Lucy shakes her head vigorously, "Marissa, that is not true. There is so much for you to live for. You are such a bright light for people. Tamara's teacher — he told me what an impact you had on Jenna and Tamara — how you joined their group and how much fun you guys were having together, participating at school, and getting to have an actual high school experience.
"Like you said, Tamara and Jenna and even me, we care about you. I know you've been so hurt, and this was such a major loss for you to have to process on your own. And that you've done some things because of that pain. But Tamara is going to be okay; it's not too late to make things right.
"I don't believe you want to do this. You don't want to hurt me, and you don't want to hurt yourself. We can figure this out — what comes next — together." As she talks, Lucy pulls her knees up into her chest and presses her hands back into the wall for leverage, realizing she is running out of time, all the while carefully watching Marissa for a reaction.
But if she is bothered by the movements, Marissa doesn't let on. Instead, her face is crumpling as she listens, her hand shaking as she attempts to keep the gun raised and pointed at Lucy.
"How can things ever be right without Billy in this world?" But she seems to be asking it as a genuine question, not as an accusation.
And it's then that Lucy sees the small red dot — first on the far wall of the apartment and then carefully centered on the side of Marissa's head through the living room window. And they are out of time because she knows what it must look like from the outside. And so she screams at Marissa to get down, to lower the gun as she launches her body into the younger woman's knees.
Marissa freezes in her confusion, the gun flying out of her hand as Lucy hits her and she topples to the ground, the window shattering as a bullet whizzes through it over their heads.
And then suddenly it's all over, the door bursting open as a SWAT team barrels in to assess the situation and ensure Lucy is taken to safety, while Marissa is restrained. And Lucy is flooded with relief even despite her shock, knowing that they had been mere milliseconds away from all of this ending in an even greater tragedy.
***
Angela calls Tim as soon as the shot is fired, and though Tim is already en route, she redirects him to the hospital. Tim's heart is in his throat until she explains, "She's fine, but she'll be in the ambulance by the time you get here."
And it's probably for the best, because without the drive to the hospital to process Angela's words, to process that Lucy is, in fact, okay, he's not sure how he would have reacted to seeing her, even with dozens of their colleagues there to bear witness.
When Tim finds her in the ER, she's still somewhat dazed and working to overcome her shock. Glancing over his shoulder, he quickly pulls the curtain closed around them before he is all around her. Arms enveloping her into him, holding her so tightly she wonders momentarily if she is even actually still breathing. As if to put herself to the test, she sucks in a deep breath and he smells like comfort and safety and home, and suddenly she is clinging to him as tightly as he is to her.
"I'm so sorry," he breathes against her hair, and as she begins to cry softly into his chest, he soothes her. "It's okay. You're going to be okay." And it's a hauntingly familiar moment that neither of them ever wanted to relive.
He eventually pulls back so he can gingerly examine the back of her head, and only when he's satisfied with the results of his exam does he pull back to study her.
"You scared the shit out of me," he finally says, his own eyes filling as he takes her in, committing every single bit of her to memory.
Lucy lets out a shaky laugh, "I scared the shit out of me, too."
Her eyes land on his bruised knuckles, and she tenderly brushes her fingers over them, "What happened?"
"A dumpster," is all the explanation he offers as he pulls her back into his arms, unable to not be touching her, to not be certain that she is really here with him and really okay for more than a few moments.
"Look, Lucy, I really like you. And I don't know about your past boyfriends," he snorts, and Lucy knows he must be thinking of Nolan, "buy I don't know that I can handle this little predilection of yours for constantly getting into life-threatening situations... I didn't realize this night was actually going to end with sending in SWAT."
And despite the fact that she is utterly exhausted and emotionally distraught, she is immeasurably grateful for the opportunity to escape into his familiar teasing, if even for just a few moments. To put off dealing with the immensity of tonight for just a little bit longer.
She pulls back just enough to see him, eyebrow arched in challenge, "Oh yeah? This coming from the man who got shot on my second day, instigated a fight with a biker gang, locked himself into a room with a deadly virus, had a life-threatening reaction to the vaccine for that virus, and is always the first to vol—"
"Have you always talked this much?" Tim mumbles as he presses his mouth against hers.
"Mmmhmm... speaking of bad habits..." Lucy nips at his bottom lip to get back at him for his new favorite way to shut her up, taking advantage of his surprise to ask, "Did you say 'boyfriend'?"
***
Tim briefly debates taking Lucy back to his own place, but given everything that has happened, he wants her to feel as safe and comfortable as possible. So instead, he presses a quick kiss to her temple as she waits for her doctor to return and give the all-clear. "I'll be right outside, okay? I'm just going to check in with Angela real quick to make sure we're both good to go and can give our full statements tomorrow."
Lucy nods tiredly, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be at home in her own bed, lost in the comforting nothingness of a dreamless sleep. "Thank you."
