Ａ ＮＩＧＨＴ ＩＮ ＰＡＲＡＤＩＳＥ
ᴅᴇʙʙɪᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ laughed with the strangers around her. No, she wasn't drunk. But the liquor seemed to slowly creep its way into her consciousness. It was fun that, for once in a while, she could enjoy the wild unfolding exuberance of a party. Tammy annually brings people together into this paradise, as if giving them the freedom to be their chaotic selves, even if it is just for a night. One night. Both Debbie and Lou stopped attending the grand party, 5 years ago. Intentionally avoiding each other. And to their surprise, by the time they finally decided to show up, a lot could actually happen. Debbie could not count how many times she'd cursed herself for shamelessly wanting to embezzle glances at Lou from across the room. The woman was sitting on a couch, her eyes traveling through millions of thoughts. It seemed like the world around her had no cacophonies.
It felt like a sinful thought to think if the blonde was thinking about their little interaction like her silly brain does. How could she not? Her girlfriend for 7 years—scratch that, even worse, her ex-fiancé, who left her with no closure, suddenly, after 5 years, appears in front of her—and all they could do best was an awkward small talk. They were like two strangers again, meeting for the first time. She could not be more eager to know what's inside Lou's mind. But Debbie knew too well that now was not the time to talk. Was there ever a time, and will there ever be? She looked away immediately.
Tamie's wicked smile from somewhere in the room sure made Debbie wonder if her friend was happy to prove a point, but she was determined not to let it get to her. She danced in the wilderness, laughed louder, and drank more, trying to convince herself that everything was just going to be fine. A lie.
"You are so hot... do you wanna get out of here and go somewhere else?" At no time, Debbie might have indulged herself with the thoughts taking shape in her cognition that she forgot about the gentleman she was dancing with until he whispered in her ear. Subtly, she faced the man once again and smiled.
"I would very much like to decline the offer." The man's face quickly changed as irritation and humiliation washed over his face. Debbie could only keep her smile, and she watched as he walked out, leaving her with the other guests, getting lost in the music. The bittersweet taste of liquor lingered on the tip of her tongue. Such a dick.
Lou was once again alone. She felt like she was soaking in the sea of unfamiliar faces, and the California coast's relentless roar only added to her sense of isolation. Isolated and drowned by her thoughts, just like the woman she had been watching all throughout the night.
The beach bungalow glowed with lights that reflected off the sea, providing as the lone source of light against the midnight Ocean Coast highway. The nightly mist got colder, but Lou barely noticed. All she could see was Debbie. Who seemed preoccupied dancing and giggling on the dance floor. Her eyes kept her guarded, and she couldn't discern whether it was happiness she was feeling seeing the brunette getting lost as if that smile was all she needed all these years. Or hurt, that Debbie's smile could mean she got over her completely. It was a selfish thought.
No one was expecting the music to shift from a topsy-turvy to a sudden, mellow tune, leaving everyone to halt. Some complained—furrowed brows etched their faces—and some were confused, but the party continued anyway. Everyone who decided to stay at the center swayed with the music, steady and calm. Like drunken souls surrendering their wilderness.
"It worked!" Tammy winked at the DJ. The bloke just smiled. She knew she had to at least do something to hold control over the party. From the top, she could see Debbie's baffled expression, targeting her exactly. The woman could only shrug her shoulders and wink.
Debbie shook her head, occasionally resting her hand on her waist. Maybe she was glad that Tammy finally got to her senses to hold control over her party, but damn it, she could not dance alone with the choice of music. Dancing alone with romantic music would be so graceless. And perhaps she could use this time to finally escape. Escape from the sweaty bodies around her or the hunting thoughts of Lou—she doesn't know. And right when she was about to get off the dance floor, a voice—a woman's voice—resounded in, telling her to halt.
"Wait!" The voice, despite the alcohol involved in her senseless recognition, seemed familiar. And she paused, enabling herself to look back. Only to be greeted by a familiar face.
"L-Lou..." It felt like a sacred crime to even call her name. Debbie could feel her heart pounding, her hands trembling. What is happening? She looked around once again before meeting the blonde's eyes.
Lou was nervous about attempting to catch those brown eyes and see how everything changed between them. She was standing next to her, yet the distance still seemed too far, like she couldn't recognize them anymore. But Daphne was right; the only way to let the past go is to talk. She wanted to do this the moment she'd seen Debbie enter that door. And standing close to her now, she felt more frightened than ever. Maybe this is it. Maybe.
"May I have this dance?" She bravely asked. Resigning all the fear in her, letting her heart decide just for once. Just this time.
