Forgiveness
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Sofiya stared in silence as Sebastian finished his story.
She couldn't believe it. Even more so, she couldn't believe herself.
She was feeling many things in an instant, but the most overwhelming of them all was heartbreak. Her heart was breaking, shattering into a million pieces as she heard all the efforts made last year to help Anne were in vain. The antidotes Sebastian searched for, the ordeal in the catacomb, and Solomon Sallow's death. Although she didn't know Anne very well, Sofiya felt as if she had lost her family.
Not only that but Sofiya's behavior these past few months. All of a sudden it dawned upon her that she was being incredibly selfish and immature. She barely gave a moment to let Sebastian explain himself, and although he struggled, she didn't think for a second to let him take his time – especially if it was to speak of the death of his twin sister. She ignored him, was cold to him, and insulted him. She was cruel. She was ignorant.
She stared blankly at Sebastian, so overwhelmed with sadness that her mouth hung open uselessly as she searched for the right words to say. However, nothing she thought of seemed enough to suffice for the pain she had contributed to, if not caused.
"Sebastian, I..." She gasped, "I'm so, so sorry."
"It's alright, truly. I've had a lot of time to... Think." He simply nodded as a pained smile forced its way onto his features, "It was only fair for you to be upset when you didn't have the full picture. I was the one who never explained myself, after all."
"No, no-" Sofiya frantically shook her head, "I was the one who didn't listen. I was so stuck in my own mind that I didn't even think of a good reason for you not to respond. I was so afraid of getting hurt, I only hurt myself–"
"Sofiya."
Sebastian placed his freckled hands on Sofiya's shoulders, firmly but gently holding her frame.
"I forgave you long ago." He gave her another slight smile.
Sofiya fell into silence once more as her heart pounded and her hands shook. His hazel eyes stared deeply into hers, though it didn't soothe her. She was too overwhelmed with guilt and shame to feel any kind of tranquility right now.
"And Anne..." Sofiya felt her throat slowly close with every word, "Sebastian I'm so sorry."
"It's alright. I enjoyed every last moment I had with her." He said, his voice beginning to tremble and his eyes watering. Sofiya began to tear up just at the sight of him.
Before she could say another word, a choked sob came from Sofiya's throat. She immediately looked to the ground in an attempt to hide herself as the tears started falling. Everything came crashing down all at once and within seconds the pain she had been feeling since the year started surfaced in her ocean of tears.
And Sebastian immediately consoled her.
He pulled Sofiya into his chest as if it was instinct. In a moment, Sofiya felt the fabric over his chest press against her cheek and his firm arms wrapped around her back. She heard his quick heartbeat. His scent overwhelmed her — a hint of cologne, a smell of parchment, and sweat lingered on his body.
She didn't even know what to say, what to think. It was unfathomable to her that he was forgiving her so easily. Perhaps it was because she had just held a grudge against him over the smallest issue, yet after everything she had done to him, he was so willing to forgive. If she was in his position, she wouldn't know what to think.
She also didn't know how to react to them being so close. Sofiya and Sebastian never really touched each other, to put it simply. Though they had gotten very close last year, they never shared an embrace or cried to each other like this; the most they shared was a pat on the shoulder. However, Sofiya still felt... Safe.
As she sobbed shamelessly into his shoulder, Sofiya suddenly became aware of how tightly her arms had wrapped around him. How she clutched to the fabric of his Quidditch uniform, desperate for the comfort the boy provided. She became aware of Sebastian's tightening grip on her frame, and the small sniffing noises that came from behind her. He had begun to cry, too.
"I'm so sorry, Sebastian." Was all she could muster. However, through the sniffling and sobs that came from the two, Sofiya heard a soft chuckle come from behind her.
"If you are truly sorry, you could do something for me."
Sofiya didn't dare move, "Of course, anything."
"You become my friend again."
The girl felt her heart sink. The fact he had to say it, to ask that of her made her feel even worse. The tears that had only just started to dry up began to well up in her eyes again as she tightened her arms around his neck,
"Of course I will, Sebastian." She spoke through her tears, another familiar chuckle coming from the boy.
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Sofiya walked up the spiraling staircase toward the Ravenclaw tower, the taps of her shoes against the steps filling the cool nighttime silence.
She and Sebastian parted ways in Central Hall, spending just a few more minutes talking and catching up before they went their separate ways for the night. Though, there was probably far more to talk about — they haven't spoken for about 4 months, after all.
Above all else she was feeling though, Sofiya felt grateful. She felt relieved and happy that Sebastian had found it in himself to forgive her, even though she was convinced she didn't deserve it. In fact, Sofiya hadn't quite forgiven herself. She worries that she will never be able to make it up to herself, or Sebastian.
Sofiya approached the raven statue that was attached to the door, its wings tucked neatly over its body. She stopped before it, the small head looking up ever so slightly at Sofiya's arrival.
