Author's Note:
Sorry I haven't updated in a while. This is just a warning to say that things are probably going off canon by a lot from this point on. I don't have the motivation or time to rewatch every episode of Naruto so what you get is what I remember :)
Recap:
Damn. Inner really doesn't have any chill. I lead the way to Ichiraku, excited to taste the famous ramen from the guy that knows and witnessed all.
Next up, the bell test.
Recap: End
The next morning, I stumble out of bed and put my hair up in a ponytail without brushing it out. It's 3 in the morning and I could not give a bigger shit.
I barely managed to get ready and stagger out of the house. Although I could have eaten and gone later, the bell test was the time team seven was actually a team, and I wanted to experience at least some part of it since I'm going to try and change a little.
"I resent the fact that I have to wake up when you do. I need my beauty sleep."
Ha suffer. Who are you gonna dress up for anyway?
"What if a hot Yamanaka enters our head? I can't be looking like some sort of grotesque creature" Inner sniffs.
I get the vague impression that she's flipping her hair at me as well.
When I finally reach the training grounds, I see Sasuke standing ramrod straight, as if some stick was inserted up his ass all the way to the top of his head. Despite the firepole up there, he was blinking rapidly and twitching, trying not to fall asleep. Naruto had no such allegations and was passed out, limbs sprawled everywhere.
"That can NOT be comfy. How the hell is spine bent like that?"
I winced. Inner wasn't wrong, Naruto seemed to be showing extreme flexibility that wasn't shown in the original show.
"Morning Sasuke." I grunted, still somewhat out of it and extremely grumpy.
Honestly the audacity that man has. Throughout the entire series he taught us patience more than anything else.
Sasuke just jerked a little and Hn-ed.
I automatically flopped down near Naruto, leaning back on the tree.
"I'm gonna sleep. Wake us up when Kakashi-sensei gets here. I know you ain't sleeping so might as well be useful." I tell Sasuke, wiggling around trying to get comfortable.
He didn't bother to acknowledge my wonderful self and continued to stare into the abyss.
"I often wonder what's going through his head when he starts doing that."
Stuff it Inner. I'm going to sleep now.
Time Skip
I wake up to a sharp kick to my side.
"Oof. What the fuck Sasuke? I know I said to wake me up but that was just cruel." I glare at the emo, his face looking annoyingly smug.
"Wake the dobe up. Hatake's walking towards us now." He crossed his arms and went back to laminating life as Kakashi's faint form grows larger in the distance.
"Naruto. Naruto. Wake the fuck up please. Kakashi-sensei's here." I poke his face repeatedly.
"Well, that didn't work. Try jumping on him. Like his kid did that one time."
I roll my eyes and elbow him the stomach, "Wake the FUCK up Naruto."
He jerks upward, coughing harshly.
"Sakura-chan why?" He looks at me, eyes watering.
I deadpan, "Kakashi-sensei's here."
He looks at Kakashi, who smiles at him, "Hi guys, good morning."
Naruto's face skews up, "YOU'RE LATE. IT'S BEEN LIKE 6 HOURS!"
"Maa. I walked passed a black cat on the way and had to take the long way around. And while doing that I almost walked underneath a ladder, so I had to take the longer way because of that. And you won't belie-" Kakashi starts, putting his hands in his pockets.
"LIAR!" Naruto shouts, lunging at him.
"Woah, calm down Naruto. Save it for later." I grab the back of his jacket, holding him back.
Honestly, his excuse for being late made me a lot madder than him actually being late. Like my dude, you could do so much better. So many missed opportunities there.
"You're not wrong. The number of things he could have said and the feelings he could have provoked in us" Inner sighs wistfully "We need to fuck with people like this but better one day."
We should.
He sets an alarm clock on a rock, "Right. It's set to 12."
I turn my attention back to Kakashi, who takes out two bells.
"Now. Your goal is to take these bells away from me by noon." He says holding the bells up.
"Why are there only two bells?" Naruto questions.
Kakashi sadistically smiles, "There are only two, so at least one of you will have to go to the logs, where I'll eat my lunch in front of you. The person who does fails is also sent back to the academy. Now, you won't be able to take these bells away from me without the intent to kill me, so be sure to use your weapons. We'll start when I say 'Begin.'"
