[[A/N: Garrett Neff as Alexander will make every girl (fictional and real) drop their bottoms :) hahaha. He's #mcm <3
Anyways, I hope you enjoy this last part for chapter 6; it will be Alexander's last day in Rome. Let's not spill any tears, he does not even know he is leaving his sister and she does not know he is alive, so save your tears ladies and gents (however rare of you there are on wattpad).]]
[[26 January 25 B.C.E || Alexander]]
I looked outside the concrete window, moving passed the white curtains, searching for what I felt was missing. I did not really comprehend it, but there was this opening inside my heart that I felt somewhere, desiring and missing something I did not know. I sighed and tapped the concrete with my fingers contemplating what I was missing. The frigid air shined passed the warm rays of the dawning sun, meant to warm the land, and glistened onto the warmth of my swarthy skin. I did not shiver or remove myself from the window; instead, I stayed and examined the parts of my body that stayed naked under the soft white wool of my sleeping robe. It was unlatched and it opened my eyes to further examination. I felt the large remnants of a scar underneath my ribcage and pressed it, wondering if by touching it I would remember how I got it. However, I remembered nothing.
For the past days, the one thing I had remembered was that day when the blonde man caught me in his arms and hugged me; it evoked a feeling that made me feel like I belonged with that man. He was my father, the father who I knew, but do not remember.
"Helios," Helena knocked on my door, and I hooked my robe together again, turning my body and mind away from the outside world.
"Enter," I called. I walked away from the window and towards the door, where Helena also came in.
"I have a gift for you little brother," she giggled gleefully and walked into my room, in a stunning white chiton ornamented with gold at the shoulders. Lying underneath of her half-hanging tunic laid golden chains that gilded her beautiful chiton lying underneath. She had her wispy wheat hair braided in an intricate braid behind her head, only allowing a few strands of hair to give her face a natural girlish frame. The tunic that started on her left shoulder and embraced the rest of her body without covering her right shoulder, was also ornamented with gold. The only spit of jewelry she had on besides the golden chains were the pair of dropping golden earrings, each holding lapis lazuli.
Upon seeing those earrings, I felt a chill run through my body and an image alarm through my head. There was a woman, with hair as black as night, holding the grace of a Queen, the emblems of the Queen of Egypt, glittering golden against the yellow red sand. She was speaking, but I could not make out her words, there were people by her: in particular, two men and a little girl. The little girl was calling, but I still could not make out the words; yet, it seemed like she was calling for me. The image disappeared and a concerned Helena, who held my cheek reproachfully, replaced it.
"Are you alright, brother?" she asked worriedly.
"Yes," I nodded, "I just remembered something." I blinked away the fuzziness and remembered the solid details. I revised them again, "I remembered a woman, I think she was the Queen of Egypt, and I saw two men, they're unidentifiable to me, and this little girl, whose face I could not see. She seemed to be calling for me."
I was reminiscing and slowly loosing sense of where I was. I felt like I was returning from where I came from, and where was that?
"We've met the Queen of Egypt before," Helena answered effortlessly; "father was one of her main suppliers of secrets and trade goods from Greece and Rome. I only came with you once to Egypt and I saw the Queen only from afar, though you three had a close view. You should inquire about the vision with Lysander, maybe it will all return to you. Has the memory with father come back to you?"
"Yes," I plastered the falsest smile of my face, "which brings me to my other question: Why are you here?"
"Oh, yes," she smiled playfully, "I want to show you, your bride to be." She pulled out a small stone engraving of my future wife. "I know it is not much, but I was told by the messenger, that she is said to be one of the fairest in Britannia. You will fall in love with her."
Her assuredness, gave me no comfort, because I wondered how I could possibly love someone, if I missed everything. I did not answer her, and instead walked away towards my bed. She seemed to be my sister, she knew me well enough, she did not lie, and she has been honest since I have come here. Father and Lysander too, have been very much the same, but I still could not erase the feeling of nothingness gnawing an open wound in my heart. I sighed, maybe I was overthinking, maybe I just need to start anew in Britannia with my bride; I smiled, I was going to be married. I looked at the engraving and found that she was pretty in a carving. If she were as pretty as Helena, or as Venus herself, I would fall in love with her, and I wondered then, would that missing feeling blow away.
