For the second time since I'd become pregnant... I was being spoken to by the police. I'm sitting in the back of the police car, listening to the occasional crackle of the radio and Sarah huffing unhappily. I was just grateful to sit down. Walking across the city when you're nearly seven months pregnant is not the most comfortable thing. My bump becoming so big I'm battling gravity to stay upright.
Sarah is hunched other, arms folded. Not so much defiant as defeated. Her eyes stare out the window, but I know she's seeing nothing of the streets we drive through. Nothing about her conversation with Becca had gone the way she'd hoped.
"What you need to remember is that nobody knows what they're doing at first, nobody. You can never prepare, no amount of reading or googling will make you ready for those first few days with a newborn. But you will get through it..." PC Waters smiles kindly, twisting to talk to me from the front seat of the car. Her freckled face is as warm as her voice. She took one look at my belly, her eyes a mixture of pity and empathy, and has been telling me everything she's learnt from bringing three children into the world every second since. PC Jenkins, an older man with greying hair and a surprising gut on a small frame, stares ahead as he drives. His face not even trying to hide his discomfort at the conversation. I smile brightly, nodding in all the right places as Waters continues.
"Honestly, this is so useful. I just wish I was taking notes." Sarah looks at me in disgust, but I just ignore her. If we'd done things Sarah's way, we'd have probably ended up down at the police station, but after I'd pleaded with them and shed a few tears, Waters and Jenkins just gave us a few stern words and offered to drive us home instead.
The car pulls into our street and I feel Sarah's body grow tense, her bottom lip jutting out, but it doesn't hide her fear. PC Jenkins parks the car on the street between Dad's and Kitty's houses. I exhale, seeing Mum standing there, looking murderous. Apparently, she'd got the message they'd left her - what a shame. Connor is a few feet away, standing next to Kitty. His arms folded across his chest, looking equally furious.
Jenkins and Waters guide us out of the car, before walking over to Kitty and Mum. I'm not paying much attention to what's being said. Connor storms straight over to Sarah, and though they keep their voices low, there's no hiding their heated words. Connor looks madder than I've ever seen him, but I also see the fear in his eyes, the rage dropping at the flat expression on Sarah's face. PC Waters's soft voice draws me back to the piercing eyes of Mum, Kitty and PC Jenkins.
"Listen, if you need any more childbirth advice..."
"I will definitely make sure I'm in the back of your police car next time I'm picked up." Mum inhales sharply, but PC Waters just waves the joke away, even in the face of Jenkins and Mum's glares. The police officers head back to their car.
"You two..." Kitty spits loudly, silencing Connor and Sarah. "Do you have any idea how stupid that was?"
Sarah rolls her eyes but says nothing. Mum draws herself up and I take a deep breath, but she turns to Kitty and Sarah instead.
"Listen, Annabel has nothing to do with this... this family drama of yours. She has enough to deal with right now without being drawn into this."
I frown. I disliked being talked about like I wasn't here. I rush closer, but Mum raises her hand, keeping herself between me and Grady's. Connor seems to sink into himself a little.
"Mum... seriously..."
"The last thing we want is to get Annie involved..."
"Annie?!" Mum snaps, glancing between the two of us. Connor exhales, rubbing his eyes. Kitty steps forward.
"Now... I appreciate your daughter isn't involved with this. But Sarah didn't drag her halfway across town by her swollen ankles. And in my experience of your daughter, she doesn't do a damn thing she doesn't want to, so if you're mad get mad at her." Kitty's eyes narrow, her hands on her hips as she steps towards Mum who has the sense to look a little afraid. Mum will stop short of making a scene on a street in the middle of the day. Something I suspect wouldn't bother Kitty one bit.
"Mum... come on..."
She spins so quickly it's practically supernatural, and I gasp.
"I sent you here to keep you away from trouble..."
"You sent me to this part of town to keep me away from trouble? I thought it was because I WAS trouble? A bad influence on the twins, a stain on Stephen's perfect reputation, etcetera, etcetera..."
Mum growls.
"You're pregnant. Did you forget that?"
Connor steps forward, still looking sheepish. His jaw tense.
"And she shouldn't have gone there. It wasn't right and we know that..." His voice is full of remorse and shame. Sarah takes a deep breath and walks forward to stand beside her nan. Kitty puts a supportive hand on her shoulder.
"I shouldn't have let Annabel come. It was wrong of me. Something could have happened. I'm sorry."
"Well, I wasn't going to let you go by yourself, was I? You definitely didn't get that scholarship for common sense." Sarah shakes her head, but she's smirking.
"I really, really hate you."
Connor walks forward, close to Mum, who looks at him with such disdain I feel a little sick. I've seen that expression on her face countless times. I've seen it in the mirror on my own face.
"Mrs Sinclair, I'm really sorry. This is our family problem and we won't let..."
Mum steps forward, eyes blazing, her finger pointing towards Connor's chest.
"I know all about you. What you did to the Peters's boy. However long they send you to prison for, it won't be long enough. If I'd known, I'd have never sent Annabel to live here."
Connor looks like he's been shot. He flinches as if he can feel the blow. Kitty rushes forward, but Connor holds her back.
"You uptight, little..."
"Mum! You have no idea what you're talking about!" I yell, anger and humiliation burning across my face. She swallows, her waves bouncing around her jaw. A flash of shame comes and goes from her angry face.
