Scarlett's POV
The competitors on the helicopter were Courtney (Ugh), Gwen, Heather, Sierra, Lindsay, Duncan and Alex.
There were also some people from the previous season, including Zoe, Mike, Sam, Cameron, Lightning, Scott and Jo.
From what I could see, Zoe and Mike were pretty much a boring yet somewhat smarter version of Lindsay and Tyler.
Sam kinda reminded me of Harold, except he had more... girth.
Cameron seemed smart, except if I remember correctly from watching last season, he didn't follow the nerd stereotype of brains over feelings.
Jo seemed like a slightly less rage-a-holic version of Eva. Good thing Eva didn't scare me.
Lightning was just... one of the most annoying people this show has ever seen. He seemed stupid, arrogant and probably traded his brain for his muscles.
And Scott was... I don't know how to describe him. Annoying? farm boy? Stupid? Red neck? Shark Bait? Just... irritating.
Still, at least Alex is here.
Oh, and Heather. We had actually met up a few times between seasons. She's actually not as much a bitch as she appeared on the show.
Now if only Courtney stopped being a bitch, and I would only have one enemy on the show. Although, I haven't seen him in a while, so maybe he died at the volcano in World Tour?
here's to hoping!
I realized that the helicopter we were in wasn't so much flying as it was hovering.
"Um, why aren't we still flying?" Mike asked.
"Just for that, you're out first" Chef said, picking him up.
"Hey! Put him Down!" Zoe exclaimed.
Chef tossed Mike out the door of the helicopter.
"Mike!" Zoe exclaimed, jumping out after him.
Lightning ran to the door.
"You call that a dive? watch this! Sha-"
Chef shoved him out the door.
"AHHHHHH!"
Chef picked up Cameron next.
"This is highly illogical!" Cameron said, making a decent point.
Chef tossed him out the door before grabbing Sam, who was gaming on a console.
"Not cool!" Sam said, before getting chucked out.
Scott was terrified, so he was clinging to chef's leg. Chef tossed him off into the water.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Scott screamed in terror as he fell.
Chef tried to toss Jo out, but she shoved him away.
"You're a dead man McLean!" she yelled at Chris, before I got sick of her voice and threw my book at her, making her fall out the door.
I have a feeling this will be the start of a beautiful rivalry.
"Aight, which one of you maggots is going next?" Chef asked.
"Courtney volunteers!" I said, grabbing Courtney's arm and holding it up.
"I do?" Courtney said.
Chef grabbed her and held her by her ankle out the door.
"Damn you Scarleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeett!" she yelled as she fell.
Chef pulled Gwen to the door, and I heard Chris say 'boyfriend stealer'
Chef shoved Gwen out the door.
"He wasn't her boyfriend at the tiiiiiiiiime!" Gwen yelled as she fell.
"Ah, being shoved out a plane. Brings back memories." I said, before jumping out.
"Villainous, sarcastic nerd, Scarlett! Who holds the record for most F-bombs dropped on this show!" Chris announced.
I looked at a camera.
"I'm going to die children. And some day, so will all of you." I said.
"Moody bad boy Duncan!" Chris said.
Duncan got tossed out.
"bring it on!" he said, oddly calm for someone falling from the sky.
"Devious diva, Heather!" Chris said.
heather was tossed out.
"I hate Chris!!!" she yelled.
damn it. Wish I said that. Oh well. Actions speak louder than words, and I have a whole season to show how much i hate that sadistic bastard.
"Everyone's favorite nerd lover, Alex!" Chris announced.
Alex was shoved out of the helicopter.
"You have no evidence to back up that claaaaaaaaaaim!" Alex yelled as he fell.
"Lovable lame brain Lindsay!" Chris said.
Lindsay was shoved out.
"I'm flying!" she cheered, before realizing that if humans could fly, we'd have been given wings.
"Super fan Sierra! Total drama's number one stalker- um, blogger!" Chris said.
Sierra excitedly jumped out. her hair had grown into a short bob that was in a pony tail.
"FOR CODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" she screamed happily, before crashing into the water and making a massive splash.
"And, feral freak show, Ezekiel!"
WAIT, WHAT?!