"She is pretty," I answered my sister, compliantly, "What is her name, again?" I walked towards my chest and pulled out my white tunic decorated with a mahogany strip in the middle, and matching toga with the same colored strip adorning it.
"Her name is Gwenyver," she said the name hideously. "The people of Britannia have terrible taste in names," she stuck her tongue out again.
"It's a lovely name," I laughed at my sister's mistake, "now please leave, I must dress up for our travel. Although it was splendid living her for the past ten days, I want to move forward."
"That is splendid," Helena glowed with happiness, "you're listening to Lysander's advice."
I nodded, "Yes," I agreed, "I should have absorbed his help rather than abhor it."
Helena came up to me and gave me a large embrace, "I am proud of you." She kissed the side of my head and told me, one final think, "You do not need to know who you were, all that matters is who you are, my love." She released me and left me to change.
How can I know who I am, without knowing who I was? Must I start from scratch? I sighed, and took a towel from my bed and walked outside of my Grecian room, towards the Grecian baths.
********
"Helios, my son," my father welcomed me to the triclinium with a hard embrace and then he gestured for me to sit down and enjoy a small meal.
There was a plate of freshly baked flat bread and an assortment of cheese settled on another plate. There was a bowl of fruit in between then, and I grabbed the fresh apricots. I bit into it as my father spoke to all of us.
Helena sat beside me and Lysander sat in front of me. Our father sat to the left of me, at the head of the table. Helena was only drinking freshly squeezed lemons. It was sour as sour can become. She drank it because of the health "benefits" and to counter the sourness she ate some winter red grapes from our vineyards. I bit into my apricot laughing at her.
"Wait father," Lysander stopped my father's long speech about the Ap Gruffydd Glyndŵr family, "I do not think the Lady Gwynever would like her husband's golden flecked hair. It brings about so much attention."
"What is the problem with that?" I challenged with a mouthful of apricot.
"Because," Lysander smiled challengingly, "it is grim and gloomy in Britannia; you look like a rebounding ray of sunlight with your multi-colored hair and tanned skin."
"That is good, no?" I wondered, biting into my second apricot.
"Yes," he laughed, "if you desire to die."
"Helios will not live in Britannia," father shook his head, "I mean he could, if he liked," he began to stroke his beard, "but I would like it if he took his bride with him to Volubilis or Greece and established a household there."
"He has a home in Britannia, father," Lysander suddenly spoke, "why does he not just stay there."
"I will never trap my children," father answered, "Helios will be able to travel wherever he desires." He blessed me with a favorable grin.
I looked at Lysander with challenge in my eyes, and he looked at me back with a smirk and narrowed eyes. "Young Gywnever is a lucky young lady."
"Indeed," Helena squeamishly answered after drinking another of the horrid raw lemon drink. "You will make her happy, I believe Helios, and she will fill whatever void is in your heart."
There was a moment of silence as the family ate and decided what other merry topics to discuss. I was silent, because Helena had figured out that I felt; I was missing something. Had I never really been indiscreet? I pushed away the thought. Of course, I have not, she remarked on it earlier. I removed a fluffy piece of flatbread from the plate and took a cheese knife to cut some cheese from the plate and onto the bread.
"I have met lady Gywnever ap Gruffydd Glyndŵr," my father hilariously butchered the name, "her father is a barbaric King...of a tribe. Britons do not have the most stable politics - that is why I do not want you living there. Being Mediterranean is not something one would enjoy living there. Therefore the home in Volubilis, is the most comfortable; however, the house I have in Britannia will be yours, since Lysander has decided not to marry Gywnever." Father's tone sounded reprimanding.
"I have given my heart to another," Lysander poetically spoke.
"And who could that be?"
"Someone I have yet to meet father," Lysander smirked and picked up a pear, "Though, I am sure with Aphrodite's blessing she is right around the corner." He winked at me.
As Lysander left, I shrugged back into the chair, and looked at my father wistfully, "Since I marry her, I certainly must have the land in Britannia, no?" I wondered.
