"Why do you have an extra toothbrush in your bathroom?"
It was at this exact moment that for the first time Lisa essentially felt her whole life flash before her eyes.
She looked up horrified, a split-second face change that would have slipped anyone before she shifted into nonchalance. Except Rosé was her best friend, and she's essentially trained in her art of bullshit.
"Wait—" Rosé nearly shouts from her bedroom door. "Wait. I asked you earlier if your mum was here. I know you don't have anyone else visiting lately—"
"Except me," Piped up Soo Young.
"—except Joy, and I know you never leave a toothbrush in any of Lisa's apartments—"
"Not that I don't have a good dental habit, mind you--"
"—so it can't possibly be anyone else I know—"
"I just didn't know you have extra shit here," Soo Young continued, further distracting the blonde from coming up with excuses. "I thought you honestly had all your stuff in a camping bag or something."
"Fuck off, woman," Lisa muttered. She can see Rosé pacing the carpet in her peripheral.
"Remember when you used to sleep in a sleeping bag in your other apartment because we ruined your bed by jumping on it drunk and your dad was so angry he refused to buy you a new one?" Soo Young cackled. "You were almost like, homeless couture."
Though throttling down her panic, Lisa couldn't help but chuckle with Soo Young. "Shhh."
"—so who have you been bringing home, bitch?" Rosé ended her narrative with a slam of her hand on the kitchen marble slab, demanding attention. "And not telling me?"
"Yeah, who have you been bringing home, bitch," Soo Young echoed, mimicking Rosé's fake outburst.
The two were in Lisa's space trying to get her to go out on a Saturday night. You have moped around too much this week, Rosé chastised, and then brought Soo Young with her knowing that the latter has the capacity to uproot Lisa from this funk. If not for the woman's capacity to deliver convincing reasons, but also because when she sets her mind into something, Soo Young's essentially like a dog with a bone.
Except she couldn't tell the girls that her funk has now shifted from feeling depressed about her parents to getting hung up on Jennie's thoughts.
Who am I.
Who the fuck am I.
Who the fuck am I without all these.
This was all her fault. Lisa had rules to begin with to stop herself from falling into a sticky pit of turmoil like this. This is what you get for hanging on to sentimental shit, Lisa scolded herself. Like a goddamn toothbrush. A toothbrush! Who hangs on to a used–
Rosé's foot tapping was becoming more and more aggressive by the minute.
Lisa wanted to scowl, to tell them off, and say they don't have any claim to what she wanted to keep private. She could feel her anxiety clawing at her neck like a madman.
"So??" Rosé prompted her for an answer.
Lisa whispered to herself, almost like a mantra: They mean well. They're not here to hurt you. You can calm down. She shook her leg nervously. Ditching her usual deadpans, Lisa finally decided to let them in a little bit. It shouldn't be that bad, right?
"...yes."
It was quite possibly the most meek-sounding response Lisa heard come out of her mouth. Rosé looked astonished, with Soo Young quietly mirroring her reaction.
" 'Yes' what? What do you mean by that?"
Lisa grimaced, wondering how to go about telling Rosé everything without telling her anything.
"Yes, I have had someone visiting me lately," Lisa approached tentatively.
"And?"
Lisa gauged her two friends who were waiting for her response impatiently. She knows they were excited: this was the first time she's seen someone constantly enough to bring home. But it was for the same exact reason that she couldn't get herself to talk, why she was just riddled with anxiety all over.
Because this WAS the first time Lisa's seen someone constantly enough to bring home. And she's never had the time to fully contemplate what that meant for her.
And in as much as she thinks it should be easy to admit these new developments to herself–like having a young school girl crush Rosé and Soo Young are currently making her out to be–she's scared that she doesn't know shit about where she's drowning.
I mean, it's not like she's in love, was she?
Her eyes widened, petrified at the possibility.
"Look, it's–I mean–the thing is–" Lisa hated her stutter. She took a deep breath and realigned.
"It's complicated. We're not really seeing each other. We're just..."
"Fuck buddies?" Supplied Soo Young.
"...you can call it that."
Rosé remains unconvinced. "What do YOU call it?"
Lisa shrugged. "...tentative?"
"Tentative," Rosé repeated dully. "What the fuck does that even mean."
"Look, I–" Lisa scrunched up her face in frustration. "I don't have anything to tell you yet, okay? I don't know what we have. It's very complicated at the moment. And we're not really dating, so.."
"But you have her toothbrush on the ready," Soo Young piped up. "Babe, that's kinda major."
