Chapter Nineteen
I was in the dark. It was the kind of darkness that my eyes couldn't adjust to. What few shapes I could make out were comprised of static. Gray and fuzzy and indistinguishable. The stink in my nose was wet, musty, like decay, and it clung to everything. I hated that smell. It made me nauseous, until I could taste mildew, and the vomit that was almost on my tongue.
I felt so cramped, so claustrophobic that I couldn't breathe. I'd been screaming names, but they were all garbled and they never, ever came out right, which meant no one came for me. There was broken glass at my feet. My fingers were numb from the iciness in the air. I swore there was someone in here with me.
And they wanted me to do things that made me heave for air.
The heaves turned into sobs.
I didn't want to move. I didn't even want to look anymore.
Look for the light.
I remembered it so strongly, I swore I felt breath on my ear, as if those words had been whispered to me. I lifted my head and opened my eyes, and above me there were pinpoints of light. Tiny, flickering, and distant, but they were there.
Stars.
My breath caught. Trembling, I stood up straighter, and watched as more appeared. First they were above me, and then I noticed them all around me.
I twisted around, searching. And then I found him, the lone figure against the stars.
It was Sky.
The stardust of the Milky Way illuminated behind him, brightening him, brightening the entire sky above and around us. We were standing in the middle of space, and stars floated between us like fireflies, flickering on and off.
But there was something strange. Sometimes my vision blurred, unfocused. The stars would skitter and fade in and out. Even patches of Sky turned faint, unraveling, before I blinked him and everything back together.
His palm lifted under a few of the firefly stars, which floated up above our heads. "Your dream was different this time."
I approached him cautiously. I didn't know if I was afraid of him, or just afraid of what would happen when I touched him. I drifted closer at first, but when he didn't disappear, when he didn't turn into someone else, when it was just Sky, I dashed to him. "Are you...okay?"
His brow furrowed. When he focused on me, he seemed to have trouble, and I wondered if the stars around us were a projection of his vision. "I'm not sure. Still tired, I guess. Feels like I haven't fully pulled myself together yet like I do when I wake up."
My nerves tangled. I reached out, and I took his hand. The heat, the calluses, all of it felt so real. "Maybe you should get more rest."
"I will." His hand lifted mine to his mouth, and I felt the soft skin of his lips warm my knuckles. My heart swelled until I swore it was in my throat, and then I was choking. Relief, and fear, and a desperation that was almost unbearable, all of it choked me up until I couldn't take it.
Before I even know what I was doing, I fell forward and threw my arms around him in an embrace. His warmth covered me as his own arms collected around my shoulders. The pressure of his grip, the feel of his skin, all the signs that he was real, were everything that I couldn't have when I was awake.
His voice was so low, so quiet, when he asked, "Are you scared?"
I buried my face in his shoulder. The worn flannel was even soft against my cheek, like a shirt he'd owned for years and years. My fingers curled into the material. "Yes. No. I don't know. I thought it was going to take you, and I'm just so glad it didn't."
"I'm glad, too. The voices were so loud when I was next to it...and even if it sounded almost like they were speaking strange languages, I could still understand them, and then my body didn't feel like it was mine anymore—" His fingers dug into me. "I don't mean...my body, obviously."
I pulled away just enough to look him in the eyes, arms still around him. "But you fought it."
"It was hard." His unfocused gaze had drifted downward, to all the places where we touched. "It didn't make sense to fight it. Didn't make sense to not...obey."
I got caught in a shiver. My fingers tightened around his shirt. He hadn't been Sky, and it really had scared me. But now, this was him again, and I was so glad, so grateful. "Then you did all the better by fighting it."
A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he guided my hair behind my shoulder. "Hey, you did an okay job too, okay? Don't give me all the credit."
I made a face and hid it in his shoulder again. I didn't want any credit unless it was true, and I didn't know if what he said was the truth. I just cared that he was still here, that everyone was still here.
"Just don't do that again," I said. It wasn't even his fault, and I knew he couldn't help it, and I was so dumb, but there I was, still clinging to him. "You need to rest."
He chuckled, and then I felt his lips against the side of my face. "So do you."
"I am resting." I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I was never ready to say goodbye.
"Then rest." His mouth moved down my jaw to my neck. Suddenly we were dropping to the ground, surrounded by firefly stars, with him on top of me. I quivered and frowned at nothing, even if I was very much making that face for him and he couldn't see it.
My hands surrounded his face, and brought it back to mine. "This isn't restful."
The blurring of the stars stopped. Instead, each light sharpened. The Milky Way turned vibrant. And so did his eyes, focusing on me and becoming so clear and real and alive as he looked at me. My fingers moved over his cheeks, and I swore I could even feel the faintest brush of stubble on his jaw. He was real here. He was so real.
"I just...want to make sure you're okay," I said. "And taken care of. You were so tired, and..." And I didn't even know why I was rambling like this anymore. My hand curled up in his hair, and my forehead touched his.
At first, the muscles around his mouth tightened. He was thinking about something, but whatever it was, his face relaxed again and his eyes closed. He exhaled, and then settled down beside me. "We're okay," he said. "We're okay."
