When Lan Zhan goes to shower, Wei Ying drags up the courage to pick up the book his mother left for him.
For so long, he had been wanting something, anything from his parents just to say that they had thought of him...and now that it was here, right in front of him, he had no way of explaining his reluctance to actually look inside.
It looks like a dime store notebook, but even the quality of something made in days gone by, feels better than what can be bought today from the same sort of place. The cover is a faded red and the writing is deep, as if his mother traced and retraced the words.
"Wei Ying".
The characters are clear and written beautifully.
His mother wrote them.
It's as close as he will ever get to knowing them, to touching her.
Yesterday, in the dim light of the cave room, Wei Ying hadn't been able to notice all the little details about this book, which has become so precious to him. It feels brittle, as if he must take special care of it, that one wrong move will make it crumble into nothing but dust.
So he turns over the cover and holds his breath, noting the tea coloured pages and how his mother had chosen a book without lines. He blinked back tears as he passed by her opening letter to him, a declaration of love that even he was not aware of how much he needed it.
All of his anger at his parents during the time of his teenage years simply melts away, and Wei Ying hadn't even realised how much he had been holding on to those feelings like a kevlar vest, protecting himself from the doubts that any child would have about their missing parents: did they really love me?
And how brave of his mother to know and accept that her future might be one without her child? That they were going to be separated, and to that end, overcome any pain and remorse she was surely feeling, to sit down and think about actually writing him a message.
Wei Ying wipes his eyes on his own shoulder, and begins to read.
"A-Ying, my darling baby,
Every time I look at you, you're smiling back at me with no clue of what I've seen, and I want to rail at the Gods, at whoever decided that this was going to be our fate.
My heart breaks with an insurmountable pain every time I look into your innocent eyes. You were born with a smiling face, and I can only hope that the Universe lets you keep that quality. If it is going to take me away from you, then it fucking owes me that much.
Your father keeps telling me that they're only dreams for now, but he has no explanation for the many times I've told him beforehand, of things which have come to pass later on. I know he's as scared as I am, because he's becoming clingier towards both of us.
I have seen a few images of what you will look like when you're older, and all I want to do is to hug you close and never let you go.
I know it can happen in a split second. There'll be no warnings except for this gift I have, if it can be called that. I always thought I was lucky when my dreams started coming true. But it's only now that I'm wondering if this ability is really a curse?
Would it be easier?
I do not think I can leave you.
Maybe there's a reason why we should not open the lids to our futures, why we should face whatever is going to come blindly, because to do it with the certain knowledge of what is written in the stars would take more strength than I fear I have.
A-Ying, with every stroke of this stupid ball point pen, I want you to know how much I love you.
That you will be loved in return, by others than myself, is also my truth, one that makes this bitter pill that much easier to swallow.
Tomorrow, I shall stop whining about how unfair all of this is. I shall be brave and courageous, I promise, a role model for my beautiful son who is still so young.
But today, let me have this, and do not think too badly of me venting on paper.
Never, ever have I wanted to be so wrong about what I'm seeing.
Mama."
It is the solid presence of a strong body that pulls him into a hug, which brings Wei Ying back to himself. Suddenly, there are two more warm bodies, smaller ones hugging him from behind and another who has crawled onto his lap.
Fat, chubby fingers wipe his face, and when his vision clears, Wei Ying sees the chocolate eyes of his son, worriedly looking back at him. He can feel the same amount of concern from JingYi at his back, and the golden eyes of his beloved staring right back at him.
"Baba, why you crying?" A-Yuan asks him bluntly, at a loss to see him so upset.
"Oh, Radish, lots of reasons!" Wei Ying laughs through his tears, and takes the white handkerchief in front of his face, and he tries to explain the torrent of his feelings. "The biggest feeling is happiness."
No one believes him.
Three pairs of eyes show him different levels of calling him out for lying.
So he tries to explain.
