard. Chrissy saw I was a mess and used me because I was easy to mould so that's what she did. The fun-loving Amanda was no more after that, now I'm left with everything I've done wrong, making absent promises to the people I hurt the most even though no amount of words would fix the bridges I burned." Her voice coming out in barely a whisper towards the end.
"Don't be so hard on yourself," one thing I had started to realise about her she was always such a harsh critic towards herself. Always seeming to make room for other peoples wrongdoings but when it comes to herself she can't excuse herself for a single mistake.
We fell into a peaceful silence, her eyes being drawn back to the fire when she looked like she was having an internal argument with herself, a frown forming on her face when her eyebrows furrowed, seeing her clench her jaw when she looked back over at me.
"Do you know why Chrissy hates you?" she asked when I shook my head.
"No, I've just chalked it up to her being her." Not giving her a reason to hate me other than because she can.
"I know why if you want to hear her shit reason that you had no part in." Making it my turn to furrow my brows when I waited for her to carry on. "So, I'm guessing you know her mother had an affair, did you know it was with your dad?" letting the words sink in and process.
"It wasn't, I don't know who my dad had an affair with." Not grasping what she told me.
She didn't say anything as she let me churn it over in my head what she said, realisation slamming down on me at full force when it sunk in, I felt my eyes widen feeling dumbfounded how I never clued this up, I just thought it was a coincidence. The only part that left me confused is why she thought I had any part to do with it. Shouldn't her anger be towards her parents not at someone who had no fucking clue as to what was happening at the time?
I didn't have a way to respond so I chose to sit there in silence. I had no reply. Nothing sarcastic. Nothing witty. Just silence. I wasn't sure but I think I was having a hard time letting it sink it, DeCeno realising I was struggling to process the information she just gave me when she crawled over to me. Not paying any attention to her until she straddled my lap to get my attention, her hands resting on my thighs.
"Now would be a really good time to say something, Becca." Her voice sounding concerned.
"Is she the person you're in love with?" not knowing why I was asking this, just wanting the pressure taken from off me? Changing the subject completely in my feeble attempt to deflect.
"Wilson, I'm not in love with her." Pulling a face from the question I asked.
"Why the hesitation?" a face that screamed what-the-fuck crossed over her features.
"First of all, I didn't hesitate, secondly, where the hell did that even come from because clearly, you pulled that from thin air." Correcting me when she placed her hand on my chest, the other grabbing hold of the bottom of my jumper. "I was a mess when I ended up having whatever with Chrissy, there aren't any feelings there towards her, she used me and pushed me aside when she was done until the next time she needed me." She shrugged, her face looking sombre when she looked at me.
Nothing else was said. All I could find myself doing is looking into her eyes, a soft expression on her face.
"I love you," she whispered the three words into the silence.
Leaning forward with my hands on her hips, I heard her breathing hitch the closer I moved in with my hands running to her low back to move her in closer to me when our bodies touched, our faces a few millimetres away when I felt her bottom lip brush against mine. I could taste the wine on the tip of my tongue.
Within a couple of seconds, it felt like time had ceased along with everything else around us. I heard her take a breath while I held mine.
The moment I breathed out she crushed her lips against mine while I ignored the pain and kissed her back just as roughly, her tongue running along with mine when I felt her tugging at the bottom of my jumper. We broke free from the kiss when I helped her remove my clothes taking her shirt off just as quickly, throwing them to the side. Her skin felt hot against mine while her tongue was always a little cooler than mine and I am not complaining. Once her arms snaked around my neck I leant forward to lay her onto her back, our lips still pressed together when I started to unbutton her jeans, a frustrated growl coming up my throat when I sat up, telling her to lift her hips when I pulled her skin-tight jean from her legs, seeing her lay there in just her underwear was enough to turn me on beyond belief.
She quickly sat up while I was left kneeling between her legs as I watched her undo my belt and start to unbutton my jeans when I took her hands in mine and shook my head no, making her freeze and move her hands from me.
"Only you right now," my voice taking on a whole new tone as Amanda listened to me.
I tried to hold my composure when a smug smile pulled at my lips, I pressed my lips against the side of her neck when I lightly bit down near her jaw, hearing her take in a deep breath for it to get caught in her throat, only to be replaced with a breathy moan, her nails clawing down my back lightly until she stopped and dug them into my skin when I bit down on her neck
I lightly dragged my fingertips down the middle of her stomach, teasing along with the waistband of her underwear while my lips found their way back to hers, my index finger hooked into the waistband, slowly pulling them down when her hands pushed against my chest to get me to kneel up. The two of us too eager in taking them off, discarding them somewhere near the other clothing, my lips kissing up her inner thigh while my left hand gripped the other.
I felt her hand knot into my hair when I worked my way up before I sat up to tie my hair back in a messy bun, her eyebrow cocking up at me.
"Now whose cliché," she spoke barely above a whisper, her perfect smile worn on her lips.
A low throaty growl moved up my chest when I steadied myself on her, her hands running up my stomach to feel her nails lightly moved down my ribs and hips sending a shiver up my back.
"Stop talking," I whispered into her ear.
Placing kisses down her throat her hand laced into my hair as I made my way down further, seeing small goosebumps raising when my breath gently licked along her skin. Once I finally stopped teasing and gave her what she wanted I felt her nails dig into my shoulder while the other held my head in place, savouring the taste of her as the flat of my tongue slowly worked its way in between, a short moan coming from her as her back lifted from the floor slightly, one of my hands holding the arch of her back up for the better angle before she pulled me up and kissed me roughly.