This is what you get for hanging on to stupid sentimental shit, Lisa, this is ridiculous–
"Look, you know I don't do these things, right?" Lisa aimed the question more at Rosé as if pleading with her best friend to believe her. She was feeling both desperate and exasperated. "If it were something significant, you'd be the first to know. And honestly, I just forgot about that toothbrush. I meant to throw it out."
Except Lisa smiles at the idea that it's sitting on her hand basin beside her toothbrush every morning, but she would probably kill herself before saying that out loud.
"So, who is she?" Soo Young pressed. Rosé studied her cautiously.
"It's not someone you know," Lisa replied to Soo Young directly, avoiding Rosé's stare and crossing her fingers that her best friend wouldn't see through her lie.
"Oh? How did you meet her then?" The brunette had a genuine curiosity in her voice. "Because I probably know most of the women around the gay bars here."
"It's...complicated. Again, it's nothing serious." Lisa dismissed, hoping the girls would drop the subject.
"Was it the one you mentioned you were infatuated with?"
Lisa bit her lip nervously, forgetting she talked to Rosé about it before. She shrugged at the question, refusing to answer. "It's not gonna amount to anything anyway."
"Were you hoping it will?"
"No," Lisa anxiously responded to Rosé. Her mind was running out of excuses, and it kept pulling thoughts she nursed with anxiety. "You know I don't date. She was just a distraction."
"From?"
"From my plans ," Lisa looked at Rosé pointedly. She didn't want to drag her family issues into this, but she knew that this was the best way to distract Rosé from this topic – essentially her ace card. But the reality was that she was still in this personal pact she can't allow herself to get out of–and in as much as she's been brushing it off, she's snowballing faster and faster to a disaster.
Lisa's heart pinched at the thought of dealing with this truth later on. "I told you, I can't hurt anyone."
As expected, Rosé immediately softened, nodding thoughtfully. "You know you can talk to us–to me–whenever, right?"
"I know."
"You know I support you. I was just surprised that you were keeping things from me."
"A toothbrush is hardly keeping things, Rosé," Lisa countered tiredly.
"Well, that was anticlimactic," Soo Young dramatically huffed. She leaned towards Lisa with her eyebrows dancing. "You need more distraction tonight then, if you know what I mean."
"I really don't–"
"You need to have more distractions if you want to forget about this distraction, Lis."
"That sounds like a massive headache."
"Women are the cure to massive headaches, what do you mean?" Soo Young dismissed. "Come on. Bring masc Lisa to the club, and you'll forget about this in no time."
Lisa honestly didn't want to be anywhere else but in her bed. She just wanted peace, and she wanted to mull over things alone. Being in a club wasn't the answer she thought it would be.
But with Soo Young doubling down on her hard, and with Rosé seeming not fully convinced, Lisa knew she needed to put an act to persuade them. And maybe herself.
Lisa bit her lip contemplatively. She stared at her closet hard.
"Yeah, okay," She finally sighed. "Give me 20."
- -
For a bar she used to haunt constantly, Lisa couldn't figure out when it started looking out of place. It was as packed as expected on a Saturday night, most of the crowd being the same faces she's seen before.
She could feel the energy, the excitement vibrating out of their skins. The fresh scents. The smell of hard liquor being mixed on the bar. The pop of beer bottles. The loud chuckles riding through the noise of the electronic beats.
All of which sounded somewhat dull to Lisa while she took a sip from her whiskey as they stood at the end of the bar. They haven't been out here long yet she was already feeling disjointed, as if being there simply felt like an errand.
"Ooh, how about her?" Soo Young pointed to a woman Lisa didn't bother to even check. She sighed inwardly, already burdened by the idea of having to approach someone, anyone.
"Let's see," Lisa responded dismissively. "The night's too early."
"And yet half of the women here have already tried to catch your attention. This is disgusting, really," Soo Young sipped from her margarita. "I mean, I'm here ."
"They're femmes, Joy. They probably think you're competition."
"You say that, Rosé," Soo Young responded to the strawberry blonde. "But then they also end up tasting the competition and–oh fuck fuck fuck–"
Lisa and Rosé curiously watched Soo Young panic standing between them, nearly choking on her drink and aggressively whispering: "Psycho alert at 3 o'clock"
Rosé groaned and frowned aggressively at her phone; faking being busy as her eyes stealthily scoped out a group of women who were on their way to the bar. Soo Young stiffened on alert and pretended to study the dance floor.