Ezekiel was tossed out of the plane.
HOW THE HELL-
I THOUGHT HE WAS BURNT BY THE-
WHAT THE FUCK?!
"WHAT!?" we all exclaimed.
"Kidding!" Chris laughed. Ezekiel was smacked out of the sky.
"No way is that psycho coming back!"
Confessional
Scarlett: um, Izzy came back for that revenge of the island challenge.
Chris over the intercom: Yeah, and your boyfriend gave me the idea.
Scarlett: ALEX IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!
Chris over the intercom: I never said Alex.
Scarlett: why didn't I just accept the legal charges and skip this season..?
End
We all swam to shore.
"Greetings old friends!" Chris smiled.
Heather cough up a sea star.
"I am not your friend!" she snapped.
"Someone misses their soulmate" Alex smirked.
"Who? Alejandro?! AS IF! I'm glad he isn't back! Handsome jerk!" Heather defended.
"Couldn't have said it better myself." I agreed.
"You're gonna pay for my dry cleaning!" Courtney said to Chris.
"Or just toss your clothes over the hand railing at the cabins when you go to sleep." Alex muttered.
"No I'm not! New contracts, remember?" Chris reminded her "in fact, we've got a lot of new changes this season. For one, the island is now one hundred percent toxic waste free."
"What?! I only came back here to get up close and personal with some toxic goop! So I can become a kick but mutant like my gal Dakota!" Sam said.
"Um, you have an octopus on your head." Alex said in concern.
Confessional
Alex: well. Back where it all began. Maybe being back at Wawanakwa will bring back enough memories that Courtney and Duncan get back together. Not that Gwen and Duncan aren't... good together but... I'm just gonna shut up now.
Scarlett: I swear if there is any pointless romance this season, I will fucking stab someone.
End
"Gee, too bad. Guess it's gonna be all pain no gain for you." Chris shrugged nonchalantly "on the upside, I've updated your accommodations."
A small robot pushed in a tv. It turned on to reveal one of the normal cabins.
"This season's losers will still have to sleep in the stanky old cabin." Chris said, earning annoyed groans from us "But, the winners get to stay in our all new, eco friendly, McLean spa hotel! Complete with butler, hotel, and twenty-four hour masseuse."
The TV showed the gorgeous hotel from last season. Pretty sure it got blown up, but ok.
"I am so buying a place like that with the prize money." Heather smirked.
"Sure. How much of my million dollars will I have to lend you?" I asked.
"Ok, I kinda set myself up for that." she shrugged.
"And in honor of your all star status, I'm dividing you into teams based on your past performances. Heroes versus Villains!"
Confessional
Gwen: Heroes versus villains? Guess Duncan and I won't be on the same team. Unless Chris considers Duncan a hero *Chuckles* Yeah right.
Alex: Woohoo! Scarlett and I are finally gonna be on the same team from the start!
Scarlett: Ok, are Alex and I ever going to be on the same team from the start?
End
"Heather, Duncan, Scarlett, Lightning, Jo, Scott and Gwen, from now on, you're the Villainous Vultures!" Chris said.
Confessional
Alex: Damn it!
End
"Sha-team!" Lightning cheered.
"You have the IQ of a rock, don't you?" I sighed.
"What!? Why am I on the villains team!?" Gwen exclaimed in shock.
"Because you stole my boyfriend and became the new Heather!" Courtney said angrily.
"You would have broken up anyway, you weren't exactly the healthiest of couples." Alex pointed out.
"Shut up Alex!" Courtney yelled at him.
I swear I saw his eye twitch slightly.
Confessional
Alex: *Massages the sides of his head* Don't get mad, don't get mad, don't get mad
End
"But I've done so many good things! I'm not a villain! I'm nice!" Gwen defended.
"Heroes are ok, but it's a known fact that villains always steal the show." I pointed out.
"She's got a point." Duncan agreed.
"Alex, Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, Courtney, Lindsay, and Sierra, you're the Heroic Hamsters!" Chris said.
"Excuse me, how are hamsters heroic?" Courtney asked.
"It was that or the heroic Hippos." Chris shrugged.
"Um, hawks?" Alex offered.
