Bilbo spent the rest of the day alternating between ignoring Tauriel and pondering over what Beorn had pointed out to him. What if, somehow, Sauron had returned to the past with him? Did the Dark Lord remember everything like Bilbo did? Was he also planning and scheming about what to change and what not to leave be? And most importantly-where was Sauron? In Dol Guldur as in his dream? Or waiting for them in Mordor; plotting and waiting like a thief in the night?
I could be walking into a trap, he acknowledged as he followed Tauriel with Beorn and Bard at his side. I could be taking us all to our deaths. I could be bringing the ring to Sauron and dooming all of Middle-Earth at this very moment-
"Are you brooding again?" Bard asked, interrupting his thoughts.
He turned and squinted up at the Man through the afternoon light. "I wasn't brooding; I was thinking deeply."
Beorn-in his bear form once more-snorted. Atop him, Bard also rolled his eyes. "You're brooding, trust me. I'm an expert at such things. I did a lot of it after my wife died."
"I think that's called grieving," he countered, hopping over a large stone in his path.
"It's all in the same family," the Man reasoned, making a shooing gesture with one hand. "But that's not why I brought it up. What are you thinking about that has you making such a face?"
Bilbo shrugged and glanced off to the side at the river that they continued to follow. "Nothing important. Just making plans for our mission."
"Uh-huh." Bard's face showed that he obviously didn't believe him but was willing to accept the lie for the moment. "Right. So what plans have you thought of?"
"Well, I'm trying to figure out how to sneak into Mordor without being detected," he replied as he quickly thought up an answer. "I doubt there will be much of an army waiting for us, but whatever forces they do have will still likely outnumber us."
"We will have to scout out the area before we decide on anything," Tauriel said suddenly from the front. Her steps never paused but she tilted her head back slightly to show that she was listening in. "It will probably take a few days and we will need to stay hidden at all times. We cannot risk detection when so close to the heart of Mordor."
Bilbo nodded; causing his braids to clash together in a mess of jingling bells. "I agree. Under no circumstances can we allow the ring to fall into Sauron's hands. If it comes down to it, we retreat and wait for another chance to end it for good."
"Beorn, look, they're talking again!" Bard whispered to the bear as he nudged one of his furry ears.
Beorn whined and tossed his head back in agreement.
The Hobbit gave them both a sour look. "I miss your sense of humor, Bard. Do you miss it too?"
"Just as much as I miss yours," the archer promised without batting an eye. "What do you think your Dwarves will do after they read your letters?"
"Scream. Curse. Brood. Scream some more," he listed, shrugging. "They're not a complicated bunch."
"You don't think they'll come after you?" asked Tauriel as she glanced over her shoulder at the Hobbit with one brow raised.
He shrugged again. "Maybe. I'm hoping Gandalf will talk some sense into them if they try. They just came out of a battle where some of them nearly died. They can't handle such a journey."
"Oh yeah and we're in such top shape ourselves," Bard said, sotto.
Bilbo ignored him. "I'm also hoping that their newly reclaimed home will convince them to stay."
"And if they don't?" Tauriel pushed. "If they come after you? What then?"
"Then we have more help when sneaking into Mordor," Bard replied before Bilbo could speak up.
He flinched. "I don't want that. They already nearly died..."
Tauriel blinked twice and turned back to the front. "We will all die if we do not destroy the ring this time. Even your Dwarves."
He knew that. It made his skin crawl and his stomach clenched up into a knot at the thought, but he could not deny that everything would be easier with help. But after everything he risked to keep his friends alive, he didn't want to see them still die trying to fix Bilbo's mistake.
"Cheer up, Master Baggins," the Elf chided with a gentle voice as she continued to march on. "We will get through this one way or another."
Yeah, but I just hope it doesn't kill the very ones I came back to save.
~*~
They walked on until dusk finally began to fall and they could see no further. With Tauriel and Beorn's help, they were able to find a secluded area to rest under the thick trees with a small fire to fight back the cold. Beorn chose to rest in his bear form; which Bilbo quickly decided to take advantage of and cuddle against the furry menace for warmth. Bard soon joined him with his own coat tied tightly around him and fell into a deep sleep as soon as he leaned back against the bear's side.
"He's pushing himself too hard," Tauriel commented as she sat across from the three with her sword in her folded lap. The firelight lit up the gold in her hair and eyes and made her look even more ethereal than she usually did.
Bilbo glanced at the Man huddled at his side and nodded. "He is. We will need to watch him to make sure he doesn't overdo it."
The Elf nodded and glanced back to the forest around them. He leaned his head against Bard's arm and watched the female before him. Tauriel had taken the first watch without asking and none of them dared argue with her after her earlier show of temper. For a long time they were both quiet, and Bilbo found himself just beginning to fall asleep when the archer finally spoke again.
"Bilbo," she said, speaking his name for the first time since their argument, "I want to apologize. I should not have lost my temper with you earlier. It was uncalled for and childish of me."
"It's fine. I understand why you did. My choices are selfish when you come down to it," he admitted quietly. "I would give up the world for my friends' sake if I had to. It is impossible for me to do anything else."
