Maybe...
Maybe being in love with someone isn't all that bad.
Not so awful as he had come to experience when he excitedly bursted into Felix's home; Greeted with irritated groans of 'I know!' when he explained how much he desperately loved Jisung and everything Jisung related, filled him in that following morning of all that had happened once they had made up, leaving out certain details like the CRAZY AND WILD HOT MAKE-UP SEX they had (Just kidding, they didn't do anything but cuddle into each other's arms and talk sweetened words to one another while caressing skin with hands, lips with lips, it was super soft, super squishy, domestic, and perfect. But teasing Felix to the point of insanity was better). Not so awful while he was able to scurry off to the rat cave the following few days and rant off to his two best friends about how he was finally in a locked relationship; Being met with suspicious stares from both of them, eventually eased when Minho was able to convince them his heart was truly infatuated with Jisung.
Not so awful while he was able to be with Jisung. Simply, be with him. In his apartment. Over a movie. Over a few drinks. Over promises of cuddling on the couch. Over dinners Minho cooked for him. Able to meet him again in the late night hours, timid fingers which found his hands pleading to hold him for a moment, a moment longer, wonderings of if Minho would be there in the morning, always met with the warmth of arms that routinely brought him to tears Minho gladly kissed away until he grinned again. Meet him over giggly phone calls speckled with the shy glittering of luminescent feelings ringing in his ears while he worked away at his slough of hacking jobs he pushed to the edge of the world while moping over Jisung. Meet him in the secure chat channel where they could spill clandestine secrets to one another, emoticons and honey dipped words which caused his knees to buckle and body to go weak for him.
Minho was so weak for everything Jisung did.
Jisung could barely smile in his vague direction and Minho would fold over like he was origami paper.
Jisung could tell him of the hobbies he had, and Minho would shower him with affection and offers to buy him supplies to support those hobbies. Jisung could strip himself of everything he was, lay himself bare across scales to be judged, and Minho would tip himself over time and time again to prove how infatuated he was with that man. Jisung could be with uncombed hair, morning breath, oversized shirt, baggy pants, fluffy hot pink socks; He could be off stream, the stretch marks on his thighs Minho recently discovered with an intense excitement about him after the camboy showered, while Jisung panicked to cover them up with foundation, Minho chucked him on the bed and showered those marks with kisses; On stream showing off, and Minho would eagerly make him lavender tea and a warm bath to soak in after, pulling every trick in the book to ensure Jisung knew he was loved. That he wasn't what he claimed himself to be.
Even better?
Jisung began to bend over backwards for him too; Sitting up with him during his ridiculous late nighters for hacking jobs, doing his utmost despite sleepy yawns and slowing processes slogging behind the dragging words he spouted through the headphones to keep himself awake; Crocheting little gifts for Minho that ranged from beanies to tiny stuffed animals the big scary hacker set on his desk to keep him company while he worked and to point out his flawed coding mistakes when he couldn't figure out where he went wrong, even once stealing his headphones to crochet a bean sprout leaf to the top of the head strap; Constantly slipping notes into the pockets of stolen hoodies he retrieved from Jisung's closet, little notes that reminded Minho how much he was loved and admired; Even going as far to clear out a little frog jar in his bathroom for the hacker to store some medication in case he started experiencing an attack while he was over.
Jisung was so, fucking, cute.
HE'S SO. CUTE.
And he belonged to Minho. Lee Minho! Of everyone in the world! Minho got to have him. Got to hold him in his arms. Got to adore him, admire him in everything he was.
He was the one allowed to know what paradise felt like.
He was one who was allowed to stay.
That thought was carried in his mind as if it was a precious gem encased in a fragile gold leaf wrapping prepared to crumble, should he be careless with that delicate treasure. That thought carried with him whenever he saw Jisung, yesterday, tomorrow, today, now, as he was gently setting the cat carrier down in the living space of the camboy's apartment, coffee table and couch separated before shoved off to the side to allow them more space within the already spacious living arrangements. Watching the beautiful man he adored with his crossed legs on the ground, waiting in anticipation to witness the infamous midnight black creature ramming her body into the opening of the carrier to rub her head on it. Though he would be seeing that fuzzy demon too much over the next few days. Jisung having promised to watch over the devilish creature while Minho and Felix drove home for their Dad's birthday.
