Wei Ying's eyes widen, and somehow, Lan Zhan just knows. He stands up fluidly, and hauls Wei Ying up too, just as easily. Wei Ying pulls him to the counter where his mother's phone rests.
Wei Ying watches Lan Zhan as his pale, elegant fingers trace the keys on the denim blue phone. He feels just as charged with anticipation as Lan Zhan must be feeling, and so he comes around Lan Zhan to wrap his arms around his waist from behind.
There's only the slightest tremble before Lan Zhan opens it to contacts.
There are only four numbers:
Qingheng-Jun
Lan Qiren
Cangse Sanren
Fei Lang (Da Tuzi)
There are unread messages on all of them, except Uncle Qiren.
"I want XiChen. To be with me, when we listen to these." Lan Zhan says, realising the little icon next to the notification meant a voice recording.
"Whatever you want, my love." Wei Ying presses a warm kiss at the base of his neck, noticing that his hair really seemed to be longer at the back.
But this was neither the time nor the place to say anything, so he made a mental note to bring it up at another time.
Lan Zhan wraps the cord around the phone, switching it off to preserve the battery.
In many ways, Wei Ying can understand the delay. It's a lot to process, that Lan Zhan will get to hear his mother's voice again, and so soon. Wei Ying had felt the same way, and it was the main reason why he hadn't blasted through the book his mother had written for him, like a New York best seller.
It was like facing a tidal wave armed with just a plexiglass barrier; once that barrier fell, one risked being drowned by their own feelings, and wasn't it better to drill a tiny hole in the glass instead? Surely easier to cope with a trickle rather than a deluge.
They make their way back to where the children are, listening to their muffled shrieks of laughter.
"She only had four people on her list." Wei Ying says, tentatively.
He's wholly unprepared for Lan Zhan to whirl on him, wrapping him up in a tight hug, more for himself than Wei Ying at the moment.
If Lan Zhan needs him to be strong, then that's what Wei Ying is going to do. His arms are already holding onto Lan Zhan's body, and that's when he realises that Lan Zhan is trembling.
"Sweetheart, I'm here for you. Let it out," Wei Ying whispers.
Lan Zhan is really trying, but the tears won't come. His eyes hurt from the strain of forcing them, and the frustration is real.
He's such a strong man, and to see him like this brings tears to Wei Ying's eyes instead. Each tremor makes him feel regret that Lan Zhan cannot cry, and that this ability has been taken away from him, completely against his will.
Sometimes Lan Zhan wishes he could have been as loquacious as his brother, or even Wei Ying, the way both of them have never had a problem expressing themselves verbally.
After that incident in the hospital, when Lan Zhan had suffered a seizure and consequently hadn't spoken because of his trauma, he had always been extra cautious when voicing his thoughts, and picking out sentences which used less words on purpose. Even now, there were days when he felt less like talking, and more when he had to force himself to be more vocal.
Though it was only now, he was looking back on those days as if they belonged in the past. He hadn't thought about his silences, preferred or otherwise, ever since he opened his eyes after Wei Ying found him.
A feeling of warmth calms him.
It is soothing like ice on hot eyes, a soft blanket on cooled skin, easing away the discomfort. And it seems to be emanating from Wei Ying. Lan Zhan feels surrounded by the scent of lotus flowers and vanilla, and there's a trace of citrus, healing, refreshing him.
His shirt is wet with Wei Ying's tears, and he gently eases his boyfriend away so he can wipe under his eyes. Just this action alone eases the pressure behind his own eyes, and Lan Zhan is amazed that he feels better already.
"Wei Ying, it is alright. I am feeling better now," Lan Zhan reassures him.
"Are you sure?" Wei Ying's eyes are still beautiful but red and puffy now.
"Mn. Wei Ying did something, like before." Lan Zhan tries to remember when it was, and he thinks it was when he was panicking about the Social services visit, and Wei Ying had somehow managed to soothe away his anxiety, then too.
"You made me feel better, now and also at that time," Lan Zhan continues, wanting to explain it properly. "Somehow, Wei Ying is able to project whatever he wants me to feel through himself. This is the second time."
Wei Ying thinks about what Lan Zhan is suggesting, while he presses the heels of his palms to his eyes in an attempt to calm them down so A-Yuan won't say anything. His son is far too sharp for his own good.
"I'm doing it on purpose?"