"If your uncle's sister isn't your aunt, then what relation is she to you?" The raven spoke.
"My mother." Sofiya reacted quickly, and the door promptly opened. She was convinced these riddles made her mind sharper this past year.
The girl walked through the frame, introduced with yet even more stairs. But as she started to ascend them, she heard chatter coming from the common room above. Plenty of voices that were occasionally interrupted by bursts of laughter. Sofiya became curious the further she climbed the stairs — the Ravenclaw common room was typically silent if not some quiet chatter.
As she reached the top, Sofiya was faced with the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team crowded around the room. Some sat on the royal blue carpet, and some on the velvety sofas. Some had shed their sweaty uniforms and put on some more comfortable clothing, while the others hadn't changed a bit.
When Sofiya took a few steps deeper into the room, the group suddenly turned all their heads toward her. Immediately their expressions lit up, cheers erupting from their already exhausted voices.
"Sofiya! Our champion!" One of the older boys yelled. Sofiya could only muster a small smile at their enthusiasm. Not only was she... Overwhelmed by what she had just experienced mere minutes ago, but she was also a bit tired of their energy. She didn't see what she had done as a huge deal — it happened all the time, did it not?
"Stay around for a while, will you?" Roman approached from the crowd, leaving the comfort of a cushioned seat, "We love to wind down together after a game as good as that."
Sofiya took a moment to glance around at everyone. Most of them were looking right at her, expectantly. It made her eyes tilt upward in nervousness, but after a couple of moments, she found her voice again.
"No, thank you, though!" She widened her smile at the captain, "I would love to, but I'm awfully exhausted – I must not be as used to this as all of you are."
The crowd groaned in disappointment, several voices begging or bribing her to stay. Her popularity stunned her.
"Alright... I understand!" Roman nodded to the girl. His expression was almost a hurt one, nearly coaxing Sofiya into changing her mind; however, she genuinely did not have the energy to talk to so many people tonight.
Sofiya simply nodded back and waved goodbye to the team, receiving energetic farewells in return.
She walked briskly to her dorm room as if she was trying to escape the Quidditch players. She must have been more unaware of her popularity than she thought – or was this something new? She had never experienced so much positive attention, let alone attention in general, at one time. It was a bit too much for right now.
The sight of her dorm door had never been such a relief to see, and the inside was even more beautiful than she remembered. A beautiful mess, that is.
Samantha was rummaging around the closet, tearing through her respective clothing and leaving the rest discarded on the ground below her. She didn't even notice Sofiya's entrance.
"What are you up to?" Sofiya asked, the other girl flinching in her place as her head shot in Sofiya's direction.
"Oh, Sofiya!" She chuckled nervously.
She peered at the surrounding mess, following Sofiya's eyes as she took in the havoc that wrecked the room. Was she searching for something?
"I'm sorry about all this, I simply can't seem to find this jumper I wanted to wear." She pouted, softly squeezing the long black skirt currently in her hands.
Sofiya chuckled in response, nodding and letting Samantha return to her digging — though this time, she was much more gentle. In the meantime, Sofiya began to remove her Quidditch uniform while she had the chance. Any longer in it and she was convinced she would suffocate.
"By the way, congratulations on your win! It was quite the game you all played." Samantha called over her shoulder, "You played amazingly in your first game! As well as Sebastian."
Sofiya bit the inside of her cheek as her movements seemed to slow, one of her arms gradually sliding into a sleeve. Sebastian...
Before when his name was said, it was like time would stop. All the negative lies Sofiya had come to believe about him would flood her mind, and her first thought would be to run. But now, time stopped for a different reason. Instead of insight into anger, it gave her insight into... Hope.
"Say... Speaking of Sebastian..." Samantha hesitated on her next words. As Sofiya slipped on her pale blue pajama pants, she glanced over at her fellow Ravenclaw. She was looking right back at her, thin black strands of hair falling over her dark eyes.
"You two still aren't speaking, are you?"
Sofiya couldn't hide her puzzled expression. It was a bit late to ask about that, was it not? Not only had Sofiya told Samantha herself that she and Sebastian weren't on speaking terms, but the word had traveled around the school days before. However, was Sofiya now supposed to respond 'yes' to the question? Had things already changed?
The brunette swallowed the small lump in her throat, averting her eyes every moment she got, "It's... Complicated."
Sofiya watched as Samantha's expectant expression faded into one of slight disappointment.
"I see..!" Was all she replied with before letting the room fall into a questionable silence.
But Sofiya shrugged it off, simply nodding to herself before walking toward her bed, sliding into the small frame. She tucked herself into the welcoming sheets, the sinking feeling of the mattress below her giving the exact kind of comfort she needed. She took one last glance at Samantha before turning on her side to face the wall.
"Goodnight Samantha."
A sigh. "Goodnight, Sofiya."