"And this thing, is my lovely cat Gummy," Minho jeered as he sat on the ground as well, opening up the front of the carrier for the fuzzy cat within to sniff around. Witnessing her nostrils flaring to inhale the floor, before the golden eyes landed on Minho, and she crawled her way out with the padding of those tiny paws against the floors.
Jisung gasped a soft note. Sparkling eyes watching the cat crawl around with suspicious befuddlement about her relatively calm fluff. He covered his parted lips with those cute little hands as he whispered a tiny, "Hi...!"
This was when Gummy noticed the unfamiliar person in the room with the known annoyance of her owner. Crawling over to the camboy to sniff him with silent steps and a lowered body. First stretching her neck out to a snake-like extension to that spine to sniff at his covered knees. Sniffing along the pearly white sweat pants and blue hearts embroidered to the sides.
"Can..." Jisung snapped his gaze from the cat to Minho, eyes still exploding with the force of a thousand swirling fireworks inside that absorbing stare consuming the older whole. Filled to the topped brim with the reflection of effervescent sunlight which melted Minho without a hint of mercy for his swooning heart soaring too close to the luminance of that brilliant being glowing in his eyes. Threatening to spill over the lip with that untamed excitement daring the vibrant flares he set to spark fires in the night, fires in his body to melt them both together like wax. Minho was in love. That's all. Nothing more complicated. He loved Jisung. He loved watching that untainted joy for something considered so insignificant by so many, when he glimmered, "Can I touch her?"
"If she lets you, yeah," Minho shrugged as he scooted himself against the floors, dragging his weight with a few protesting groans to the physical exertion slipped from his lips. Coming to prop himself against the front of the couch to lean back and admire everything Jisung was, his baggy clothes slipping from his collars to bundle him with their cozy warmth and sleep crusted eyes fluttering while watching the cat familiarize herself with the new apartment, bareface neglected to be touched up with any make-up while the two of them relaxed together, excited, so excited. As if Jisung had never seen a cat in his entire life. Or, closer to the truth, hadn't had the chance to see one in a while. To bask in that radiant hue emitted from the other, Minho slumped back against the couch to smile, "Why not?"
Jisung's attention was returned to Gummy. Focusing back to the cat crawling everywhere to explore this foreign land she had been dumped in. The occasional glance to where Minho oozed back to the couch cementing her decisions to wander far and wide through this unknown territory.
When she slyed closer to Jisung again, he stretched a quiet hand out to her. Knuckles loose but enclosed so not spook her off. Hesitating at a gentle distance to not intrude on her personal space. Statuing there with unhinged joints to bridge the distance, to invite Gummy a little closer to him as well.
Gummy sniffed the curled knuckles.
Before ramming her entire head into his hand.
Jisung squealed with the excitement bursting from his beam. He laughed gently, readily offering the pets she was requesting from his hands.
In an instance, Minho felt about a hundred things watching that adorable scene. Most importantly being, cats were excellent tells of someone's personality. They knew secrets hidden low beneath the grounds mortals walked, evil deeds hung high into skies with lightened street wires to display those telltale signs beyond the blue they would be hidden amongst, sins which rotted within the grounds until the floor below fell away to crusted pits the darkest would thrive within. Cats could look a person in their starry eyes attempting to stroke the fuzzy furs, and in an instant, tell exactly who that person was within the walls they built up. Where they've been. What they've seen. The memories they kept locked away within their heads, the horrors they have instigated by their own hands or been victim of by another's careless recklessness. Cats knew. Cats were masters of perception.
Minho's cat liked Jisung. Gummy, who barely lets anyone but Minho pick her up, liked Jisung.