Lisa sighed again and politely smiled when she heard her name. The brunette slowly faced them and visibly relaxed when she was approached by Mina and was enveloped in a friendly hug.
"She won't cause any trouble," Mina whispered knowingly.
Lisa nodded appreciatively and placed a quick kiss on Mina's cheek. "Good to see you. And, well, everyone, I guess."
'Everyone' was composed of some members of Mina's usual friend group: Yeri, Seulgi. They've seen each other around–Seulgi more so for Lisa, who seemed to be in the same competition pool as hers. It hasn't even been a second and she was already off to chase someone across the dance floor.
Yeri's more of a mystery as Soo Young swears nothing happened between them, but she's often slightly jittery around the younger girl. Lisa made a mental note to ask Soo Young about it again one of these days as she saw the latter make a barely discernible nod to Yeri.
And of course, standing at the far end, was the "psycho" as labelled by her friends: Nayeon.
"It's been a long time since we saw you around here," Mina's voice caught Lisa's attention.
Lisa swirled her whiskey. "Yeah, it's been rather...busy since we saw each other at the mixer."
"Lots of work?"
Lisa ran her tongue across the back of her teeth as she lied cheekily. "You can say that."
Mina replied with a playfully raised eyebrow but didn't ask. She's always been polite that way.
Lisa tipped her head at Mina's friends. "You girls are thin at the moment, eh?"
Mina glanced at her watch. "Some are about to arrive and we're still waiting for a few more who aren't usual here. We're probably gonna be about closer to 10 by the end of the night."
"Oh, big night?"
"Just finally got a few of them to unwind, is all," Mina caught the eye of an approaching Nayeon before lowering her voice. "She wants to say hi. She's much better now, I promise."
Lisa pressed her lips firmly and nodded. She isn't affected much anymore but her friends are equally protective, and Lisa has been a lot more careful as well. Drama's the last thing she wants right now, not with everything hanging over her head.
She met Nayeon midway to give a polite kiss on the cheek.
"You look good as usual," Nayeon's demeanor never quite changed. If anything, Lisa can give her that—the girl would never be anything other than what she is. If she wasn't such a pain to Lisa for some time, she would argue that it would have been an admirable trait, but–
"It's been a long time, Nayeon." Lisa felt Nayeon's arm wrap around her lightly.
"Loosen up," Nayeon playfully pressed on her waist. Lisa didn't allow herself to bring down her guard. "I promise I'm already over you. You don't have to bite my head off."
"You know I never wished you ill."
"Yeah, that's kind of the annoying part," Nayeon looked her up and down. "You think you're kinda hard to love, when in reality you're kinda hard to hate."
"You definitely made it easy to hate you, though." Soo Young interjected, unable to help herself. Lisa quietly reached for Soo Young's arm to calm her friend.
"Hey, at least I knew what I wanted and went after it," Nayeon's grin seemed playful but her voice dripped with acerbity. "You're still pretending to be asking Yeri to keep tabs on me just so you have a reason to keep talking to her. How's that working for you?"
Lisa's eyes immediately flicked towards Yeri who was thankfully out of earshot and speaking to another woman. Mina tried to steer her friend away.
"Nayeon, go find someone else to badger, yeah?" Rosé finally spoke. "We want to enjoy the night."
Nayeon looked like she was about to retort but dropped it. She glanced quickly at Lisa, and the latter returned with a polite goodbye nod. The girl was slightly defeated but didn't let that affect her stride as she walked away, followed by a somewhat apologetic Mina.
Lisa let out a deep breath she didn't realise she was holding. There's a headache that's already threatening to build.
"Well, that's not much of a commotion now, is it." Soo Young quipped as she turned to the bar. She called for the bartender's attention to order another margarita.
"Could have been worse," Rosé added as she sipped her cocktail.
Lisa nudged Soo Young. "What exactly is up between you and Yeri, anyway?"
"Nothing," Soo Young tapped on the bar impatiently. "I asked her to persuade Nayeon to stop stalking you."
"Not that bit," Lisa bent towards her friend's ear. "Are you in love with Yeri?"
"I thought you both are allergic to that word," Rosé snorted. Soo Young just pretended not to hear the two and accepted the margarita from the bar.
"Come on, we're your friends. You're gonna have to tell us at some point."
"There's nothing to tell, Lisa. We're friends. We've both agreed not to ruin that," Soo Young pointed at the bartender. "Do you want a refill of your whiskey?"
"I need to use the toilet," Lisa tossed back the remaining alcohol in her glass. "You both play nice till I'm back."
