one of the many letters mark sent to renjun in uni
my yellow,
before i begin, i love you.
it is my fourth time trying to write this. even if i'm a literature major, no words can describe my feelings for you. no letter can carry my love to you, renjun. but this is all we have right now, so i will make it work.
i noticed myself thinking about you. i think about you a lot and as much as it is embarrassing to admit it, i want you to know. i think about you, your smile, the one that forms a soft dimple on your left cheek. that smile is rare. i wish to see it again. i think about your voice when you hum sad love songs. i think about the way you call my name. i miss hearing you say it. i think about you with us too. you, me and haechan, together. the days we spent visiting cat cafes and watching silly movies in your room. i miss that. i miss us. i hope you do too.
saw you outside the basketball court yesterday. i wished to say hi, but you looked happy watching chenle play. didn't wanted to ruin your mood. i know you don't prefer seeing us. you don't hate us, do you jun? if you do, we will stop. everything— sending you flowers, writing to you, waiting for you, hoping for you. just let us know.
i did send you flowers yesterday though. sunflowers. reminds me of you and haechan at the same time. i hope they received you well. i hope you didn't throw them away. haechan made the bouquet himself, and even if he isn't as good as you, he will feel hurt.
haechan said you were crying yesterday? he didn't see you cry, don't worry. it was just the way you looked and even though you look beautiful with tinted cheeks and glossed lips, the reason behind it shouldn't be so painful.
today's letter is going to be long, i apologize. though i hope you read it till the end. i hope you read our letters. i hoped to get a reply. but it's fine if you're not ready. we will wait. for you and your reply, both.
if you asked me ten years ago if i would've been in love with a boy, i would have laughed. love was a silly concept to me. something unreachable… so distant. but
then haechan came. he was like the morning sun's first ray falling on snow covered grass, melting away the exterior cold to let it breathe again.
if you asked me two years ago if i would fall in love with another boy, i would have called you crazy but then you showed up like melted gold dipped in glitter, so bright and so difficult to ignore.
the next thing i knew was being tied to two boys who were the personification of sunshine and warmth. i could go on about you two but i want to leave some things out so i could tell them to you myself. if you let me.
me and haechan are planning to visit your favourite cat cafe tomorrow after class. we would like if you joined us. we will be waiting outside the starbucks down the street. please come if you can. haechan would be happy. me too.
lastly, as i began, i love you,
so much and so dearly.
(hopefully) yours,
mark.
extra:
— ♡ —
aren't writer mark's love letters so beautiful? (is this an indirect compliment???)
no proof read though guys. i didn't even plan this. i just felt like writing it and this entire book is just me writting shit bc i feel like writing it.