That and the racing of his mind while he tried to contain his overexcited heart with a sharp breath he nearly choked on,
Oh my god. They're so cute. They're so fucking cute together, this is so cute I am witnessing a historical and artistic scene in front of me like it's nothing. He's so cute. Jisung is so cute. I'm so in love with him what the fuck, how is this possible, how is it possible to be so in love with someone your whole body feels like it's going to combust and then throw up, how can someone petting my cat be so cute and addicting to watch, this isn't fair he's just so incredibly adorable and lovely and sweet and beautiful in everything he does, how can someone be so incredibly perfect in everything they do, how can he be so wonderful while he's just existing, calmly existing and not doing anything else. How can I be so head over heels for him? How can I be tripping and stumbling and falling everywhere for him? Why can't my heart be normal? Am I normal? Is this normal? Is this normal to think Han Jisung is the cutest, most perfect, most beautiful, and handsome, and stunning individual in this whole entire world?
How could someone be so perfect? So, stunning? So ethereal in everything he did. From the curl of his hands gently stroking along the cat's spine as she continued to sniff him out with a welcomed puzzlement to the fuzzy cat, to the upturn of his lips unable to iron themselves back down from their joy at the mutual curiosity for one another, to the subtle wiggle of his shoulders trying to keep their simmering jubilent from popping too loudly on his features, he's beautiful. A masterpiece to look at and become hypnotized by the silk ribbon movements of that clandestine artist dancing through the moonlight. Addicting in every movement he made to illicit a heat inside that hacker, not the scald of ecstacy and lust searching for pleasure, but the warmth of sunshine ghosting along his skin dawn to dark.
Minho kept staring at him. He knew he was staring, obviously staring shamelessly at the camboy, at his boyfriend, in all he was in that brief second of time ticking down. Only being broken from admiring Jisung when Gummy reluctantly scooted herself away from where she was receiving the head scratches of a lifetime from Jisung, to investigate the remaining living space she hadn't yet explored by herself. His boyfriend's (Huh, Weird thought. It's still strange for Minho to get used to. That he was dating Jisung), attention turning back to Minho as he started up. Though he kept his head focused on his laced hands while he spoke, "Umm... So... Minho, now that we're dating, officially, and now that we're, you know, settling in to the relationship, and stuff, I wanted to talk with you about the... The... The camboy work. Is it okay if..."
"I won't force you to stop, keep doing it if you want to. You shouldn't have to ask my permission. I won't stop you," Minho quickly interjected. Honestly too, Knowing Jisung, knowing how his mind functions, knowing that was absolutely where this conversation was going when referring to the camboy job. And upon seeing the relief that sunk Jisung to a fonder smile and placid hands that pressed against his legs instead of fumbling together, the hacker knew his response relieved him. With that, Minho laced his arms over his chest and simpered a tease to him, "Plus, you know, I'm a horny man, and you're hot with a mouthwatering body, so. I'll bark for you."
The camboy nibbled a bit on the soft marshmallow of his bottom lip. That typical habit. That typical attention grabber that always pipelined Minho into yearning to make out heavily with those sweet lips. Not this time, luckily. The nibbling of his lip hardly a distraction while Jisung set his hands against the chilly floor to crawl his way over to Minho, "So you'll watch?"
"I was mainly joking. But, when I'm not auditing stupid people from your streams and you want me to watch? Sure! I'll jump in. Only if you want me to. You are not something I want to use like that. I will only watch when you want me there," Minho agreed to the starry eyes pining him down to the couch. Half focused on Jisung nearing to him. Half focused on where Gummy was wandering around the living room, still investigating the different objects scattered throughout the room with her intrusive nose and padding paws carrying her along. Then coming back to Jisung as the camboy found an easy spot straddling his lap, sinking his weight onto him and hugging his arms around the older's neck in a natural ease. A comfortable familiarity with the position, while Minho found his typical spot hung off his hips, forearms resting while they looped around that lithe waist, "As long as you want to keep doing it. As long as you don't feel objectified."
"You're so sweet. I'm in love with you," Jisung mumbled back to him. Murmuring those faint words against his lips, the gentle breath falling against his skin like ash raining on to those standing below that drizzling cloud. Bit by bit, those paper flakes on his body speckling him with their faint glows casted away from embers. Bit by bit, how they hooked them. How those sparked pulled them together while Jisung leaned in, coming closer to the older's lips.