"Of course it will be yours," he waved his hand in the air like an old man, "there is no giving up your land for a brother who wants it. No feuding in this family, we are not Kings, Princes, or those pretentious noble houses, we are modest, and will not fight for what we know has been settled. There is no usurping of my possessions," he looked towards where Lysander had exited, "You hear that Lysander!" he hollered, "I do not appreciate usurpers!"
I laughed and Helena giggled next to me at our father's continuous rude, yet comical, remarks. "Then I get the estates in Macedon, Mauretania - if that is where Volubilis is -"
"Correct," my father pointed out, "and yes, you will inherit the estates is Macedon, Mauretania, and of course Britannia; I do not care what my first-born boy has to say, he can suck the God's genitals if he must, my property is for me to bestow upon my children, not for him to take as he pleases." My father patted my hand, "Do not worry, Helios and Helena, my most kind-hearted children, I will not let you live under your brother's shadow."
Helene removed herself from her seat to hug our father and I squeezed his hand, a small sentimental feeling of love fluttering inside my heart. My father was a great man, and I am proud to call him my father. The emptiness had vacated an open space for my father and Helena, and of course Lysander's humor. It seems that it would not be a sore trip after all.
I deserted my seat and walked outside the villa. Lysander was standing by a column viewing the farmland and the grazing livestock.
"Are you ready to leave?" I asked.
"Not quite," he answered immediately glancing back from the view and at my eyes, "are you?"
"What more could I do here?" I asked slightly burrowing my eyebrows, "Do I have any friends?"
"I actually do not know," Lysander looked away back at the stunning scenery.
"Why not?" I pondered. They seemed to know everything, yet not who I spent most of my time with.
"I did not have a friend when I was growing up," he commented, "I just had Helena, the animals, and a few acquaintances here and there. I never had time for friends, because father always moved from one place to another, and so did father. Remember? Mother divorced father when Helena and I were just ten, and you were but five. She hated the moving around when we were young, and decided to stay at the home; distance is not a friend of love. She eventually fell in love with a Centurion, and left us for him. Father left us with the slaves after she left, but she could not bear to see us raised so improperly." He took a deep breath briefly before continuing the story, "So we stayed in her household, you, Helena, and I until Helena and I turned sixteen and was able to choose who to live with. Mother insisted Helena stay with her, but Helena dislikes our mother. We came home to father after six unfortunate years with my mother. You were eleven, an awkward one." He chuckled.
"What does this story have to do with the previous topic?" I asked impatiently.
"We had private tutors; we live in between mountains for Jupiter's sake," he looked at me fiercely with golden brown eyes, "I never had friends, even living with mother, and I was always on my own. That loneliness stopped when I was in the army; however, men become as close as fish in there." He joked.
I frowned. "I have no friends," I spoke to myself more than I spoke to him, "how peculiar."
"How?" Lysander rolled his eyes, "it is not uncommon to only be friends with the slaves and family." He shrugged.
I sighed impatiently pushing the topic away. In truth, what Lysander says has some truth to it, but honestly, how could I not have friends?
"Helios," Lysander advised, "you will and can make friends in the future, do not worry about the past, because not all things, at this rate will come back to you immediately. There is only one way to move; move forward."
I leaned against one of the stone pillars as another thing bit at my mind, "How about a lover?" I asked
"What about a lover?" he looked at me quizzically.
I smiled challengingly, "Did I have a lover, once?"
Lysander scoffed, "With your beauty," he rolled his eyes, "I would be surprised if you did not."
I smiled, "Does she have a name?"
Realizing what my question was Lysander smiled crossing his arms, "There was this girl once, I found asleep in the barn, on the hay, wrapped in your arms, under a filthy blanket. She was noble, I could tell by her appearance, and when she woke, she was so scared that I could not help but ask what her name is. You had gone along with the joke and she was terrified. Her name was Julia. I betted fifteen denari that she was the daughter of Senator Gaius Julius Marian, and I won that fifteen." He laughed.
"Julia?" I wondered, and smiled a little at the saccharine feeling of the name rolling off my tongue. I said her name again, "Julia..." it registered and I remembered lying down in a white luxurious mattress with a woman's body next to me. It was vivid and I remembered the feeling. I felt like air, light and lively, right next to her. I had whispered her name and she responded by taking the blankets away, then I whispered her name again and she turned to me, a shiny beautiful porcelain face, framed with luscious lavender smelling black hair, and these beautiful violet eyes. We shared a brief kiss and everything, everything about Julia hit me like lightning.
