"Diane is coming at nine, Mallie," Amelia called upstairs. "I'm taking the kids to that child psychiatrist at twelve, so, if you're done, can you be there?"
"I told Diane I had to be done by eleven so I had time to get to the office," Mallie called back downstairs. "Don't worry, mi vida."
"Okay."
Mallie left the bedroom and headed downstairs, smiling weakly at the kids eating breakfast so she didn't tug too hard on her stitches.
"You have that meeting with Ross and Dixon in ten minutes," Amelia looked at her phone. "You need to go. Wait, why would you schedule a meeting with Ross and Dixon at the same time you have therapy? That's insane."
"Vic's going for me," Mallie said. "She offered. She's taking Andy, too."
"I thought you were going," Amelia said.
"I was gonna go, and then you've been a bit loca all morning, so, I cancelled. Natasha was cool with it," Mallie said. "Mi vida, breathe, okay? Look, go to the hospital and put the kids in daycare, and then go and see Richard and go to a meeting. We'll meet for the kid's appointments and then we're gonna say goodbye to Mer and the kids, and it'll all be okay. Okay?"
Amelia nodded slowly, running her hands through her hair.
"It's okay, mama," Myles mumbled around his cereal spoon. "Mamí's got you."
"I know, baby," Amelia said, smoothing her hand over his head. "I know. Mama is just tired."
"Do you want a cuddle?" Pru asked, holding her arms out.
"Thank you, sweetheart," Amelia said, moving to hug Pru. "You're too good to me."
"I love you, mama," Pru said, kissing her cheek.
"I love you, more, Pru," Amelia whispered tearfully.
She stood up and kissed Scout and Myles' foreheads.
"And I love you, my boys," Amelia said.
"Love you, mama," they mumbled around their cereal.
Mallie held her arm out and Amelia walked over, tucking herself under Mallie's arm and into her side. Mallie rested her chin on Amelia's forehead, rubbing her arm up and down soothingly.
"Everything is okay, mi vida," Mallie whispered.
"I know," Amelia muttered. "I know. Okay. Okay, I'm going. Okay, kids, are we ready to go?"
"Yeah, mama," the kids chorused.
Mallie helped the kids get their coats and shoes on and buckled them in Amelia's car, then kissed them goodbye. She kissed Amelia goodbye, too, waving them off as she reversed out of the driveway.
The doorbell rang about half an hour later while Mallie was chopping up fruit for smoothies. She put the knife down and left the kitchen, wiping her hands on the teatowel she grabbed and opening the door.
"Wow," Diane blinked, staring at the cut on Mallie's face.
"I'm in my Frankenstein era," Mallie said, stepping aside. "I'm making smoothies. Or I will be making smoothies. Come in. You want one? Or coffee? I have a lot of coffee."
"Smoothies sound good," Diane smiled, closing the door behind herself and following Mallie to the kitchen. "How are you doing?"
Mallie hummed as she moved to wash her hands again to keep chopping the fruit.
"All things considered, I am way more mentally stable than I expected to be," Mallie said honestly, drying her hands and moving back to the fruit.
"What did the doctors say about...?" Diane motioned to Mallie's face.
"Uh, well, it's gonna scar. They got a plastic surgeon to do the stitches, but the window shattered and the glass was quite far into my face. Uh, and my arms, they're gonna be fine. Just a few cuts and a few small burns. My lungs were cleared, but I need another check before I go back to work," Mallie said.
Diane stared at the healing cut on Mallie's face for a few seconds.
"It looks like a greater than symbol from math," Diane said.
"I said that," Mallie said. "Oh, and before you think I'm emotionally closed off, I actually can't smile or laugh without tearing stitches, so, I'm not allowed. Amelia's orders. And I don't want to piss my wife off, so, I am listening to orders."
"I never thought I'd see the day that Mallie Cruz actually listens to people's advice and takes it immediately," Diane said.
"I want to laugh right now," Mallie said, fighting the smile tugging at her lips so she didn't stretch her stitches. "Somehow, I think I've matured over the years. Strange how that happens, huh?"
"You built a family for yourself. You have people to care about, now. It's not just what's best for you, anymore," Diane said.
"I know," Mallie said.
"How is the family taking it?" Diane asked.
"Well, the kids are a mess. Myles more than the others, which is understandable. Kid's three and got lost in a smokey room alone until I found him. It was scary. Scout is being clingy to him because, well, his twin was in danger, so, also understandable. And Pru is well aware of how Dean died and she's smart enough to know that Myles and I were in danger in that house," Mallie said.