"We're always nice," Rosé called after Lisa's leaving silhouette. The girl held a thumbs up and walked away towards the comfort rooms.
"Speak for yourself," Soo Young sipped her new margarita. "I'm never nice."
"Is that why Yeri won't get on with you?"
"We're the same height, Park, I'm not scared of you. You WILL shut up."
"Oh, stop sulking, you big baby."
"Whatever. Anyway," Soo Young scanned the room. "Who you eyeing for tonight?"
"Oh, I don't–I mean, I'm meeting someone."
"Oh," Soo Young's eyebrows raised. "Park Rosé has a date?"
"I–well, it's not really–"
"Ah–oh–wha–" Soo Young mimicked Rosé's stuttering. "See, you're dysfunctional like the rest of us."
"Oh, fuck you."
"Oh, you won't," Soo Young chuckled and then pointed at someone who just arrived and was already sauntering towards the dance floor. "Oh, but maybe she will."
"Wait, who?"
"That cute short brunette over there."
Rosé followed Soo Young's gaze and nearly choked on her cocktail.
"Wait–no. No, oh, she's out of your league."
"What?"
"Wait, who is out of her league?"
The two girls' heads snapped towards a new voice to find Jisoo drinking from a beer bottle just beside Rosé. The strawberry blonde's face lit up visibly.
"You're here!" Rosé gave Jisoo a quick hug before she motioned to Soo Young. "This is Joy. Or Soo Young, whichever suits you. Joy, this is Jisoo, our client."
Jisoo loudly snorted. "Client, huh." She then visibly tucked from Rosé's elbow jab.
"Eww. Your kinks are showing." Soo Young grimaced. "Let's focus on me . And her . Why did you say she's out of my league?"
"Who are you pertaining to?" Jisoo asked.
"Her: small, brunette, hot, big-dick-energy, kinda." Soo Young tipped her head towards the middle. "I don't know. You see her?"
Jisoo's eyes squinted and then chuckled. "Yeah, no."
"What."
"No offense, Joy, you're pretty, but again, not your league." Rosé grinned as well.
"Okay, now you're just offensive . Why the hell not?"
"Well, for one," Rosé cockily ran her tongue on her cheek. "She's one of our high-end clients. So off limits."
Soo Young scowled. "How many lesbian clients do you work with exactly?"
"Well, that woman and I work together, so technically we're just one client," Jisoo pointed out.
"And what, I can't join this exclusive little gang bang you guys have going on?"
The two women laughed. Jisoo fondly looked at the woman who was now dancing on the dance floor. "Jennie isn't like that. She doesn't do one-night stands."
"Oh, now she has a name," Soo Young appraised her again. "She probably just hasn't met me, yet."
"I don't think she swings that way. She takes all of her relationships seriously." Jisoo added. "Unless you're ready to be in a relationship, I would suggest you steer clear."
"Seriously, Joy, lots of women out here," Rosé's tone turned firm. "Not my client, please. We can't fuck things up."
"Fine. Lots-of-women-out-here." Soo Young mimicked as she motioned to the crowd.
"Go for Yeri. She seems available."
"Oh, fuck you."
"Oh, you won't," Rosé smugly sipped her cocktail, to Soo Young's annoyance.
- -
This would be the part, ladies and gentlemen, where we sit back smugly and feel like we're essentially watching a car crash waiting to unfold. We've all had it: that one piece of information we're offered that we dangle over our protagonist's head like a death sentence.
Except Lisa wasn't just a protagonist, and thank god she's not one dimensional, because then we see her walking back slowly towards the bar, not yet knowing what's about to happen. We see her shaking her head, slightly scowling in disappointment.
It's been a long night, and she hasn't even been there for too long. It makes her feel a little estranged–this place used to be her comfort, her playground. Now it's full of scattered debris, like sorting out the pieces from a warzone.
And if there's anything Lisa's aware of, it's losing herself in the process that scared her. Now she tasted whiskey on her tongue but it, too, felt out of place, and she was surrounded by skin that she couldn't seem to bring herself to want.
This was bad. This was bad , bad.
She took one more glance at the place. Maybe one more round of drinks and then call it a night. She can still figure out this looming headache and maybe find a 24-hour kebab. That sounded better than anything.
She weaved through the other bodies. Some she recognised, some smiled her way. Lisa politely kept her eyes moving, not staying on anyone's radar, not indicating any flirting.
Her eyes land on her .
