A Series of Unexpected Events: Stray Kids

Chapter 6: Work of Art (Part 1)

(TW: Mention of SA)
______________________________

When you wake this time, your mind is quiet. Devoid of the grinding white noise that had previously taken residence in your brain. And while you're thankful for it, the absence feels odd. Like everything that went down was a faraway dream that never existed in the first place. Merely a figment of a different plane of reality.

Painfully, you peel your eyes open, forcing a sigh of relief, determined to be thankful for your current state of being.

When your vision clears of the sleepy blur, your eyes slowly focus on the space in front of you. Where you spot the relaxed face of Chan. Chan who's still sleeping next to you on his borrowed bed with your hand still twined securely in his.

His work-roughened skin is comfortingly warm against yours and his hold, while loose, is tight enough that you're sure he didn't let you go all night. That you couldn't pull away from him right now even if you tried.

Looking at his face, you're able to see just how peaceful he is while he sleeps. The relaxed muscles. The faint smile. Proof in how he's momentarily rid of the stress and responsibility that sits squarely on his shoulders in his waking hours.

You know he doesn't get that much sleep in general and insomnia is his worst enemy when it comes to him trying to getting good sleep, but you're thankful that he's been able to get a few hours of decent rest tonight. Whatever caused it, you're thankful for it.

You hear a groan from across the room and you peer over to see Han sprawled out, stretching his arms and legs. Then he's blindly patting the bed beside him and when his search comes up empty, he's lifting his head and looking around the room sleepily, quickly spotting you.

You throw a finger toward your lip, quieting anything he would want to say so he doesn't wake Chan. When Han nods at your silent request, you refocus on your hand joined with Chan's and delicately work your fingers out from between his, though the man does not make it easy in the slightest.

After a few painfully close calls, you've successfully freed yourself and you roll out of the bed before he can notice you're gone. Then you're quickly crawling into your own bed again, joining Han under the covers before you have the chance to get cold. Much to your surprise, Han doesn't hesitate to settle back down, his sleep-glazed eyes meeting yours across the pillow you're now sharing.

"Can't help but give into the mama bear inside, can you?" he whispers after a moment.

You quirk a brow, whispering back at equal volume. "What do you mean?"

Han nods over your shoulder toward the other bed. "Helping Chan. After what you went through yesterday...I know he wouldn't have called you over there himself. So I'm guessing you found your way over there to talk him down, so to speak." When you go to ask how he knows what you had been doing there, he rambles on, seeming to read your mind. "We all saw how he took everything. He was...well he was a wreck. And now you got him sleeping soundly."

You feel a blush creep up your cheeks and when you hide your face behind your hands, Han just chuckles at your antics. But after his laugh fades, he sighs. "You were dealing with some pretty heavy shit and yet your need to help others overrides your own needs and issues so wholly that you're already taking care of us again. Hell, you were already babying me last night before we fell asleep."

You feel Han's fingers at your wrist then, gripping them softly to pull them away so he can see your face again. "Ya know, you're like a second Chan. And I won't lie, it's a bit concerning."

You blink. "Concerning?"

"We love the man to death y/n, but do you know how much we worry about him? What he puts himself through for us? We can barely stomach his self-sacrifice, we can't handle you tacking on more."

"I'm...sorry?"

"Don't be sorry," Han amends though he rolls his eyes. "It's not a bad thing that you care about people so much. It's just--ugh." Han pinches his nose, cutting back a quiet groan. "Could you just this once try to focus on yourself? On getting better? Healing? Could you do that, for me?"

For...for him? He cares about you that much that you getting better helps him?

You meet his eye at the thought. "For you, I can try," you promise, trying your best to smile though you don't quite feel it fully. Han beams at that though and you chuckle lightly at his easy joy. "But you might have to yell at me a few times when I slip up."

"Ah, don't worry." Han closes his eyes with a smile as he settles back onto the mattress. "I'll just sick Lee Know on you. He'll keep you in line."

You watch him for a moment, amused. "Han, you act like you can't get people to listen to you. Yet you had Lee Know and Chan following your orders without question yesterday."

When he peers at you with wide, open eyes, you lower your gaze a bit, unable to look at him. "My memory may be a little messed up right now, but I do remember some things."

Han just shakes his head, not forcing you to elaborate. "That was different y/n. I'm not good at leadership or authority or anything. I can hardly handle leading myself.

"With him and the rest of the guys yesterday...I don't know. I guess it was just my all-consuming worry for you that kept me going. I wasn't even really aware of what I was saying or asking of them. All I cared about was making sure you were okay and I didn't care how that happened as long as it did." He shrugs. "I guess we're a bit similar in that way. Our care for others overrides other mental obstacles.

"Which reminds me..." Han's quiet voice trails off and you see him cringe. This time he squeezes his eyes shut, and now he's the one hiding behind his hands. "I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" you scoff, completely thrown off by his sudden change in behavior. "You've done absolutely nothing wrong."

Han rolls onto his back, his shy demeanor turning sour as he looks up at the ceiling. "Say that to me digging through your suitcase like a perv," he mutters bitterly.

While your brows shoot up in surprise, you're still just as confused. "I'm not following Han."

"When I brought you a change of clothes yesterday?" he specifies. "When Lee Know helped you to the bathroom to shower? Well, bathe. You-you know what I mean."

"Oh that?" You can't help your relieved huff which seems to only make Han pull back, absolutely affronted. "Goodness Han, I thought it was something serious. That's what's bothering you?"

"This is serious y/n!" he snaps, trying his best to maintain his hushed whisper. "Look, I know I did it with a purpose. I know I did it because I felt like you needed the familiarity of your own clothes over us giving you some. I know I did it because you weren't in the right state of mind to think about anything else and you had to focus on staying afloat mentally. I know that. I do. But I also did it without your consent and it bothers the ever-loving shit out of me. It's your personal items. I never should've seen...it's your--" Han runs a hand through his hair, tugging roughly at the ends, almost as if in punishment. "I should've found a way to ask you. To get your approval. I should've, I could've--"

Unable to take it any longer, you shoot out your hand, effectively silencing him with a palm over his mouth. "Jisung. Stop it."

He only blinks at you, eyes wider than that of a deer in headlights. If you didn't feel the warm air from his nose on your hand still covering his mouth, you would've thought he stopped breathing too, that's how still he is. But you simply remove your other hand from his shoulder where you had gripped him to keep him in place. And you use that hand to remove his own from his hair, stopping him from pulling at it harshly.

"Han...it's okay. I promise. Please don't apologize." You're sure to look into his eyes so he can see your earnestness. "Honestly, does it look like I'm bothered by it?"

When you peel your hand away from atop his surprisingly soft lips, he seems to come back to himself and he lowers his eyes with a deep sigh. "No...you don't. But that doesn't make it okay y/n..." He doesn't say anything for a few moments, simply focusing on your hand on the bed and the fingers he's ever so faintly ghosting over yours. "Please believe me when I say I took no enjoyment in it. I felt pretty sick to my stomach afterward actually. Still do if I think about it too long."

"Aww Hannie..." You take his hand gently and his fingers wrap around yours almost instantly. Like he needed the comfort. "I believe you, love. But let me reassure you that I'm thankful that you did it, because you're right. It absolutely would have overwhelmed me. And the familiarity certainly didn't hurt.

"Besides, it's just clothes. I really don't mind. Especially because it's you. And I know you didn't do it with ill intent."

"It worries me when you say stuff like that," Han gripes with another shake of his head. "Feels like you're giving me a free pass. Giving all of us a pass when we do something wrong. We could get away with so much just because 'it's us'. Why do you give us so much darn freedom?"

You shrug. "I see your guys' character and intention. None of you have a bad bone in your body so what reason do I have to worry about you? I mean, why do you think I'm so at ease around all of you? Why do you think so many women feel safe around you guys?" Trying to lighten the mood, you force yourself past that newfound blockade in your mind and you poke softly at his cheek. "And it's not just because you personally are an adorable and loveable little quokka."

Your distraction works, earning you a surprised laugh but the unexpected happiness lasts only for a short while because his face slowly falls again.

You squeeze his hand in yours, reminding him you're there. "What can I do to make you feel better? Do you...want to even the playing ground? Make it fair? Would that help?"

He peers up at you, eyes widening again. "You mean...?"

"Do what you did," you confirm with a nod. "I could...pick out your pajamas tonight for example. But," you quickly interject before he can agree. "Only if you want and only if you're comfortable with it. Honestly, like I said, I really don't mind and I don't care about making it fair so please don't feel obligated to do it for my sake. Whatever helps with your guilt, do that."

"I want to. I mean, I-I want you to. To do it." You watch him bite his lip, stopping himself from rambling. "It would make me feel better," he clarifies after a moment.

"Okay then." You do your best to give him a comforting smile. "Now how about--"

A ping from Han's phone cuts you off. And another one from Chan's.

And it sets you both to scrambling toward the bedside table to silence the string of messages coming in. Han handles his easily enough and you switch Chan's to vibrate, hoping he won't mind. At least like this, maybe he can get some extra sleep but you and Han can still hear the faint buzzing through the magazines it's sitting on if something is truly important and needs his attention.