"I'm sorry..." Connor mumbles again, still holding onto Kitty's arm. But I think the only thing really stopping her from throwing herself at Mum is the expression of pure horror and pain on his face, and she doesn't want to make it worse.
"How dare you speak to him like that?" I snap angrily, but Sarah steps forward.
"He didn't do anything. It was my idea. My stupid idea and..."
"And I offered to go with her." Mum shakes her head, not even looking at Sarah as she waves her away.
"Annabel, get in the house. I want you away from all..."
"Away from what, Michelle?" Dad's face is crimson and contorted in rage as he walks up the drive, his heavy boots stomping on the gravel. "What's going on? I just saw a police car pulling away. Does somebody want to talk to me?" He stops as he reaches us, giving us each a heavy look. I can see from the slump in his shoulders and dark rings under his eyes that he's tired from his trip. No one says anything. Dad is not an intimidating man usually, though his height and broad frame could command it - it's just that he doesn't. Right now, his eyes are blazing.
Sarah exhales and steps forward.
"I went to see Becca, whilst the Peters's were away. It got a little heated... someone called the police and... "
"And I'd went with her." Dad groans and rubs his face.
"I sent her here because I believed she'd be safe, that you'd take care of her." Mum snaps. Dad's hand moves away from his face and he glares at Mum with laser focus.
"You sent her here because that man you married cares more about appearances than family. You sent her here to keep her hidden away to give your new friends time to move on to the next piece of gossip. You didn't think about anyone else but yourself."
Mum's mouth drops, and I wonder if Dad has ever spoken to her like that before. He turns to me, some of the heat has dropped from his face.
"Annabel... what on earth were you thinking..."
"I made her," Sarah snaps, looking sheepish.
"No, she didn't. I didn't want her to be alone." I put my hands on my hips defiantly, challenging him to argue with me. He groans.
"It was dumb, but you already knew that. I'm proud of you, though."
My lips part, and I have no idea what to say to that. Kitty is smirking as she hovers behind Connor and Sarah, who are both standing there glumly.
"Look I'm shattered. Annabel, get in the house. We'll talk about this later." Dad raises an eyebrow until I walk in the direction of the house.
"No... I don't think so. I haven't finished talking about this yet," Mum yells, slamming her hands down to her hips.
"Then stay out here and keep talking, Michelle." Dad grumbles as he follows behind me. "Because I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Taking care of our daughter."
I turn, just for a second, just to witness the expression of bewilderment on Mum's face, her hands fisting at her sides. And Kitty giving her the finger behind her back.
***
It's dark when I finally slip out from Dad's watchful eye and into the Grady's garden. A thick cardigan draped across my shoulders, keeping away the cold that clings to the air. The nighttime world smells of damp grass and smoke from distant fires. I walk towards the garage, my arms wrapped around myself. I'd heard the now familiar sounds of Connor working there, plus the raised voices of him and Sarah as the sun fell below the skyline, as the stars punctured the black sky with light. It's quiet now, but I can see the light is still on, the door raised and the garage exposed to the street.
Connor is sitting on the threadbare settee at the back of the space, Sarah leaning against his shoulder. There's something resigned between them, a slackness to their bodies and faces. A flatness but also a kind of peace. Sarah's been crying.
"I know, I know... I just, this is so wrong."
"I know. But it's happening, Sarah. Nothing you do now is going to change it." Sarah whimpers and I hear the acceptance in her sobs. I think she'd fight forever if she could.
"If she knew... if Becca really understood."
"Maybe. But nothing is going to change her mind now. She's not ready."
I regret coming over the moment I see them. I'm not family, I'm not a part of this. I turn to leave, but Connor spots me as I turn.
"Annie?" I swallow and turn back around.
"Sorry... I just came over to..." He smiles knowingly and I roll my eyes, my cheeks heating.
"I didn't think Phil was ever letting you out the house again?" Sarah mutters, her voice raw, and she's rubbing her eyes as she sits up.
"He's absolutely adamant I'm not allowed out for anything but midwife appointments until I give birth. I gave it a whole two hours before I decided to ignore him completely. I thought I was being very fair."
Sarah snorts and Connor chuckles.
"Thank you for today. You didn't need to do it, and we appreciate it." My cheeks flush, and I just nod as he smirks knowingly.
"Don't be too nice to her. It will go to her head."
"Too late. I'm already polishing my halo." Sarah snorts and stands up.
"Childbirth hurts. That's what they say, isn't it?" She smirks, and it's my turn to snort.
"That's a low blow." She giggles and lingers next to me. We're not friends, not really. Too much has happened for that. And that's OK. She nods, the closest thing I'll get, and I accept it with a nod of my own. Then she wraps her arms around herself and leaves.
I twist, ready to see Connor smirking on the settee, but instead I'm pressed against a hard chest, with strong arms wrapping around me. I inhale sharply, taking in the scent of Connor. Of wood, and paint and earth. I let myself fold into him, and even with my rounded belly between us, it's more natural than anything I ever felt with a boy before.
In a few months' time, he'll be gone. So I press myself closer. Take in everything I can, whilst I can.
"Thank you. Thank you for being there for her." He whispers, his lips close to my ear. He says nothing else, and I don't respond. There are no words for this, there are no words for us.
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