"You said they're seeing a child psychiatrist over our texts?" Diane asked.
"Yeah, at twelve. That's why we need to be done by eleven." Mallie threw the fruit in the blender. "Where the fuck are-"
Blender and Microwave walked into the room, purring as they wrapped themselves around Diane's legs.
"They've been amazing," Mallie said, pointing at the cats. "Don't leave the kids' sides, nowadays."
"That's good," Diane smiled. "How's Amelia?"
"She's spiraling," Mallie said. "She's going to a meeting this morning with Richard and we've been talking about everything going on. She's not even that shaken up over me being hurt. She expects that. It's the fact I was off shift, that it was the house we've lived in, the house the twins have lived in, and that the kids were actually there for it. Myles lived through something we never thought he would."
"That must be scary for both of you," Diane said.
"It was," Mallie sighed. "Can I blend these and then we can keep going?"
"Sure," Diane nodded.
Mallie put the lid on the blender and pressed the button, moving to grab glasses and dispose of the other stuff she'd used. She poured them two smoothies, handing one to Diane as they sat at the island.
"I kept thinking about my brothers," Mallie said, sipping on the smoothie.
"They died in a house fire. It's understandable that this brought up bad memories," Diane said. "I know you felt a lot of guilt about their deaths the last time we talked. How are you feeling now?"
"Less guilty," Mallie said honestly. "It didn't happen again. I mean, it did, because there was a house fire and two boys and a girl were stuck in here like how Chance, Phoenix and I were. But we got out. I got Myles out and Maggie and Winston got Pru and Scout, and they were all okay. They survived. I fixed it."
Diane smiled at her.
"This is a good smoothie," she said.
"I know, right?" Mallie said, fighting the smile that tugged at her own lips.
"I'm proud of you," Diane said. "For fixing it. For saving your kids. And I know that your family think the same as I do."
"Thank you," Mallie said. "Is it weird that I actually kind of love my new scar?" Mallie asked.
"Why do you love it?" Diane asked.
"Because I'll forever be reminded that I saved these boys. I couldn't save my brothers, but I saved my son, and that's... It's terrible, I know, that a physical reminder of that night is going to be stuck on my body forever, that my wife is always going to think about how it felt when she turned up here and realised that her family was already at the hospital, that my kids are going to grow up remembering why I have this, but... But we all survived and this scar was a small price to pay for the rest of our lives together," Mallie said.
"It is a weird way to look at it," Diane said, sipping her smoothie. "But I also think that weird can be beautiful. I know you've been through a lot in your life. You have so many scars that hold bad memories. And I know this scar came from a bad memory. You're right, though. That scar was a small price to pay for the rest of your lives together, and you will always remember that you fixed it. You kept your family safe."
Mallie did smile, this time, and then winced at the tug on her stitches. She forced the smile away, rubbing the side of her face between the stitches to try and ease the ache.
"It'll feel even better when it's fully healed. It'll look less scary, too. But it'll make for a great Halloween costume next year," Mallie said.
Diane laughed, taking another sip of her smoothie.
"How do you feel about going back to work?" Diane asked.
"Well, I'm mostly Crisis One based, nowadays, so, I don't actually see that many fires anymore. And I prefer it. I spend more time with the kids and Amelia this way, and we've brought Vic on to help me now Dean is gone. It makes it all a lot easier to have her helping," Mallie said.
"That's good," Diane said. "Are you worried about going back?"
"No," Mallie said. "I'm more concerned about Amelia's reaction than anything. Meredith's moving away tonight, so, we're going to say goodbye to her after we see the psychiatrist with the kids. And Amelia has a history of spiraling when too much is going on, and this is all kind of too much."
"Is Amelia seeing a therapist?" Diane asked.
"No," Mallie sighed. "No, Amelia doesn't deal with her problems in a way that a therapist can help with. She turns to drugs or alcohol, and she's doing great with her sobriety right now, so, she's going to a meeting today and we'll make them regular for a while until she settles down again."
"That's understandable. It's her version of therapy, and it works for her," Diane nodded.
They were silent for a few seconds before Diane sighed.
"Okay. Let's get into the rough stuff," she said.
"Rough stuff?" Mallie asked, looking at Diane.
"Maya," Diane said.
Mallie groaned weakly.
"She hates me," she said. "And I'm glad she hates me over Carina, because Carina is her wife and Carina is going through a lot with the shit Maya's done to her these past few months. But she blames me for her going to a psych-ward and I'm starting to think that she might not ever forgive me for that. And that's okay, because if it means she forgives Carina and they can fix things, that's great. But I lose my best friend, and that sucks."
