From the moment, Khadijah had first laid eyes on Arion in Jackie's living room. It was a wrap. At eight-years-old, she'd spent the majority of the time curled up next to her mom, Timera, who had gone over to spend the day with Jackie and Lauren.
"Kevin and Arion be driving me crazy," Jackie rolled her eyes with a sigh, "I'on even know how, but they managed to get a Nerf gun--all weekend, they've been shooting at each other and even shot at Nathan while he was studying."
"I swear Arion don't even go home anymore," Lauren chuckled, taking a puff from her cigarette, she tapped the edge of the ashtray Jackie had set out for her on the coffee table, "his momma still in-and-out of jail?"
"You know she is," Jackie stressed to her friend, leaning back against couch, "got arrested for aggravated assault a while ago. I think she's back on drugs again, plus she don't give a fuck about that boy. The last time I seen her before that, she was on the streets, selling her goods for a joint."
"Tatiana was never fit to be a mother," Timera interjected, shaking her head, "we told her not to go with Ricky and look what happened."
"Oh, yeah--Ricky." Lauren mused aloud. "The drug dealer, right? Drug dealer turned pimp after Tati went with him."
"Yeah, that guy."
"I can't let Arion go back to that group home, he's so much happier here with Kev," Jackie said with a small smile, "Kev loves that boy--I think even more than Nathan. Nathan's grown now, he doesn't want to have anything to do with him--too busy studying and chasing his dreams."
"Nathan--quite frankly, Jack--doesn't want shit to do with anyone around here," Lauren scoffed.
"My baby has dreams." Jackie said, defending her son.
"Okay, girl--dreams to get the fuck outta the Bronx and never look back. That little nigga is so fucking pretentious sometimes--"
Suddenly, a loud thud sounded above them and loud raucous laughter sounded above them through the floorboards.
"Kevin Perez and Arion Howard! You better not be breaking up my house up there!" Jackie shouted to the ceiling, making Khadijah wince. "See, what I mean? I love those two, but they're so much trouble sometimes. I wish they could be more like Khadijah." Jackie sighed once more, smiling as she looked at little Khadijah, who remained glued to her mother's side.
"Tuh, she's all up under me because her aabo's (father) not here, he's on another trip, two states over," Timera scoffed, the little grin giving her away as she stroked her little girl's hair, "she loves him so much, you know. Maybe a little too much. All she does is spend time with him. Sometimes, I feel like she only loves me half as much."
"That's not true, hooyo (mom), I love you," Khadijah piped up, looking up at her mother who stared at her with adoration.
"I know, jacaylkayga (my love)." Timera reassured her.
Another thud echoed from upstairs.
"Khadijah, would you go see what those knuckleheads are doing? Maybe you'll be a good influence on them. They're probably messing around in Kevin's bedroom, it's the second door on the left." Jackie suggested, looking hopeful. Khadijah stared back blankly, looking back up at her mother, who gave her an encouraging nod.
"Go on, jacaylkayga (my love), it'd be good for you to make friends," Timera smiled brightly at her daughter who, reluctantly, peeled herself off the couch.
Khadijah padded out of the living room quietly, heading towards the staircase she had passed when she first entered the townhouse. She gripped the banister tightly, carefully stepping up the stairs. She heard loud chatter and laughter echoing in the hall, and she followed Jackie's directions, checking her directions before successfully finding the door.
Hesitantly, Khadijah bit her lip, turning the knob and pushing the door open gently, hearing all signs of life fade away. The loud talking and laughter ceased, so Khadijah peered into the room—a boy's room—wrinkling her face at the sight of clothes and various toys littered everywhere on the floor. A boy with long curly hair sat on the twin bed in the centre of the room, he looked the most like Jackie, so Khadijah assumed this was her son—inheriting many of her features. He scrutinized her openly, and Khadijah averted her eyes, turning to look at the brown-skinned boy with a low cut laying sprawled out on the floor near the door.
"Hi," she settled on saying, gently nudging herself into the room, "I-I'm Khadijah." She stuttered slightly, a little nervous to be alone with two boys.
"I'm Arion," the one by her feet stated with a goofy smile that Khadijah couldn't help but reciprocate. He was boyishly cute—like one of those boys you'd see at school or playground and fawn over his smile—maybe he'd make you laugh in a weird way or just simply smile just because he could, like Khadijah was doing now. Either way, she felt her little heart palpitate as she gazed at him, forcing herself to look away before the blush managed to reach her face.