Until his eyes casted behind him.
To the cat still wandering around the apartment. Now silently judging them from where she was sat on the coffee table.
Minho quickly put a hand against Jisung's lips. Blocking him. Tsking his tongue as he lectured his boyfriend, "Hey, hey, not in front of my cat. Gummy is watching us."
"Well, Gummy will have to share you with me from now on," The camboy huffed the impudent retort back to him, the response earning Minho's hand to drop from his lips and swelling chuckles to bubble up inside of his chest. The arms laced around Minho's neck undid the knot they tied themselves in, the pressure they kept on the nape gone in an instant as Jisung readjusted himself. Not so subtly slapping the inside of Minho's thighs to make him open his legs a bit, before plopping down in front of him. Between them. Snuggling back into him, the rigged ridges of Jisung's spine coming to set into the front of his chest as he settled into him. Bodies melting together, easily finding where his arms could wrap underneath Jisung's arms to tug him closer. In the midst of the reshuffle of positions, he wondered, "Can I ask you questions?"
"Of course you can. You always can. Ask away. What do you want to know about?"
"Ataxia. The episodic ataxia. I don't want to be scared of you. And... And I probably will be for a little, until the... The anxiety gets used to it. And I will, the anxiety will get used to it, so, um, I want to try to understand it so it doesn't seem like... Like I hate you or anything for something you can't control."
"Well, then, sure. What do you want to know?"
"What is it, exactly?"
"Well, it's my pudding brain being stupid. Basically, you have neurons in your brain, right? And neurons have these things called calcium channels, think of train tracks and for the sake of keeping it VERY simple, these carry electricity around, and makes sure you don't electrocute yourself and your brain functions fine. Simple, right? It's way more complicated than that but let's leave it there," Minho started to explain to him. Coming to lace his hands together over Jisung's tummy and interlocking them, knuckles fitting into knuckles, to keep the camboy from splitting away from him while they sat together. A bit of a distraction for him too, while he rubbed his fingers into the soft stomach below his touch to explain, "Episodic ataxia, my ataxia, is a gene that says, the calcium channels don't always work right. And when it don't always work right, I get ataxia attacks."
Against him, Jisung shuffled a bit between his legs. Scooting back as his spine dug farther into Minho's chest, breathing the mellifluous rise and fall into the sternum he slumped himself deadened onto. Lacing his hands over where the hacker's rested on him. The cool brush of his fingers breezing into his warmer hands and the chill of ecstacy that simple connection rocketed throughout his nerves, both sinking into Minho. Etching itself delicately on his mind, while Jisung tucked his knees up to a rounded figure and his voice grew quiet in the safety of Minho's arms, "Does it... hurt you?"
"It doesn't hurt hurt. But I do get extremely nauseous, very intense tinnitus, tingles, my eyes does this funky thing called nystagmus, I guess it's more, discomfort? Rather than hurt, it doesn't feel comfortable," The hacker sighed softly to him, the words foreign to his tongue while he displayed them for Jisung to see. Unknown and strange to speak them out loud to anyone who wasn't an immediate family member who understood his plight and sleepless nights worrying for the future. A relief that washed his apprehension with the conversation topic away from his veins, but a heightened unease to himself as well. In the case Jisung wouldn't want to talk about the ataxia anymore, in the case he would want to break up immediately, in the case he would be ridiculed and jeered at. Knowing Jisung wouldn't, but the chance that he does...
The chance never came. The faith which Minho placed in that eternal being simply ringing louder to the security of his heart. Scribbling it's poetic epitaphs to the grave sinking in his nerves, that script alleviating him from the aches he felt while Jisung didn't turn him away. He didn't shy away, he didn't push him off, he didn't rumple his nose up in disgust. In fact, he seemed to have his own shaky, unsteady breath that he inhaled deeply through. No doubt, fighting against his own thoughts in his mind while he kept the inquiries going, "Felix told me a long time ago it might progress. What does that mean, what happens?"
