Sam and Larissa are sitting at the map table and Athena is on Larissa's lap.
"Wow." Dean says.
"What?" Sam asks.
"Kevin. Just poured some buffalo milk down his gob twice." Dean says.
"Buffalo milk?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, the hangover cure all. It's got everything in it. Except buffalo milk." Dean says.
"How is that kid still recovering from Branson?" Sam asks.
"What can I say? He's an amateur. The slippery nipple shots at the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede nearly killed the guy." Dean says.
"All right. Well, uh, I got something that's gonna get us back on the road." Sam says.
"A case?" Dean asks, sitting next to his brother.
"Yeah."
"You sure you're ready for that?"
"Why would I not be ready for that?"
"Aren't you kind of running on empty?"
"Yeah, but the last three nights straight, I had eight hours of shut eye. For a hunter, that's like 20. And 40 for a parent of a baby. Lissy can testify on my behalf."
"I-- technically, I can't. I was sleeping." Larissa says.
"Trust me, Dean. I feel good." Sam promises.
"Well, that's great and all, James Brown, but you're still recovering from the trials. I think you ought to pace yourself, you know? And the sooner you heal..." He trails off.
"Yeah?" Sam prompts. Larissa looks down at the table, the familiar tightening of her chest and twisting of her gut returning.
"I just want you back to your old self." Dean says.
"I am, Dean. Look, Kevin's back on the Heaven spell. Crowley's locked up. We should be out there doing what we do best."
"Yeah."
"You want to listen, at least? Okay, great." Sam doesn't wait for an answer. "Taxidermist named Max Alexander mysteriously crushed to death. Nearly every joint in his body dislocated, every bone broken. Poor guy is a human pretzel. You tell me what's got that kind of strength."
"A demonic luchador?"
"Shop's a couple hours away to Enid, Oklahoma. We should at least check it out. Unless there's some reason you think we shouldn't." Sam says. Dean glances at Larissa who gives raises her eyebrows in question.
+++
"Okay, uh, that... symbol in the graffiti, it's not wiccan. It's copywritten. Local animal rights group, Enid's answer to PETA." Sam says while sitting at the table on his laptop.
"S.N.A.R.T.? You got to be kidding me." Dean says.
"Well, it makes sense that an animal rights group would have an axe to grind with a taxidermist." Sam says.
"Why? The animal's already dead." Dean says.
"Yeah, but hunters are what keep them in business. Now the question is, are those bleeding hearts actually witches or just hippies?" Sam asks.
"What's the difference?"
+++
"Necrosis?" Dean asks.
"Premature death of tissues -- that's why their eyes were all messed up." Sam says. He's holding Athena who is asleep, her head resting against his chest. "And it's not caused by mace."
"All right. What caused it?" Dean asks.
"Right here. "Blunt force, radiation, venom."" Sam reads.
"As in snake?" Dean asks.
"The taxidermist was constricted. Olivia and Dylan heard hissing, and they were sprayed in the eyes."
"By venom."
"By venom."
"Okay, so... what are we talking here, some sort of a freaky ass snake monster?" Dean asks, sitting across from Sam.
"Maybe. The weird thing is snakes either envenomate or constrict. No snake does both." Sam says.
"Correction -- freaky ass mega snake monster." Dean says.
"It could be a Vetala." Sam says.
"Yeah, but they're not afraid to sink their fangs in. Taxidermist was bite free. It doesn't really fit the profile."
"Right. So...?"
"So, call Kevin. Have him look some stuff up."
+++
"An Inuit spell?" Dean asks. They're at the motel and the Colonel is lying on the floor by the table. Dean and Sam are sitting across from each other while Larissa is sitting between them. Athena is on Dean's lap, playing with the one of the buttons on his flannel. Dean has one arm around Athena to prevent her from falling. Ophelia and Libby are sitting across from Larissa.
"Yeah. Who knew the, uh, Men of Letters had its own Eskimo section?" Sam shrugs.
"And it's supposed to let us communicate with The Colonel?" Dean asks.
"Yeah, well... that's the plan." Sam says, mixing the ingredients. "Kevin said it's like a sort of human/animal mind meld."
"Meaning?" Dean asks.
"If it works, we should be able to read The Colonel's thoughts." Sam says.
"All right, I'll do it." Dean takes the glass. "You-- you got enough on your plate."
"Like what?" Sam asks.
"Uh, like... you're tired. You're on the mend, okay? You, uh... you've got kids. You know, can't really parent if you're talking to dogs."
"You have a kid." Ophelia says.
"Yeah, but you're old enough to take care of yourself." Dean says. Ophelia rolls her eyes. "Plus, you-- you've got a sensitive stomach. Last thing we need is you chucking this stuff up." He tells Sam. "Doesn't look so bad."
Athena babbles, reaching for the glass.
"Hmm, yeah, not for you, munchkin." Dean tells her. He downs the potion. "I was wrong." He says, grimacing. Athena smiles at his disgusted expression. "Come on." He holds a hand out to Sam.
Sam gives Dean a book and he recites the spell.