For now it seems like the notifications aren't enough to pull him from sleep and you and Han both let out a breath of relief.

When you turn back to Han who's facing you on his knees across the bed, you see him reading the messages with a chuckle. And before you can ask what's so funny, he hands his phone to you.

You can't help but chuckle quietly at the boys' antics, your mood lifting slightly. They just have a way of making things better no matter what's going on in your life or what issues you're dealing with.

With a smirk, you type a response back.

Deadpanning at the screen, you lift your eyes to Han's and show him the messages. Once he nears the bottom of the string you see his eyes go wide with fear. Comically so.

"Sorry, Han," you apologize with a wince. "Didn't mean to have Lee Know set his sights on you. But we can fix this."

Stretching out your hand and turning your back to Han, you open the camera on his phone. Then you lean back against his chest and shoulder, lining the two of you up in the frame. Han seems surprised for a split second but he smiles somewhat sleepily at the camera nonetheless, even leaning forward into you ever so slightly.

Once you snap the picture, you send it off to the chat with a message in the hopes that it clears Han's name. But you don't bother moving away from Han and he doesn't seem inclined to distance himself from you either. In fact, he leans back contentedly on his hands, holding you both upright as he watches you text the boys. More than happy to just sit with you and observe.

So you turn back to his phone.

"I know he means you," Han says with a laugh that tickles the hair on your head, "but I want to tell myself that he still thinks I'm beautiful. Ahh...once upon a time he did, back when we were young..."

With a growing smile, you type out another message.

"Well ouch." Han is laughing again, and the movement jostles you against his toned chest. "I don't know who I should feel bad for. Me or them."

"Is he always this feisty?"

You peer over your shoulder at Han and he just shrugs, his soft brown eyes edged with remnants of sleep. "He's an oddball. Can be feisty but also really soft and sweet. Depends on his mood swings."

You hum in thought, the two of you focusing on the chat again as more messages pop up.

Han groans. "He's either gonna kill me thinking I put you up to this or pout and stay in their room just to be petty."

"In that case..."

You type out another message.

Han snorts as he continues to read over your shoulder and you smirk knowing he's enjoying how much you're annoying Lee Know just as much as you are.

It's a distraction to some degree. An attempt at normalcy at least. You're more than happy to allow that distraction to take up all of your attention if it means getting out of your own head for a bit.

And you also take particular enjoyment in knowing that they're texting you as if they aren't all crammed in their rooms, talking to each other through their phones as if they were hundreds of miles apart.

Well most of your attention anyway. The rest of you starts to fill with worry for Chan and Felix.

Chan had taken the whole thing really hard and you know Felix probably wore himself out taking care of everyone else. And that's on top of whatever was bothering him back at the concert, you belatedly remember. Poor baby...

But you push it away, trying your best to not give into the worry yet. Last you saw, they're both okay. Both sleeping, which at the very least is a good start in them hopefully waking up feeling better.

So you turn back to Han's phone, reading the chat.

"Yeesh, y/n..." Han mutters, cringing deeply. "You're really asking for it."

"You think so?" you whisper back, smirking.

When you glance over at Han again, he shakes his head in disbelief. Then he's gently pushing you off of him and back onto the pillow you guys were occupying earlier. "I don't feel safe around you," he admits, though his words are playful and laced with joking fear. At least partially joking. "With Minho, you can become a target just by association. So being in the same room as you is already bad enough, much less sitting snuggled up to you."

"Scared?" you tease.

Han gawks. "You're not?"

You just shake your head and shrug, going back to the chat.

"See?"

You don't bother responding to Han's concerned insistence from where he still peers over your shoulder at the chat, though from farther away now.

"Picking favorites already are we?"

Han's giggle gives away his amusement despite the playful bite to his words. And you can't help but laugh along with him, especially as he pokes at your side when you don't say anything to deny his statement.

And your laugh quickly devolves into a fit of sputtering giggles as you try to evade his quick hands as he tickles you.

"Have you no shame y/n?" Han teases. "Picking favorites right in front of our faces?"

"You-you're here already, are you...are you not?" You point out as you push his hands away to catch your breath, meeting his eyes mischievously. "If entrance into my room is only granted to my favorites and, and I let you and Chan stay, even over Felix then...?"

You try to roll away but Han is faster and grabs your wrists pinning it beside your head and stopping you from escaping.

The move makes you flinch instinctively. Not from the force of his hold, he's actually incredibly gentle all things considered. But all the naïve contentedness you had been building up in your heart slips away like sand between your fingers as your mind rewinds to that memory you wish would be wiped from existence.

Han is all too quick to sense your change in mood and he instantly lets you go, scooting away and sitting back on his heels to give you some space.

When he lifts his eyes again, looking like he wants to say something, his words are cut off by a sleepy groan from Chan.

"What are you guys up to?" Chan slurs, still very much out of it as he stretches out comfortably on the bed.

You paste on a smile before he can open his eyes though, determined not to worry him already. The man deserves a break.

"Hannie over here," you pretend tease, nudging him with a shoulder in the hopes he gets the hint, "is accusing me of picking favorites."

To his credit, Han is quick to wipe the guilt from his face, replacing it with a small smile of his own.

"Yeah?" Chan muses curiously, though you see the smirk on his lips as he peers over at the two of you with one half-closed eye. "Who is it?"

You just look at Han, allowing him to answer the question. And you have to fight back the urge to kiss him in gratitude when he simply shrugs, playing along perfectly.

"Don't look at me, I won't be the one to break the poor man's heart." Chan's smile falters for a moment at that and Han regards him apologetically. "When you read the group chat you'll see."

Speaking of. You pick up Han's phone from where it dropped onto the blanket, reading the messages you guys missed.

You hand Han his phone back after that. And he takes it with an apologetic smile that you return reassuringly.

You're fine. Or you will be, at least. It's not his fault your mind and body are still just a little screwed up, and you have to bite back a sigh at the thought. Crazy to think you'd be over it and could return to normal.

So, instead, you turn to Chan only to see him on his back with his phone held above his head, no doubt scrolling through the group chat to see what Han was getting at.

And your guess is confirmed when he snorts a moment later, blindly throwing his phone to the side and hugging the newfound pillow in his arms. "Like any of us can be upset that Felix is the favorite child. We'd be lying to ourselves if we said we wouldn't choose him too. He is an angel."

Throwing Han a smirk you don't quite feel, you nudge him again, using his own words against him. "See?"

A mess of loud knocks echo at the door then and before you can even think to move, Han is up and on his feet after a quick nod and smile thrown at you. One where you can tell he's fighting hard to keep himself from giving into the guilt.

Hyunjin is stumbling through the open doorway first. Throwing himself down and sprawling out his long legs on the couch with a sleepy good morning tossed at the three of you. After a blissful moment of nothingness, the rest of the boys waste no time in swarming into the room, wordlessly fanning out to whatever spot tickles their fancy.

Changbin joins Hyunjin on the couch with a barely concealed wince, the dancer's feet settling in his lap. And Seungmin and I.N are quick to launch themselves onto the other bed with Chan, though you instantly see the moment that decision turns to regret when their leader rolls over to pull them both in for a cuddle. Both of them try to escape. And both of them fail, groaning as they slowly stop fighting and accept the prison of their fate.

Lee Know, unsurprisingly, is last to enter the room, a sleepy Felix curled up in his arms. And you can't help but note how Lee Know's hands are hidden in the long sleeves of his hoodie giving him cute little sweater paws as he holds him.

How very cat-like.

After Lee Know is through the doorway, Han makes his way back to the bed, a stifled smile on his lips as he looks up at his self-proclaimed soulmate from behind you.

You just quirk a brow at Lee Know, trying to make your mind flow back to that easy space of distracting banter. "Holding Felix hostage are we Minho? Hoping he earns you entrance into my room?"

Lee Know rolls his eyes, but then looks to Han, his voice wholly unemotional. "I'm sorry." Then he's looking at Chan, I.N, and Seungmin. "Sorry." Changbin and Hyunjin. "Sorry." And Felix. "Sorry."

Lee Know levels his gaze back at you, challenging. There's no mistaking the look in his eyes for anything other than a: "There. Are you happy now?"

Felix, still barely awake, just mumbles, his hand patting Lee Know's chest softly. "I'm not sure what you're sorry for...but it's okay Kitty."

Without warning, Minho unceremoniously drops Felix into your lap, his nose scrunched in a mixture of distaste and offense. Nor does he give a reaction to Felix's breathless oof as his lithe body harshly meets yours. More than surprised by the rough handling and sudden abandonment from his hyung.

Then Lee Know is looking at you. Straight at you. "Not sorry. Screw you," he huffs haughtily, stalking off to perch himself on the bed behind Han. Ignoring you completely now it seems.

"Who does he want to screw?"

Blinking, you can't help a baffled chuckle at Felix's blunt, mumbled question as you look down at his dazed face. He's focused wholly on situating himself comfortably in your lap now. Seemingly unbothered by where he found himself. Content even. But heaven knows his half-asleep state is doing nothing for his mental filter, seemingly oblivious to how his question sounded.

