Two figures stood on the bridge as far apart as possible, turned away from one another, unable to digest the thick tension in the air.
They'd kept their distance at the restaurant, focusing their attentions on the others' conversations. Neither of them contributed a word, however; both were still lost in their own thoughts.
Appropriately, crew members were setting the stage for the breakup scene, the final piece of the video, marking the end of Madeline's acting – and writing – project.
It could not come soon enough. Madeline spent most of dinner berating herself for disobeying her own rules and letting him get to her. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. Her master plan – her simple plan – had buckled under a persistent word and a touch from him. That's all it took, she thought, shaking her head. She also couldn't believe she'd confessed feelings she could barely acknowledge to herself.
Something had happened between them. It was true. And now there was a mess.
Madeline wrapped her coat tighter around herself, wondering what Justin was doing ten feet away; if he was watching her or not. She resisted the urge to look.
A plan was taking shape in Madeline's mind. Its kernel had formed as she munched on French fries an hour ago.
Abandoning the assignment now wouldn't bring favor to Justin's eyes. It was too little, too late; she should have done the smart thing and pull out of the story as soon as they'd begun a friendship. But instead she'd held out and boxed herself into a corner. And the next few days had snowballed so quickly that she wasn't sure at what point she realized how strongly Justin was affecting her.
The story no longer posed an ulterior motive in Madeline's actions. But it would appear to be, no matter how well she explained it to him.
There was, however, one way to fulfill her responsibility and not betray the band – at least on paper – at the same time. Her mind began to churn.
Madeline rubbed her temples with her fingers and closed her eyes momentarily. The tender moment in the trailer came rushing back to her. Her lids flew open, trying to erase the image. I can't believe I let that happen.
And in the midst of flying sparks, she tried to tell Justin the truth. She still owed it to him. It's gone far enough, Madeline thought mournfully. At least it will end on an honest note.
He was never hers to begin with, and there was no longstanding friendship to shatter. If they simply parted ways and disappeared, she would have to accept that.
She would try to tell him again. Madeline sighed and began to walk toward Jeffrey's chair.
She was uncomfortable telling the truth. But she was more uncomfortable with the lie.
And most of all, she was uncomfortable with the chaos of feelings brewing inside her, fighting to break her surface.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A lot of good this did, Justin thought.
He had done whatever came naturally. Pushing the confrontation until she cracked. Reaching his hand to her. He'd worked too hard this week to see her get away with an easy explanation.
Well, I got my answer, he thought ruefully as he threw a stone into the icy water. And she's managed to push me away yet again.
He knew. He was almost positive before she admitted the mutual attraction, and absolutely certain when he saw her reaction to his touch. Justin's insights had been right.
But then she left. Did she mean it?
Justin flung another stone into the ice, almost angrily this time. From the moment Madeline entered the conference room exactly a week ago, she'd turned him upside-down. She infuriated him. She baffled him. She intrigued him.
And after all his efforts, even her own admission, she still wanted nothing more to do with him.
Watching her now as she paced about the bridge, looking anywhere but in his direction, Justin inhaled deeply, the mixture of icy air and dismay breathing into him. His hands were tied; she left him no choice but to walk away as well.
I can do that, he thought, letting a cloud of breath escape into the air and straightening up. She doesn't want this, fine. I tried and she won. I'm not gonna make myself into an even bigger fool by fighting it. Besides, there are plenty of fish in the ...
His shoulders sagged a little. If only he knew her thoughts. Whether she was thinking about him or how to make the quickest exit possible. If only he knew what she really wanted.
If only she knew how much he'd miss her.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Let's add a kiss," Jeffrey suggested.
"What?" Madeline said, turning white. "You never said anything about a kiss."
"Just a little peck on the cheek," he assured. "So you guys are talking. You leave him, giving him a little kiss before you leave. He's pained. He watches you walk away. In the sad ending, it stops right there. In the happy ending, he finds you and puts his arms around you. This is just one more tool to drive him crazy."
Now that the truth was surfacing, there would be no more innocent moments. Every gesture and touch suddenly carried weight. Acting would never be this hard.
The shot was set up on the bridge, and Justin and Madeline were positioned in front of the camera.
"All right," Jeffrey instructed. "Remember, Madeline, you don't want to lose him, but he's got to see what life is like without you, so you're giving him that chance. There's lots of deliberation and weight in this little kiss. It's supposed to torture him."
"OK, that's just a little too much pressure," she said nervously, not looking at a stone-faced Justin across from her.
"And Justin," the director said, looking at the young man. "Be tortured."
"Yes, sir," Justin said softly.
The music began to swell, and Madeline and Justin the Actors began engaging in rehearsed video-drama dialogue, words only they would hear.
"I'm sorry to do this to you, but you'll see I'm right when you meet someone else," Justin the Actor said to a sad-faced Madeline.
She shook her head. "Not likely," Madeline the Actor responded, then drew closer to him and placed both hands on his arms and lifted her face to him. "Take care of yourself." She stood on tiptoe and brushed his cheek with her lips.
It was a touch as soft as feathers, and as he inhaled her scent and the wintery cold mixed into her hair, Justin's eyes closed instinctively before he realized he was supposed to be behaving that way. Justin the Actor came back on the scene as he opened his eyes to watch her walk away. The camera focused mid-shot on him as he leaned against the rail, an expression of sadness crossing his face. Justin the Actor was depressed.
Justin himself was worse. All at once the blood rushed to his head, and a sharp pain invaded his chest. It was becoming all too real. She would walk away like this tomorrow, and he'd never see her again.
It's what she wanted. I can't argue with it.
Madeline would exit his life like her character, leaving him looking after her and harboring regrets about letting her go.
No, Justin thought suddenly. There can't be any regrets.