"Mn. When you wanted me to be calm, that's what I felt through you, and just now, you wanted me to let go of my grief, and I was only able to via our connection. Wei Ying helped." Lan Zhan brings him closer, unable to suffer even that smallest of separations.
"I wonder if it would work on anyone else? Or do you think it's just us because we've been sharing the physical stuff too?" Wei Ying ponders this, as they begin to saunter back towards the squeals of helpless laughter.
"I do not know. But, I am grateful." Lan Zhan brings his lips down to rest on top of Wei Ying's head.
"You know there's no need for that. It was your idea that we don't say thank you or sorry." Wei Ying reaches up to kiss his cheek warmly. "But I hope XiChen-Ge will not be alone tonight, I mean, he has us, but I bet MingJue-Ge would want to be there for him. She was his mother, too."
"Mn. I will let Xiongzhang know." Lan Zhan shoots off a quick text, asking his brother and his boyfriend to meet them earlier than they intended. He doesn't want to discuss the box and its contents like this, through an impersonal message.
Luckily, XiChen agrees easily and tells him they should be at the Lan Manor in a few hours.
Wei Ying discovers the reason why his children are having so much fun; both Baoshan Sanren and Xiao XingChen have jumped into the ball pit with them and they are playing an exciting game of tag.
Baoshan Sanren climbs out of it as elegantly as a runway model, with her form-fitting dress still in place and her hairstyle intact.
Wei Ying thinks that's a miracle in itself.
"Is it alright if we borrow the charger?" He asks his grandmother, gesturing to Lan Zhan's hand.
She waves it away as if it's an inconsequential matter.
"You saw where it was, and I hardly needed it. But I get the feeling you're going to tell me something I'm not gonna like, right?" Her mouth smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.
"Yeah, we should be making our way back. Lan Zhan wants to know what's on his mother's phone with his brother." Wei Ying explains, looking between the two of them.
"Xiongzhang won't be home for a few hours," Lan Zhan says, leaving it open to interpretation.
If Wei Ying wants to stay, then he won't make them leave until the last minute. He understands better now how Wei Ying was feeling that morning in confronting his mother's book.
There's a strange pull-and-push about finding out more. On the one hand, he desperately wants to know if his mother remembered him before she passed away all those years ago, but part of him won't let him do it because by actually looking, there won't be anything to hide behind anymore, and he worries that it's going to be more painful.
"How about we share a meal, then?" Baoshan Sanren offers.
When Wei Ying nods, she approaches the ball pit and Xiao XingChen pauses, because he's holding JingYi upside down by his ankle, suspended over the red and blue balls. They all know that it won't hurt when JingYi is dropped.
"What would you boys like to eat?" There's an air of forced cheerfulness in her words.
Suggestions are tossed about and once they decide, JingYi is most definitely dropped, and Xiao XingChen climbs out of the pit to go and fetch their food.
"We can come back tomorrow, you know." Wei Ying tells her, slipping his arm around her smaller shoulders.
She sniffs and nods, and just like that, everything is back to normal.
************
It's time to go once they finish eating.
"I'll be better tomorrow," his grandmother promises, and it reminds Wei Ying of his mother's words.
"You know, it would be lovely to get my mother's book laminated or something," he muses, wanting to share that with her as well.
"We can do that here, if you like. We're big on preservation." Baoshan Sanren looks emotional at that, and then gazes around the library wistfully, to cover it up.
"Alright, then I'll bring it with us tomorrow. We're going out tonight, though," Wei Ying says, brightening.
He's always loved parties and socialising, and though they had taken a backseat in recent years due to A-Yuan, he was looking forward to a night out on the town.
With adult conversation that didn't centre around arithmetic or basic curriculum reading. It wasn't that he minded that side of his life but there were times when he wanted to have an ordinary chat with someone who understood nuances. This need was lessened by the arrival of Lan Zhan in his life, but still, he was hoping for some alcohol tonight, and drifting by on a pleasant buzz.
"What about the boys? Where are you going?" She asked, more out of politeness than worry.
They give her the rundown on tonight's plans and she nods approvingly. Then she places a hand on Wei Ying's arm.
"I hope you know, now that we know each other, you can leave them here with us at any time. I am always awake."
"I'll remember that, Gramps. See you tomorrow, then," Wei Ying says, and then on an impulse, he leans forward and kisses her cheek.
He remembers what Lan Zhan told him earlier about projecting the emotions he wanted to, and actively tries to do it again.
He thinks about comforting things like hot chocolate and crackling fires, of feeling warm under soothing blankets, and she visibly softens, letting her tension bleed out.