Lisa's mouth drops open, unsure of the emotions that start to swirl inside. Highlighted by a beam from the club lights, Jennie looks stunning in the soft glow that surrounds her. Her skin flushed from dancing, the Scarface leather jacket hanging low on her arms, exposing her shoulders. The thigh-high boots that barely meet her black strap dress.
Jennie was a goddess that visibly outshined all of them.
Wait.
Jennie's in this gay club right now? She goes here?
Alone?
All the intrusive thoughts that flooded hit her one by one:
Why was she not the one dancing with Jennie?
Her fingers lightly scratched her pants, her body's reaction to seeing her dance with others a little unsure. Her jaw stiffened from grinding the feelings of slight jealousy.
Why wasn't Jennie in her arms right now?
Lisa nearly choked on the dryness of her throat, realising she stopped breathing. With semi-steady steps, her feet made their way to the dance floor like having their own minds sliding one step at a time, like being pulled to a tether.
Like a moth called to a glowing flame.
Why was Jennie dolled up for anyone that wasn't her?
Lisa swallowed thickly, her eyes transfixed at the glitter on Jennie's sharp shoulders. A small burn ran through her tongue, craving, wanting to savour.
Her body felt completely enamoured and Lisa can't seem to stop herself. She slid close and caught Jennie's eye. There was a mild surprise for a second, but her eyes studied Lisa's masc outfit and they dilated as the woman moved away from the crowd around her and closer to Lisa's warmth, her back against Lisa's breath.
Lisa's body moves on its own, finding more space to fill. She doesn't fully touch Jennie but they shift in sync, coming closer and closer but teasing each other. Lisa loses herself more when Jennie turns her head and she comes closer to Lisa's face, using each other's heat as an anchor when Jennie closes her eyes and takes them to somewhere Lisa knows must have been the same memories she had–of them twisted in the sheets, of Jennie's body writhing in absolute pleasure against her skin, of the thrusts and the gasps that filled her head, ignited by simple synchronicity.
She's practically drunk off of Jennie and they've barely started. She wanted more, she needed more. Lisa played on instinct and she felt it, the drop of the beats coming to a crescendo. She wanted to make a statement.
Jennie's eyes open, hazily watching, observing. Her body still teases, never fully coming in contact. But she feels it, Lisa's arm wrapping closer towards her waist, leading her to the beats. And she feels it, the melting as the touch ignites her.
Lisa pulled Jennie closer, her hand pushing on her hips, and they grind to the music so obscenely intimately that Lisa felt Jennie's skin ignite. The ardor on her skin called for Lisa's lips, and she dipped, allowing the salt to finally lace her mouth like a drug she craved all night. Her hips grind further and she knew Jennie felt something hard inside her pants–knowingly, and she melted a little on Lisa's arms as the latter sucked on her shoulder. She knew, she knew and she's Lisa's for that moment, and she's Lisa's for the night, too, that's for sure, as Jennie pulled Lisa's waist to get her closer, deeper into her skin.
They remained in there a little longer than forever, oblivious to the world around them, until Lisa finally couldn't take it anymore that she pulled Jennie away quickly, towards the men's toilets that she was very sure to be mostly empty at the moment.
She had to have her. She had to have Jennie now .
- -
The nuance of losing your mind in a club is that you can't control who can see you. And Lisa knows that–don't shit where you eat after all.
Everything should be a calculated decision. Everything, a calculated approach.
She didn't calculate for losing her mind in the club tonight, where her best friend, her other client, her fuck buddy friend, and god knows who else in that club could see her fall deeper into a hole she might not be able to dig herself out of.
And just like a car crash waiting to unfold, we see Rosé, Jisoo and Soo Young astounded, mouths open and watching the two practically have sex in the middle of the dance floor.
"Wait–" Soo Young spits incredulously. "I thought you said she doesn't do one-night stands–"
"Oh, my god." Rosé gasps.
"--so why is she with Lisa then?"
"Oh, my god." Jisoo mirrors.
The three watch in shock as they see Lisa drag Jennie away from the dance floor towards the comfort rooms.
"Oh my fucking god," Rosé's mouth drops harder, and the three stand there as Rosé bursts out the thought that ran across their head.
"Lisa is fucking screwing our client!"
--
PS: That KTL grind was something
PPS: I will repeat: please be nicer to authors when asking for updates. 1) You don't know what they're going through. and 2) most fanfic writers are driven by passion and work free. Maybe check your entitlement.
PPPS: To those who decided to fuck around and invade my personal online spaces and thought it would be awesome to use my activities against me as to why I'm not updating, there's a a special place in hell for you.