She moaned into my mouth while my fingers went in slowly causing her to suck on the tip of my tongue, making the kiss more heated than it already was, feeling her fingernails digging into my back when she clawed down my sides, the closer she got the louder she moaned, the harder she dug into my sides before grabbing my arms when I pushed her over the edge, her moan louder than the last.
Her chest heaved up and down as she tried to catch her breath while I kissed down her stomach only to stop me when she pulled my back up, her lips pressing against mine as she sat up, feeling her hands push against my chest when I leant back on my hands to feel her body pressed up against mine when her hand grabbed under my chin to make me look at her.
"My turn," she purred against my lips, the tip of her tongue licking over my bottom lip when she pushed me down onto my back roughly, having a feeling that she wasn't going to play nice.
—
Come morning, the snow had stopped at some point in the night leaving me hopeful that getting out for the day would be easy. However, the morning wasn't running as smoothly as I would have liked when Ryan phoned me to give me a lecture, beginning my morning with a headache.
No matter how much distance may be between my mum and me, she still has her talons buried deep inside with that nagging voice in the back of my head, surprisingly the nagging had subsided for now. Whoever claimed that running away from your problems didn't solve anything, clearly had never been in a situation that they ran from because running away from everything back at home felt easier to deal with here than if I was there.
I mean, how much worse can this get though.
Let's recap on what has happened in this last week or so. I got into an argument with my mother over the fact that her daughter is now seeing a girl. To hand it to her though I'd be shocked too, still didn't have the rights to take my car and phone from me but that was fixable to a certain degree. Then I had a fight at school in which I needed medical attention in a hospital, now I looked like I had a fistfight with someone wielding a baseball bat.
I placed the fireguard in front of the fire after placing a few new logs into the flames so the Cabin will still be warm when we get back from where ever we are going. When I stood up I looked over at Amanda in one of my hoodies as she tied her hair back into a messy bun while it dried, checking her eye makeup one last time with a smile to herself, her little morning routine. As I walked towards the door I caught my reflection in the glass, still avoiding every mirror in the house so I didn't have to look at myself.
I pulled on my grey jacket and opened the door, the icy chill licking at my cheeks when I squinted my eyes as the sun shone off the surface of the white snow. With a sigh I walked out of the safe, warm, wooden building and out into the cold, my boots sinking into the powder as I walked over to my car, turning the engine on along with the heat to help get the snow thawing while I got scrapping.
It didn't take long to clean the snow off my car with Amanda helping me before we both climbed inside the warmth, I held my hands over the heating vents to bring life back to them, clenching and unclenching my hands to get the blood flowing.
Driving down the hill from the cabin had my heart in my throat, even while the car was in the lowest gear, every time I hit the brakes my car skidded a few extra feet, failing to gain any traction. I didn't realise I was holding my breath until we made it down onto the road below, not sure now if my car will make it back up and I didn't feel prepared to walk it.
The start of the drive was quiet when I saw DeCeno turn in the chair to look at me, already sensing the question that she was going to ask.
"You haven't commented or spoken about it," she spoke when I quickly looked at her.
"About what?" trying to play dumb because I wanted to keep it locked away for a day or two. I don't even know if my dad is with anyone right now.
"You know what about," catching my bluff or so I like to think.
"I'll be honest, no I haven't. I'm going to end up with way more questions than you'd be able to answer." Saying it how it is.
She didn't say anything else in response when she leant over and gave me a feather-light kiss to my cheek, grateful she didn't press for the questions. What can I think about, at the end of the day he was my Dad so I partially understand but that doesn't give her the right to take it upon me. I should be as equally as angry as she is, I mean it was her mother-dearest. The thought of that relationship sounds like it would be in one of them crappy magazines, wealthy businessman hooks up with priest's wife.
The longer Chrissy stayed on my mind the more I wanted to learn about Amanda's relationship with her. The only thing I've heard is that she was part of the three-o-trio and that they became close but that was barely scraping away at the surface of their friendship. To go from being the queen bee's wingman to not talking.
"I have to ask, it's been annoying me. Have you and Chrissy slept together?" just getting it out there when her head snapped around to look at me, wearing a face that matched the saying of W-T-F.
"Okay, one where the hell was the heads up and two, go with whatever answer you want it to be." She laughed a little incredulously, not having an answer that I want.
She noticed that I wasn't going to say anything else until she answered me when she gave me a defeated sigh.
"You already know the answer, Becca. You don't need me to verbally confirm it for you." Guessing she has a point as I nodded my head slowly for it to sink in.
"Are the rumours true about Chrissy?" changing the subject from her.
"About her sleeping around?" she asked when I gave a simple 'mhm', "everyone knows that isn't a rumour, she talks about it like you're asking how the weather is."
The drive into town was slow, watching other people in their cars skidding and keeping a steady crawl. You knew if you had to slow down there would be no way you'd avoid the vehicle in front, I was glad when we pulled up out front of the shop to get some food to last us a couple of days.
With weather warnings of snow falling heavier tonight, I'd rather be snowed in with food, not sure if I could turn cannibal since I can't even eat a chicken wing without my stomach turning slightly. If it came to survival of the fittest, DeCeno could live off me and I'd be fine with that.
There would be no way though I'd walk down the hill to the corner store to grab something that wasn't going to fill me up, so we best get everything we will need plus more to keep us for a few days. If Ryan is driving up here, good luck to him, part of me hopes he will change his mind and stay back down, just wanting to spend time with Amanda.