"How are you doing that?" She steps back to look at him again, shaking her head as if to clear it.
"I'm not sure. I only found out about it just now," he tells her, sounding a bit smug.
It seemed to have worked just fine!
"Keep practising it. It's a good skill, and you never know when the littlest things become the most important." She smiles with the remnants of how he let her feel better.
Wei Ying beams at her and then they wave goodbye after assuring the children too, that they'll be returning the next day.
In the elevator, Wei Ying thinks about how much his life has changed with the arrival of one man. His gaze drifts up to find golden eyes watching him, intense but no less filled with love. His hand finds its way to Lan Zhan and their palms join together automatically.
In this enclosed space, with Xiao XingChen watching the kids as they chatter excited like the morning birds on a fine spring day, there is no opportunity to say what Wei Ying feels.
In words.
But as the thought forms, Wei Ying concentrates on how he's feeling and wishing with all of his heart that Lan Zhan can feel it, can feel him.
It is a wave of his love, to wrap around his beloved and keep him safe, to shower him with affectionate kisses but like this, through his feelings.
The short, sharp gasp and as Lan Zhan's mouth opens slightly, Wei Ying sees his eyes darken with need. They have gone from a pale amber to the deep golden sands of the Sahara and if possible, even more intense. Wei Ying knows without a doubt that were they alone in this tight spot, they would have come together like the clap of thunder accompanying flashes of lightning.
There is something so right about their connection, it leaves him weak with need. Wei Ying leans towards Lan Zhan, letting him wrap an arm around his waist for support.
It's how they leave the elevator and walk towards the car with the children running ahead, in front of them.
Everything seems normal and casual, but Wei Ying knows that something has changed deep within themselves, and it is something good.
*************
Outside the Lan Manor, Wei Ying notices the Cloud Emblem once more, and when he gets out of the car, he begins to see it everywhere.
Not only on the cream and gold gates they drove past, but it's on the base of the fountain too, and now that Wei Ying knows the secret it holds, he's in even more awe of his parents. That they managed to hide something so huge right under the Lan noses is a huge feat...
"Omg!" Wei Ying runs back to Lan Zhan, excited.
He's opening the boot and swinging the holdall over his shoulder so his hands are free to cradle the box marked 'Lan Furen', and Wei Ying grabs his makeup back, and closes the trunk door.
The children are by the door, waiting for it to open, and Lan XiChen's car is right next to them, so he's already inside.
"Mn?" Lan Zhan waits for Wei Ying to gather his thoughts, and the gravel crunches under their feet as they walk towards the front door.
"You know, when Da Tuzi said my mother placed protective wards all over the Manor, and it was in return for something?"
Lan Zhan nods.
"Well, what if it was in return for letting them build that secret room? So secret that no one knew anything about it, not even the Lans? And I bet my mother felt guilty for doing that and decided to pay you back, so to speak?"
"It is not a wild idea," Lan Zhan concedes, thinking about the implications of Wei Ying's theory. "It would have been a double sided gift, because not only would it protect the residents here, it would also protect anyone trying to find that secret room."
"Bingo!" Wei Ying replies with the brightest smile, just as Da Tuzi opens the door.
His familiar smile manages to put everyone at ease, including Lan Zhan, who feels something settling deep inside.
He cannot blame this old man for protecting himself against any threat by divulging his secret, and in the end, this is still his Da Tuzi. The man who became more than just a member of staff here, he turned into Lan Zhan's only friend aside from his brother. And this is the same man who figured out that Lan Zhan was more likely to eat food if it was shaped like bunnies.
So the smile on his face lets Da Tuzi know that Lan Zhan understands why he did what he did, and that it's okay. Nothing has to change between them.
Da Tuzi has always been great at reading him, and today, he's no different. After he has greeted everyone, he pauses with a knowing look, when Lan Zhan is standing in front of him.
It's only a nod, but it's full of acknowledgement and love.
"Your brother and his boyfriend are waiting for you in the Sun room. Senior Lan is eagerly awaiting your children, in the study," he says professionally.
When he mentioned the Sun room, Lan Zhan knows that HE knows what they are about to show Lan XiChen, even if they hadn't brought the box with them.
He knows, because this next meeting is going to take place in the Sun room.
In the years gone by, back when his mother was still alive, and well, Lan Furen favoured two places: her bedroom, and the Sun room.
***************
The children are escorted to where Uncle Qiren is, and he smiles in greeting towards his guests, softening when he sees how excited the children are.