"He's mad at me because I made him apologize for misbehaving." When Felix peers sleepily up at you from where he's taken to using your leg as a pillow, his hand a gentle presence on your thigh next to his head, he still looks confused. "Read the group chat later," you tell him reassuringly. "It'll make sense then."

And it's only when Felix nods and snuggles back into you, unbothered by your vague answer, do you smile--albeit a small one--down at him. At his calming presence and the ease with which his soul calms your own, like smoky tendrils of fog settling over an open field. Quiet and unassuming but all-consuming and undeniably there.

Looking at him, you try not to let the painful mental blockade and slew of worried thoughts win as you hesitantly set your hand on his head, allowing your fingers to ever so faintly card through his hair.

Chan had said they liked your skinship. That they welcomed it. You can only hope he was right.

Much to your relief, the move has Felix relaxing instantly, melting into your lap nearly purring. And that blissed reaction alone is enough to calm your inner panic, reminding you that everything is fine. That he's enjoying himself. That your stupid, spiraling mind is wrong and really needs to get its shit together.

But most importantly, that Chan was right. At least when it came to Felix. And until you can talk to him about what happened at the concert that had him so...down...this will have to do.

Letting yourself fall into that familiar nurturing role that's just as much a part of you as the color of your eyes--constant and unchanging--you caress Felix absentmindedly as you refocus your mind on the other boys who are either half asleep again or entertaining quiet conversations with each other.

"I never really got the chance to ask last night," you confess, their attention floating to you one by one. "But what had you guys been up to yesterday while I was out that first time around? I don't remember seeing some of you before I knocked out. And surely the rest of you didn't all stay holed up in here for that long." But when no one answers, you sigh, beyond resigned. "Please tell me you didn't..."

"I can only do so much," comes Felix's low grumble from your lap.

When you peer down at him again, his eyes are closed, though there are creases forming between his brows from the force of his frown. And you quickly take your fingers to those creases, gently smoothing them out until his face is relaxed again before going back to his hair.

"I managed to get Seungmin and Innie to go take a shower," Felix explains, still making no moves to leave from the bed he made on your legs. "And I physically had to force-feed Chan and Han since they wouldn't leave the room, much less take a minute to eat or drink something.

"I wasn't kidding when I told you making the guys eat when they're distracted is damn near impossible. But I'm not sure where everyone else was though," he continues with a yawn. "I can only keep track of so many of them at a time."

Fingers still scratching at Felix's scalp, you raise your sights to the rest of the kids. None of them seem keen on meeting your eyes though, which already isn't a good sign. But you clearing your throat earns you their curious glances hidden under lashes.

"So, boys? Care to share?"

It's nothing but silence for a handful of moments. No one wanting to share much less be the one to share first. More than likely knowing you won't be happy about a single one of their answers, if you had to guess.

"Gym. Working out," Changbin mutters.

Okay that's not bad, you mentally admit. Why hide it then?

But then Seungmin is piping up and you quickly get the answer to your question. "Yeah," he scoffs. "'Cause that's what we call me needing to drag you out of there because you couldn't walk and almost crushed yourself under those obnoxious weights."

"Yah!" Changbin yells, whipping toward Seungmin. "You said you weren't gonna say anything!"

"No," Seungmin apathetically corrects from where he's still very much trapped in Chan's arms. "You asked me not to. I never agreed not to. I only said I'd help you get back to our room. Plus," he says, his voice taking on a slightly more serious tone. "I'm done keeping secrets for all you dumbasses doing stupid shit. You all might be a pain in my ass but that doesn't mean I want you to stop breathing."

Setting aside your utter disbelief at the curses coming out of Seungmin's mouth...inside, you know he had thrown Changbin under the bus to embarass him. Teach him a lesson. Which is more than evident in his little speech, even if he hadn't gone out and explicitly said it in so many words. So if that lesson had to be at your hand, then so be it.

You level a stare at him. "Talk Changbin."

Changbin cringes instantly, looking away. And you know he knows there's no getting out of this now. He made his bed.

"What do you want me to say?" he huffs quietly. "We all know why I was there."

"We do," you agree, trying very hard not to let your mind wander too far down that road again. "But there's a big difference between working off some anger and being reckless."

When Changbin still doesn't meet your eye, you're surprised to see Chan sitting up, releasing the two maknaes he had captured. "He's usually much--"

"But," you continue quietly and firmly, and it's just enough to cut Chan off. Although he looks at you with a curious tilt of his head now. You appreciate Chan but this is between you and Changbin, and you're more than capable of handling it. "I know you know that, Binnie. You don't need me to chastise you because you're smart enough and experienced enough to understand the consequences. Anger can blind you in the moment and you don't think clearly, I get that. Happens to the best of us."

Softening your tone, you let your eyes fall back to Felix and his content presence pressed up against you. "But I would like to remind you that the people in this room care for you. Your brothers here care about you. As do I, however new that may be for you, though it doesn't make my care for you any less. My point," you continue, "is that had something happened, I don't even want to think about what it would've done to everyone here."

When Changbin sighs, you look at him again only to find he's already watching you. You and Felix. But his dark brown eyes slowly rise from the embodiment of sunshine in your lap to meet your own, sadness lingering there. "Have you ever thought that maybe that's why I was pushing myself so hard in the first place? To avoid that very same thought? About you?" You blink at him but he doesn't allow you a breath to process the surprise. "You said it yourself. You here with us is new, yes. But no less important or meaningful. Had that asshole managed to drag you off..." Changbin shakes his head. "It would've been a very different story and I wasn't--I'm not--ready to face that truth. Not yet. Maybe not ever."

You feel the beginnings of a shudder roll through you. At the realization that you've had those very same "what if" thoughts. But mostly at the dark parts of your mind you're admittedly and wholeheartedly ignoring.

So you do your best to keep the hand you have in Felix's hair from shaking and you paste on the best fake smile you can. All the meanwhile ignoring that ache in your heart at the overwhelming love Changbin had just admitted to. Through his actions at least. You can't face that either. Not yet.

"Well, we all cope differently," you say with more peace than you feel. "You work it off. And Minho here...defaults to picking fights with everyone and everything in a five foot radius." You turn in time to see Lee Know whip his head up, unprepared and unaware of the reason for his sudden involvement. But you smile gently at him anyway, inviting his distracting feist. "Isn't that right love?"

It's a blatant ploy to lighten the mood and move on from the heaviness weighing down the room. And though you're convinced they all know it, no one comments on it either.

Especially when all you get in return from Lee Know at your mention of his path of destruction this morning is him sticking his tongue out at you. Obviously unwilling to give into your taunt.

With a forced laugh, you lean back and grab his hand, more than ready to pull him toward you and remind him to mind his manners, but within one second and the next you're yanking your empty hand back in worried fear when he winces harshly at your touch.

He hides it quickly--you'll admit that much--but it's already too late. And you know in the way that he doesn't meet your eye, his ears quickly turning red with shame, that there's something wrong. Something he's hiding.

"Lee Know..."

"It's nothing," he mumbles, earlier vow of silence long forgotten.

"Lee Know..."

Like Changbin, he must know that your steely tone leaves no room for argument and that you'll hound him until he tells you what you want to know because he eventually sighs, exasperated. And the next thing you know, he's pulling back the sleeves of his hoodie and shoving his hands in front of you with a grumbled, "I'm fine."

It takes you all but a second to zero in on what he's been hiding. On the angry red of his skin and the purple-blue bruises darkening around newly split knuckles.

You can't help but lift your hand to his in apt reverence, your fingers hovering over the injury but not touching. Nor can you make yourself look away from the dried blood there, no doubt too painful to clean out himself. Inwardly you wonder how he's been able to use his hands without pain and you quickly come to the conclusion that, knowing him, he's probably just been grinning and bearing it. Hiding it from everyone.

On instinct, you wrap your fingers around Lee Know's, far away from the wounds. And then you're bringing his hand up to your face, pressing a feather-soft kiss to the knuckles where the skin isn't broken, but still close enough that you know he'll understand your intent.

And you know he does when he stiffens, frozen by your blatant and unfiltered love and care. Especially as he continues to stare at you, wide-eyed. But he doesn't make any move to pull away despite it.

"Minho...why?"

"Punching bag," he mutters a bit breathlessly, voice just as quiet as yours. Still looking at you.

Lowering your joint hands, careful not to touch his injuries to anything, you meet his gaze, letting him see the emotion silently swirling in your eyes. His own eyes are soft but unreadable. An enigma that gives away very little of what he's feeling inside.

"You and Binnie are too much alike," you say with a sigh. "But it's better than taking your anger out on something or someone else, I suppose."

"I'm fine," he says again, almost like he doesn't want to acknowledge anything else you're saying.

You shake your head then, letting go of his hand and pushing him off the bed. "No you're not. Go get my first aid kit. It's in the top compartment of my suitcase."

Surprisingly, Lee Know doesn't fight much less hesitate, immediately standing to do as he's told. And he's quick to offer the small pouch to you when he finds it and makes his way to your side again.

