I was staring out of the window when the teacher asked me a question. They often did this, thinking I didn't pay attention. I can pay attention and dream of being somewhere else at the same time, dummy-teacher.
I answered quietly. I didn't know when I stopped speaking loudly it's something that just happened. Maybe when everyone just makes fun of the way you talk you just stop wanting to be heard? I didn't know and honestly I didn't care.
My answer was correct so the class continued, but not without snide remarks and people mimicking my answer. I was too used to this by now. It still hurt. I could leave school after I got my wolf and I would. I couldn't wait for the day where I wouldn't need to be here anymore. Wouldn't need to talk anymore. I was counting the days until the next full moon. The next full moon would be called frost moon. I always knew I would get my wolf during that moon, that's why I chose this name. The frost moon symbolises freedom for me. I finally could leave the school. Maybe I could even leave the pack. Nothing would make me happier.
I knew many stayed in school after getting their wolf, my parents expected me to stay after getting my wolf. It would be okay, I told myself, you can go against them and leave. You can stand up for yourself. I actually had secretly made a lot of money with my photography. I would enter nature photography competitions and win regularly. I probably had more savings than my parents by now.
The day just slowly passed, it was a blur. People were talking, about me? To me? I couldn't tell. I was thinking about Minerva. I was thinking about the first snow when I would be able to see prints of animals again. I was mostly excited to see the big paw prints of our local lynx. The ghost of the forest. You only ever saw signs, but never the ghost himself.
I will see him once and then I will die happy no matter what happens in my life, I thought, the corners of my lips curled into a small smile. Seeing him will probably cost me days just spent hiding in the forest, waiting for him to come by. But I will have that time after leaving school. Just the thought about sitting alone in the forest for a few days got my heart beating faster. A little glimpse of comfort.
After school I went home. Someone had thrown the sponges at me that were used to clean the blackboard so I wanted/had to change clothes before going out. If I didn't, even more people would annoy me. I didn't want to hear anymore snickers behind my back, at least not for today. My parents were home. My mother had made sandwiches. We ate together as a family and no one mentioned the stains. Maybe they were too faint or they just didn't care. Not that it mattered.
I didn't feel like taking pictures today. If you don't feel it you just need to rest and get bored. People nowadays are always on their phone as if they are afraid of boredom.
I went to an old abandoned playground and sat down at the swingset. Lazily swinging while watching the sun turn red.
"Hi." James sat down on the swing next to me. I hadn't even heard him come. It's been a long time since we last talked, I looked around to see if someone was there but we were all alone. Good, so I wouldn't embarrass him by being seen with me.
'lo" I replied after being sure we were alone.
An awkward silence spread between us. I was surprised when James finally broke the silence and his question surprised me even more.
"Do you hate me?" He asked. I was stunned. Did I hate him? I explored my feelings. I didn't. I just felt nothing. So I told him the truth.