"It's just, when my parents left me, I didn't know they weren't coming back. And I thought, well, I tried not to think that they didn't love me. I mean, I knew they did, but then I couldn't be sure." Wei Ying stopped speaking, worried that he was only making it worse.
None of the people here had picket-fence family lives and he didn't want to put different thoughts in their heads, especially their children. He looks around for the book, and finds that Lan Zhan had carefully put it behind them, where it couldn't be crushed because of enthusiastic family members.
First, he picks up JingYi and lets him sit properly in his lap, as A-Yuan is already all over himself and Lan Zhan. Then he smiles his thanks to Lan Zhan and retrieves the precious book.
He opens it to the first message and shows the children this one. His mother liked to switch languages so there are bits of English interspersed with traditional characters of the Yiling dialect.
"My mother, so your grandmother, wrote this for me, and after not having anything of them, to get this in my hands, it makes me happy and sad. More happy than sad, though." Even as he says the words, Wei Ying realises the simple truth of them.
"Sad?" A-Yuan says, finding it easier to believe this part.
"Yes. But the happy part makes it okay."
Neither kid looks convinced.
Wei Ying thinks this might be better explained when they're both a little older. They would both have more scope of understanding how complex human emotions are, and how it was possible to experience the weirdest combinations, but that would come later.
For now, he was well aware that happiness = good and sad = bad, and no matter what he said, it wouldn't change their opinion just yet.
"Now, who's hungry?" Wei Ying says, and laughs because three stomachs, including his own gargle noisily back, then he grabs both kids under each arm to squeals of laughter, as he aeroplanes them to the kitchen.
Lan Zhan picks up the book that Wei Ying had left on their bed, and puts it on the bedside cabinet, thoughtfully.
They were going to talk about that, but preferably when the youngsters weren't around. He knew Wei Ying was holding back on how he was truly feeling, and then the similarities between what had already happened to him, and what was surely going to be repeated for JingYi was too close for comfort.
As much as he didn't want it to be.
***********
Breakfast was cereal for once, and when they were eating, Wei Ying managed to get the children excited about going out, but only if they promised that they would do their homework tonight with Uncle Qiren, as opposed to this morning with Wei Ying and Lan Zhan.
"Where are we going?" A-Yuan, the more sensible one of the two, asked, although both children had the same desire to delay doing their homework until it was unavoidable.
"It's a surprise. But I promise you'll like it." Wei Ying beamed at the disappointment on both of their faces, as they ate quickly.
Wen PoPo was sitting on the couch, reading, when they filed out of the kitchen after cleaning up from their meal.
"Are you alright, Granny? You look a bit pale?" Wei Ying says, sitting down next to her.
"I'll be alright," she replies with a small smile. "Nothing a nap won't fix."
Wei Ying presses the back of his hand on her forehead anyway, just to make sure.
She bats away his touch instantly, embarrassed.
"Well, we'll most likely see you tomorrow now. You might be asleep when we come back tonight." He informs her, just as Lan Zhan emerges from their bedroom with the familiar holdall. "Kids, go fetch your homework, and don't think I didn't see that!" He grins at their attempt to casually "forget" it.
They were already putting on their shoes by the door, and JingYi whined as A-Yuan made him take them off and pulled him back to their bedroom.
"It's alright. I plan to spend the time right here," she assures Wei Ying, smiling as she always does, patting the couch softly.
"Okay." On an impulse, Wei Ying kisses the top of her head, before jumping over the couch.
That action will never not be hot to Lan Zhan, who drops the bag and pushes Wei Ying back into their bedroom, slamming the door behind them.
Wei Ying was so surprised, he hadn't been able to form a protest against being manhandled like that, but then, it was Lan Zhan and that made it totally okay, who quickly followed it up with his mouth landing on Wei Ying's lips immediately, as soon as they were out of sight.
No matter how many times they've kissed, it's always tinged with desperation because it's never enough.