I wasn't sure if I had said something wrong or not. I didn't think so, but it still took a lot of will power not to apologize. I guessed, maybe, somewhere inside of me, I knew. I knew what he wanted and I knew what I wanted, and they were the same thing.
But I was afraid. And I couldn't do it, couldn't make that step when I knew, eventually, Sky and I would run out of steps to take.
I hesitated, nervous, and then reached out and took his hand. When our fingers twined together, I said, "We're okay."
#
We wouldn't be open for business the next day—Elle and I had made sure everyone would have plenty of time to recover before we'd left on Sunday. But just because the Secret Hotel had closed its doors for the day didn't always mean Elle and I would take it easy.
I didn't know what Elle would be up for. She hadn't spoken much at dinner last night, and that'd been the only time I'd really gotten to see her since we returned home.
But, I had a sneaky suspicion. This was Elle I was dealing with, after all.
I woke up early and pulled on a dress. I did my makeup and my hair. I stepped into my flats. I could hear the others downstairs at the table, their early morning conversation and all their chuckles. Just listening to them made my lips pull into a smile, but I didn't stop to talk with them.
It felt like it'd been forever since I'd walked down the hall to Elle's office. I took my time, hands behind my back as I strolled. Maybe I'd get there and find out I was wrong.
But I wasn't.
The door was open just a bit, so I cleared my throat and rapped a fist against the doorframe. Her hair metal music wasn't playing, and the silence made me second guess myself, even if I could very much feel her.
"Come in."
I stepped inside, fidgeting with my ring. She sat at her desk. No, that wasn't right. She sat away from her desk. Her shoulders were slumped and her hair was down, spilled across her shoulders and around her face and her wire-framed glasses. She wasn't wearing her usual blouse and skirt. From my angle, I could only see that she was wearing a band shirt. A Def Leppard shirt. The black fabric had been washed so many times that it was turning gray.
She looked just as washed out as that shirt.
But she also looked like she would make a recovery.
"I just came to see if there's anything I can do or help you with," I said.
I watched her face come to the slow realization as she looked around that, oh yes, she was supposed to be working. Her fingers glided through her hair. Her lips parted with a silent sigh as she turned her chair to face me. "Have a seat, Artemis." She nodded to the empty chair.
I pulled the door almost shut, just as it had been before I'd entered. Then I sat and folded my hands in my lap. "How are you?"
"Alive." She checked all over her desk for something to do. There wasn't anything. "You seem well."
I hesitated, like I meant to correct her, except...she was right. I was well. I wasn't lonely. I got to spend my nights with Sky, even if I couldn't touch him until I went to sleep. And most importantly, everyone had made it back alive.
Even Elle.
"I am," I finally said with a nod.
"Good. I won't bother with being surprised that you haven't decided to leave yet—I suppose the mission was less off-putting than the hotel." She pulled her glasses from her ears and rubbed her face with her fingers. "Today, we'll have our cleansing appointments to remove any leftover residue. Luckily, we postponed clients so we have some time for recovery..."
She had run out of things to say.
I gave her a moment, but when she still didn't have anything else, I tried to offer a little smile. "Elle, if you'd rather be alone, I can leave you to your thoughts. Or, if you wouldn't, I can also listen to them."
Her hair slipped into her face as she stared at the corner of her desk. After a long moment of nothing, she finally said, "I'm sorry, Artemis. I acted irrationally, and while I can't sincerely apologize for my actions, I will apologize for the result. This team is my family, and...I see myself as the head of the household, in a sense. I have to protect everyone, regardless of the cost, because they've entrusted me with their lives in more ways than one."
I contemplated her words and my own. This really wasn't what I'd expected, and was I the one who should've been receiving her apology? "I. Well. The thing is, I've heard before that you shouldn't tell someone 'it's okay' when they apologize, because it's like giving them permission to keep repeating what was done. And I'd really prefer you didn't, because you scared me a lot, Elle. But I forgave you a long time ago. Of course you'd do anything for your family. Had it been reversed, they would have done the same. And one of them did, didn't he?"
Her jaw tensed. A muscle in her neck twitched. "I hate him sometimes."
"That's pretty rational of you."
When her eyes flicked to me, I sensed she had read a lot more from my words than I'd said. Her head tilted. "He hates me sometimes as well, but..." She reached for her drawer and fished out a small pouch of something that clinked. She tossed the pouch onto the desk between us with a sigh. "This isn't the first time he's intervened. Last time, he tossed iron pellets to clear a path from a ghost's hold. This time, I made sure he had no iron pellets."
My eyes widened as I stared at the pouch. I remembered how frantically he'd searched his pockets, and how he'd dug through his bags at the motel. That whole time, this was what he'd scoured for. This was it, and Elle had been hiding it the whole time.
My heart squeezed and rung itself. Elle was not the person to fight against. If she didn't have someone to help her, then she'd do it alone, no matter how dangerous.
Was that what it would come to next time?
"What did he do?" I didn't want to know, but I did. "What's his Classification?"
"He's a Silencer."
A...