Sasuke eyes Naruto and I warily while Naruto glares at Kakashi, his face red. He takes out a kunai and twirls it around, charging at Kakashi.
Kakashi quickly grabs Naruto's arm and spins him, pinning him to the ground.
"I didn't say start yet," He lets Naruto go, "Now, you may begin."
Sasuke and I quickly get out of there, being sure to hide behind some foliage.
I sincerely doubt that we've successfully hidden from him. I think I'm going to let Naruto and Sasuke try beating him first before telling them we should work together. I know their knuckleheaded prides wouldn't let them work with me until after a beatdown. Hopefully if I convince Naruto, we'll be able to get to Sasuke quicker and team up.
I watch as Naruto spams his clones, each lunging towards Kakashi who just read his book peacefully, still not giving a fuck.
And one...two...three there. Kakashi successfully fingers a minor.
As Naruto goes flying into the lake nearby, I wince.
"I know it's supposed to be funny and all, but if Kakashi tries to do that to us I won't hold back from fighting a bitch. And I'd win and his balls would go up every year on our Christmas tree."
Bitch please, as if I'd hold back.
While trying to bleach the image of Kakashi's fingers up Naruto's ass from my head, Naruto finally got caught upside down on the tree.
Kakashi disappears, likely trying to find Sasuke who disappeared after throwing shuriken at him.
I quickly get out of the bushes and run towards Naruto. I grab a kunai and cut him out. I also quickly dispel the second trap.
"Thanks Sakura-chan! Don't worry, I'll definitely get the bells so you and I could go together and that teme would be sent back!" Naruto says, brushing himself off.
"Naruto wait! We have to work together. There's no way we'll be able to beat Kakashi-sensei. He's a jonin and we're barely genin. The only way to stand a chance is for all of us to work together. We can worry about who's going to be sent back later." I grab his arm.
I'm pretty sure that Kakashi has a clone watching us, and teaming up may cause him to cool the theatrics later. I shudder. I'm so not ready for that genjutsu he's going to put me through.
Naruto frowns, "But Sakura-chan, I don't want to work with that teme. Don't worry, I'll be able to beat him in no time!" He runs off into the thick trees before I can stop him.
That idiot.
I try to follow him but loose him somewhere in the crowd of trees surrounding us. I stumble into a clearing.
Well shit, I'm about to get genjutsu-d.
"Well, hello there Sakura."
I quickly turn, brandishing my kunai out in front of me.
Kakashi is standing on a branch of a tree looking down at me.
"You know, you're the only one so far who's tried to work with someone else. Interesting." He says thoughtfully.
"Yeah well it's stupid to think that we have any chance at beating you alone. If we work together at least there's something." I snort, shifting my eyes around to see what I could do to escape before he traps me.
"Too bad Naruto didn't agree. It's time for another lesson, genjutsu," Kakashi fades away from view.
Fuck this is bad. I just do the ram symbol and say 'kai', right?
"Yup. I wonder what he's going to show us. If it's Sasuke dying, at least you won't faint like the original Sakura did."
I hear rustling and turn around. Sasuke's standing there, hand pressed to his side, the other reaching out towards me.
"Sakura," He rasps "I need help. Please."
He collapses on the floor in front me, blood and guts spilling out his side.
I tilt my head "Damn. Those are some mighty realistic organs. Wouldn't expect anything less from a trained assassin. Whatever. Kai."
I dispel the genjutsu and keep walking. I should be making it to Sasuke's head soon.
"Mhm." Sasuke clears his throat, looking up at me with wide eyes from body-less head.
"Oh wow. You really got yourself in a pickle didn't you Sasuke. How about this, I help you out, you help Naruto and I get the bells from Kakashi."
I neglect to mention that Naruto is probably tied up to a log right now and therefore won't be able to work with us until we free him.
"No." He continues to cosplay an earthworm, trying to make more room.
"I'm sorry, I don't think you're in any position to argue. I'll gladly turn your head into a soccer ball instead." I glare, advancing towards him with my leg in position for kicking.
My head is about a centimeter from his ear before he panics, "Wait! I'll work with you. Just get me out."
My foot passes his head completely, kicking the air besides his head.
"Wait, were you not about to kick me?" He asks incredulously.
"I used something called lying idiot. You should try it sometime." I take my kunai out and start to chip away at the earth, revealing more and more of Sasuke.
When he's able to get an arm out I sit back and watch him pull himself out.