Lan Zhan relishes the way Wei Ying plasters himself to Lan Zhan's chest, as if he has to be touching him with everything he's got, and Lan Zhan won't lie to himself, it makes his insides all gooey with love. Meanwhile, Wei Ying has gotten better with every kiss they share, and Lan Zhan just wants to throw him onto their bed and have his way with him, but the children are calling for them on the other side of the door.
Lan Zhan pauses, letting Wei Ying catch his breath by kissing his neck instead. He wants to leave a mark there, but he's mindful of where they've got to go tonight, and no matter how much he tries to warn Wei Ying what it's going to be like, he's pretty sure that any embarrassing questions won't be welcomed.
So with the greatest show of willpower, he steps back, almost diving in for another one when Wei Ying whines with need.
"Later," he promises, with a smirk.
Wei Ying nods, standing up and his eyes land on his dresser.
The makeup.
It's not much, but if they're going out tonight, he wants to look his best. He wants to be worthy of standing next to his boyfriend.
Lan Zhan follows his gaze.
"Does Wei Ying want to take that with us?" He asks, fondly.
He's seen what Wei Ying looks like with the barest of applications, and while he doesn't care either way, he's looking forward to licking off whatever Wei Ying puts on his lips.
It's quite an image in his head...
Wei Ying giggles at his face and grabs an empty carrier bag.
"It's not much but I can make us look good. Especially if there's gonna be cameras," he says, putting it all inside the plastic bag.
"Wei Ying should know that it's not necessary, however I look forward to it." Lan Zhan tells him, a hungry look in his beautiful golden eyes.
There's something to be said about Wei Ying wanting to make an effort, for him, for them.
The door opens after a quiet knock and A-Yuan sticks his head around it.
"We're ready, Baba." The boy is practically vibrating with excitement to get going.
JingYi is in a similar state, and they wave bye to PoPo as they leave.
*************
The boys are quiet and eagerly looking out of either side windows, waiting for them to reach their destination. Both of them are smart and worked out that it must be somewhere special, because they aren't doing their homework as usual.
Life in the Wei household is usually predictable on the two days of the weekend; Saturdays are for homework and preparation for Monday, Sundays are family days. Any deviation means something is seriously up, and both kids are anticipating something major.
They watch in awe as Lan Zhan effortlessly slides into the parking spot at the visitor's centre, under the Parks and Rec building.
Xiao XingChen is standing nearby and he throws a polite smile towards Wei Ying and a glare towards Lan Zhan, before he practically melts on seeing the children, who hop out of the car and begin to look around.
JingYi is a connoisseur of super cars and he's already lost the ability to speak, meanwhile, A-Yuan knows nearly as much as he does, a by-product of being said expert's best friend, and he knows they are somewhere special.
"Honey." Lan Zhan says, appearing out of nowhere by Wei Ying's side, causing him to giggle and shake his head at his boyfriend, that no, that wasn't the right pet name, either.
He still takes Wei Ying by the hand as they walk slowly past the expensive cars, letting the children look at their fill.
"That one can go from 0 to -" Xiao XingChen starts to say, but JingYi finishes off for him, "60 in 3.1 seconds." They're both looking at the white Ferrari Enzo.
"Top speed-" Xiao XingChen tries again, but JingYi beats him with, "205.1 miles per hour. 3 litre engine and maximum horsepower."
Xiao XingChen looks impressed.
Lan Zhan and JingYi wear matching looks of smugness.
"What about that one?" Xiao XingChen is annoyed by Lan Zhan's attitude, but he softens when he looks at JingYi once more. This time he's pointing to a red Bugatti.
JingYi rattles off facts off the top of his head, and Lan Zhan is so, so proud of him!
Xiao XingChen can't believe it, and he's happily shocked but then he glances at Lan Zhan and is annoyed all over again.
So it continues all the way to the elevator.
Once inside, Lan Zhan openly high fives the little boy, fully aware of Xiao XingChen's watchful eyes. Thankfully, Wei Ying is still smiling because of what Lan Zhan called him.
Lan Zhan never thought he would want to call anybody a pet name, or a form of endearment other than their name, and while he can sort of get why anyone else would want to, he's in it for the annoyance factor, because it seems to rile up Xiao XingChen something awful.