Da Tuzi closes the door when it looks like Lan Zhan doesn't want to go in. Uncle Qiren doesn't seem to mind, and besides, they have other important things to do, today.
Da Tuzi takes the luggage out of their hands to take upstairs to Lan Zhan's room, and he smiles when Wei Ying offers to help him.
"That is not necessary, Young Master Wei. Leave this to me." His words are final, but kind.
Wei Ying watches him climb the great and winding staircase with practised ease, back straight and elegant.
Lan Zhan is standing next to him, still holding his mother's box, and staring at it.
Wei Ying touches his elbow.
"Ready?" Wei Ying is curious about the Sun room.
He senses Lan Zhan's surprise at hearing of it, and wants to know more, but Lan Zhan looks contemplative.
"In many ways, Da Tuzi giving me this box is like he's given me my mother back." Lan Zhan says quietly.
Wei Ying rubs his back gently.
"You can tell him how much you appreciate that, afterwards," he encourages. "XiChen-Ge is waiting, and I think you also want to know what is on the phone, right?"
Lan Zhan nods, and then he holds the box in one hand while his other one finds Wei Ying's hand, clasping it tightly.
"Let's go."
They find MingJue standing by the huge windows that stretch up into the ceiling and cover one entire wall, looking out onto the extensive gardens behind the Manor. He looks small, which is no ordinary thing since he must weigh closer to three hundred pounds and is built like a tank, easily a head taller than six-foot XiChen.
XiChen is standing by the mantelpiece, a small watercolour in his hands. He looks up when they enter.
"I'd forgotten about these. Mother painted them." His voice is quiet, reverent.
Lan Zhan looks at the picture he's holding.
It's one of three, simple strokes but no less beautiful nor stunningly accurate. Peace emanates from the light and shadows depicted in the details of the artwork. It is a view of the garden, back when their mother could actually walk among the pretty blooms she's managed to capture with startling clarity.
XiChen notices the box in Lan Zhan's possession, and he reads the name it is clearly marked with.
While Lan Zhan goes over to his brother, Wei Ying takes in the beauty of this elegant room.
It is filled with light from the massive windows, reflecting it into the room via the cream ceiling, far up above them. It is bare with just a set of cream leather sofas on one side, facing the windows. At least it's obvious why it was named the Sun room; it's warm and creamy gold, brilliant and somehow inspiring.
Wei Ying thinks he might like to paint here, if he ever gets around to it.
He sauntered over to Nie MingJue, who looks as awed as Wei Ying feels in this huge, empty room. The furniture feels small in comparison to the space, and as a result, Wei Ying also feels quite small.
Nie MingJue nods in his direction, before returning to look outside again.
There's something calming about simply watching the bulbous heads of flowers nodding prettily, as if they know what a catch they are, a blessing to the fat bumble bees drunk on their pollen. The many butterflies add to serenity, faring no better in flight.
The voice behind them makes them turn around.
"Didi? Why do you have a box with Mother's name on it?"
Wei Ying immediately goes to stand next to Lan Zhan, and he's relieved to see MingJue do the same for XiChen.
Lan Zhan openly explains how Da Tuzi gave him the box. He puts it on the coffee table and takes XiChen by the hand, making him sit down on the cream sofa, right in front of it.
"Open it, Ge."
XiChen looks up at that familiar name, not so formal as Xiongzhang. There was a time when Lan Zhan used to call him that all the time. It too, was stolen from him like their innocence was, when their mother passed away.
A dark time, he reflects, and the total opposite of this place, ironically.
XiChen had to grow up in a matter of days, because the death of his mother created a void in his baby brother's life, one he had to learn how to fill, in between coping with his own grief, and then the disappearance of their father. In just days, XiChen had to switch from being only an elder, doting brother, to being a carer, and take on the roles of both of their parents as well.
And when WangJi had suffered his seizure, ending up in hospital, XiChen had thought he was a failure.
On top of everything else, there was the immediate funeral, a saying of goodbye that he would never be ready for.
In many ways, his youth was stolen from him, one of the many victims of their past.
He missed the way his Didi called him Ge, a fond, loving way of calling him his brother.
His fingers shook as he took out the books, his face transforming from intense grief to wonder.
These notebooks were created by their mother's hands, out of love and a wish to preserve the memories of what her precious children were like. A record to keep for always. Even if the pages were yellowed and discoloured, the hand that wrote so lovingly each word was saturating the paper with her true feelings.
