The sun sank below the horizon, casting a golden hue right over the quiet cabin, I found myself in an unexpected predicament. I stood by Nikolai's porch, my feet throbbing due to the blisters that hindered every step I took. The pain was unbearable, making the mere thought of walking back home; let alone the train station seem like an impossible journey.
"Leone!?" Nikolai called out in confusion. "What are you doing!?"
Leaning against the railing for support, I turned to Nikolai, the person whose house had become my refuge. "D-Don't mind me, I was just about to go." I bit through my lowly mood.
"Are you out your mind!?" Nikolai approached me with an annoyed tone before extending his hands out just in case I fell. "You can barely even walk right."
"Yeah, I know, but I have to get back and check how Dydan's doing." I bit through my sullen mood as I could feel his eyes remaining fixed on my struggle. "Feel free to laugh, I know you probably think I look stupid or something."
"There's really no need to worry, Dydan's Dydan-I'm sure he's fine." His eyes darted between reluctant concern and hesitation, mirroring the conflict that seemed to wage within him. "I really don't think you should leave." I could sense his usually silent struggle, an unspoken desire for something that's been yet to be revealed.
"I've already bothered you enough."
"You're not a bother." Nikolai interrupted right past the tense situation. "Just-can you just get back inside? Please?"
I limped right back into the cabin, searching for any possible support I can get until I eventually plopped right back onto the couch. "I know its probably hard to believe, but I promise I wasn't always this hopeless." Nikolai carefully listened as a shallow breath escaped my chest. "I cannot apologize to you enough for all of this."
"If I didn't want you here, you wouldn't be here, got it?" Nikolai momentarily gazed into my glistening eyes. "You're free to stay as long you want." He softly suggested, his voice laced with a mix of unexpected kindness and vulnerability.
"Really?" I sniffed out of relief.
"Yeah." He answered quickly. "Unless you want me to take you home. Your dad is probably worried about you, isn't he?"
"I highly doubt that." I sniffed, the thought of my father's impending rage caused fear to course through me. "I'm sure he's quite relieved."
"Relieved?" Nikolai questioned.
"The reality is my father doesn't care about me. He blames me for what happened to my mother." I say bluntly. "It also doesn't help that I'm practically everything he didn't want in a son-so yeah. I'm sure he's relieved that the trash finally took itself out."
Slight guilt slowly etched on Nikolai's face as he hadn't known this much about me until now. "Here, draw something with me." He proceeded to hand me a stack of pristine white paper and a set of vibrant colored pencils. "Let's take our minds off of reality for awhile."
I accepted the paper and pencils, feeling a glimmer of gratitude within me. "Okay." There was something remarkably soothing about the weight of the art supplies in my hands, a tangible escape from the physical discomfort I was currently feeling.
"You can draw anything you want." Nikolai encouraged, grabbing some pencils for himself.
"Anything I want?" I repeated in growing excitement as the surface of the paper invited me to create, to pour my emotions out onto the blank canvas.
"Anything you want." He reassured.
With a steady hand and an unfettered heart, I began to sketch, to weave together fragments of my mind onto the welcoming canvas. The pencils danced across the page, leaving trails of color in their wake. With each stroke, I felt the weight of my emotions lightening, the pain in my feet gradually fading into the background, replaced by the sheer joy of drawing something I had recently seen in my dream.
"What's that?" Nikolai moved closer towards me to examine my drawing even further.
"It's a drawing of a wolf I remember seeing in my dream." I watched as he keenly observed the drawing. "It was huge and it had thick white fur that looked like diamonds."
Nikolai's cheeks began to turn into a shade of rosy pink, causing him to turn away from me in pure bashfulness. "You must've been scared."
"No-I, I wasn't. It was the most beautiful wolf I've ever seen in my life." I whisper, causing him to turn back to face me with a slightly relieved expression.
Suddenly, a sense of realization had came over me the moment our eyes interlocked. Nikolai's eyes had the same distinct hue that the wolf in my dream had, and it made all of my suspicions hard to ignore.
For years I thought of vampires and werewolves to be nothing more of primitive fantasy, relics of the media as well as bygone religions that all coalesced as a product of an overactive imagination. But upon remembering Dydan's confession at Cloud Lake as well as the eyes that the wolf possessed being all too similar to Nikolai's, I knew without a doubt that I may have just unconsciously immersed myself into the world of vampires and werewolves.