"If it progresses, more and more of those channels stop working. That part of my brain starts degrading until it can't function anymore. So, more attacks, symptoms will start showing up between attacks, my Dad has problems with coordination and speaking now," He unlocked his hands and scooped up Jisung's within his own instead. Tugging him closer to his chest, if that was even possible in that moment. Feeling him pressed flush to every corner of his body, through his jeans and his lazy hoodie, the smooth presence of the honeyed jasmine scent he loved to inhale deeply. Minho shoved his lips into the younger's shoulder, kissing along the spanned valley of that bone to occupy the gnawing in his gut, "The chances are, it'll happen when I'm older, but there's..."
And those foreign words, how they seemed to halt within his throat. Not wishing to push through any farther to weigh that burden on another person.
There's always the chance it'll progress sooner.
He slumped his forehead against Jisung's shoulder.
There's always the chance it'll progress faster.
Him seeming to understand without the words needed to be spoken to the air, as he twisted to press a soft kiss to the older's head. Lingering for a moment there, the loving lips in the strands of his hair. A reassurance which eased him as if his worries never existed in the 24 years of his life.
"That's why I have to life well, I have to do what makes me happy," Minho sucked in a deep breath. Freeing himself from shackles which weighed him down to lift his head back up to the younger. To put his own adoring peck to the crux of Jisung's neck, a delicate laughter simmering from him as Minho muttered to his skin, "Like you."
Jisung nudged him, chuckling half-heartedly to joke to him, "Doing me makes you happy?"
"Well I didn't mean it like that. Being with you makes me happy," With that correcting protest exhaled from him, the collapse of his lungs causing Jisung to dissolve farther into Minho's chest. He squeezed their hands together, knocking their heads together, trying to glue himself as much as possible to Jisung who readily leaned into him as well. He didn't think of himself as a cuddly person, that was, until Minho met Jisung. Until he met that shard of gold inside an otherwise unattainable world. Until he could have him within his arms. Holding him. Strongly. Ensuring he never slipped away unless he wanted to be free. Ensuring his words could be heard above all else as he invited that deity into his arms, "One day, when you're ready, I'll be all ears to hear about what triggered the agoraphobia too."
"One day. Probably not... probably not soon. It's not pleasant for me to deal with and remember."
"Whenever you're ready. If that's never, that's never. Just know I'll love you all the same."
The camboy shuffled in his arms again. Wiggling around between the corralling pen of the older's legs as he moved himself around again, touching in a few places he shouldn't have, brushing in a few places he shouldn't have by accident and going unnoticed by the younger, not the time not the time not the time. But only being able to slide his hands against Jisung's waist, supporting him in delicate existence to assist in twisting him wherever he wished to be twisted. Wherever he wished to be situated, Minho would allow him to without protest. Jisung privilege, he thinks it is. Jisung privilege to sit on the legs he brought in to cross up, to hook his arms to catch himself from slipping around Minho's neck, to be held within the hacker's hands, an arm looped around his back and the other gently caressing the blue hearts of his sweatpants while he sat to face him.
While he sat, permitting that mortal a chance to gaze upon a beauty so grand.
Minho breathed softly, melting away as he slipped out, "Fuck, you're beautiful."
"You're not too bad yourself," Jisung smiled back to him, nearly murmuring as he went to plant a kiss on the older.
Minho looked behind him.
"Gummy is watching us again, Jisung."
Jisung just sighed. Whipped to the cat. And stuck his tongue out at her.
《↑⇄↸↻⇂↬↖》
Okay, here's the deal
Im going to end after dark next chapter, since it's super close to ending and I don't want to just leave you all hanging for a few weeks
Here's what I shall propose instead
✨ Bonus chapters! ✨
I'll be writing bonus chapters here and there because I have SO many ideas for this story I can't fit into a main minsung story, so don't worry. This story is ending, BUT we'll be seeing more of the After Dark character antics soon (TдT) I have a few ideas in mind, but is there anything you would like to see?
Here's what I want to write so far
1. Changbin runs into Jeongin
2. Jisung meets the parents
3. Chanseunglix