These books were a testament to how much their mother loved them, already knowing what her children liked, and choosing with care, what each of the covers would show. These notebooks were really love letters from her heart to them, an eternal gift in her absence. Something to celebrate.
Her love for her children was so strong, she managed to make it shine out of these pages, stronger than if she had written the actual words.
XiChen's eager fingers touch upon the perfume pouches, made out of pale blue silk. They have stood the test of time, and as XiChen brings one up to his nose to smell the now subtle hints of cinnamon and sweet peas, it is the scent of sandalwood that draws a picture of his mother in his mind.
She's standing outside in the garden just behind them, wearing a pale blue sundress and a floppy hat. The breeze is warm and kind as she spins in a slow circle, her face turning up to the sun. Her thin frame is round and she is soon to be expecting her second child; she is full of happy optimism and joy, the kind of innocent love that comes from not knowing what the future holds.
And the smile that she gives him is just for XiChen right now, because it's just the two of them for now.
This memory is a gift.
XiChen is vaguely aware of cool fingers under his eyes, wiping away his tears. He hadn't even known he was crying.
He is glad that their uncle isn't here to see it, to see him honour his mother in this way. He knows now that it is alright for boys to cry.
"Thank you for showing me this, Didi." XiChen puts the pouches down and throws his arms around his baby brother, the one that was placed in his care, twenty seven years ago.
He has never regretted it, taking up the mantle of older brother with perfect ease and love.
Lan Zhan hugs him back, even daring to use some of his superfluous and phenomenal strength to do it. In this moment, he knows how right he was to come here, and share this box with his brother. They will need each other even more in the next few minutes. And he knows without a second doubt that he would not be able to do this without XiChen by his side.
XiChen reluctantly lets him go and wipes his face with MingJue's sleeve, and it makes everyone laugh, dispelling the tension that had built up without them noticing.
Next in the box is a picture.
XiChen remembered this moment.
Cangse Sanren, a bright, vivacious, flirty woman, a star in the Heavens and his mother's best friend, had stolen a camera and came to find them, forcing them to pose for a picture. He's on one side of their mother and WangJi is on her other, looking ever so seriously back with solemn golden eyes.
Their mother looks exhausted in the picture, but her chocolate brown eyes are determined and full of hidden strength. Her arms are around her children as if she's holding them close to her heart, but XiChen knows now how much her physical strength was waning by this point.
He sees all the details he would have missed as a child; her frail hands with paper thin skin, blue veins standing out on the background of her pale skin. Her youthful strength is disappearing day by day, with an unspoken fear felt by all yet acknowledged by none.
Shadows smudge the fragile skin under her sunken eyes, like pools of brown water.
Despite this, he feels warmed by this picture. The love that all three of them shared is glowing out from this Polaroid picture, making it feel priceless.
"Perhaps we can make a copy?" He hears himself say.
It's as if his voice has to travel down a long tunnel to be heard.
"Mn."
He makes himself put the picture down and his fingers find two bunny bookmarks on top of a poetry book. He picks it up and glances through it, and his eyes water once more at seeing her annotations, her thoughts brought to life by the words on the pages.
He picks up the pen she used to write with.
He remembers her sitting by the little desk in her room, writing...always writing. Forcing herself to get out of bed until the day she could not.
"May I keep this?" He asks WangJi.
"In exchange for the book," his baby brother retorts, an excellent negotiator whenever the time calls for it.
"Of course."
XiChen peers into the cardboard box, his touch accidentally making the old sellotape crackle and release dusty particles.
"That's it?" He's disappointed now.
"No. There is one more thing." Lan Zhan pulls out the phone from his pocket, making XiChen's eyes grow wider with shock.
"We had to find a charger. Luckily my grandmother had one." Wei Ying says, settling down by Lan Zhan's feet, his arms crossed over Lan Zhan's knees, so he can rest his cheek there.
Lan Zhan hands the phone over so he can stroke Wei Ying's hair gently, grounding himself.
"Grandmother?" XiChen asks, and then they give him the short version, realising that past the moment when Huaisang was helping to locate Wei Ying on that Tuesday, XiChen doesn't know much else about what they've found out so far.
They skim past most of the important stuff that would need to be kept secret, and XiChen looks as if he's full of questions, but the phone in his hand is taking up all of his attention.
"There are voice messages in there." Lan Zhan tells him.
"Then let's find out what they are." XiChen switches the phone on.