I fell back onto my bottom as I remembered her. There was a searing pain in my skull, that made it hard for me to focus on what was happening in my memories and around me. I held my head and screamed as images of Julia flashed through my head and then vanished. It was only images, no words, no promises; it was images of real, beautiful love...and then torturous heartbreak.
"Helios," Lysander was shaking me shock and alarm flashing crimson in his eyes, "brother wake up." He slapped my face slightly.
I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain started to fade away. I began to hear things from far away, like the slapping of sandals against tile. I rose from the floor and leaned against my left arm. My right arm rose to my forehead, and I massaged it, trying to make sense of what had just happened.
"Helios!" Helena immediately ran to me and sat down next to me caressing my cheek, "Are you alright?" Lysander had mimicking concern in his face, and he immediately got up to explain to father what happened.
I disregarded the bantering and the calls of worry, I focused on the brief images of Julia. I remembered a luxurious ship, full of tradable bounty and a few soldiers. I remember seeing a blonde man, his icy blue eyes, a girl with sea green eyes, and a dead little boy sinking into the sea. I remembered feeling heartbreak seeing that image, I did not understand why. From there, I flashed through innumerous images of Rome, the Queen of Egypt, the little girl, the blonde man, a blonde boy, and then the beautiful face of Julia. From then on, I only saw Julia. I saw her as a young girl, playful, flirty, and extraordinarily rich and beautiful. She hardly talked to me, when I was young, but she talked plenty to the little girl always beside me. I wonder who that little girl is, she must have been the friend I feel like I had. I remember this slow image, as I walked with the little green-eyed girl; we saw Julia and the blonde boy together, alone. That made me feel angry, and the images then warped me back into the present. Right after sleeping with Julia, the blonde boy, who became a blonde man, came back and she hugged him with passion, and that pierced me incredulously.
I felt that the passion she showed him, had only belonged to me, but it seemed so very different; it hurt me. Then it flashed me, like thunder, the image of a small feast dedicated to the little girl and I; she looked hardly like a little girl anymore. It was a feast, in which the blonde man with icy blue eyes spoke and gestured to the couples in each couch. He then pointed at the blonde man, who seemed a little older than I, who sat next to Julia. They were to be married it had seemed by the engagement ring on her forth finger in the left hand. I do not know, but I remembered the grief-sickening pain, and it was enough to make me drop everything and rationalize what I had.
"I need air," I finally told my worried family.
Every one of them dispersed to different sides as they let me breathe and begin to speak.
I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, "My name is Helios Andraos. I am fifteen. My birthday was on the fifteenth. My father is a merchant and my mother is a whore. I have a few friends, I do not know their names; however, now I remember their faces; I have a lover, who broke my heart because she loved me then loved another. Her name was Julia." I summarized, who I was, and stood up to tell my family whom I met, "I met Cleopatra and a few of her family members, her daughter, her sons...I was close to them, but I do not know how close. I was there, when they put the twins in chains, and I met Augustus. Yet, it was Julia I paid most attention to, because I love her." I looked at Helena, Lysander, and father who held an indiscreet concern, particularly Lysander. "I know who I am, incompletely, and I am fine with that; however, I do not want to leave Rome just yet," my family shifted closer to me, wondering what I really desired, "I want to go pray in the temples for a safe journey, and look once more upon Julia's face. Just once more."
"I will retrieve her for you right now Helios, and Helena can bring you to the temples to pray, but we cannot stay here passed tonight Lysander, we will have no ships at our disposal, like Queens and Emperors. I will bring her to the docks of Ostia Antica. In fact, you can just pray there, I am sure there is a temple of Poseiden or Zeus there, port cities are very tolerant of other religions." Lysander announced.
I frowned, my mind still upon Julia, and nothing else. Helena came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulder's she spoke tenderly, "Let us go get your things and pack them. The slaves will be bringing our stuff to the port now." She rubbed my forearms, and then released them, to walk back inside the house.