"Shut up Alex." Chris said.
I swear I saw another eye twitch...
Confessional
Scarlett: Ok, Alex really needs to stop bottling up his emotions.
End
"Wait a minute, they have eight people to our seven, no fair!" I realized.
"I needed the seat on the plane for the Ezekiel prank." Chris shrugged.
I gave him one of my Evil Scarlett looks.
"Fiiiiiiiiiine, you can have the robot." Chris sighed. The robot rolled over and beeped.
"I thought your robot could talk." Scott said.
"Meh, the communications chip cracked while I was in the hooskow." Chris shrugged.
"Talk normally, or don't talk at all." I said.
"Choose the second option." Heather requested.
"Hey, how would I host the show if I didn't talk?" Chris said, arrogance oozing through his pores.
"Choose the second option." Heather repeated.
The robot stopped beside Heather.
"Keep your distance, Toaster" she snapped.
"This years challenges are all nods to classics in the past, but, with harsh new twists to make this the toughest total drama season ever. Your first challenge, find the key to the spa hotel. And you'll do it in an homage to total drama's first ever challenge! Cliff diving into shark infested water!"
"Awww, poor Courtney won't be able to participate, you know, with her medical condition." I scoffed, looking at the girl.
"Oh shut up! At least I made it to the second season, you loser." she retorted.
"Which you only got on with your lawyers, AKA, your unfair little advantage!" I snapped.
"Oh, you cannot be talking about fairness, you manipulative piece of crap!" she said angrily.
"At least I'm not a crybaby, Miss 'Pummel Duncan, Pummel Gwen.'" I responded.
"Oh, I can't wait for you to get eliminated!!!" she yelled.
"At least I won't sue the show for my teammates having opinions!" I yelled back.
"At least I admit I have emotions, you love-denying little bitch!" she said, practically screaming.
"At least I didn't kick my crush in the balls so many times that he'll never be reproducing in this lifetime!" I scoffed.
Chris blasted his airhorn, snapping me back to reality.
"ZIP IT!!!" he yelled.
Confessional
Scarlett: Fuck-
Courtney: -that-
Scarlett: -little-
Courtney: -Bitch!
Scarlett: Also, I would just like to point out that in my last insult, I wasn't saying that I have a crush on anyone, I was just judging Snort-ney's obsession with kicking Duncan in the balls.
End
"Now that the insults are no longer flying, I can get this show back on track." Chris said.
"Once you dive into the water, try to avoid the sharks long enough to grab a key. But choose wisely! Only one of those suckers is the real deal. Assuming you live long enough to reach the shore, a teammate will then drive you to the spa hotel in one of the carriages from season three's race through season park."
Damn, Chris is really getting into recycling old stuff from past seasons.
Chris walked over to a small car an intern was driving.
"First team to unlock the door of the spa door wins. And, someone will be going home tonight!" he said, before hopping on and driving off.
"Wait! Shouldn't we change into our swimsuits or something first?" Mike called after him.
"Sorry! no time!" Chris called back.
Guess we're swimming in our clothes!
~~~
We were walking through the forest.
The robot was still following Heather.
"Ugh! I said keep away from me!" she snapped.
"Allow me." I said, before kicking the robot hard, making it roll back.
Jo bumped into Heather.
"Excuse me!" Heather said, shoving her away.
"Watch it, old Heather." Jo snapped.
"You watch it, Eva 2.O" I snapped back.
"Guys, just because Chris labeled us villains doesn't mean we have to act like villains. We're a team. We should work together as a team!" Gwen said.
"Ohhh."
"yeah."
"Sure thing."
Confessional
Scarlett: Ha! No way-
Heather: -that's gonna happen! I-
Jo: -Don't trust-
Duncan: -anyone-
Scott: -On this-
Robot: *Beeps twice*
Lightning: -Team!
Gwen: Well. I think that went well.
*Clips of the rest of the vultures laughing evilly surround her*
End
Heather and I walked ahead.
"Ugh, I swear, we are the only real villains on this team." she sighed.
"Which means, we're both a shoe in for team leader." I said.