Yes, it's probably petty...
Does Lan Zhan care about that part? Not in the slightest.
*************
When the doors open, Baoshan Sanren is waiting there, this time wearing the prettiest burgundy dress. It's all shimmering with subtle flashing diamonds in the same colour sewn around the scooped neckline and at the end of her long sleeves.
There's no doubt about it, Wei Ying's grandmother has pizazz. He lets out a wolf whistle, beaming at her embarrassed smile in return.
"Looking good, Gramps!" He winks at her too, and then brings the children forward. "Grandmother, these are our treasures. This is A-Yuan and A-Yi."
Baoshan Sanren bends at the waist and very seriously holds out her hand for them to shake, which they do in the most shy, adorable way. She's so beautiful and yet seems to be friendly. They're not sure what to make of her yet.
"Would you like to visit our play area?" She asks them, and both kids look back towards Wei Ying, who nods encouragingly.
They all follow her past a candy striped gate, and Wei Ying is pretty sure they haven't visited this level yet.
The children are walking between himself and Lan Zhan, holding their hands as they walk into what must be a dream come true for young kids, because there's a ball pit, an ice cream station right next to a candy floss stand, short tables for children to play table tennis, or ping-pong, a bubble making machine with a variety of shapes and moulds to make the most marvellous creations, and all importantly, a Lego section.
"Baba...can we go there?" A-Yuan is already whispering urgently, tugging on his hand, and all it takes is a single nod for both boys to pull Lan Zhan with them.
Baoshan Sanren smiles wistfully at the three of them.
"They're so well behaved!" She whispers to Wei Ying.
"Trauma," he explains without thinking, and then realises how true it was.
"But they seem like they've adjusted well," she says, a while later.
Wei Ying finds it awkward to carry on talking about it, so he pulls out the Nokia phone from his pocket.
"Grandmother, this is what we need the charging wire for. Can you believe it? This phone belonged to Lan Zhan's mother."
She beams back at him, also relieved that he's changed the subject.
"Xiao XingChen will show you where we keep the miscellaneous stuff." She gives him a nod, and he leads the way.
As they walk past enthralled children and an amused Lan Zhan, Wei Ying scoots to his side to whisper where he's going, pointing in that direction past a set of double doors. Lan Zhan nods and glances at his wrist and then checks his own, looking at their bracelets.
Wei Ying understands what he's saying without the actual words, and he nods. A quick cheek kiss and then he's off to where Xiao XingChen is holding the door open for him.
This is definitely another world.
If out there, on the other side of those doors is a cosmetic makeover for kids, this side would be a hoarder's dream, because anything and everything seems to have found a home here. It is organised in the most chaotic way, from dusty bikes to teapots decorated like fairy homes.
There are toolboxes filled with antiquated screwdrivers, medieval and lethal looking instruments, entire plastic boxes filled with screws and bolts and other types of fastenings. It's a handyman's treasure trove filled with knick-knacks and trinkets.
Ceramic tea sets are displayed in glass cases, alongside fans depicting ancient Chinese scenery, traditional mountains and temples with sweeping roofs and dramatic forests. Lanterns in different shapes and colours hang from the ceiling next to kites in a myriad of designs. There's so much to look at, that Wei Ying feels a little dizzy trying to take it all in.
Then they come to a music section.
It's an entire room filled with both modern and older versions of the same instruments, and they aren't just from China, but all over the world.
Guitars, banjos and even cute little ukuleles are displayed on stands, there's even a drum set looking all shiny in silver with painted multicoloured flowers around the rims, definitely a throwback to the sixties, percussion instruments from triangles to tambourines, guqins and guzhengs, pipas, erhus, and dizis, flutes made from wood, silver, and Jade are hung on the walls.
Xiao XingChen takes Wei Ying to a set of drawers and opens the bottom one.
It's a mess.