Pulling him back down to the bed, you tear open a antiseptic wipe and take his hand. He doesn't react so much as let it happen, allowing you to do as you want. More than likely knowing you'd give him a run for his money in stubbornness if he were to fight you.

As gingerly as you can, you wipe down his knuckles, cleaning off the dried blood as well as hopefully neutralize any germs there are so it doesn't get infected or anything. Heaven knows these men aren't always the best at self-care.

Lee Know winces harshly every so often from the pain of your touch but he's quiet in his suffering. Thoughtful, engrossed in his own thoughts as he watches you work. So you're surprised when he tilts his head at you with a slightly more emotional: "Sorry for dropping Yongbok on you."

Stifling a small smile, you leave his hand on your leg for a moment to pull out the roll of wrapping. Almost instantly you feel him give your leg a soft squeeze where his hand sits before you scoop his fingers up again, quickly threading the wrapping between his fingers and over his palm.

"It's okay Minho," you assure him softly. "Thank you for apologizing."

"Aaaand what about an apology for the person you dropped?" Felix interjects, lips pursed up at Lee Know who's leaned halfway above him from the position you pulled him into.

It takes a decent amount of energy to bite back your chuckle at his comment. Leave it to Felix for being that unavoidable bright force in everyone's life. Just can't escape it. Intentional or not. Even you can't help the genuine turn of your smirk as you work.

And while Lee Know seems to readily accept the out Felix gave him, he isn't fazed by the obvious ploy. He just looks down at Felix still curled up in your lap sweetly. "Hush darling, the adults are talking." When Felix's nose scrunches in annoyance, more than ready to say something that is definitely against his best interests--and well-being--Lee Know continues calmly. "Or you and I can spend some time finding out what the whole 'cat and canary' saying is all about, hmm?"

With his free hand, Lee Know takes Felix's own hand, pressing a deceptively gentle kiss to his skin--exactly how you had done with him--making the younger shiver.

"How can he make something so sweet as a kiss so freaking creepy?" Felix mutters, holding up the offended hand like he had been burnt. When any other time, you know he'd be relishing the touch. Cherishing it even.

But you don't get the chance to answer when Lee Know smirks, preening. "Thank you, it's a gift."

You simply roll your eyes--Felix seeming to share the sentiment--and finish off that hand before moving onto the other.

Your work is quick and Lee Know only seems able to sit still long enough for you to finish and not a moment longer. Any earlier stillness is clearly gone with the wind. So you paralyze him with another gentle kiss to his split knuckles. This time on the other hand.

"We will talk about this later," you tell him, meeting his eye with resolve. He knows it's less of a question and more of an order. "Alone. You too Binnie," you say with a glance in the younger man's direction.

That seems to remind him of the rest of your audience and Lee Know grumbles something incoherent before pulling away and shuffling off to one of the empty armchairs in the corner. No doubt needing to work off his embarrassment where no one can see. So you leave it at that for now.

It takes all but a minute to pack up the kit again, but you're back to caressing at Felix in no time. This time scratching at his neck and shoulders. And you have to stifle a small chuckle when he tilts his neck with a whine, giving you both easier access and a silent invitation.

"So..." you muse absentmindedly. "What's your guy's plan for today?"

"We didn't have one." Chan pipes up for the first time in a while, catching your attention. He pauses for a moment as he pushes himself up against the headboard of the bed, allowing I.N to cuddle closer into his side. "Even before you came along and all that...stuff happened," he assures you before you can say anything about it.

"Sure we have things we want to do in the city before we leave but we decided to just take it day by day and see what we want in the moment. But no matter what it is, I think I can confidently say, we'd all love it if you joined us."

You smile at the quick murmurs of agreement. Even Felix in his distracted state manages to hum out a low mhm.

Despite it, you can't help the shock that fills you, even after everything--all the trouble you've caused--they still want you around. That they're willingly taking you in knowing full and well what a mess you are right now.

But if there's anything you know, it's that Stray Kids is nothing if not a healing force for everyone they come in contact with. Evident in the fact that you can even manage to smile so soon, however small that genuine smile may be. But there's no denying it's there.

So you meet Chan's gaze with a grateful nod. "If you'll have me, I'd love to join you guys."

"Good." Smiling, Chan peers around at the rest of the guys then, though he skips over I.N where he's absentmindedly rubbing his arm, lulling the boy to sleep. "Then it's a matter of picking from the list. Although if I'm perfectly honest, I'm okay with anything so I vote that y/n chooses."

"Yeah," Han seconds from where he's now leaning back into Lee Know--who made his way back to the bed somehow--behind you. "Despite what it may seem like sometimes, we're not picky. You should be the one to choose. Whatever will help you get out of the hotel and get some fresh air but not push your anxiety or exhaustion."

For once you couldn't be more relieved to have someone around that knows what it's like to deal with panic attacks and what your body goes through in the aftermath. Because you surely are still nursing some aching muscles, lurking exhaustion, a relentless headache, and a slew of unstable emotions that need time to mend themselves.

So you shoot Han a thankful smile and he returns it tenfold. "Okay what are our options then?"

"There are a few events and small festivals happening downtown?" Changbin supplies.

You wince at that and Han meets the suggestion with an emphatic, "no" before you can even get out a breath.

"Even I don't have the energy for that," Han mutters, leaning further back into Lee Know who doesn't seem at all bothered by the task of holding them both up. Much like Han had done for you earlier.

"There's a museum a few blocks away?" comes Hyunjin's gentle offering.

So gentle in fact that you smile. Because it sounds like just what you need.

"A museum sounds fun actually." And that declaration earns you a series of surprised but hopeful blinks from Hyunjin, making you all the more determined to convince the rest of the boys as you reason through why it's a good option. "It's during the week so it shouldn't be crowded. Which means we can enjoy the exhibits without running into a bunch of people. Roam. Mind our own business. And still get out of the hotel."

"Sounds good to me," Han agrees with a shrug. "We could do with a little culturing anyway."

Lee Know hums his own agreement. As does Felix. The rest of the boys offering various forms of approval too. And when you glance back at Hyunjin, you can't help but note the way he had perked up, his eyes brighter than they had been all morning.