Confessional
Scarlett: In season one and season three, I've never really had a chance to properly lead my team. But this season? On an all villains team? Only person who could lead a bunch of villains, is the greatest of the villains, and that's me!
End
We got the the beach at the base of the cliff. Chris came down with his jet pack, making sand blow up in our faces.
"Greetings all stars!" he called "here are your carriages! Blood red for the Villainous Vultures, and purest gold for the Heroic Hamsters."
It's yellow. Not gold. When will people on this show learn the difference?
"You've got thirty seconds to pick your drivers, starting now!"
"I'll drive!" Scott said, grabbing the handle of the carriage.
"No, I'll drive!" Jo said.
"Sha-please! You're the slowest go cart driver ever!" Lightning scoffed.
"Jo would be best suited for this task, since while you two have similar strength, she's proven herself faster." I said.
Lightning looked at me weirdly.
I sighed "Jo has to drive if we want to win. If you want to win." I explained.
"Oh. Sha-fine then." Lightning shrugged.
Confessional
Scarlett: *very happy with herself* see? Leadership skills!
End
"But, Jo, wouldn't you make a better diver since you're so athletic?" Gwen asked.
Oh hell no. She is not messing with my first decision as this team's leader.
"Nobody tells me what to do, Goth-ball. And don't even try to kiss me!" Jo snapped.
Oh snap.
Confessional
Scarlett: I would just like to point out that Duncan and Courtney broke up after action. They didn't officially get back together on screen. Courtney didn't really act like she was dating Duncan, more like she was obsessed with him. So, it's not that much of a stretch to assume that Gwen only discovered they had rekindled their relationship until after her and Duncan's kiss. Also, why is it that Duncan initiated the kiss, didn't feel bad about it, and was then surprised by others didn't like him for it, wheras Gwen apologized and felt genuinely bad, and yet she still gets all the blame!
End
"Ugh! Lindsay will do it!" Courtney yelled, shoving Lindsay forwards.
Terrible ideas from Courtney as usual.
Everyone except for Jo and Lindsay ran up to the top of the cliff.
"Sha-first!" Lightning cheered.
"Who..." I panted, trying to catch my breath "Sha-cares?".
"Hey! No stealing the Lightning's catchphrase nerdy girl!" Lightning said.
Zoe, Mike, Scott, Gwen and Alex walked over the the edge.
I walked over and saw a shark... waving?
"FANG!!!" Scott, Mike and Zoe yelled.
"Who?" Gwen questioned.
Scott hid behind Heather.
"A-after you. I-I insist..." he said in terror.
Wimp.
"Places people! it's diving time!" Chris
"One diver per team at a time! The next diver has to wait until their team's carriage returns. ready, set," Chris said, before blasting his airhorn.
"Whooooooo! Lightning strikes!" Lightning cheered, jumping off.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Courtney screamed as she jumped off after him.
Why is she screaming? we've done this before- oh wait. Silly me. She chickened out.
Jo arrived back soon and Lightning started running up.
"There's Jo!" Duncan said, before turning to Gwen "How bout a kiss for luck?" he smirked.
Gwen looked over at Courtney.
"Um... no time!" Gwen said, before shoving him off the cliff.
I chuckled "Shoving your boyfriend off a cliff? And I thought Courtney was bad for ditching him on a beach!" I smiled.
She gasped, looking like she was regretting her life decisions.
"For Codyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Sierra cheered, jumping off the cliff and making a tidal wave.
Jo soon came back with Duncan, with Lindsay and Sierra coming after them.
"I'll go next!' I said, walking over to the edge
Sierra came back up.
Zoe kissed Mike's cheek "Good luck." she said.
Mike's brain switched off and he stumbled back, before falling into me and knocking us both into the water.
"YOU ASSHOLE!" I yelled, before hitting the water. It hurt.
I resurfaced and the was a shark. And I didn't have a magnet.
"Shit!" I exclaimed, covering my face and hoping my death was quick and painless.
A rock hit the shark's snout.
"huh?"
I looked up to see Alex flinging rocks at the shark with his dog tag necklace.
"Thanks!" I called up to him.
Confessional
Alex: Even if she's on the other team, I still don't want Scarlett to get hurt.