My lips moved, but I couldn't push the words out. I'd heard of the term before. And I knew enough to be afraid. But... "What does a Silencer do?"
"A Silencer's not too different from you, in a way. Where you can sense emotion, he can sense action. But let me tell you something they don't teach you in standard schooling." She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Classifications have two components."
I frowned. "Two components? I'm only supposed to be able to feel what others feel."
"That is the passive form of your ability, yes. The passive form of mine is that ghosts can use my body if I'm not protected." She touched the collar of her neck, where I knew iron always rested. "The active form is when I can draw ghosts into me. I can Channel them by force."
"So, every ability has two sides?"
"Yes. The side where ghosts affect you, and the side where you affect ghosts. Passive and active."
My fingers interlaced in my lap, and I held on so tight that my knuckles turned white. "Manny said...he thought I affected Oil Ghost. That it hesitated because of me."
"You did." She finally locked her eyes with mine and I could count the sleepless hours in her face. "I know because I felt you do it when I was trying to drag the ghost into me."
I could affect Elle, too?
"It's interesting," she continued, her gaze wandering again, "the juxtaposition that you and Hade have. While he's this," she tapped her head, "you're this." She tapped her chest, right over her heart. "I suppose I shouldn't be all too surprised that you're not nursing any injuries. The heart, after all, wounds differently than the mind does."
I frowned. Was I really supposed to be sick like everyone else? What kinds of wounds was I nursing if they weren't the same? "You said Hayden can sense action? What does that mean?"
"When a ghost makes a decision, especially a concrete one, he knows just as soon as the ghost does. He can also alter the decisions of the ghost, force his decisions onto them." Silence chased her words, her chest rising and falling with quiet, deep breaths. "You can refine this power with practice. Hade's had a lot of practice because of his family, and so we call him especially Lucid. Do you know what lucid dreaming is?"
Was there a right answer to that question when I'd been having dream sex with a ghost?
Well. More than just dream sex.
Blushing, I rubbed the back of my neck and shrugged one shoulder. "Being in control?"
"Lucid dreaming is unlearning the laws of the dream so that you realize you're in control, able to take over where you couldn't before. Being Lucid is the same. You unlearn what you thought were the laws so that you can take control, taking over ghosts where you couldn't before."
I remembered what had happened, Oil Ghost ripping away from Elle. That had been Hayden's doing. I'd known it at the time, but now, it was concrete, and it was practically right in front of me. Hayden had controlled Oil Ghost.
And here were Manny and Elle, telling me so had I.
I gulped. "Hayden was reluctant to use it."
"Yes." She looked at me. "He was. Not as reluctant as he should have been, but he was. Forcing yourself on the supernatural has repercussions. There are some places that purifying can't help, like trying to put a bandage on an ulcer." Her lips touched, and I knew she wanted to say more, but instead shook her head. "Because his power is through the mind, he loses a little bit of it every time he uses it."
My knees shook. I tried to press my thighs together to still myself. "Will something like that happen to me?"
"It very well could," our eyes met again, and the intensity in her gaze was hot, "if you abused your Lucidity. It seems to me that your new skill is due at least in part to some recent nighttime practice you've had with Sky."
My...nighttime practice.
I practically turned purple.
"But," she continued, "I'd advise you practice it only so that you can learn how not to use it in the future. Sometimes we have to learn how to fire a gun so as to never know what misfire will do."
Oh. That made sense. I just....What if I did misuse it? What if I hurt myself, or someone else?
"Alright." I nodded. "I'll talk to Sky. Maybe he can help me, or has an idea."
"He's helped you this far." She collected up the pouch of iron and shut it in the drawer again. "But I hardly believe you didn't have your own natural inclination as well." Her chest swelled with a deep breath before she said, "Hade will be able to offer you some guidance."
I tapped my fingers against my knees. "Are you...okay with me seeking him out for help, Elle?"
Her eyebrows lifted. "Am I okay with you making your own harmless decisions?"
Pouting, I slouched a bit. "That involves a good friend of yours whom is currently not speaking to you."
"Are you looking for me to forbid you from having the relationships of which you choose?" She tilted her head at me. "Have I given you that impression?"
"No. Gosh, no. I just. Want to be respectful of your feelings as well." I rubbed the back of my neck and lowered my eyes. "You're kind of my friend too, Elle."
A small smile lit up her face—a mischievous smile. "Well, when I'm entirely your friend, you let me know."
How did Liv put up with this? Still, I smiled as well and made a show of sighing. "You are utterly and entirely my friend, Elle."
The smile brightened a fraction, and she settled like a cat that had been told she was pretty. "You're not getting a raise."
No wonder she and Hayden were such good friends.
She smoothed back her hair with her fingers and nodded to me. "We can do some cleaning work today, if you'd like, but not in those clothes. Throw on something more comfortable and you can meet me on the second floor of the hotel."
I saluted her. "Yes, boss."
I had a lot to get done now.
Time to get to work.
(Copyright © 2015 Sarah Godfrey. Please alert the author at keyboardsmashwriters@gmail.com if you are seeing this work posted in full outside of SarahandVictoria on Wattpad.)
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