"Wait, that wasn't a dream." I spoke out as he watched my process the truth. "It was you, wasn't it? You're the wolf that saved me!?"
He takes in my look of realization before talking once more. "Is it all starting to make sense to you now?"
I nervously gulped before slowly nodding. "Yeah, I suppose." I aimlessly looked down trying to process it all. "I-I just would've never thought."
"Are you scared now?" He asked, carefully examining for my impending reaction.
"N-No, not really. I'm more so shocked about the fact that I grew up in this town and yet I didn't even know half of its secrets." I nervously laughed. "Thanks for not killing me that night." I added in a tone of relief.
"Some things are best kept as secrets so just as long as you keep your mouth shut about all of this then I wouldn't have a reason to." He winked with dry humor, catching me off guard as inexplicable heat quickly rushed to my cheeks. "And besides, I could say the same thing to you. I was expecting you to wake up all paranoid-trying to kill me or something." We both lightly laughed at that.
It was the first time I've ever seen Nikolai laugh and it was a great alternative from his usually cold and grumpy mood. "Considering how good I slept, I can assure you that was the last thing on my mind."
"Oh yeah? Is that so?" He ran his hands through his thick blonde hair, continuing to talk with his dry humor.
"Yeah." I reassured with a growing smirk. "You have a nice doggy bed." I teased shortly after.
He scoffed. "Well my doggy bed now has your disgusting scent all over it-so you know, I'm glad to hear that it was at least worth it." He bit his lip, suppressing himself from returning my smirk.
"Are you sure it was disgusting?" I remarked, a hint of amusement coloring my voice. "Because from what I remember, you couldn't stop sniffing me when you were in your wolf form that night." The memory brought a smile to my face as I watched his cheeks flush even brighter, his eyes darting down to his sketch.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, shut up." He further grumbled, clearly attempting to suppress his humor.
Playful curiosity tugged at me, compelling me to ask. "So what's it like? I mean, I'm nothing special so I can't help but wonder. Are you still in control when you're in that form?" I observed his reluctant expression, pausing briefly before adding. "I-I promise I won't tell anyone anything."
He finally responded, his answer laced with vagueness. "In the past no, but over time I learned how to." He reminisced. "There's old family videos of me when I was little where I'd lose all control and turn into a little wolf."
I couldn't help but gawk at him in absolute shock and interest. "Like a little wolf cub?"
Nikolai's eyes slowly squinted, clearly looking unimpressed as he reluctantly nodded. "Mmmyeah." He lowly murmured.
I couldn't help but giggle at the image of a cute little Nikolai uncontrollably turning into a puppy, causing my curiosity to only persist. "Does it hurt?" I inquired, wanting to understand the experience of transforming into a wolf.
He seemed taken aback by the question. "What?" He asked, his tone slightly surprised.
"When you turn." I clarified, seeking a glimpse into his world.
Shaking his head, he replied. "No. Not at all. Being in my wolf form is one of the few things in my life that still makes me feel sane."
Intrigued, I continued to gaze at him, my eyes filled with wonder. "What are the other things that makes you feel sane?"
His answer was simple but profound. "Drawing." He replied, revealing a glimpse into his inner feelings and thoughts as he gestured down at the paper before him.
"Yeah, me too." I nodded, acknowledging our common interest. My eyes fell upon his drawing, and I couldn't resist asking. "What do you have there?"
"It's a rare flower called Lumianth." He answered, his voice holding a hint of nostalgia. With great care, he brought the highly-detailed sketch closer for my attention. "My parents told me that you're only able to find it in a sanctuary where people like myself live, but I think that place is just a myth."
I admired the intricacy of his artwork. "Did your father teach you how to draw that?" I cautiously approached the topic, hoping my genuine interest in his talent wouldn't be mistaken for any intended disrespect.
"Yeah he did." A subtle change softened the wrinkles on his forehead as his furrowed brows gently lifted. "Wait, you remember all that stuff about my dad?" He asked after a short pause, a touch of warmth in his voice.
"Of course." I nodded, affirming my recollection of his connection with his father.