Tim finds Angela speaking to a few uniformed officers in the hallway. She waves them off as Tim approaches. "Hey — I have a huge favor — he holds his house key out to her; can you and Wesley take Kojo for the night?"
Angela looks momentarily confused, but takes the key anyway, "Of course... you know we love that crazy mutt. But —" Recognition flashes in her eyes. "You'll be with her, then?" And the way she asks it isn't accusatory or even truly inquisitive — just a desire to confirm that Lucy will be taken care of.
Tim nods, "I'll be with her." He moves to make his way back to Lucy but pauses to turn back to his friend, "Thank you, Angela. For everything."
Angela surprises him by closing the distance between them and enveloping him in a hug, before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. "Take care of her, Tim," she says softly, and he nods, almost overcome with the gratitude he feels for having her as his best friend — someone who absolutely, unquestioningly has his back when it matters the most.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Angela pulls a plastic bag encased phone from her purse and hands it to Tim, "You might want to disinfect that."
***
When Tim gets Lucy back to her apartment, she heads straight for her bedroom, crawling into her bed and burying her face into a pillow as she cries; the intense emotion of the past week crashing through her body like a freight train.
It takes some coaxing and maneuvering, but Tim gradually manages to get her into his arms and she buries her head into his chest as she continues to shake and sob. He rubs his hand soothingly up and down her back as she cries.
He doesn't say anything for a long time, even after Lucy's sobbing eventually quiets, until she finally turns to look at him with red-rimmed eyes. "I can't believe any of this. I still have so many questions, but I feel so guilty."
"I know you do," he says softly, "but you shouldn't." Lucy opens her mouth to object, but Tim raises his hand, "Listen. Just hear me out for one minute, and then I will listen to anything and everything you have to say, okay?"
She nods, a few stray tears still slipping down her cheeks, and they may as well be trickles of lava running through his center with how much he can't stand to see her hurting like this.
"It's okay to be sad about what happened and grieve the unnecessary loss of life here. This — all of this — was a tragedy. But this isn't your fault. I need you to hear me on this..."
She hiccups through her tears, looking up at him through her watery lashes, and nods as she wipes her nose, and Tim is overcome with the sense of love he feels toward her, overcome with the need to hug her impossibly tight and remind her a million times over that this isn't her fault — whatever it takes to bring his sunshine back to him.
"For a really long time, I carried so much stuff that wasn't mine, and it made me bitter and angry with the world. I don't want that for you, Lucy. Because it was you that came into my life, this damn annoying ray of sunshine, and reminded me over and over again what wasn't mine to carry. And I will do the same for you, Lucy, however often and however long it takes. I will say it a million times until you hear it — this isn't yours to carry. Not what happened to Tamara. Not what happened to William. And not whatever ends up happening with Marissa. The only thing that's yours is that you saved her life, even when she was set on ending yours.
"And we can play the 'what if' game all night long and question every single choice and wonder how the outcome might have been different, but that is not a luxury that this job affords us. Because what if you hadn't made that arrest and William hurt or even killed someone else, Lucy? You couldn't have known what would happen, and it is the system that left him stuck in a cell instead of getting the help he needed, not you.
"And I'm sure you're not ready to hear this, but it is going to be you and cops like you — cops that actually really and truly care about the people we serve — that are going to drive the changes that are needed to make the system better, to make what happened to William the exception and not the rule. And until then, we keep showing up, we do the best that we can, and we accept that we're only human."
And though Lucy knows that it is likely to be a very long time before she is truly able to let herself off the hook for everything that happened — to come to terms with the role she played as part of a system that truly failed William, even despite her best intentions; to stop questioning each and every choice and stop wondering how things may have been different; to not only hear Tim's words, but also fully believe them to be true — she is overwhelmed with a rush of appreciation for him — for his steadfast belief in her and willingness to see her through this, no matter what it takes.
And that's enough for her tonight. Enough for her to let the weight of her burden go until tomorrow. "Thank you," she says softly and brushes her lips against his stubbled jaw, suddenly too exhausted to even attempt to reach for his cheek or his lips, before cuddling further into him.
He brushes his thumb against her cheek as she closes her eyes. "That's it?" he teases gently. "I give you a heartfelt monologue and now you're at a loss for words? How hard did you get whacked?"
She laughs softly into his chest, "Too soon, Tim... Is Kojo okay?"
He gives her a squeeze. "He is more than okay. Trust me, he's getting so spoiled right now that it'll take weeks of training for me to undo the damage."
They are both just dozing off when the buzz of Lucy's [recently sanitized] phone elicits groans from them both. Lucy tiredly answers the unknown number, "Hello?"
And then she's sitting upright, completely awake, poking Tim as she listens to the voice on the other end of the line until he, too, is wide awake and sitting up next to her.
"It's Tamara... she's awake!"
***
What do y'all think so far? A few more loose ends to tie up, but we're getting close to the end!