Father cleared his throat, "You must have met all these young people when you lived with your mother," he patted my back, "she was quite the theatric, and you were the last one to leave." He pushed me towards the door softly.
"Go pack your things," Lysander commanded, "I will be back with Julia."
Lysander walked down the limestone steps onto the cobblestone road. He was going to retrieve my lover; I smiled exceptionally wide as my father and I walked back inside. The only thing crowding my mind was Julia.
********
The sky was orange, coral, and imperial purple, with wispy white clouds littering on the sky. The sun was dipping into the Horizon, leaving the last of its youthful light on the darkening Earth. I had prayed to Poseidon that the waters would be safe in this cold winter. We were sailing to Carthage and travelling past Egyptian markets on large camels, to Mauretania. I had offered a lovely necklace of seashells, my sister provided. She told me it had been a wedding gift to our mother. She was glad to be rid of it.
We stood out in the docks staring at the beautiful sunset. Father was already in his cabin on the ship, mapping out the routes, and where he would deliver the trade goods, he carried in two other ships. Helena and I were most than happy to watch the simple people of the small city walk in suit of their daily lives, motivation written across every face. We were waiting for Lysander and my lover, whom I had wanted to see...briefly...before we left.
"I am anxious?" I admitted to my sister.
"Why?" she giggled, leaning back on her hands on the wooden dock as her feet swung below.
"What if all she tells me is that she does not love me? Yet, she wishes me well on my voyage and marriage?" I worried.
"That is not so bad, Helios," she smiled, "you lose a woman in Rome, you happily get another one in Britannia. It is quite resolvable." She teased.
"What if Lysander does not find her," I groaned.
"Our brother has a keen eye for women, and if this Julia girl is as beautiful as you say she is, then he will spot her without a moment's hesitation." She blinked a few times then yawned. "I am impatient for an evening nap."
I smiled slightly searching the crowd, endlessly longing. Then from the corner of my eye, I saw the imperial purple strip decorated on a long lilac tunic. I turned my head and found a dazzling young woman, with a figure similar to Julia, and hair the same color. A lilac veil covered her long wavy hair that reached her ample bottom. She joyously turned around and exposed a low neckline, which showed off a modest amount of milky cleavage. Her face was haunting, because her face is what I had been dying to see.
I stood up, not paying attention to my sister's words, eyes focused only on Julia. I was quickly approaching her; I was getting closer and closer, to the point that I was still meters away, yet I could smell and feel her body against my aching one. She seemed to be looking at me, with joyful eyes and full plump lips that I would kiss infinite times.
I stopped. The word that came out of her mouth was not what I had expected it to be. She did not call out my name; instead, she called out another name.
"Marcellus!" she yelled, a playful smile painted on her face. I slid out of people's ways and hid behind the fish peddler's goods, pulling out some coins and inspecting his fish as the boy named Marcellus passed swiftly behind me. I watched him, a fair colored handsome man in a blue toga upon a white tunic; approach the woman who I loved. Then it struck me, he was the man in my memories; the man engaged to Julia. I picked a random fish and handed it timidly to the fish peddler. He gave it back to me in a papyrus wrap and I took it, paying him because of the transaction. I moved away from the peddler, as I walked towards the young couple who looked happily into each other's eyes. My heart was pounded into infinite pieces as I watched Julia and Marcellus share one romantic kiss in the seaport city. A single tear poured out of my left eyes, and I angrily wiped it away. I handed the nearest poor man the fish I bought, and he gladly accepted the free food. I walked away, hardhearted, after that, looking down at the wet cobblestones, as light left my soul and the sky.
I accidently bumped into a woman with short blonde hair and a bulging belly.
"Sorry," I put my hands in front of me, not caring to look up at the young woman. I moved around her and started my lonely walk back to the docks.
"Alexander?" she called, touching my back.
I turned around a questioning look on my face. I peered at her, for once, and found that she was a dirty Gallic slave, like the slaves at home. I looked her in the eyes and said, "You have the wrong person, I am not whoever that man is you are looking for." I turned away and kept on walking.
"No, wait," she restlessly pulled me back, "let me look at your face." She looked up at my face holding it in her hands. I pushed her away appalled that she would touch me.