Chan seems to notice the change in mood too because he nods contentedly as he watches Hyunjin turn himself around to snuggle into Changbin happily. "Museum it is then."

~~~

By the time all of you are dressed, ready, and piling into the car, it's nearly 11am. And it takes I.N's stomach grumbling for all of you to quickly remember you all had forgotten one very important thing. Breakfast.

So Chan had directed the driver of your guys' car to yet another gluten-free, vegan friendly establishment he had apparently scouted previously. But not before he sends off a quick text to let the other car know about the pit-stop.

So when Chan steps out to pick up the order, you turn to Seungmin, ignoring Lee Know's heavy head on your shoulder, though you're happy to support him.

And when you notice Seungmin is staring off in space--his eyes glazed over--you can't help but watch him for a moment. Intrigued. But he seems to feel your attention because he blinks away the haze after a second, meeting your stare curiously. Even if you do still sense a small inkling of thoughtfulness lingering in his eyes.

"What's going on in that head of yours Minnie?"

That earns you a small, sideways grin and he slowly takes your hand then, letting your intertwined fingers rest in your lap. But he looks away calmly, watching the cars blur past where your SUV is parked. "Nothing much. Just thinking about yesterday. The concert," he specifies.

"What about it?" You give his hand a soft squeeze, letting the wordless action speak for itself. "Now that you had time to process, how do you feel about it?"

Seungmin responds with his own squeeze, understanding you perfectly. "Oh I feel really good about the show. Think we wrapped up the tour really well. Makes me proud to know we finished it off, ya know?" But he shakes his head, his grin widening. "That's not what I was thinking about though. What did occur to me was the fact that you're the very first Stay to see me shirtless."

The rest of the boys in the car are awake in an instant. Felix sputtering at the admission and Lee Know whipping his head up so fast you're surprised you don't hear his neck crack.

Bystanders' reactions aside, if you turning red was as easy as pressing a button, that damn thing is being held down without an ounce of remorse. Hell, it's being held hostage. And by none other than Kim Seungmin himself. In fact, he doesn't even try to hide his laugh, especially when he glances at you and his laugh turns into a cackle when he sees your face.

"I'm sorry y/n," he forces out between his heaving laughs but he doesn't sound sorry at all. In fact, it's the exact opposite. "But it's a legitimate thought. And it's true!"

"When," Lee Know demands dryly, "in the ever-loving hell did this happen?"

Seungmin's reply is simple, unbothered by Lee Know's scary demeanor. "During the concert."

"No shit," Lee Know mutters back. "But you're telling me you had enough time to dally backstage while we were performing? What the heck were you doing waltzing around shirtless? Working on your Magic Mike routines? Doing lap dances?"

That makes Felix choke and Seungmin just turns to pat his back in support, the mischievous glint never leaving his eye. If anything it grows stronger. "Lap dance? Yeah well, with the looks y/n was giving, I'm sure she wouldn't have been against one. From me or from Chan." After a second of thought, he tilts his head and adds, "Or both of us at the same time. Imagine that dynamic."

"Chan was stripping too?" Lee Know shakes his head, obviously more than disappointed in his band-mates. "Well, I'm less surprised by him disrobing, yet here I was thinking you two were men of class." Then in true Lee Know fashion, his expression flips and he's grinning too. "But a true dynamic indeed, I can't lie. And judging by how red little Miss. Innocent is over here," he says as he peers over at you. "I'd say she imagined that scenario already too."

"I did not!" you huff. When Lee Know deadpans, you turn away, nose upturned, unwilling to give in. "I have more decorum than that, thank you. Seungmin is the one with the dirty mind here, not me. Which...is surprising, if I'm honest."

Even though your hands are still joined--the sweetness of that very much at odds with the current conversation--you turn to regard said offender, studying him and the secrets he holds inside that no Stay would ever guess. Even you. Looking at him, you'd never think his mind would work the way it does.

But you don't get any time to ponder it when Felix pulls himself over the back of your seats, still beside himself with exasperation. "Are you really talking about a two person lap dance Minho-hyung? With Chan and Seungmin of all people? Something is wrong with you."

"Oh yeah?" Lee Know snaps. "Saying that because you want in on that action Mr. Delusional? What, is your parasocial relationship with Stays and your crazy fanfic obsession not enough?"

Felix gasps, hand held to his chest. "It is not an obsession," he argues. "It's natural curiosity."

Lee Know rolls his eyes. "Of course that's the part of the sentence you focus on."

Speaking of fanfics...you turn to Felix but you don't get the chance to ask him anything either when the passenger door opens and Chan is sliding in, big bag of food in hand.

"Hello everyone, I'm back." When he buckles and the driver pulls back out into the street, you all do the same, reigning in the earlier chaos that was unfolding. And he quickly turns to the four of you. "I dropped off half to the kids in the other car. We should have just enough time to scarf these down before we make it to the museum."

Chan digs into the bag then, pulling out a silver-foil burrito. "This one is yours y/n," he says as he hands it to you. "I made sure it's exactly how you told me. And I made them mark it so it wouldn't get mixed up."

"Thank you Channie," you sing-song, opening up the foil without wasting another second. And you nearly drool at the savory smell that wafts up from it, the warmth of the burrito still radiating steadily into your fingers. You haven't had anything since that protein shake you downed last night before you went to bed. So you're especially thankful the period symptoms are letting up enough for you to eat a decent meal.

You're almost sure the rest of the boys go a bit feral from the smell filling the car too, losing any patience they had before. Each one of them readily snatching up a burrito as quickly as Chan can supply them.

The car settles into content silence soon after, with nothing more than the crinkle of foil and your collective hums of hunger filling the void. All the while, you catch Chan glancing at you every so often, a indecipherable look on his face that you want to say looks like pride. But you ignore it for now, filing the question away to talk about later.

After a few minutes and each of you slowly trickling down to a less animalistic pace, Chan is turning to face you guys in the back seats. "So, what were you guys talking about while I was gone? Seemed pretty animated when I got back."

Felix's stifled snort is enough to set all of you off and there isn't a single one of you that manages another bite as you all devolve into raucous laughter.

When you can finally breathe again, you just wipe away your tears, shaking your head. "Trust me, Chan. You don't want to know."

~~~

SKZ's leader had been wary to accept that answer of not knowing what had happened in the car while he was gone, and with the rest of the car-bound meal being silent, you thought that was the end of it. But it seems he was either just too hungry to fight or he was biding his time. Waiting for everyone to not be so short-fused from hanger, most likely. Because now...?

"Tell me," Chan whines, shaking Lee Know's arm. But when Lee Know slowly turns to glare at him, he's quick to release the limb clutched in his hands and move onto his next victim. Felix.

"Liiiixxxx...you love me don't you?" Chan leans his head on Felix's shoulder, pursing his bottom lip. "Please tell me?"

"No dice Chris," he says with a chuckle. And you're surprised to see even kind, sunshine-y Felix isn't caving, completely resolute.

Then Seungmin is chiming in, throwing a leisurely arm around Chan's shoulders but not doing a thing to hide his shit-eating grin. "The truth is Chan hyung...y/n confided in us and we don't want to break her trust. If she wants you to know what her turn-ons are," he says with one last pat to Chan's back as he pushes away, "then, let her be the one to tell you."

"T-turn ons?" Chan sputters, instantly bright red and eyes curiously flicking to you. And then away like he doesn't know if he wants to look at you or not.

You're not far behind him. The heat in your neck and face, you're sure, is rivaling that of the sun with how hot you're burning right now.

"And you said I wouldn't want to know?" Chan questions, his eyes wide but voice still quiet with embarrassment. Seemed he settled on looking at you, unable to help his curiosity.

"We weren't talking about my turn-ons!" you quietly whine, hiding your face in Seungmin's shoulder next to you and trying your best not to make a scene right outside the museum.

"Yeah?" Lee Know challenges, more than happy to join in on the fun. "So you're telling me what you saw didn't turn you on?"

You just groan, digging your face further into Seungmin who just laughs like he's having the time of his life. You're not about to give them the satisfaction of saying yes. Even if it is true. And Seungmin knows that. So does Lee Know. Chan probably would too if he knew what this all was in reference to. Though you want to do everything you can to save face, so you aren't going to be letting Chan in on it anytime soon. Not if you can help it.

So instead, you forcibly drag Seungmin off to join the rest of the boys where you spot them stumble through the parking lot to meet your half of the group in front of the museum. And as you do so, you pull up your mask to hide your still red cheeks--Seungmin doing the same.

You all probably should've put it on the moment you stepped out of the car. That way no one recognizes the boys and start to question you being with them, but better late than never you guess. Hopefully no Stays had been around and leaked their location. Heaven knows how fans get when they come across a celebrity and immediately start gabbing about it on social media.

With your face hidden now, you drop your voice to a whisper so your words are only for Seungmin. Despite there not being anyone else close by.

You pull him close by the arm, welcoming his calm presence. Needing it, really. And you lean in to rest your head on his shoulder as the two of you walk. "Thank you for that. The distraction...although, your topic of choice was a bit questionable."

Knowing exactly what you're alluding to, Seungmin just grins at you, his voice light but quiet. Just for you. "Say what you want about my tactics, but you can't argue with the results. Just let me know when you want to hear more of what goes on up here," he says with a lazy gesture to his head. "Good luck thinking about anything else when you go down that rabbit hole with me."

Shoulders hunching slightly, his voice lowers again. So much so that you almost don't hear him when he says,  "I didn't make you uncomfortable, did I? Talking about..." he trails off.

You shake your head with a small laugh. Leave it to him for shamelessly talking about it earlier and yet being so shy he can't even say it now. "No you didn't, Minnie. I'd let you know if you crossed any lines. Besides," you give him a sideways look. "It's only fair when I know a turn-on of yours." He's meeting your eye almost instantly, looking confused. But you can only chuckle at his feigned innocence. "That pet name kink of yours ring a bell?"

It's his turn to sputter. In fact, he's so distracted he trips over his feet, though he catches himself just as quick. And you ignore that annoying ever-present blockade in your mind as you wrap your hand tighter around his arm to make sure he stays upright.

He seems just as easy to fluster, judging by the blush you see peeking out from under his mask. Good. A taste of his own medicine.

"I don't have a pet name kink..." he mumbles when he's finally composed himself again.

You have to bite back a small laugh with how quiet he says it, his eyes glued to the asphalt. He couldn't be more obvious if he tried.

"Mhm, you keep telling yourself that." You lean in closer to his ear, lowering your voice. "If that's what helps you sleep at night, then so be it darling."

"Hey guys!" Han greets excitedly as you two finally sidle up to the other half of SKZ. All of them completely oblivious to Seungmin being a flustered mess, dazed look aside. "Are you excited? I'm excited." Then Han pulls Hyunjin into his side. "And I know Jinnie is."

Hyunjin just rolls his eyes, starting up an easy saunter involuntarily attached to a very hyper Han. "The burrito finally made it to his brain. Give him an hour, he'll crash."

Wordlessly, you and Seungmin split apart to turn and walk back with them to where Chan, Felix, and Lee Know are stationed. Just a few feet away from the building's front doors. And much to your surprise, Seungmin is offering his arm to you again just as quickly. Like he wants you to hold onto him. And it's a request you're more than happy to indulge. So you thread your arm through his while you tune back into the lively conversation growing between Han and I.N.

"What do you mean sharks aren't as old as dinosaurs? Innie, I watch National Geographic," he states a matter-of-factly as he pulls up his mask. "Believe it or not, sharks are actually older. Well, the existence of them at least."

I.N does the same with his mask, but not in time to hide his smile. A smile that tells you he's almost assuredly doing this just to annoy Han.

"Yeah?" I.N challenges. "How can you prove it?"

"Fossils Innie. Ever heard of carbon dating? It's a thing."

"I'm not part of paboracha," I.N snips curtly. "I know what it is. You misunderstood my question though. How can you prove there aren't older dinosaur fossils? What if we haven't found the really old ones yet? Ones that date back further?"