"I'm Kevin," the boy on the bed introduced himself, standing up while running a hand through his hair.
And honestly, Khadijah had expected that to be the end of it.
It wasn't.
Following their first meeting, her mother continued to drag her along with her to Jackie's house, forcing her to go off and play with the boys while the women gossiped and talked about life—catching each other up. Every single time Khadijah would find Kevin and Arion, they'd immediately pause their shenanigans—sit and awkwardly look at each other until it was time for Khadijah to leave.
It wasn't Khadijah's fault that she couldn't socialize—she'd preferred books to human company—often sitting with her father in his reading room when he'd had days off, reading a children's chapter book while he read the Quran or some philosophical book her tiny mind couldn't yet understand. Even at school, she'd spot Kevin and Arion goofing around, sneaking glances at them every chance she could. She didn't have friends and while Khadijah wasn't a quiet person by any means, she couldn't build relationships the same way everyone else could—it was frustrating and disheartening. Everyone else had formed close friend groups, frequently playing together and hanging out on the block after school—Khadijah didn't have that, but she did have her father.
Zahid Karim was Khadijah's biggest inspiration in life and her mother's greatest love. She wasn't ashamed to admit that she was a daddy's girl—she believed her father had hung the moon and the stars. She didn't get to see him a lot since he was a trucker, going away to drive and often travel, yet it didn't stop her bond with him from strengthening. He'd sleep away his days at home before being sent on another assignment, but he never failed to make time for his family.
"Now, jacaylkayga (my love), nothing in life ever comes free, remember that," Her father told her as they sat together on an armchair in his reading room. Despite the fact that Khadijah was older, her father always indulged her, letting his little girl sit on his lap as he read, pointing out important passages and reciting sentences he deemed appropriate for her to hear.
"Yes, aabo (father)," Khadijah nodded seriously, even if she didn't really understand what her father was saying. He had said it—that was all that mattered, and Khadijah always held his words close to her heart.
✧
Unfortunately, just because Khadijah kept to herself doesn't mean she was immune to the ruthlessness of teenagers. Her high school experience was a tough one—she was officially in her awkward phase, just starting sophomore year, with acne and puberty hitting her like a truck. She was one of the few girls in her grade to blossom, growing boobs and ass seemingly overnight.
"Hey, ma!"
Khadijah steadfastly ignored the shouts and hollers behind her, she just clutched her binder and textbook a little tighter to her chest, trying her best to make her way to her English class as quickly as possible. It wasn't the first time James and his crew of goons had bothered her, and Khadijah knew it wouldn't ever be the last. Ever since she'd come back from summer vacation, they never stopped bothering her—following her constantly around the halls; going out of their way to find her in the cafeteria to hound her.
On the few occasions that she had been cornered, they'd pressed into her space, touching her, grazing her ass and boobs before she'd found the strength to push them away. Khadijah was never a pushover, but she just didn't understand what they wanted with her—she wasn't interested in the slightest, despite their many attempts to come onto her.
"Yo, Khadijah," a hand reached out and roughly seized her bicep, causing her books to clatter to the floor, "I know you hear me calling you. Why you acting dayroom?"
James, or Jeezy as he went by in the streets, was another lost cause—another statistic from their area who'd fallen headfirst into a gang war that wasn't even really theirs to begin with.
"What is it, James? I'm gonna be late and one of ya niggas better help me pick up my shit," Khadijah spoke plainly, staring him straight in the face.
"You a fed, I keep forgetting," he chuckled, pressing their bodies together, "it's okay though, since it's you. When are you gonna let me take you out? You been ducking and dodging me this whole semester."
"My bad, I keep telling you, I'm not interested," Khadijah said bluntly, trying to pull her arm out of his grasp, "bro, seriously. I need to get to class. Get off of me." There were a few people lingering in the halls, but most of them were just minding their business—especially when it came to shit involving James, since he claimed he was deep in the streets. No one would help her—they always turned a blind eye, and it'd taken Khadijah almost twenty minutes last time to fight them off.