"How dare you touch me," I raged, "I am Helios, not Alexander; therefore, stop saying I am him!" I exclaimed, and then rudely looked down at her belly. "If this Alexander is the father of that fetus, and he left you because he does not want the fetus, may Zeus have pity on you." I removed some denari from the folds of my toga, and took out her hand. I put it in her hand and nodded farewell.
I turned away before she could stop me, and began to run towards the docks. I ran quick and fast into the presence of my brother.
"Lysander," I exclaimed.
"Salve ," he looked behind me, wondering what I was running from, "sorry I could not find that Julia, it so happens that we were both wrong about her being the daughter of a senator, she is the daughter of Augustus." He spoke quietly, and led me out of the night shoppers' ways. We walked back to the docks, where Helena was no longer sitting on the wooden logs. She was probably on the ship. We walked faster, as he speedily rehearsed his story, "I looked for her all day in the city and found out an hour or so ago. I found out that she was in the markets here going to visit her disgraced mother. She is with her fiancé."
"I saw them," I mumbled as we bordered the ship. I was still upset about Julia, and I needed to be alone, but I had to tell Lysander about the slave that mistaken me for the man who must have impregnated her. "There was this small slave in the markets; she stopped me in my return to the docks to inquire about who I am. She thought I was this man named Alexander," I scoffed, "the man who possibly impregnated her; because of course why else would a slave be looking for a man? Money." I angrily thought. "Money runs woman, not love." I walked away from Lysander still raging aloud about women. "How dare Julia do that to me!" I hollered, "I love her, I desire her, I scream for her, I'd move the damn Alps for her!" I kept yelling, until the boat unanchored itself and sailed from the docks, not ten minutes from when Lysander and I boarded the ship.
"Drink some wine," Lysander came to me at the edge of the ship, giving me a glass of wine. He put the expensive wine bottle on the ledge of the ship and drank his own wine. "Women are difficult indeed brother, which is why you must love yourself first. Once you love yourself, you are free to love everything else."
"How has that advice benefitted you, brother?" I asked leaning against the ledge.
"Quite well actually," he smiled charmingly, "I have yet to be the one heart broken."
"Helena says it is good to know pain," I recited, "it is good to feel the pain of a broken heart; therefore, when you feel other pains like illness or a cut, you can compare and tell which pain hurts and lasts the longest." I drank the rest of my wine and grabbed the bottle for more. I poured myself a half cup of wine and drank sipped slowly.
Lysander and I drank our wine and watched the Mediterranean Sea open up for us as we ventured deeper into the magnificent blue. It was soothing, the sounds of the sea, and the color matched well with my mood. When the sun had sunk into the horizon and the sky turned from joyous blue to dreadful starry black, I was at my tenth cup and I was terribly drunk. I was raving with anger and sadness.
"Helios," Lysander spoke comfortingly soft as he patted my curly hair, as I sat crouched on deck behind the edge of the ship. I had my head on my knees and my full cup of wine in my hand. I had thrown up about two times and I was sick. "Helios," he called again, "you should at least try to get this broth inside you." he coaxed. "Helena made it especially for you," Lysander joked.
I lifted my head, and I could tell from Lysander's expression that he pitied me. My eyes were swollen, puffy, and red from crying. They were also dazed from the wine, and I was on the verge of collapsing into slumber.
"Here," Lysander took off his toga and tossed it aside. He sat down beside me under the clear night sky and helped me sit up. I laid my head against the wood and Lysander began to pour broth down my throat. It was not hot, but I felt well about having food in my belly. It prevented the upsurge of vomit.
After helping feed me, Lysander took the cup of wine out of my hand, left it on the floor and helped me get off the floor, which at some point had vomit of it. He brought me back to my cabin and dropped me in the bed. The body slave that accompanied us aided Lysander at stripping away my clothes and shoes and disposing them, leaving me naked in my bed. Lysander rolled me under the blanket, as well as he could and let the slave, better tuck me in. He eventually patted my head and spoke in Greek, "ΚΑΛΗΝΥΧΤΑ (Good night)." He left and I fell into a deep effortless slumber.
[[A/N: So any thoughts about Lysander and Helena? Any predictions? If yes, comment below, and thank you for the lovely comments and votes in previous chapters, you all are charms.]]