Hyunjin whispers something in Han's ear and whatever he says earns a gasp and a scowl from Han thrown in I.N's direction. Which only spurs the maknae into a fit of laughing.

You'd guess that Hyunjin worked it out too and let Han in on I.N's obvious goading before things got too far. Thankfully, that means Han is now determined to ignore his torturer, simply jutting his chin up and picking up the pace to breach the last few feet between you guys and the rest of the boys.

"Ready?" Chan asks when you've all managed to finally come together.

Changbin's, "As I'll ever be", is overshadowed by an enthusiastic, "I was born ready" from Hyunjin and not one of you can stifle your laugh at his unfiltered passion.

Something about Hyunjin's unbending love for art and beauty found in the smallest things life has to offer is something you've always admired. Something you've always adored. Something you still love to watch, especially up close. And hell or high water, you're going to enjoy getting to share that with him today.

Or so you thought.

That resolve is almost immediately derailed when the lot of you make your way through the door and into the opulent building. And nothing prepares you for the mind-numbing cacophony coming from the far end of the room. It's a sound that has you whipping your head toward it with wide eyes as you trail behind the boys. Seungmin now walking with I.N leaving you on your own.

Truth be told, you almost feel out of your depth from the sound. The presence. You feel overwhelmed and confused and you don't know why. Truth be told, somewhere deep down, you do know, but you don't want to admit it.

Sure, you hadn't been around lots of strangers since the incident. In fact, the whole trip through the hotel lobby and into the car had been strangely devoid of passerby. Yes, there had been some people, but Chan had handed you his phone in the elevator. Had been so proud and excited to share a newly released article about their wrapped up tour that you could hardly clock their existence as you read the amazingly written piece.

But now?

It takes concerted effort to tamp down the shiver that rolls through you but you manage. Barely.

There's nothing to worry about. It's all in your head, you mentally remind yourself. And you repeat it like a soothing lullaby to your inner angst.

And that mantra seems to work for a little while as you follow the boys to the obnoxiously long ticketing line where you take up the rear. That is, until a trio of two men and a woman join the line behind you. And a bit too close for comfort at that.

Another shiver makes it's way down your spine, unbidden, and you do your best to ignore the feeling as you take a step forward, hoping to carve out some space for yourself. It seems to work for a second or two until the woman notices the space and breaches the gap again. Leaving hardly a foot between the two of you. Even her male counterparts follow to keep pace, trapping you in more and more and--

You take a breath. This is crazy. You're fine. It's not them, it's you. It's all in your head. Another step forward. One the woman behind you matches.

It's all in your head. It's all in your head. It's all in--

"Y/N?" Lee Know is in front of you before you know it, his ever-present smirk melting away. "Are you okay?"

The longer he looks at you, the more concern blankets his features. As observant as he is, you know he sees every little bodily reaction you try to hide. Every little shake. Every darting look. You're almost sure he can read the thoughts crowding your brain as if they were his own.

He extends a hand to you wordlessly and once you take it, he's leading you off to the side of the lobby. Right to a nook nestled between two pillars.

You have just enough wherewithal to notice the small shake of Lee Know's head that he aims at Changbin's curious gaze as he leads you away, but that awareness fades just as quick.

By the time, Lee Know's corralled you into the recessed alcove, your back against the sturdy marble wall, you're fighting to battle back the anxiety simmering just below the surface.

For a second, he doesn't say anything but the next thing you know, he's pulling his hand from your arm and putting a finger under your chin. Gently, he lifts your gaze from the ground where you had been adamantly searching for anything to distract you.

"Look at me y/n." It doesn't take much convincing of your mind to follow the order. So you do, raising your eyes to his. "I'm here with you. We all are. You're safe, okay?" He watches you for a moment, noting your erratic behavior. "We won't let anything happen to you. Besides, nothing can sneak up on you right now."

He reaches out to knock the slate-smooth rock at your back. And a small, anxious part of you relaxes at the knowledge, allowing you to let out an uneven sigh. One you didn't know you were holding.

"There you go." Lee Know's voice is soft and soothing. Almost like how you imagine he talks to his cats. All sweet words and encouragement wrapped up in a patient tone you know he doesn't use often. "I know it's a lot to take in y/n, so we're going to break it up into smaller, bite-sized pieces. Can you do that with me?"

Your nod is immediate. If you focused--if you really focused and doubled down--you could probably pull yourself out of this. You're not too far gone that your body has taken on a mind of it's own. Truth be told, the panic barely started. You're still aware but you're also so so incredibly tired. You could handle this on your own, but...you don't want to.

You're thankful to Lee Know for offering to be that guiding hand to help you through it. Making it easier to digest. And you're more than happy to follow his lead. So you nod.

"Okay then. But first, there's a grounding exercise I do with Sungie sometimes that might help. Do you want to give it a try?" You nod again.  And he answers with one of his own. "You've probably heard of it before. We'll cycle through your five senses one at a time. Starting with sight. What are three things you can see?"

Easy enough. You look around. "The potted plant n-next to the front door...the...the green marble wall...and that stack of magazines on the coffee table."

"Good," he says without even bothering to confirm any of it. He just continues to watch you. "Now touch. Two things."

This one is easier. "The cold marble wall...and the metal of my necklace."

His eyes flick down to your jewelry at the mention, noting the tiny gold and black bumblebee hanging there on the thin chain. "I've been meaning to tell you that it's cute. Very...you."

His soft and content gaze is one you try to copy. If you pretend you're okay, maybe you can trick your body into believing it. And Lee Know seems to have himself all together, so who better to use as an example? "Thank you. It-it's my favorite piece I own."

He hums at that. "Smell. One thing." After a moment, he sniffs a few times and shrugs. "Not sure if there's much to smell but try anyway."

Now this one is easy. "Your cologne." You take another breath in through your nose but truth be told, the smell had settled around you like a comforting bubble since he brought you over here. Strong and undeniable even through the mask.

The corners of his eyes crinkle but you see him fight it. And to no avail. So he seems to settle on offering you his wrist, almost as if to distract you with it. "Cedar and cinnamon with a hint of lemongrass."

You're more than content to indulge his offer and you take a small sniff by his skin, trying your best to keep a respectful amount of space between you. You're careful not to touch him either, though you want to, but you're in public and you don't want to cause trouble for the boys. God forbid they get recognized and some crazy fan sees you so close and wants to start a fight. You already feel guilty for clinging to Seungmin out in the parking lot. You need to have some kind of restraint around them for this to work.

Lee Know seems less inclined to behave though, judging by the roguish glint returning to his eyes. "As if you got a decent whiff like that. It's okay though," he reassures you. "I'll be nice and let you smell me to your heart's content later."

"When you word it like that, it doesn't sound the most appetizing." Even you're surprised when your lips quirk up in a small smile at his proposition. And you can tell he sees it on your face when his own eyes crinkle above the mask all the more, no doubt from a growing smile.

Despite what he may think, you can undoubtedly smell his cologne. Not that he went overboard and doused himself in it or anything, but just like he said, there's not much to smell here orherwise. The museum air is just plainly bland and sterile, so there's nothing to overpower the commanding smell his cologne exudes.

All in all, it smells good. More than good, actually. And very much suiting of Lee Know's image. There's no way to explain it. The strong, earthy musk, it just fits.

"Taste," he instructs next. "One thing. But if you can't come up with anything...I'm more than happy to supply you with something," he says with a slanted lift of his brow.

"We're in public Minho," you mutter, giving him a glare in warning. "Behave."

Nim is counting on you to keep the boys in line and make smart decisions. And Lee Know is definitely going to make that a difficult task for you. Not that you'd give in. You'd never make it that easy on him. But you know he likes to test boundaries and skirt the line between good and bad. Proof is in the pudding.

"Hey now. I don't know what you were thinking y/n, but I was just going to give you a piece of gum." When you deadpan at him, he actually digs out a pack of gum from his pocket with a chuckle. "And you say Seungmin is the only one with a dirty mind."

You roll your eyes but you can't ignore the growing lightness in your chest now. The fading anxiety. When it happened, you aren't sure but somehow Lee Know knew just how to help you.

And you simply don't understand it.

"Why do you do that?"

Lee Know tilts his head at your question, looking confused. "Do what?"

"All the heavy flirting," you say with a shrug. "The dirty jokes. Innuendos. All that. Before, you were so serious. And yet...this helped."

It's his turn to deadpan, his face flat but his eyes sparkling with mirth. "You tell me how much you're actually able to overthink when you're frazzled."

You can't help but quirk a brow. "Frazzled? Really?"

"Would you rather me say turned on?" When he sees you immediately turning red again, he laughs heartily. "Didn't think so, I was trying to spare you y/n. Sheesh." After a moment more of laughing, he sobers, meeting your eye with a gentle kindness. "Now, do you want to talk about why all the noise was overwhelming you? Is it because of yesterday?"

Just like you thought, he saw right through you as if he didn't even have to try.

Involuntarily, you drop your eyes to the floor. "I don't get it Minho. I'm fine around you guys. So why...why did walking in here overwhelm me?"