Different coloured wires are tangled snakes of chaos with their mouths and tails hidden from his sight, and there must be hundreds in this tiny space.
"Wha-"
"Your grandmother has a problem." Xiao XingChen sits down next to Wei Ying, grinning at the look of abject horror on his face. "And if it helps, it's in here somewhere."
Wei Ying closes his mouth and starts the impossible job of detangling each wire.
It's a meticulous task, taking patience which he didn't know he had. Xiao XingChen starts wrapping each wire around the thumb and pinky finger of his left hand in a criss-cross pattern before tucking the end in a secure loop. Wei Ying follows this system and together, they begin working their way through the many different charging wires.
"Why has she got so many?" Wei Ying has to ask.
Xiao XingChen shrugs. "They give you a new one every time you buy a phone, so that's part of it. Plus she hates throwing anything away. Her reasoning is, landfill or here, doesn't make a difference."
"How did you two meet?" Wei Ying asks him curiously, glancing at him.
"Three of us. Song Lan was with me."
Wei Ying knows that's a touchy subject, and just when he thinks that's all Xiao XingChen is going to say, he starts speaking again, a faraway look in his eyes.
"The word on the street was someone powerful was gathering Intel, possibly for nefarious purposes, and both Song Lan and I wanted to find out more. To be honest, I thought we were going to be meeting some powerful crime boss wearing dark glasses with a team of doberman bodyguards, but it was just your grandmother. She was so small! We couldn't believe it. Or her."
Wei Ying laughed. "How did she convince you?"
"I liked her. She can be a bitch."
It was so unexpected, that comment, and it choked another laugh out of her grandson.
"She's been nothing but sweet to us."
"That's because you're family. Cross her and find out." That's said with a healthy amount of respect.
Wei Ying nods quietly, with no intention of doing that.
"All those weapons you saw the other day? She knows how to use every single one, even with a blindfold. She's even devised some of her own style and patent. Tailor-made to kill off our kind."
"What exactly does she think is going to happen? That day we met, you said there was a war coming." Wei Ying recalls, liking the way his fingers were automatically working in a mindless way so he could concentrate on this conversation.
It was nice talking to this usually quiet man. Learning about him.
"The more time you spend with her, the sooner you'll realise, she's absolutely right to prepare for it. There IS a war coming. It's inevitable, really. The stronger the Wens become, the more they'll try to take over. No one ever wants to live and let live." Those last words were expressed forlornly. "And speaking of that, why does your boyfriend hate me?"
Wei Ying was getting whiplash from the pinging conversation going from one topic to another in an alarming fashion.
"It's not that he hates you, exactly." Wei Ying says carefully, because he's not exactly sure how deep Lan Zhan's annoyances go. "It was mostly because you said he was in danger, and Lan Zhan thinks that I think he can't protect himself...or me. Which resulted in the most mind-blowing papapa, by the way, so thanks for that," he muses, without any embarrassment.
Xiao XingChen looks a little green with too much information.
Wei Ying giggles just as his fingers find the correct charger for the Nokia phone. Xiao XingChen shows him where the power outlet is, and Wei Ying plugs it in, feeling a rush of excitement.
This is it.
If the phone isn't working for another reason, they will soon be able to explore this device. There might be pictures. There might be other stuff.
Wei Ying continues to tidy the drawer just for something to do, since sitting around and twiddling his thumbs isn't a viable option, and Xiao XingChen gives him a surprised look, fully expecting him to abandon the job after he found what he was looking for.
"Why didn't you ever tell Song Lan how you felt?" Wei Ying says suddenly, and then seeing his face, he adds quickly, "sorry. It was insensitive of me to ask that. I just wondered, but you really don't have to answer."
"It's alright," he replies, gruffly. "I just thought we had time. That's all. I'd give anything to go back to that night."
"What happened?" Wei Ying really wants to know, because Song Lan disappeared when he was investigating the disappearance of both Xue Yang and his parents, which suggested he was close to finding something out.