"Where's Hatake?" Sasuke rotates his arms, stretching out.
"I dunno. He just put me in a genjutsu before hightailing it out of there right before I saw your head." I start to walk towards the main clearing, where Kakashi is likely waiting.
We have a couple of minutes remaining. I highly doubt we'll manage to do something in those few minutes before the end though.
"I need to do this by myself. I need to be stronger to defeat that man. I'm the only one who can kill him. And the only way to do that is to do this by myself." Sasuke, finally becoming the liar for once in his life, stalks away.
"You owe me. I got you out."
"Tch. I could have done that myself, and quicker." He says, staring down his nose at me.
The alarm rings, the sound sharp against the sound of the forest.
Sasuke stops and scowls heavily, walking back towards the clearing with me. His fist is clenched, and he looks about three seconds away from absolutely throwing a temper tantrum. Foot stomping and everything.
"I mean at least you showed Kakashi that you aren't some weak fangirl." Inner muses as we walk back.
I turn my head away from Sasuke and smirk. That's true.
As we walk back, we see Naruto tied up to the log, legs kicking out as he tries to escape.
Time Skip
"Well! There's no need for you guys to back to the Academy." Kakashi says as he stands in front of the three of us.
Naruto shouts happily, "So that means that all three of u-"
"Yes," Kakashi interrupts, "the three of you...will be dropped from the program completely!"
"Dropped from the program? What does that mean?" Naruto shouts.
"It's because you all don't have the qualifications of becoming ninja. Idiots." Kakashi announces.
Sasuke growls and rushes forward. Kakashi grabs him by the arm and pins him to the ground.
"Really? What did he even think would happen? That he'd just be able to beat up the guy that utterly trashed him not even ten minutes ago? The brain on this one, truly."
I know right? Mr. I'm-an-avenger really has to control his anger issues before anything else really.
"Why do you think you're doing this exercise in teams? The answer to passing or failing this test. The answer is...teamwork! Sakura. You were the only one who understood the purpose of this test. Yet you didn't try hard enough to reach out to the both of them. You gave up after a single try and didn't even try to defend yourself when you went against me. Naruto, you ran off on your own even after Sakura helped you down. And you Sasuke," He pushes Sasuke's head into the ground more firmly, "took Sakura's help then put your back to her as soon as you got out. It's no lie that ninjas need unsurpassed individual skills. But teamwork is considered more important than that."
Kakashi gets off Sasuke and walks towards the K.I.A stone.
"Every mission is a life risking assignment. Look at this stone. These are all the heroes in the village." He looks at the stone.
I know he's looking at the names of Obito Uchiha and Rin Nohara.
Naruto goes to speak up, but I grab his hand and shake my head at him. This was too much of a sensitive moment for Kakashi to be ruined right now.
"It's a memorial. Some of my dearest friends' names are on here." He looks back at us, "I'll give you one more change. These are your lunches. Naruto doesn't get any since he broke the rules. If I see you feeding him, you will automatically fail. Sakura, come with me."
I obediently get up and follow him into the forest.
"Did you need something sensei?" I question.
He shook his head, "You knew the point of the test already. I'm now testing Sasuke and Naruto."
He looks back at the two boys. Sasuke hesitantly starts to feed Naruto.
"Stay here." Kakashi orders before casting a minor genjutsu on the sky and appearing before them.
I sweatdrop.
I forgot how dramatic his ass is.
I can't hear them from back there but I'm sure they say their whole spiel on how teamwork rocks and whatnot.
Too bad Sasuke won't be able to retain any of that teamwork stuff a couple months from now.
Naruto cheers loudly when Kakashi passes them.
Great I'm gonna go eat now I didn't exactly grab my bento when coming here.
I turn and walk away, ignoring Naruto's cries to be untied.
Never let it be thought that I wasn't petty. The shithead didn't listen to me, I was allowed to leave him to the next person nice enough to untie him.
Now the dreaded D ranks. How I love the ninja life.
Authors Note:
Again, sorry about disappearing for a bit there. I've returned with some more. Also sorry about any grammar or plot holes or anything else I forgot to mention. It's like 2 AM right now, which is when I finally got the motivation to update. Pretty sure you can see my brain deteriorating the further you get. Anyway, I guess I'll see ya'll in another year?
Happy late 2023 :)