Debbie could hear her heart trembling even louder than the music. She swallowed hard. Not having enough time to process everything. Is this a dream? Am I dreaming? She doesn't know. But maybe she wanted to cry. Every pain, every word she had prepared for so long for this moment to come, all crashed like water crystals. Was that all she ever wanted to hear? Maybe yes. Except that everything is not the way it used to be now. A lot has changed. Things changed. They changed.
Lou's hand was waiting for her to accept. It was like a moment of inviolable decision that would lead to whatever this night had in store for them. For Debbie, the world stopped, and all she could hear was her pounding heart, waiting for her to conform to what it wanted.
Before she could even decide, it's like her hand moved on its own, slowly accepting Lou's hand. One touch, and sent shivers down her spine. An electrifying contact, a scorching fire burned her soul. Maybe Tammy won the bet.
Lou looked up, and their eyes met—those brown eyes she'd memorized so dearly. At that moment, the cold night air seemed to disappear, and they were the only two people in the world, connected by an old, familiar love they'd both known so well.
Slowly, Lou's hand found its way to hold her waist, while the other held her hand gently, steadily, and calmly. Debbie held her shoulder nervously. Trying her best to compose herself.
"Is this okay?" Lou whispered. Debbie nodded.
They started swaying, as everybody in the room was. Lou continued to watch Debbie, her gaze a teller of unspoken words. She held her, afraid that she might slip away. This feels right. This feels like home.
"Please say anything," Debbie muttered.
Lou smiled. "Sorry about earlier; it was—"
"Awkward." Debbie finished her sentence. Lou gave up a chuckle. The tension slowly comes down.
"Yeah... Clearly, I wasn't thinking well. I was so nervous finally talking to you," and guilt was killing me. The last words were unspoken. It was straightforward. Debbie's eyes widened. The blonde was surprised too. I certainly am not thinking clearly when I talk to you. Damn it.
"I mean, I am too," Debbie says.
"You changed a lot," Lou muttered. It was almost a whisper—it almost felt like a crime to let it be heard by the ocean breeze and Debbie. "I mean that in a good way," she added, but the nervousness that pitched her tone never left Debbie's observation.
A smile appeared on Debbie's lips. She sighed as she looked through the window and saw the sky. It was dark, and for a second, she didn't feel alone staring at the darkness, only with little dots spreading across it. She bit her bottom lip.
"A lot changed me." A bitter smile came like a crashing wave against Lou's lips. Of course, she has changed.
"We're supposed to, right?" And yet, even after saying those words, Lou could not help but think: she had not changed. And that's because she didn't want to.
"We're supposed to," Debbie repeated the words, and it came as whispers sipping from her lips involuntarily. She chooses to smile, but she has no control over how the blonde will see it. And Lou saw bitterness in it. Pain.
Minutes of silence built between them, but Debbie felt like it'd been longer than that. Suddenly, the rhythm seemed slower. And all she could feel was Lou's gentle touch against her skin, which was only covered by a thin fabric. She closed her eyes, avoiding eye contact with the blonde. They stayed like that—two bodies connected, gently swaying with the music. Their souls were finding ways to connect, but it seemed impossible. No matter how hard they try to feel right about this—it feels right—but there was something greater than comfort. Wounds that had never been mended by the lost time.
"I missed you." A painful whisper against the deafening silence in both of their minds. Finally, brown eyes found the courage to connect with the blue ocean. And tears started to betray; they fell, and the little droplets found a path against Debbie's cheeks. For years, she had longed to hear those words, but they never came—not when she'd cried nights of sorrow, wishing on a star to hear her heart's desire. And she didn't know how painful it would be once her longing came alive.
"Please don't say that... Don't." It was a beg. A beg for freedom she's longed to have. For years, she felt like she was trapped on an empty road with nowhere to go and no signs to follow. A dark, empty route of melancholy, rooted in the past. She's learned to anticipate a step, time by time, and when she's finally a step behind in the end, it only takes three words for her path to restart. Three goddamn words that crashed her hope.
"I missed you, Deb. I missed this. Us." Lou's voice held courage, but the pain coincided. She tried so hard to never let go of Debbie's eyes, hoping for her to see the madness that had been residing in her soul, too, for so long. This was the woman whom she vowed to love for the rest of her life. The only woman who has her heart caged beneath her hands. And it hurts to see in sight the pain she has caused her.
For the first time in forever, Debbie felt fear. Fear that had burned every bridge she'd made. Slamming every wall she had built. It wasn't a fear that came from their past, but rather a fear that made her see what their future would be. Sorrow. It was like suffocating her, grounding her to a chain she doesn't want to ever feel again. She looked away and distanced herself from Lou. "I can't do this, Louise. I'm sorry." She muttered as she ran away, not knowing where to go.