"All right. Let's get this party started. Tell me everything you know." Dean tells The Colonel. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Dean laughs. He looks at the other four who aren't amused. "Tough crowd." He mumbles before glancing down at Athena who is smiling.
"See? She gets humor." Dean says.
"She's 4 months old. She smiles at literally anything." Larissa says.
The Colonel barks. Dean shakes his head at the couple.
~ ~ ~
"So, call Kevin. Spell tasted like ass and was a bust." Dean says.
"At least it didn't affect your appetite. Geez." Sam says.
"Yeah." Dean says. "What?" He asks after a moment.
"What?" The couple ask.
"You-- shut up. It's working." Dean says.
"It-- go." Sam says.
"Say that again." Dean tells the dog. "Dennis DeYoung's not a punk. He's Mr. Roboto, bitch."
"Why are you arguing with the dog about Styx?" Sam asks.
"Wh-- uh, yeah. Um, hey, boy. What were you trying to tell us about Cowboy Hat?" Dean asks. "And the pothead, too?"
"Ask about the cats." Sam says, tossing his napkin into the garbage can that's behind Dean.
"Yeah, uh--" Dean gets the napkin out of the trash, giving it back to Sam. "And what about the cats?" The couple share a confused look.
"I don't want this?" Sam says, holding up the napkin.
"Huh?" Dean looks at him.
"So, what's he saying?" Sam asks after a moment, tossing the napkin back into the trash.
"Uh, that the-- the guy he smelled like ground chuck and soap suds and old lady cream." Dean says while retrieving Sam's dirty napkin and giving it back to him.
"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam asks.
"I don't know." Dean says, scratching behind his ear. "Oh, what are you laughing at?" He asks the dog.
The Colonel starts barking and Dean stands up, going to the window with him. The Colonel barks at the mailman who is across the parking lot.
"Hey! Hey, hey! You! You! Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, you! You! You! You!" Dean lets out a small growl. Sam and Larissa share puzzled looks while Athena smiles at her uncle and the dog.
"He's freaking me out." Ophelia mutters.
"Uh, Dean?" Sam calls.
"Hmm?" Dean hums.
"I think the spell worked. In fact, I think it worked a little too well." Sam says.
"What?" Dean asks, sitting back down.
"I think you might be a dog." Sam says.
"What?" Dean asks, scratching behind his ear.
"You're scratching your head. You're... barking at the mailman. You're playing fetch." Sam says, throwing the napkin back into the trash can.
"I--" Dean goes to get the napkin, but stops himself. He looks between the napkin and Sam with sad puppy dog eyes eyes. He lets out a quiet whine. "Ruh roh."
Ophelia and Libby both break out into a fit of giggles.
~ ~ ~
"Yeah. No, that-- okay. All right, thanks." Sam hangs his phone up. Dean is sitting on the end of a bed while Larissa is standing up and holding Athena. Ophelia and Libby are sitting on the other bed. "So, apparently, the Inuit spell has more side effects."
"Oh, well, that would have been nice to know before I downed it! What kind of side effects?" Dean asks.
"When you mind meld with an animal, it's... possible to start exhibiting some of its behavior." Sam says. Dean turns to The Colonel.
"Well, how long am I gonna have the urge to--" Dean says. "Oh, whoa. Hey." He chuckles. "I don't have the urge to sniff butts."
"Do you really h-have the--" Sam starts.
"No! Come on!" Dean exclaims.
"Well, Kevin doesn't know how long it'll last. It's not like it's an exact science, you know? But hopefully, when the spell wears off, so will the side effects." Sam says.
Dean bites into a chocolate bar. Dean lets the piece of chocolate fall from his lips and he stares at the candy sadly.
"I'll take that." Larissa takes the chocolate from him. "Good boy." She scratches behind his ear. Dean smiles, his foot stomping on the floor as he leans into her touch.
"This is actually really fun." Larissa tells her husband who quietly chuckles.
+++
"Back to the shelter." Dean says as they walk to the Impala. "All right, one more doggy pun out of you, and I'm gonna have your nuts clipped." They get to the Impala as a bird poops on the windshield. "Aw, are you kidding me? Hey, dick move, pigeon!"
Sam is laughing at the bird pooping on the car while Larissa gets Athena in her car seat.
"Did--" Dean pulls on his brother's arm.
"What?" Sam asks.
"Wait a minute. Can I hear all animals?" Dean asks the dog.
"What's he saying?" Sam asks, seeing Dean's angry look aimed at the pigeon.
"You-- he's being a douchebag!" Dean says. "Oh, shut it, you winged rat!" Sam looks around, finding people watching them. Larissa quickly ducks into the backseat, quietly shutting the door. She bends down, her head resting in the car seat.
Athena grins, patting her mom's face.
"Car. Car, car, car." Ophelia ushers Libby into the car, the two getting in the backseat.
"Just get in the car." Sam tells Dean.
"Oh, that's it, you son of a bitch!" Dean takes his gun out.