"I was across town when he messaged to say he had a meeting lined up in the bad part of town. I told him to wait for me, that I was on my way, but he said this informant was close to disappearing and he'd just managed to secure a meet. Face to face. I should have known it sounded too good to be true. At least he texted me the location." Xiao XingChen still looks devastated, though.
"When did all this happen?" Wei Ying wonders, trying to put a timeline together in his head.
"So in 2003, your parents went missing. We didn't know the connection between them and Xue Yang until much later, in 2010, when we met your grandmother for the first time. After comparing notes, so to speak, we realised what a small world it was, when we were looking for the same people. Song Lan disappeared in 2014." His fingers are toying with an orange cable, absentmindedly.
"Wow. That's nine years." Wei Ying whispers to himself.
"I like to think that I could have prevented whatever went wrong. I know it's wishful thinking, but sometimes, it's the what ifs which hurt the most." He stands up to leave.
Wei Ying realises that they've managed to clean up the whole drawer. When he looks up, Xiao XingChen tilts his head in thanks and walks away, leaving Wei Ying alone.
Nine years was a long time.
If the situation was regarding himself and Lan Zhan, Wei Ying thought he'd go mad, if he had to survive that long without his mate. That many hours, minutes, days...he shuddered at that brutal scenario, shutting down the horrible thoughts as soon as they appeared.
He didn't know how Xiao XingChen could stay so calm, not when he had suspicions of where Song Lan might be. That wasn't exactly true though, because even if the Wens were suspected, there was no guarantee that it was them who had something to do with it, or even if he was still alive.
But Wei Ying knew without a doubt that the mere thought of wherever Lan Zhan would be, was enough for him to take that place apart, no matter what. There was no way he could be that complacent as to not march into Wen Laboratories and demand answers.
Probably the easiest way to get himself killed, too, but that was by the by.
And he was sure from the way Lan Zhan had been behaving, that if Wei Ying was taken, Lan Zhan would do the same, just more violently.
Wei Ying shivers when an arm pulls him into a warm embrace. Soft lips land on his temple and Wei Ying smiles at the soothing fragrance of sandalwood around him.
"What is Wei Ying thinking about?" His deep voice never failed to male Wei Ying go hot and cold in one go, as if his body was just as turned on as he was, desperate for more from this wonderful man.
"Murder." Wei Ying answers him truthfully, getting a huff of laughter in return.
"Wei Ying does not need to worry about that. I will do it for him." Lan Zhan sounds so sure about it, that Wei Ying cannot resist climbing into his lap and fusing their lips together.
He's so eager to taste the delights of Lan Zhan's mouth that he's pushing him down, licking into that soft skin, even licking those ever-so-sharp canines with gleeful abandon, hoping that one day, Lan Zhan will truly bite him where it counts, and make him his.
Not that they aren't one now, they are, in the truest sense of the word, but slowly a need has been building deep within Wei Ying, one that has less to do with self preservation and more to do with necessity. But Lan Zhan has been shutting down any conversation that leads to this, and Wei Ying doesn't want to push him until he's ready.
So for now, he contents himself with biting Lan Zhan back, even though his own teeth aren't sharp enough to draw blood, much to his frustration.
Lan Zhan's lip is bruised but nowhere near swollen like what he does to Wei Ying on the daily, and he thinks the kitten nipping is extremely cute, if ineffective, no matter how hard Wei Ying tries to bite him properly.
It's as if Lan Zhan is made out of the titanium version of skin, and nothing can get through. Which is both comforting and not, as Wei Ying whines when his jaw clicks.
Lan Zhan's smile says it all and he flips them around to return the favour. Wei Ying's lipstick can cover up whatever he does, he thinks, and goes to town until Wei Ying is a writhing mess of a pliant body underneath him.
The Nokia phone chooses that moment to ping, signalling its completely charged battery.
*************
A/N
Dear lovely patient readers,
Thanks for waiting and I know it's been a long time, so get ready for lots of updates, hopefully long ones!
Happy Tuesday everyone!
Charlie