Heather: Scarlex, Alett, don't care what the hell you call it, it needs to happen.
End
I dove down and grabbed a key before getting in the cart.
"Hurry!" I yelled at Jo.
She started pulling it.
"Listen up gingerbread I'm in charge, got it?" she snapped.
"Oh hell no! Listen up new Eva, I have done two seasons in this show, and made it to the finals in my first one. You made it to the final five once, and got betrayed by Cameron. You're not fit to lead, I am. And I wouldn't be surprised if you got kicked off by episode three." I said.
"Oh, you are so going down." Jo said.
She got to the hotel and I jumped out before putting the key in the lock. It didn't turn.
"Wrong key." I said, before getting back into the cart "hurry up!" I said to Jo.
She pulled the cart back to the cliff and I ran up.
"Heath! Jump!" I yelled.
She jumped off into the water, and came back a few minutes later. That's when I noticed Scott clinging to a rock with Lightning trying to pull him off.
"It's your turn man." Duncan said.
"No! You can't make me!!!" Scott whined.
"Oh yes I can!!!" Lightning said, still trying to pull him off.
"You have to dive! It's either you or the robot, and I'm pretty sure that the robot isn't water proof." I said.
"Yeah, but it's sh-sh-shark proof!" Scott exclaimed.
"DIVE!!!" Everyone yelled at Scott.
"Fuck this shit." I said, before grabbing Scott's arm and pulling hard. He flew off the rock and crashed into the robot, making it fall.
"Thank you!" Heather said to me.
Confessional
Lightning: how did nerdy girl get him off the rock when the Lightning couldn't?
Scarlett: I'm stronger than I look.
End
The water where the robot landed started churning and rippling, and then something (or rather, someone) flew out.
Alejandro.
"WHAT?!" I exclaimed.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Heather yelled.
Confessional
Scarlett: NO NO NO NO! HE CAN'T BE BACK! HE CAN'T BE! DAMN YOU CHRIIIIIIIIIS!
Alex: crap.
End
Alejandro landed on the shore holding a key. Then his legs sort of gave in, and he fell over, and we all cringed.
Jo dragged him into the stroller and they left. Then, Chris said something over the loudspeaker.
"The door is open, the vultures win!"
The villains cheered, and the heroes and Courtney groaned.
~~~
Turns out, this season the winners of each challenge would sit and watch the eliminations. Hey, I'm not complaining about being there when Courtney gets kicked off.
"Welcome to our first elimination ceremony! How do you like the new Peanut Gallery? Huh. Now, opponents can watch someone give them the boot, before they head to the Spa Hotel for a deluxe dinner!" Chris said, earning cheers from my team.
"Now, before we start, I need one winner to volunteer for a special reward." Chris added.
"Ha! Sha-Lighting!" Lightning cheered, running up to Chris.
"Great! Your reward is spending the night on Boney Island, with all the hungry wild animals!" Chris smiled.
"Aw man, how is that a reward?" Lightning whined.
"Because there's a McLean brand invincibility statue somewhere in Boney island! Find it, and you're golden!" Chris explained.
"Now he tells us..." Scott grumbled.
"This year, you vote my placing an X on the eight by ten photo if the person you want to send home. Now get voting!"
Confessional
*most of the hamsters keep their votes private.*
Courtney: *shows a picture of Lindsay to the camera before drawing an X on it*
Alex: *Holds up a picture of Lindsay, hesitates, before putting it down and grabbing a different one.*
Lindsay: *looks at a picture of Courtney, before drawing an X on her own face.*
End
"Following people are safe." Chris said "Cameron, Sierra, Zoey, Mike, and Sam. Lindsay, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills. Courtney, you're on the chopping block for making Lindsay drive."
"Yeah, what's the matter with you?" Lindsay scoffed.
Ah yes. Knowing that you're terrible. Very fun.
"And the loser is..." Chris said.
"Lindsay!"
Booooooo.
"Thank goodness!" Lindsay cheered "Wait. Do I have to ride that scary catapult thing?"
"Nope, this year we've got a new elimination device."
Lindsay got flushed down a giant toilet. Yes, I'm serious, no, I don't know where the heck it went.