"Dean!" Sam lowers Dean's weapon. "Get in the car." Sam awkwardly waves to all the onlookers before getting in the car.
"Have fun?" Larissa asks.
"Yeah, no, thanks for the help." Sam remarks.
"Always here for ya, Sammy." Larissa pats his shoulder as he rolls his eyes.
+++
Sam pulls up outside the animal shelter and Larissa gets Athena out of her car seat, all of them getting out.
"I think it's probably best to just leave The Colonel in the car." Sam says.
"Excuse me?" Dean asks.
"Well, all the windows are open." Sam defends.
"You think we like that?" Dean asks.
""We"?" Sam asks.
"You think because the windows are open that that's some sort of a treat, huh? No, the dog's coming in." Dean opens the back door and lets The Colonel out. They start to go inside, but Dean and The Colonel get distracted by a poodle across the street.
"Oh, this is some real bestiality shit." Larissa mumbles.
"Dean." Sam calls.
"Yep." Dean follows Sam and Larissa into the animal shelter.
~ ~ ~
Sam, Larissa, and the girls are standing at the end of the room while Dean listens to the dogs.
"Any luck?" Sam asks as Dean walks back over.
"Hardly. And I'm not getting any clues, just a bunch of complaints." Dean says. "Yeah, uh, sorry, pal. I'm done for the day." He tells the Yorkie in the closest cage. "What?" He walks over, Sam and Larissa following him. "Are you kidding me? I'm being extorted by a dog. Well, what do you want, uh? What? Beggin' strips? Snausages?"
"You-- all right." Dean shrugs. Dean looks at Sam.
~ ~ ~
Sam is holding the Yorkie like he always used to hold Athena and is scratching the dog's belly. Larissa is still holding Athena who is pouting at something else in her dad's arms.
Athena whines, reaching out to Sam.
"Sorry, baby. He can hold you in a bit. He's busy with his, uh... friend." Larissa says. Sam gives her an annoyed look and she presses her lips together to conceal her amused smile knowing he's hating this right now.
"Okay, what else can you tell me about the guy other than his outfit?" Dean asks. "What does he want with the cats?"
Athena whines, pushing her mom away, wanting her dad's attention.
"He'll hold you later, baby. I promise. It's okay." Larissa tries to comfort her.
"Annoying baby." Libby grumbles.
"You're just pouty because he doesn't hold you anymore." Ophelia whispers.
"Shut up." Libby glares and Ophelia snickers.
"Hey, hey, stop insulting the four month old baby." Dean tells the Yorkie.
"Wha-- jackass." Larissa glares at the dog.
"He's insulting my child?" Sam asks.
"Just keep rubbing." Dean mumbles. Sam sighs, but does so.
"What does he want with the cats?" Dean asks again. "Ew."
"What?" Sam asks.
"Apparently, our guy has a sweet tooth for kitty cats." Dean says.
"Ew." Larissa mumbles.
"Huh." Sam hums. He stops rubbing and shakes his hand out.
"Okay, what did it say?" Dean asks. "Hey, come on. We had a deal." He says. "Sam." Dean motions for him to continue.
"Hand cramps." Sam says.
"He's not talking." Dean says. Sam sighs, resuming the belly rub.
"Well, no wonder he smelled like hamburgers and dish soap. We got to go downtown. Apparently our guy works at a restaurant." Dean says. Sam puts the Yorkie in his kennel. "No, thanks. Uh, we'll pass." Dean shuts the door.
Athena whines, reaching for Sam, and he takes her, letting her cling to him. Sam scratches her back, continuing to rub his thumb over her back while she rests her head on his shoulder.
Libby rolls her eyes, starting to walk off, Ophelia following.
"All right." Dean grabs The Colonel's leash and they start to leave. "Hey, hold up."
"What's the matter?" Sam asks.
Dean gives The Colonel's leash to Larissa and he walks over to one of the kennels. He opens the door, the dog running out. Dean continues to open other kennels, more dogs running out.
+++
Sam is waiting outside the vegan bakery for Dean to come back out after dropping The Colonel off to Olivia and Dylan. It's nighttime and Larissa is in the backseat with Athena. Larissa is asleep, but Athena is still awake and playing with her fingers, sticking them in her mouth as she slowly falls asleep. Libby is in the front seat and asleep and Ophelia is in the backseat, watching a movie on her iPod.
"How did it go?" Sam asks as Dean gets out.
"Well, bad news is I'm gonna miss the flea bag. Good news is it looks like the spell is finally wearing off." Dean says. "You okay? The Stetson man got you pretty good."
"Yeah, I'm fine. I-I just, uh... I can't stop thinking about what he said." Sam says.
"Oh, come on, Sammy. Guy was out of his fucking gourd." Dean says.
"Yeah, but, I mean, why-- why would he ask that? Why-- why did he want to know what I was?" Sam asks.
"Who the hell knows? He was all jacked up on juice, you know? He was possessed by-- by something he couldn't control. It was... it was a-a matter of time before it completely took over. You can't reason with crazy, right?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I do. Trust me, Sam. You got nothing to worry about."