Tauriel sighed and nodded. "I understand why you would do so. But that does not make it right. Sacrificing the lives of innocents for your happiness is wrong."
"It is. That's why I couldn't destroy the ring in the end. Not because I was too old, but because I was too weak. Frodo had to carry my burden and paid my price in the end. That is why I decided to make this journey even though I'm terrified out of my mind," he revealed as he thought back to his nephew and all he had endured. Bilbo regretted many things in his life, but he didn't think he regretted anything more than letting Frodo walk out of Rivendell with his ring.
"You are a selfish and self-absorbed Hobbit, but you also love more deeply than most are capable of," the Elf mused as the sharp lines to her face softened. "I wish I could do the same."
"It is not hard to let yourself love someone," he pointed out with a scoff.
Tauriel shook her head; causing her hair to whip around her face. "Maybe not for you, but I am the Captain of the Royal Guards. I have a duty to protect my king and fellow guards above all else. I must be able to put my feelings aside in order to be a good leader. If I didn't, then my judgment would become compromised, and their lives endangered."
Bilbo furrowed his brows as he stared at the Elf. "You have such a strong code of ethics. Why? Why do you fight so hard to protect the world and what's right if not for love?"
"Because someone must," she-Elf replied firmly as something hardened in her eyes. "Someone must fight for justice and protect those who cannot protect themselves. Someone must fight against cruelty and oppression and wickedness. Perhaps I am arrogant and naïve to assume such a role, but I simply cannot sit back and do nothing while others suffer. I lost my family to such selfishness and I will not see the pattern repeat itself for another innocent."
The Hobbit stared at the fierce warrior before him, and felt wonder and shame consume him. He had heard of great and selfless heroes before-and even met a few of them-but he didn't think he ever met one quite like Tauriel. How many people would-could-devote their lives to the safety and well-being of others? How many could put aside their own feelings out of consideration for the feelings of others? Who could ever live so selflessly and not crumble? Who could face the world with such devotion to the idea of good and justice and not grow jaded by the evil in the world?
"Tauriel, you are a wonder," he said honestly as he stared at her.
Tauriel wrinkled her brow and laughed softly. "No, I'm not."
"You are," he insisted as he searched for the words to explain how amazing the Elf was. "You are able to live with such strong convictions without faltering. That is a wonder in this day and age."
She laughed again her tinkling laugh and brushed back some of her long hair from her face. "Go to sleep, Bilbo. I will guard you all tonight."
"We can take shifts," he grumbled quietly even as he made himself comfortable against his fleshy pillow at his side. "It is not that hard."
Tauriel simply kept smiling as the firelight flickered across her face. Perhaps it was simply a coincidence, but that night he dreamed of autumn leaves painted vivid amber and red and wind that sounded like bells laughing.
~*~
At the first hint of light, they moved on.
With the forest on one side and the river on the other, they walked on through the thick underbrush and crumbling land. It took quite a few days, but eventually they separated from the river and continued to follow along the outskirts of Mirkwood. Tauriel led them for the most part; a native to the forest and a better scout than the others excluding Beorn. Sometimes she would glance into the forest they followed and narrow her eyes, and other times she would cock her head to the side and smile as if listening to a favorite song. Bilbo wondered if it were other Elves that caught her attention or something large with eight legs. When she was not leading them to their possible deaths, Tauriel was tending to their most injured companion: Bard. With Beorn supporting him for the most part, he had begun to heal slowly but surely. The bruises had begun to fade into a sickly yellow and his wounds were finally beginning to scab over. He had also-thankfully-avoided any sort of infections with his open wounds.
"I think you can walk on your own for now," Tauriel declared one evening as she went about her nightly ritual of examining Bard. "Not for long periods of time, of course, but you should be able to handle short bursts."
"But I feel fine," complained the Man as he held up his tunic to reveal his naked and bruised torso to the Elf. "I don't need to be coddled anymore."
Tauriel rolled her eyes and poked one of his purple bruises, causing the Man to yelp. "You were saying?"
Bard scowled and smacked her wandering hands away. "Now you're just playing dirty."
"Are you sure you're an adult?" the Elf wondered, arching one brow. "Because you seem more like a little boy with the way you keep whining."
"Are you sure you're an Elf? Because your prodding reminds me of an Orc at dinner," the Man shot back.
Tauriel narrowed her eyes and snarled. "Are you calling me an Orc?"
"Well you're certainly brutish enough to play the part-hey, hey, I said no poking! That hurts!"
"Oh suck it up and be a Man!"
"It's like watching a pair of siblings," Bilbo confided to Beorn as they sat off to the side away from the arguing duo.
Beorn nodded as he munched on some nuts. "I've seen nicer fights between cats and dogs."
"Do you think we should intervene before she stabs him?" he wondered as he stole some of Beorn's food.
The shape-shifter shook his head quickly. "Hell no. I haven't been this entertained since you fell face first into that muddy puddle."
He scowled at the memory and elbowed the bear in the ribs. "That wasn't funny. My clothes are still dirty and I was cold and damp for the rest of the day."
"You also still have mud on your ears," Beorn added as he threw a nut in the air and caught it with his open mouth.
"What? Why didn't you tell me?" he whined as he began to rub at his ears.
The shape-shifter shrugged. "Because it's funny."
"This is why no one likes you," he replied as he licked his fingers and began to wipe the dirt away.
Beorn grinned with all his teeth. "I know."
Before Bilbo could reply, Bard threw himself between the two and glared across the circle at Tauriel. "You are not allowed to sit next to me or stand near me for the rest of this journey."
"I'll try to resist your manly charms," the Elf deadpanned without blinking.
As Beorn snickered at his side, Bard rolled his eyes and turned to the Hobbit next to him. His dark eyes softened even as his face turned hard and stern. Bilbo immediately felt an alarm rise in him at the look.
"What? What is it?" he asked, leaning back a bit from the Man.
Bard hesitated for a moment; licking his bottom lip before finally speaking. "Bilbo, will you... could you tell me what happens to my children?"
He blinked rapidly in surprise. That certainly was not the question he had been expecting. "Um, sure, but I don't really know much. I know your son becomes the Lord of Dale and that your oldest daughter becomes a very wealthy and successful merchant. I think your youngest daughter joined the guards-against her brother's wishes-before eventually marrying and settling down."
"Bain... Bain becomes the Lord of Dale?" Bard repeated slowly as his frown grew deeper and his eyes softened even more. "He rebuilds Dale?"
The Hobbit shook his head. "No. You rebuild Dale and rule as the lord until your death."
"Me?" Bard scoffed, pointing to his chest. "I'm no ruler! Just a poor fisherman trying to keep his children alive."
"You are the heir to Lord Girion and the rightful ruler of Dale," he reminded, rolling his eyes. "Only you can rebuild her into the former glorious city she once was."
Bard shook his head viciously. "I am no lord or prince or king. I can barely read or write my letters! How can you expect me to rule a city?"
Bilbo shrugged and held out his hands helplessly. "I don't know how you will do it, Bard. All I know is that you become rather good at it."
"Relax, pup. Dale is already a pile of rocks. You can't do anything worse to it at this point," Beorn pointed out, interrupting their conversation without a hint of shame.
Bard raised his brow and turned to face the giant sitting on his other side. "Pup?"
"You look like one with those messy curls," the shape-shifter explained, gesturing to his hair with a grin. "We need to find you a comb. Or maybe a pitchfork."
"Says the bear with dreadlocks," the Man deadpanned.
"Bard, why do you object so much to ruling Dale?" Bilbo wondered, drawing the conversation back to the original topic. "I've seen you lead your Men in battle. You are more than capable of being a leader."
The archer shook his head; causing his wild curls to become even messier. "Because I'm a horrible choice! I know nothing of politics or war or money! I can barely manage to feed my family; what makes you think I can feed an entire city?"
Bilbo sighed and rubbed his forehead with two fingers. Apparently he was going to have to go with a different tactic in order to convince the Man that he would be a good leader.
"Do you remember what I told Thorin when you first came to Erebor?" he asked. "That I trusted you because I saw you handing out food to the poorer villagers?"
Bard narrowed his eyes and leaned away from the Hobbit as if he was a potentially deadly fungus. "Yes..."
"That compassion for your people is what will make you a great Lord. Not your skills in battle or how clever you are in politics. It's your love for your people and their well-being. That is what will make you the beloved Lord of Dale that you will be remembered as," the Hobbit said, staring into the Man's eyes in order to get his point across.
The archer's eyes grew wide and the tense line to his shoulders relaxed slightly. For the first time since they met, Bard looked uncertain. As if he was standing on shaky ground and didn't know which direction would lead him to steady ground. Seeing that look reminded Bilbo-once again-how much younger everyone was. This was not the Bard that had watched Lake-town burn or took down a dragon or threatened Thorin with war. This was the Bard that he had created; the one who still could smile because his home was not a pile of ashes, and his daughter was not blinded in one eye.
"He's right, you know," a soft voice said, interrupting their staring contest.
The duo turned as one to look at their Elven companion who had spoken. "What was that?" asked Bard as he raised his brows.
"I said he's right," Tauriel repeated as she met their looks with her own flashing hazel. "A good leader is not one who lives for himself. It is one who lives for others."
Beorn nodded as he pushed back some of his thick hair with one hand. "I've seen a lot of leaders in my time. The good ones were always the ones beloved by their people. You take care of them like you take care of your spawn, and you'll be fine."
Bard blinked and slowly looked between the three around him. Finally his shoulders slumped and he sighed deeply as a small smile curled at his lips. "You're right. You're all right. I just can't argue against any of you with that logic."
"You know, if you kept that little fact in mind, we could save all that time you waste on being stupid and use it for something more productive," Tauriel commented with a smirk that brought out her high cheekbones.
Bard immediately lost his smile. "You know, it's comments like those that are keeping you unmarried and alone."
"Excuse me?!"
Bilbo sighed and made himself comfortable as the next show commenced.
It's going to be a long night.