"You did the right thing," Diane said. "I can't speak on what Maya and I have been working on in our own therapy sessions, but it was getting to a point where others had to intervene. She would've kept going until she killed herself."
"That's why we did it," Mallie said. "Because I cannot lose anyone else, and neither can Carina."
"You care a lot for Carina," Diane said.
"She's living here," Mallie said.
"She's... What?" Diane asked.
"Maya, um... She told Carina that if she left the hospital room then they were done. And Carina did leave, because Maya threw her dead brother and her abusive father in her face and everyone has a breaking point. And, considering I was the one who suggested the 51-50, I couldn't just let Carina go and stay in a hotel. So, Amelia told me to bring her home," Mallie said.
Diane sat there for a few seconds and took a sip of her smoothie, nodding slowly.
"That makes sense," Diane said. "I just want to make sure that you're not taking on too much emotionally and putting your self-care on the back burner."
"I'm not," Mallie said. "You're here, aren't you?" she said, almost laughing.
"I am," Diane chuckled. "And you called me before I had to call you, which is a big step."
"I told you, I'm growing up," Mallie said.
"That you are," Diane chuckled. "Are you sure you're taking care of yourself?"
"I haven't even been running," Mallie said.
"Wait, seriously?" Diane asked.
"That's how serious I am about taking time to heal properly. This was a big thing that happened and big things require a lot of attention to process and heal from. Not only for me, but for my wife and kids. So, I'm doing this by the book," Mallie said.
"I am impressed," Diane said. "Seriously. You are being extremely mature about this."
Mallie rolled her eyes fondly.
"Thanks."
Diane checked her watch.
"It's only ten thirty. We've got half an hour. Anything else you want to go over or discuss in more depth? The Maya thing?" Diane asked.
"The Maya thing is a thing," Mallie sighed. "But it's not my thing. I mean, it is, because she's my best friend and she's my responsibility. But, uh... It's also, like... I can't keep putting fires out for her every time she starts a new one. She has to start figuring her shit out herself. I'll still help, if she wants me there, but she needs space right now and I am giving it to her."
"You punched her in the face," Diane said.
Mallie raised an eyebrow at her. Diane just smiled.
So, Maya had been talking about Mallie in her therapy, because Mallie had told Maya the 51-50 was her punch in the face.
Mallie was just glad she was actually talking and going to therapy.
"I did punch her in the face," Mallie said.
"You forgave Maya when she punched you in the face, and it made you all the better for it. Perhaps Maya will do the same," Diane said.
"Maybe," Mallie said. "I don't know."
"Have you tried to talk to her?" Diane asked.
"I've texted her. Just telling her that I'm here if she wants to talk, or I'm here if she wants someone to yell at. Or, y'know, whatever. But she hasn't answered and I'm not pushing her. She was so mad at me and said cruel things to me, and I can take it, I can, but it still hurt me that she said that," Mallie said.
"What did she say?" Diane asked.
"That my life is that much of a mess that I have to ruin hers, too. That it's not her fault I can't protect my kids from a house fire. I thought I'd broken the cycle, but I didn't. I say she plays with fire, but I've been playing with fire since I got my brothers killed as a kid," Mallie recalled, almost word for word.
Diane shifted on her seat.
"She needs time. Healing takes time. And Maya's healing from very different things to you right now. It's going to be different for both of you," Diane said.
"I know," Mallie said. "I keep telling Carina that it'll take time. I just... I don't know if she's going to stick around long enough for it. What if Maya gets better and it's too late? She can't take back what she said to Carina and Carina might not forgive her because of how bad it all was. And then Maya's gonna spiral and I'll have to pick sides because Maya is my best friend but Carina is my wife's best friend and Carina has basically lived with us for over six months because Maya has been so mentally absent."
"It's not your job to worry about Maya and Carina's relationship. I know you feel like it's your responsibility because you helped decide about the 51-50, but the stuff you're worrying about is something for the two of them to figure out. You do not have to pick sides," Diane said.
"I know," Mallie said.
"And you know that, even though Maya was in a rough place and is in a rough place, the things she said to you can be too far. It can take time for you two to fix things," Diane said.
"I've heard it all before. I don't care if she said it," Mallie said.
"You do, because she's your best friend and she's never said anything like that to you before. It's the stuff your mother used to tell you, what Saffie told you. You are allowed to be mad at her," Diane said.