"Debbie, wait!" Lou tried to call her name, but all she wanted to do was get away from the crowd.
The brunette, whose tears never dared to hold back, was determined to get somewhere. She passed by Daphne and the rest of the women; they tried to call her too, but she couldn't face them, so she kept running, her heart pounding in her chest like a distant sound wanting to be released. She ran and ran until her feet met the shore. But she felt nothing, not even solace by the ocean's edge. The dark, star-studded sky stretched above her like a vast, empty dream, and while the ocean's waves whispered their soothing secrets in the moonlight, Debbie felt hollow. Tears flowed freely from her eyes—a torrent of emotion she couldn't contain any longer. All she desired was to scream, to release the pain, and to let it be carried away by the relentless waves of the ocean.
Footsteps followed her; of course, she knew who it was, even without laying eyes on her.
"Debbie, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Lou's voice cracked, a pain lingering in her words. "I–I'm sorry..." She kept saying. But Debbie can't seem to hear anything. All she could hear was her heart pounding for emotions she could hardly describe anymore.
"Please let me explain; I didn't mean to hurt you. I know it was stupid to leave you without any words." Tears never stopped pouring from Lou's eyes. She could detect the guilt, devouring her more fiercely than ever. Finally, Debbie's eyes found their way to look at her again, yet this time it showed bravery despite how the corners of her eyes drooped, revealing the sadness she had kept for so long.
"You didn't just hurt me, Lou. You've abandoned me..." Her voice felt weak. Her heart shattered, tears blurred her sight.
"I didn't mean to." Debbie's gaze never looked away, her eyes searching for answers in the depths of those familiar ocean eyes. She wanted to know why Lou had disappeared from her life and why she had hurt her so deeply. The ache in her heart had never truly subsided, and now, with Lou so close yet so far, the questions demanded answers.
"I thought I was finally getting everything right after you left. But the moment you said those words, all I felt was suffocating, Lou. You are suffocating me." Silence once again enveloped them. Only shared despair rises like tides. Lou couldn't dare to speak. The words slapped a reality on her, and she could feel her heart being shattered once more.
"I'm sorry..." That's all she could say.
"Why did you leave, Lou?" The question torturously hangs in the air. Horror shot through Debbie's voice. Afraid of what the blonde would say, yet she needed to understand, needed to hear Lou's side of the story. She knows that Lou was hurting in the same way she is because she saw it in the blonde's eyes. And for the wounds to finally heal, they both needed this. A closure.
Lou took a deep breath, her gaze unwavering as she met Debbie's eyes, setting aside her own fear. "I thought I was protecting you, Debbie. I thought if I left, you could move on and have a better life without me."
"You thought you were protecting me by disappearing without a word?" A frustrated laugh escaped her lips. Lou's words were too obscure for Debbie to understand. "Lou, that hurt more than anything."
"I know, Debbie. I know I messed up. I should've talked to you and explained everything. But I was scared. I thought I was doing the right thing."
Debbie shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. It didn't make any sense. Any of these. "You left me, Lou. You left me when I needed you the most. You can't just sweep that under the rug with a fucking apology. I wish you shouldn't have offered that goddamn dance. I wish you could have just stayed away from me. Everything just doesn't make sense!"
Lou's voice cracked with pain as she spoke. "I'm not trying to excuse what I did, Debs. I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you, even when I was far away. And I've regretted leaving you every day since."
Before Debbie could respond, a familiar voice spoke from behind, just as she thought this night could not get any worse. "Debbie."
The voice sounded like a command. A call for her attention. She could feel her hands getting cold as the breeze grew the same feeling. She could feel her heart pounding with agony and fear. When she turned around, approached the ominous kick of reality before her eyes. And for a moment, she felt like she was seeing a ghost. Her world fell completely shattered.
Lou's jaw tightened, looking at the man disappointedly. Why does he have to interrupt this conversation? Why does he have to appear at times wrongly? Damn it, not now, Danny. She sighed and shook her head. Danny glanced at her, giving her a knowing look as if telling her he got this. Lou wanted to laugh in extreme anger and frustration. Of course, the man knew; he knew all these years. He knew what her father did, and he knew why Lou disappeared. She wanted to beat him in the face, but so many questions were running through Lou's mind—why didn't he seem to take any anger despite knowing the truth? Why didn't he throw Lou out the window earlier when she saw him? So many whys and Lou felt the fear crashing her down.
"Da-danny?" Debbie whispered, her voice barely audible. Danny Ocean, the man who had once been a part of her life, stood before her. Alive.
—
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴! 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘓𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘋𝘦𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨! 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘰! 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵. ;))