𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕 𝕄𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕔: Inception
𝕊𝕒𝕟
It's been two weeks since Wooyoung has left us, the dormitory, and KQ. He hasn't officially resigned yet, but everything has been radio silent. He doesn't answer to my calls. I've left a million voicemails, until he blocked my number, that is. I don't know where he is, I don't know how he's doing. I'm spiraling and now I feel frozen too, like he did on that one day. I dream about him, I dream he just randomly shows up at the door and say 'hey, I'm back' and we get lost in an embrace that speaks more than words. But then I wake up, and he's still gone. It hurts so much I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Mingi is worried about me. I don't care.
Hongjoong and Seonghwa keep on making me the one in charge for grocery shopping, so that I actually get out of the dormitory, breathe some fresh air. Whatever makes them happy. I use that as an excuse to visit as many mini and super markets in as many parts of Seoul as possible. As if I could actually run into Wooyoung someday. It's thin hope, but still hope. It keeps me going and it's enough. Today, I walk for twenty minutes and take the subway, I'm very far from our place. I stare at each and every face that I see. They're like clues to me, like a pirate map to the most precious of treasures. What a fool. I'm picking up some daikon when I finally see a well known face. But it's not Wooyoung, no. It's Dongyoung.
"Dongyoung-hyung? Is it you?"
"Yes?"
"I thought it was you. What a relief to see you. I've been trying to reach Wooyoung for weeks but he doesn't answer my calls... how is he doing?"
"Not good, if I'm honest. He's struggling, he doesn't want to eat, he has trouble sleeping. I've never seen him in this state. I'm worried. But we will work it out, we always do."
My heart clenches at his words. "I'm... sorry to hear that. Say... he hasn't talked about me, has he?"
"Who are you, pardon me? I didn't catch the name."
That settles it. I feel destroyed. "Never mind. It was stupid of me to even ask. I hope he feels better soon. Have a good day."
I bow and quickly grab not half the stuff I was supposed to buy. I feel my eyes burning from the tears I do not want to cry, not in a public place, and especially not in front of Wooyoung's older brother. Not only he's a wreck, he also hasn't spoken a word about me to Dongyoung. He blocked my number, he doesn't want to hear from me. It's quite clear where we're standing. And here I thought I could be the one changing things for him. Instead, I'm nothing special, just as he told me that day, before leaving. I go back home, feeling crumbling inside. When everything I bought is put in its place, I go into the training room and dance, dance, dance. I dance to upbeat music with everything I have, with all the strength and stamina I store in my body, until each muscle hurt and tells me to stop, but I don't. I keep on dancing, and dancing, until I crumble to the floor and cry everything I need to cry out.
***
𝕐𝕖𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕘
I can hear San sobbing downstairs, but I'm not sure whether he needs comforting now, or time alone. It's not really easy to tell, especially when I am a totally different person than him. It's not easy for me to understand. I want to be a good friend, though, so I'll risk being thrown something or whatever instead of doing nothing.
Ping.
What am I even supposed to answer to this? I love you like a brother, Wooyoung, but you're hurting everybody right now, even yourself. Enough. I'll call him.
He doesn't pick up, of course. I try him again.
"Wooyoung?"
"What do you want?"
"You don't get to ghost everyone and play the angry one, you know. What are you even doing?"
"Trying to understand. Did you get my messages?"
"Of course I did. That's why I'm calling. What does it mean, check on him?"
"Focus, Yeosang. It means what it means. Check the fuck on him. He met my brother, they talked, he asked about me and I'm sure he didn't take it well. He needs someone. You know how he is, he doesn't do well alone. And as far as I know, Shiber doesn't talk yet. He needs a friend right now. Be that friend."
"I got that, thank you. But what did your brother say that it was so terrible to San?"
"Well, he... he told him I wasn't doing good, then... San asked him if I ever talked about him. And Dongyoung answered that he didn't even know his name."
"Ouch."
"Yeah. Ouch."
"Wooyoung... when are you coming home? We miss you. We need you."
"No, you don't. You're much better off without me."
"Don't ever say that. We-"
"Goodbye, Yeosang-hyung."
"Wooyoung, wait-"
But the phone has already gone silent. At least I got to talk to him, for a bit. Now, I have to go to San. Wooyoung is right about that, he needs me. He may be a tough guy about many things, but he's a giant ball of fluff when it comes to feelings. I rapidly go downstairs into the gym and I find him sitting on the floor, his head leaning on his arms and knees. When I call out his name, I can see his eyes are red and swollen.
"San-ah. I thought, maybe... you could use a friend."
I sit right beside him and he starts crying again, laying his head on my shoulder. I pat his back, then hug him. It aches to see him like this. He's usually the one to cheer everybody up. The mood maker. I will look after you, my friend.
"I-I thought... I thought, this time... I was special. For real. But I'm nothing. Again."
"Don't say that. I don't know what is on Wooyoung's mind, but I'm pretty sure you're among his thoughts."
"His own brother doesn't even know I exist."
"Does your sister know about Wooyoung?"
"I... well, no."
"Exactly my point. And someone did ask me to check on you after this morning..."
He looks at me with sparkling eyes. "You heard from him?"
"I did. And he told me to look after you because of what happened. You see? He thinks about you and cares about you. As I said, I don't know what's on his mind or what he will do, but I do know he cherishes you."
"Maybe. Thanks, Yeosang. Truly."
I smile at him and we both get up from the floor. We're slowly walking towards the dorm when I really feel like settling something.
***
Author's note: hello everyone! Here I am with the week's first chapter. Love me some angst in the morning. Thanks to all the new readers and to all the regulars who stick with me!
Today Ateez launched the official membership, it's $12 for a year and I already signed up! First time for me and I'm excited! Who else joined? I'm in love with the photos they released for it! Hope you're all having a good time and you're eating well. See you tomorrow!