"I think that's why I'm not mad," Mallie said. "I did the same to Amelia when I first got the twins, threw her own shit in her face to get her to leave me alone. And it worked, and I felt so horrible for months. I still feel horrible sometimes when I think about how much I hurt her. I can't hate Maya for doing the same things I did when I was struggling. We both have a habit of playing with fire. I've just outgrown mine, I think. She's getting through it."
"You're being very mature about this," Diane said.
"No reason to be childish," Mallie said. "If I was Maya, if I was going through what she was going through, I would do the same. Even now, and I've grown up so much since I was in Maya's shoes."
"I think you two will be okay," Diane said, sipping on her smoothie. "I would recommend you two actually sit down and have a conversation about this, though. It'll be emotionally heavy and, probably, shitty to go through, but it'll be for the better. You two can move on fresh after this."
"I know you can't tell me anything, but... She is okay, isn't she?" Mallie said. "And I don't mean mentally stable. I mean, she's trying, right? She's actually talking to you because you brought up the punch thing, not me, and that means she's actually telling you her side and getting it off her chest. That means she's gonna be okay."
"She's going to need her family by her side, and recovery is a long road," Diane said. "But you've done well for yourself. She can do well, too."
"Yeah," Mallie sighed, looking down at her phone. "Okay, I gotta get my shit ready to go."
"Meredith's leaving, right?" Diane said.
"Yeah. Therapy with the kids, then her leaving do, then coming home," Mallie said.
"I know today will be hard, but I hope it's still good," Diane smiled. "Thank you for talking with me. Text me if you want another session before you go back, but I am gonna clear you on the mental health side of things for Chief Ross."
"Thank you, Diane," Mallie said. "Seriously."
"Any time, Mallie," Diane smiled back.
Mallie stood in the reception area of Grey Sloan Memorial a few hours later, Pru on her hip. Amelia stood beside her, Myles on her hip, and Carina stood on her other side with Scout on her hip.
They also had Zola, Bailey and Ellis stood with them while they waited for Meredith to come down here for her leaving cake.
"What is going on, here?" Meredith's voice came.
"Oh, crap. She's here. Surprise!" Bailey yelped.
"Surprise!" everybody said quickly, turning to grin at Meredith and lifting their glasses.
"Aw, Come on, people. You can do better than this. Okay, ready?" Richard said.
"Surprise!" they all said again, the twins and Pru three of the loudest voices in there.
"Well, this is very thoughtful. And ridiculous because I'm only going to Boston, and you know I'll probably be here next week," Meredith laughed.
"For God's sake, Grey, will you just let us toast you?" Owen said, handing Meredith a glass as they laughed.
"To Meredith Grey!" Bailey lifted her glass with a grin.
Everybody cheered, taking sips of their drinks.
"You know, once upon a time, you were the bane of my existence. But, no, you grew up to become one of my greatest points of pride. I'm... To... Wa..." Bailey trailed off, waving Richard away. She shook her head. "Okay, go. Go," she told him.
"Dr. Grey, what Dr. Bailey is trying to say is... this place won't be the same without you," Richard said.
Meredith looked around everybody with a smile, tears in her eyes.
"To Meredith Grey!" Mallie said, lifting her glass.
"Hear, hear!" everybody echoed.
Meredith turned to the sisters, Maggie hurrying over to join them, and smiled.
"Thank you," Meredith said.
"You'll be alright," Maggie smiled. "We're only a plane ride away."
"Absolutely," Meredith agreed.
She hugged Maggie, then Amelia, and then turned to Mallie.
"Used to be six of us. Now there's just you," Meredith said, pulling back to look at her.
"Technically, I left, too," Mallie said. "I'm a firefighter, now."
"Still in Seattle, though," Meredith smiled. "You'll be alright, Mallie. You've got this."
"I've got this," Mallie nodded.
She leaned against the wall, hugging Zola, Bailey and Ellis again before they followed Meredith down the hallway. Mallie watched her go, watched the first friend she'd made in Seattle leave her here.
There had once been six of them. Meredith, Mallie, Alex, George, Izzy, Cristina. George died, then Izzy left, then Cristina moved away. Alex went to Izzy, and now Meredith was leaving, too. Mallie was the only one still here, even if she wasn't a doctor.
But she wasn't really the only one here. She'd lost a family, but she'd also built one. She had a wife, three beautiful children, a whole firehouse filled with grown adults that were basically her kids, too.
She wasn't alone. She wouldn't go through this pain alone.
"We'll be okay," Mallie said, leaning against Amelia's side.
"We will be," Amelia agreed, kissing Mallie's forehead softly. "We'll be okay."