"Like you, he was really good at drawing and he loved all things that had to do with nature." He replied, a hint of emotion evident in his words. It seemed that the mention of his father had touched a tender chord within him. "People are usually afraid of things that they don't understand; they ignore it, mock it, hurt it even, but not you. You're not like most people and I'm sure my dad would've agreed."
My cheeks burned, thinking his compliment to be completely absurd knowing just how pathetic I truly am. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your parents, Nikolai?"
"Has Dydan told you about the truth of what he really is?" He unexpectedly brought up out nowhere, causing my eyes to abruptly widen.
"What do you mean?" I tethered myself to the act of cluelessness with a nervous gulp.
"He's a vampire, Leone." Nikolai affirms and our eyes directly meet each other.
I nodded with hesitance, my mind swirling with uncertainty as I felt mentally cornered. "Yeah, I know."
"Then you must know how dangerous he truly is, right?" His words carried a weight of concern as he pressed.
"Dydan isn't dangerous." I stammered, momentarily overcome by my own thoughts. "H-He's not like that. He's kind, caring, and he always does his best to be there for people."
"When I pinned you against that tree during our field trip, it was because your scent was completely off." He began, his voice tinged with a mix of frustration and worry. "Do you want to know why?"
I shrugged, my tone faint. "Why?"
"Because he formed a Blood Bond with you." He revealed. "Your blood has become intertwined with his, preparing you both for what's to come. Do you understand what that means?"
"He's going to have to either eat me or turn me." I responded, my voice tinged with a hint of resignation.
"Exactly." Nikolai practically seethed with anger at the thought. "No matter what happens, he will only end up hurting you."
"But he formed that bond to save me from jumping off a cliff, Nikolai." I said, my tone melancholic. "He did it for me. He's sick because of me, and he's suffering right now because of me."
"That still doesn't mean that he should be trusted." Nikolai replied, his jaw clenched tightly. "If you let him turn you, how can you truly know for sure that he's going to be able to control his urges? What if he loses it to the taste of your blood and ends up sucking you to death!?"
"W-We haven't even gotten the chance to talk about any of that yet!" I defended, my confusion evident. "And besides, Dydan has given me plenty of reasons to trust him. I-I just don't know why it can't be the same for you."
"His kind have been at war with mine for centuries." He sniffed, bitterness lacing his words. "They're blood-sucking demons, every single one of them."
"How can you say stuff like that?" I questioned, my voice filled with disbelief.
"They harm people for their own selfish needs, Leone!" Nikolai spoke firmly.
"But nobody is perfect, we don't all have to be enemies." I nervously defended.
"You asked me what happened to my parents, and the truth is my parents are both gone because of monsters like him!" I watched as his head suddenly dropped down, his face shielded by his thick blonde hair as his fists clenched. "It happened when I was ten. My mom was sick so my dad had to go out during a storm to find some herbs that could make her feel better. He ran across some vampires along the way and they hunted him down like-like he was some kind of animal. He never made it home and my mom never got better. I lost both of them in one night. I only found out about what happened to him because of Miyako's parents. They took me in, raised me, and once I turned eighteen I got enough courage to come back here and live with myself. Ever since that night I swore on my life that I would avenge my family one day and that I will never stop until I've done so."
"I..." My jaw dropped in shock, the weight of his words hitting me completely. "I'm so sorry, Nikolai. I had no idea." My voice shook.
"I didn't expect you to." He responded, his tone softening slightly. "All I want you to understand is that it's not safe to be around people like him."
"B-But what if they're not all like... you know..." I faltered, struggling to find the right words.
"Like what? Bloodthirsty murderers!?" He interjected, his anger palpable. "They're all the same, you idiot! It's their natural instinct to harm people, what part of that do you not understand!? That's the truth, and just because he's fooled you into thinking that you mean anything more to him besides a worthless meal doesn't change anything!"
A shallow breath abruptly escaped my lips as I slumped further down in my seat, my gaze averted from him as his words genuinely stung.
Nikolai's expression suddenly turned downward as he realized the impact of his words. "Leone, I..." His deep voice wavered with regret. "I-I didn't mean it like that."
A single tear quickly trickled down my cheek as I turned away from him. "It's okay, I understand."
"I'm sorry." He offered, his voice gentle and laden with genuine remorse.
"I'd like to be alone now, please." I brokenly implored, my voice barely escaping as a delicate whisper.
"I'm sorry, Leone." He regretfully replied with a continued tone.