"I promise you, ma, I can show you a good time," James said, forcefully wrapping a hand around her waist, anchoring her to him, "you look mad good. Except for those fucking pimples on your face but I can put a bag on you, it'd be aight." The hand around her waist slowly drifted to her ass and Khadijah's eyes sharpened in warning, but James didn't heed it. He squeezed her aggressively, causing her to jolt, she pressed her hands against his chest trying to shove him away but he stood solid.
"Get off me, James, get off me—" Khadijah began to panic as he started to feel her up so boldly in the middle of the hallway. His friends surrounded them, poking and proding her, as they laughed. She was shoved around the circle, hands roaming her body freely as she tried to push her way out of the circle.
"Khadijah?"
The group quieted down at the sound of the voice that boomed throughout the hallway, Khadijah panted heavily, face flushed with embarassment and anger as James slung his arm around her shoulders, tight enough for it to be considered a chokehold as he looked towards Arion and Kevin who had rounded the corner. Khadijah's heart squeezed painfully at the sight of them—they were no longer boys who goofed around with Nerf guns anymore, her mother had said they'd fallen off the deep end into the streets, causing Jackie stress.
"Don't hang around those boys anymore, they're bad news. Abuurka xun (bad seeds)." Her mother had said to her and Khadijah had no choice but to agree.
Like herself, Arion and Kevin had grown up, coming into themselves handsomely. They were tall and Arion had put on some muscle from what Khadijah could make out, staring at his figure appreciatively. Kevin's face looked bored—blank but his eyes were the window to his feelings and Arion—Arion wore his heart on his sleeve, eyebrows furrowing at the position Khadijah was forced into under James' arm.
"Dougie, Kay," right, they'd gone by those names now, "what's good? You know my girl?" James greeted them half-heartedly.
"Your girl?" Arion squinted his eyes at James, "Khadijah, you dating this nigga now?" He addressed her directly, eyes boring into hers. She quickly shook her head, squirming beneath James' arm.
"No, we're not dating," Khadijah denied, still attempting to get out of James' hold, "James, let me go. I don't wanna go out with you." Finally, she'd pushed him off her, smoothing down her crumpled clothes and straightening her shirt that James' goons are ruffled as they touched around her chest area. The harrassment was something Khadijah had reluctantly gotten used too but experiencing it in front of Kevin and Arion felt different. She worried about what they might think of her.
"Why you acting like that, ma?" James kissed his teeth, trying to grab her arm again but Khadijah quickly stepped out of his range and towards Kevin and Arion.
"Yo Jeezy, get to steppin' forreal," Kevin's voice drawled and Khadijah's head snapped to look at him, it had a dangerous undertone to it that almost promised violence if James didn't comply. Behind her, she heard slight grumbles and mumbles from James' group before they begrudgingly shuffled away and when Khadijah turned back to grab her things off the ground, James had sent her a look that unnerved her, causing a shiver to run up her spine before he, too, spun on his heel and leading his group down the hall. Once they disappeared out of sight, Khadijah let out a heavy sigh of relief, she didn't even realize Kevin and Arion had come closer to her—flinching when a body brushed past her to grab her books.
"Oh, thanks," Khadijah muttered as Arion held out her binder and textbook to her. She was beyond late now and she worried about her mother's reaction when she finally went home but she was just grateful to have James off her back for now.
"You good, but aye, why's Jeezy bothering you? Touching you up in the halls and shit?" Arion frowned.
"He's tryna fuck, that's all and he can't take a fucking hint," Khadijah sighed, adjusting the things in her arms.
"Clearly." Kevin mumbled next to her. "That nigga's a joke."
"Real fucking shit," Arion groaned loudly, "c'mon, let's go. What class you got right now?"
"English with Mrs. Twin," Khadijah stated before doing a double take, "wait—go where?"
"To your class, girl. I'm not letting you walk alone—what if Jeezy catches you on your ones again?"
"Its fine, he's all talk," Khadijah dismissed Arion's worries, waving her hand, "he won't do nothing forreal."
"He did do something though," Kevin piped up, glancing at her, "he was feeling you up—him and his bitch ass friends. So, hurry up, lead the way to your class—I'm tryna spark up right after." Kevin nodded at her and Khadijah sighed softly, nodding her head reluctantly, hesitantly stepping forward and leading the way to Mrs. Twin's English class with her two bodyguards behind her.