"What was going on inside your head when we came inside?" He crosses his arms, settling in front of you, his face thoughtful. And for all his flirting, he's careful to keep a respectable distance between the two of you, careful not to touch more than necessary.  "Walk me through it."

I don't know." You huff, annoyed at yourself and your stupid body determined to rebel against you. But you force yourself to stop for a second, take stock, and look back. "All the noise, it just, it scared me. My body reacted before my mind could and then all I could think about were all the ways it could...happen again. And when that woman and her friends got so close behind me in line..."

You didn't know it was possible but Lee Know's face softens infinitely more. "Y/N...that's completely understandable. You really expect to be okay after barely a day? Recovery takes time." He sighs then, but you know it's not one of disappointment or anger. In fact it sounds like sadness. "I wish I could take this away from you. I really do. But I can't, and it hurts to watch you shame yourself for not getting over it already because you think you should've. I know it's hard to not be where you want to be. I get it. But guilting yourself over it won't make you get there any faster."

"Barely anything happened," you mumble, wringing your hands to stop from clenching them into fists. "I don't feel like I had a right to react the way I did before. Or feel the way I do right now."

"Stop that y/n." When you glance up, you see Lee Know's gaze harden. "Would you have let Hyunjin say that when he went on hiatus? Or how about Felix when he had to stop dancing because of his back? You certainly didn't let me say it before either." When you don't say anything--absolutely frozen in shock--he barrels on, his voice still even despite the firm edge to each word that you don't mistake for anything other than stone cold resolve.

"What happened to the woman that told me we have the right to feel the way we do? That those feelings are valid no matter what they are? Where is she? Because I wanna talk to her. This," he huffs, "this bullshit you let yourself believe...that compassion and understanding applies to everyone else but you...I won't stand for it."

You watch as he studies you for a moment and you let it happen knowing full and well he'll find whatever he's looking for whether you try to hide it or not. Then: "Tell me why."

"What?"

"Tell me why," he repeats. "Give me the honest, vulnerable answer why you do it. And then I'll tell you something vulnerable. It was your offer back in the hallway at the hotel. Was it not? Tit for tat."

It was the deal you offered. And you can't seem to say no.

This time you let yourself clench your hands and you turn away with a sigh. Resting your shoulder against the marble wall, you peer out over the lobby. First watching the boys as they mess around while they wait in line, and then letting your eyes float over to the wandering patrons. Almost as if to test if their presence triggers something in you. When it doesn't, you sigh again.

"I don't feel worthy, Minho. I wasn't taught how to extend those luxuries to myself because I was taught that others came first. I learned that people liked me better that way. That giving them kindness and compassion and understanding...that helping them made them like me. Made them happy. Made them treat me nicely.

"And the moment I ever tried to do the same for myself when I needed it, I was overreacting. I was being selfish. Dramatic. The problem wasn't as big as I made it out to be. That I didn't deserve their kindness. Especially if I was going to prioritize myself. You get the point," you mutter. "Point is. I have a complicated relationship with my parents.

"I love them...but they broke parts of me and taught me a lot of things I've spent years trying to unlearn and heal from. The unfortunate truth is, after something's been ingrained in you for over a decade...it's not that easy to wash your hands of. I'm trying Minho, I really am. I just can't do what you're asking of me yet."

"You will." When you whip your head up to stare at him he doesn't flinch. He doesn't even look the least bit bothered. "With our help," he assures you. "We'll get you there. Hell or high water." Slowly, the fire in his eyes dies down leaving him looking an odd mix of reminiscent and tired. Emotionally tired. "Do you know how fans constantly talk about me being cold and distant?"

You nod. "True fans know you're not, but yes. I've heard."

"And how about when people constantly point out that I show more emotion toward animals than I do humans?"

"Again not true, but I've heard the opinions floating around." You allow yourself to turn back toward him a bit, making sure he knows you're paying attention. "Why?"

"There is some truth to the rumors," he admits quietly. "They're not 100% true, but they're not unfounded. I am more reserved and private with what I'm feeling, I admit that. But it's for good reason."

At the admission, you raise your eyes to his face and for once, he doesn't meet your gaze. "I placed my trust in people before. Wrongly so, and it...it went badly."

Lee Know sighs and you see how much it pains him to talk about this, but you can't seem to bring yourself to stop him. Deep down, you know he wants to talk about it. Share it with someone. He wouldn't be offering it up to you if he thought he couldn't handle it. Or that he didn't have a good reason for sharing it with you. So you simply stay quiet and listen.

"Freshman year of high school, these assholes that I thought were my friends stole from one of our teachers and framed me for it. I don't know why they did it. When I confronted them about it...they told me that if I don't admit to it and fess up to the teacher, they'd blackmail me." A muscle ticks in Lee Know's jaw and it takes an immense amount of effort not to reach out to comfort him like you want to.

"Worst part is...even after I did what they wanted, they blackmailed me anyway." He laughs darkly, that fire you know to exist inside him lighting up again. "Sent a recording--one they made without me knowing, mind you--to my crush at the time. A recording where I admitted to liking him and spouted all kinds of sappy shit I won't revisit. The dude never spoke to me again. Friendship instantly over."

"Point is," he drawls, reusing your phrase, "even though it seems like it wasn't that big of a deal now or seems small in comparison to other things I've gone through since...the part of me that trusted people died that day. And that experience changed me in ways I wish it hadn't. So do I guard my emotions and filter what I tell people now? Yes. Do I find it easier to trust animals because they don't know how to lie and decieve you? Yes."

For the first time in a while, Lee Know meets your eye, unfiltered emotion and honesty churning there. "It took time and it'll still be a while yet until I can say I'm fully over it...but once upon a time, I thought I'd never be able to trust another soul again." He pauses for a second, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. "It may be harder than it was, but I am able to trust people now. And I have Stray Kids to thank for any progress I made. Even after so many years of not being able to trust anyone, even my closest friends. Me and the guys, us being together," he shrugs, his gaze falling to the floor. "It healed something broken in us we each needed mended."

He shakes his head then, seeming to clear the reminiscent feelings and he forces a faux smirk to his lips. The normal Lee Know look people have come to recognize. "Only a handful of people know that story, I'll have you know."

For some asinine reason, the only thing you can come up with in response to the absolute brain-melt that admission put you through is: "God, I wish I could hug you right now." And you mean it. One-hundred percent.

Lee Know chuckles, those previously buried emotions already hidden away again but he makes no move to touch you. "Add it to the list of things to do later. Can be before or after you smell me, I'm not picky on the order."

"Annnndd you ruined it. Well done."

"It's what I do best," he says with a wink.

"Be that as it may," you counter gently refocusing on the more serious side of things. "Can we also add continuing this conversation to the list too?"

In all honesty, there's a lot more you want to say to him. A lot of things you want to address. A lot you want to understand better. Things he admitted to about the core of himself and his being. And this is not the time nor the place for it. You want to give his vulnerability the attention it deserves, especially after what he just told you. And you fully intend to.

He gives you a quick nod and then he's peering over his shoulder at Chan and the boys. And by the looks of things, they seem to be finishing up at the ticketing desk. Just in time.

But then Lee Know's turning back to you, looking concerned. "Are you okay enough to follow through with this little excursion? It's okay if you say no."

You shake your head and step around him, jutting your head for him to follow. "I'm okay. I feel better Minho, thanks to you." You do your best to give him a reassuring smile, hoping to convince him--and yourself--that you really are fine.

You do feel better. That much is true. In fact, talking about it and admitting to the complicated tangle of feelings inside you loosened some of the knots. And understanding the why of it all, the reasoning behind your issues, helps immensely.

And deep down you know that the only way to get through this is to face it head-on. You have to at least try. Which means braving the reality of being in public and all it entails.

What's a little exposure therapy?

"Just say the word when you wanna dip y/n. In the meantime, remember, you're strong and you're capable and we're here to help you when you need it."

You give him one last grateful nod as the two of you rejoin the group. And you both ignore the poorly concealed questioning glances everyone else seem to throw your way. But thankfully, they all know to leave it alone.

"This is for you," Chan says handing a visitor sticker to I.N. "And you," he says when he gives one to Lee Know on your right. "And you." He looks you in the eye as he offers it up to you. And you see the question plain as day in his gaze. The worry. The: Are you okay?.

And though you know for a fact he'd rather be asking what happened and why Lee Know was over there with you and probably a million other questions, he seems to settle with what's important overall. How you're doing.

"Thank you Channie," you respond with a smile. And you hope he understands the reassurance it's meant to be. That you're fine, at least for now. Lee Know saw to that.

Chan seems to relax at your words and you take it he understood your read-between-the-lines response. So he happily finishes off handing out the visitor stickers so you can all finally make your way through the exhibits.

"C'mon c'mon," Hyunjin presses impatiently at Felix's side. Though he's looking more at the collective group than he is Felix who's still busy gathering himself. "If I have to wait another minute longer, I'm going to burst."

Everyone chuckles at his predictable dramatics, even you. The normalcy of his demeanor helps to settle you all the more, even though it was unintentional. If he can be normal then maybe everything is fine. It has to be.

You open your mouth, just about to meet his rushing pleads with a halfway-forced joke of your own, until you hear what sounds like a handful of girls giggling loudly a little ways away. When you peer over your shoulder and finally spot them, sure enough, they're looking in your direction. No...the boys' direction you belatedly notice. And not being shy about it either.

Admittedly, if you weren't in the position you are now, you would be halfway tempted to do the same. You can't blame them. Especially not when the guys look the way they do.

Casual outing though it may be, they all dressed up a bit to fit in with the crowd mingling about here. It is a higher-end establishment after all.

Which is why Felix and Hyunjin are both decked out in understated Louis Vuitton and Versace ensembles respectively. Though it's hard to truly recognize the high-end outfits unless you got up close and personal to clock the subtle branding.

As for Lee Know, he went the most casual with a simple white shirt, dark denim jacket, and black slacks.

Han on the other hand settled a bit in between casual and dressy with a short-sleeve button down complete with a loose tie and black leather pants.

I.N and Seungmin almost match with their twin pairs of brown slacks and I.N's green chunky sweater that compliments Seungmin's blue.

On the other side of things though, however much Changbin griped while he chose his own outfit, he had done well with his distressed jeans, graphic tee, and black blazer blend. Clearly he knows what he's doing.

Even Chan strayed from his dark and brooding norm today with a blend of white and blue. A creme knit sweater, white over-sized button-down thrown over it with the collar popped up, and a faintly ripped pair of light jeans.

It's an absolutely unreal sight to say the least. Simply going by color alone.

Respect for the girls' appreciation of fine, living art aside, you're quickly reminded of Stay's no doubt overwhelming presence in the city, especially with it only being a day after the concert. And that doesn't bode well for any of you being able to enjoy the museum in peace. At least not without being followed or feeling like you're being watched.

It's one thing to know how the boys' lack of privacy and freedom translates into their daily lives but it's another thing to experience it yourself. You're not even the focal of these people's attention and you still feel the effects. And you can't say you like it in the least.

But it's instances like this when you're continually reminded just how easy it is for any one of them to get recognized. And just how hard it is to find peace when being famous means always having to watch your back in public. Having to be wary of everyone you come in contact with just to stay safe.

How exhausting.

You'll truly never understand how they do it.

Changbin next to you seems to notice your daze and when he follows your stare to the group of girls--who wave at his newly acquired attention--he understands immediately. But he doesn't seem bothered by it. At least not as much as you are.

"It doesn't happen as often as you might think," he admits. "We tend to draw attention but it's usually just people thinking we're weird or too loud. But it does happen every now and again though. Hard to go unnoticed when we're a big group of foreigners."

"They don't look like fans," I.N notes from beside you, giving them a polite but reserved smile when they wave again.

"And even if they were," Changbin adds, "Stays as a whole are pretty kind and respectful so you won't really have to worry about them."

How they can be so calm about all of it, you'll never understand that either. You know it's probably years of experience talking but you can't be so nonchalant about it.

"Not worry about them? In what capacity?" You glance at Changbin and then at the rest of the boys, trying your best to not let anxiety get the better of you. "I'm less worried about them approaching you and more worried that me being around you guys will cause problems. Y'all know better than anyone how easily rumors can start."

"Exactly," Lee Know huffs, offended, as he joins the conversation. "So trust that we know how to handle being in public." And when you move to argue that it's not that simple, he just fixes you with a glare. "Get over yourself y/n. It'll be fine. Now let's get this show on the road before Hyunjin has a fit."

At his beckoning, you and Changbin follow him, allowing him to lead the charge of your little group. Though Hyunjin is quick to skip to his side as you all move along.

And then you get an idea.

"What would you guys say to breaking up into groups?" You survey all of their watchful stares as you lay it out and bring them into the conversation. "At least that way we're not as big of a crowd and you're less likely to be noticed. Eight of you in one place all together is just asking for trouble. You can't deny that."

The rest of the boys walking alongside you seem to ponder the idea. Accept it even. Lee Know though, he just sighs. "Would that make you feel better?"

There's no point in lying to him. After the talk you just had, of course he knows having control over something going on in your life is going to help your fragile state of mind. So you nod.

"Fine." He levels a look at the rest of the boys and slows to a stop, forcing everyone else to do the same. Then he sticks out one of his still-wrapped hands, index finger extended. "We split into two groups when there's an even divide between those who choose up and those who choose down. And y/n gets to choose which group she wants to join."

When he glances at you, you hope he can see the genuine gratitude in your eyes. At the acceptance of your needs. At somehow picking up on your craving for control and handing it to you, no questions asked.

"Well, this is gonna be interesting," I.N notes as he looks to his left and right, and slowly puts out his own index finger, resigned.

"This is Stray Kids," Chan retorts smoothly. "When are we not?"

He winks at you playfully and you roll your eyes, though you can't help your chuckle either. You can see how hard they're all trying to make you feel better.

"Stop trying to flirt your way into her good graces Bang Chan," Lee Know snips, looking one part amused and two parts disgusted at what he just witnessed. "Let's go already."

It takes a few tries to get the even 4-4 split, but they manage, ending up with an absolutely elated Hyunjin and a pouting Han.

"Freedom from 3racha, thank the gods," Hyunjin cheers, throwing an arm around Felix.

Hyunjin, Felix, I.N, and Lee Know had all chosen to go up, while Chan, Han, Changbin, and Seungmin went down.

"But Lee Know said we could make fun of the art together," Han whines, peering at Lee Know, forlorn. Like there's an ocean's worth of space between them.

But Hyunjin gasps, downright offended. "In my house of priceless treasures? How dare you."

"I'm with Hyunjin on this one Han," you admit with a small laugh at Hyunjin's half-joking animosity. "Art plays an important part in our lives and in history. What happened to 'we could do with some culturing'?"

"I never specified who I meant by 'we'," he mumbles gruffly. "So, what? Now you choose their team?"

You hadn't given thought to which way you'd swing but when he says it, you just shrug, moving to join the other team's ranks. Right in between Hyunjin and I.N.

That seems to only add fuel to the fire of Han's whines but Changbin cuts him off with a halfway gentle elbow to his side.

"How about," Changbin suggests, "we play a game while we're perusing the exhibits? Spice this up a bit."

That perks both Han and I.N right up, the two of them more than eager to listen to the proposed game. No doubt interested in whatever comes at the end of it. The prize.

"Photo challenge. The highest number of...let's say red things that you find in the museum. Per team," Changbin specifies. "Not per person."

"We can take it a step further and say that at least one team member needs to be in the picture pointing out the red item," Chan suggests with a grin. "Or it doesn't count. And at least this way we might have something to post on Instagram later."

"Only you would need a game to motivate you to take pictures," Seungmin mutters.

"And the spoils?" Felix muses, pulling out his phone, no doubt smiling behind his mask.

"Their choice of restaurant for dinner tonight." Chan's own eyes crinkle as he chuckles mischievously. "Losing team has to pay."

An afternoon at a bustling museum, filled to the brim with waves of strangers...battling against 3racha + Seungmin--an admittedly deadly mix--in a ruthless game that involves food...?

What could go wrong?

Lee Know narrows a devilish look at Chan, Han, Changbin, and Seungmin each in turn. And when all he says is a serpentine, "Game on", you can't help the small smile that finds its way to your lips.

Game on indeed.

______________________________

NOTE

Each and every comment y'all have left so far have absolutely MADE my day. I enjoy reading all of them and it makes me incredibly happy to see my story bringing you all a little bit of joy.

So, please, don't be shy to leave your thoughts or rambles, however short or long you want to make it. Or simply leave a vote if you're more of a quiet observer. Or nothing if you just wanna dine and dip haha. Whatever floats your boats my loves. Point is, the feedback really helps me so I appreciate you all being so kind to take the time to talk to me. Just remember to be gentle with me okay? I'm a soft soul 😅

Now, I would like to note that this chapter is technically supposed to be twice as long but I decided to split it into two parts. I've been wrestling with this decision for a few weeks now and I think I'd rather give you what I have now (which is no small amount already, mind you) instead of making you all wait until I finish the rest. I have a lot of big personal changes going on and things that will take priority in the coming weeks so I don't see having the time to write for a little while. And because all you lovelies have been standing by me with such kindness thus far, I think you've earned some content.

So onto the story...

This one was a BIG boy (nearly 16.5k words even without the content you'll eventually see in part 2 that would've originally resided here) but I take pride in the length of it all, believe it or not lol. And no I'm not doing it on purpose. I plan out and structure the events I want and simply write until it's done. They just seem to be floating around the long side cause I got so much to say 😅 but maybe it's because we're getting deeper into the plot. Who knows.

I enjoy writing the boys so much. They're such lively creatures and creating interactions between them like what you saw here made me laugh. Seungmin and Lee Know? *chef's kiss* And Han and Lix? Absolute sweethearts. I just love them all.

Per the usual, is there anything in particular you all enjoyed seeing? Any favorite parts? Theories for the future maybe?

Please keep in mind, "Work of Art (Part 2)" may take a little time so please try to be patient with me. I hope this half helps tide you over for a little 😅.

Anywho, I love you guys. And until next time, see y'all in the comments ❤