"Please." I managed to utter our before retreating into a quiet fit of cries, seeking solace in my solitude as I could hear him walk away.
Him and Eric are right, maybe I'm just a fool, desperately holding onto the delusion that someone could ever love or care for me. Perhaps no one ever will and it's the truth. Although it was cruel, it's not something I would want any pity for. It's something that I just wanna learn to fully accept so I can finally stop getting constantly hurt.
The cabin remained quiet for the rest of the day, besides the sounds Nikolai was emitting when he was either cleaning up or preparing the dinner that I insisted on joining.
My feet still stung and we're in pain due to the blisters that were sprawled below my heels. I was bed ridden, resting as I couldn't stop my tears from overflowing as I listened to the cassette tapes Dydan had given me for my Walkman.
"Leone?" A light knock was made right against the door as Nikolai cautiously spoke.
I reluctantly took off my Walkman, sniffing as I turned around to face Nikolai. "Yes?" I faintly responded, letting the light from outside the room illuminate my tears.
Nikolai clenched his jaw at the sight of my broken face, causing him to let out a deep sigh before walking towards me with a plate of food and a steaming mug of hot chocolate. "You should really eat." He started. "It'll help make you feel better."
"There's no point." I couldn't suppress my snakily response as I turned back around towards the darkness. "Nothing can make me feel better." I amended.
"Leone." He spoke my name gently and I couldn't help but lose it. "At least just have a little bit."
"N-No, I don't wanna eat. I just wanna-I just wanna disappear." I said, immediately causing silence to emit around the room.
"Leone." He let my name out once more in attempts to calm my impending outburst.
"No! Stop!" I started to get annoyed as I felt like I was drowning in my own breath, my pounding heart unable to slow down. "Stop saying my name like-like you care about me! No one cares about me! I've spent my entire life trying to convince myself that maybe everything isn't so bad but it is, a-and I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired of trying to act like anything actually matters because all it's ever done is get me hurt over and over again."
"Stop it." Nikolai met the differing set of colors in his eyes with mine with filial care. "I know you're tired but you can't think like that."
I emptily shrugged up at his words, attempting to numb myself from all the things I've had to feel for so long. "Nothing matters, and if nothing matters then all the pain and sadness in my life goes away." I spoke as he placed the food and drink by the bedside table.
Nikolai's jaws clenched. "Fine. You're right. Nothing matters. When we're gone, next to nothing will change. But it is because nothing matters that everything matters. Think about it-what are the odds that we'd be given this incredibly short and fucked up life to live so while we're here, why not create meaning." Eventually, it's as if my soft tearful eyes get to him, and he sighs while gently brushing away the tears on my cheeks with his thumb. I stay quiet, unconsciously processing his words as my silence made him speak out once more. "Listen, I didn't mean what I said earlier-I was just, I just didn't expect stuff from my past to get brought up again and I got mad. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just want you to know that I didn't mean to hurt you and-and that I'm sorry." He solemnly spoke.
I sat up on my bed, gently wiping away the remnants of tears from my face. Inhaling deeply, I mustered up the strength to finally speak. "I forgive you."
With a kind gesture, he presented me the hearty plate of food, offering me solace and comfort. "Here, I brought you dinner." I also sipped on the incredible hot chocolate he had prepared, its warmth wrapping around me like a cozy embrace. "I made you grilled chicken with some rice. I know it's not much but I hope you like it."
An immediate smile graced my face, genuine gratitude shining in my eyes. "It looks amazing, thanks."
"How's your feet?" Concern laced his voice as he asked.
"It's feeling much better." I acknowledged.
"Good. I'll replace your bandages tomorrow with some more ointment." He continued.
"What's in it? The ointment I mean?" I curiously asked, glancing down at my foot that has gotten considerably better.
"Thyme, marigold, you know; stuff that's used as a remedy. My dad taught me how to make it awhile back." He watched me eat before getting an idea. "I can show you how to make it tomorrow if you want?"
My approval was swift, accompanied by a nod. "I'd love that."
"Alright then." He replied, a blush coloring his cheeks as if his cool demeanor was slowly getting melted. "Rest well, little Luna." With those parting words, he bestowed upon me a nickname I had never been called before, leaving me with a sense of warmth and curiosity that would surely linger throughout the night.