"Let's do that one more time; I think we pretty much have it. Before we lose the sun. Then we'll do the happy ending, and then, folks, it's been a pleasure knowing ya." Jeffrey clapped his hands and gestured to the sound man.
Justin clenched his teeth as the scene was set up to repeat. Madeline the Actor's face revealed nothing, but a closer look showed cracks starting to form at the corners of her smile. Just get through this before you fall apart, she told herself. We're at the finish line now.
"Action!" Jeffrey called.
"I'm sorry to do this to you, but you'll see I'm right when you ... meet someone else," Justin said softly, a hoarseness creeping into his voice.
Madeline shook her head. "Not likely," she said, just as softly. She hesitantly walked closer to him and set her jaw. "Take care of yourself," she said with a pause, and then climbed on tiptoe and brushed his cheek again with her lips.
Madeline the Actor missed him. Madeline herself began to miss him even more. She swallowed to ease the knot in her stomach. She knew if she stood next to him one more minute ...
Almost there. With great effort, she turned without looking at him and began to walk away.
And all at once, it happened. Justin stepped out of character.
He quickly grabbed her hand before she had a chance to move out of range, spun her around, pulled her limp body into his embrace and searched her eyes until he found what he was looking for.
Dew had entered Madeline's eyes, and the pained look she gave him told him he wasn't the only one out of character.
Instinctively, Justin bent his head and kissed her.
Madeline's shock quickly melted into response, as her gloved hands crept up his arms and the dizziness entered her head. She had never experienced such a sensation. Without realizing it, her hand reached the nape of his neck and she pulled him even closer as the kiss grew more urgent.
"Cut! Not in the script, but incredible!" Jeffrey exclaimed, clapping his hands and signaling for his clipboard.
At his words they broke apart immediately, almost repelled. Justin's eyes failed to focus, and when they did they saw her figure turn and flee without a word. He looked up to see Jeffrey hunched over his notes, and glanced numbly at his bandmates. He took two steps backward hesitantly, then turned and sprinted off the bridge in the same direction.
His friends were rooted where they stood off-camera.
"Okayyyy," J.C. said quietly. "Is it just me, or was that not the steamiest kiss I've ever seen?"
"I ... think so," Lance stuttered.
"I don't think we should use it," Chris said softly.
"I agree," Joey added. "Too ... personal."
J.C. looked at the others. "You think he went ..."
Three heads nodded. Slowly, a fourth.
"OK." Chris shuffled his feet, tearing his eyes off the spot where the pair had stood. "Let's go tell Jeffrey."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Why? She cried into the dark silently as she sprinted across the park. Why did he have to do it?
Kissing him at that moment felt like the most natural extension of her being, taking her to a felicity she'd never ventured into.
And with the director's "cut," reality had come crashing down around her. Emotions had won; her surface was broken.
At least it started off uncomplicated. She didn't fall for his charms. She hadn't fallen for his looks. She refused to fall for his voice.
She'd merely fallen for him.
So hard that she couldn't bear to look at his face when the kiss broke off, realizing that her cowardice would ruin the single most amazing ...
Madeline fought tears as she entered the sanctuary and warmth of the trailer, flinging off her coat and gloves and standing alone in the middle of the room. For once, she had no idea what to do next.
Think. Think of something before he shows up.
She paced the room. Her lips still tingled. She still felt his hands in her hair.
He will hate me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
He had stopped thinking long ago.
Justin strode purposefully down the rocky trail, oblivious to waves from crew members. He turned right, then left, then right again.
He didn't slow down.
His eyes were focused on the tiny trailer door ahead of him and the light from the window.
Without an iota of reason left in his skull, Justin beelined up two steps and turned the knob.
Her back was to the door. Her head was tipped down and to the side, staring out the window that was covered by a faded curtain. Her arms were crossed; head was resting on an open fist.
Her fingers were over her lips.
Eyes never leaving her, Justin shut the door behind him and turned the lock. At its snap, he saw her spine wilt. Warm air blasted out of the radiator suddenly, filling the room with sound and stuffy heat. Justin let his coat drop to the floor as he fixed his gaze on her.
Turn around, he pleaded silently.
She remained where she stood, fingers grazing her mouth. Her face was still hidden.
Turn around, his mind willed her.
After what seemed like an eternity, she turned her head, then her upper body, then finally her legs until she faced him. Her eyes she saved till last, and as heavy lids lifted to meet his, he could see she was on the brink of tears.
Their eyes met for five seconds – five seconds too long.
Her expression crumpled. She closed her eyes and began to cry, hands covering her face. It was unbearable. Why did he have to come? Why did he have to follow me?
Justin didn't know why she was crying. He didn't care. Heart pounding, he crossed the room in three giant steps and tugged her hands away from her face. Feverishly he ran a hand down the length of her cheek, sponging away her tears. He moved closer to her and hesitated.
Madeline wouldn't look at him. Her eyes squeezed shut at his touch on her face, his fingers clamped around her wrist, his breath on her cheek. She leaned a clenched fist on his chest as she struggled to maintain her stance. She commanded her heart to slow down. It didn't.
She felt her wrist being released, then felt his fingers brush her lips where her own had been. Now a new sensation was coursing through her as his calloused fingertips gently drew her lips apart. Her eyes fluttered open.
Don't. The word, so effective last time, now stalled at the tip of her tongue. She moved to shake her head. She tried to say it with her eyes.
She let out a soft cry instead when his mouth met hers, and the remaining tears gathered at her lashes squeezed their way down. Helplessly she embraced him and felt the muscles in his arms as he arched her back and encircled her waist. He kissed her passionately and in patterns, three short kisses followed by one longer one. Then again.
Madeline felt her resolve conveniently disappear when she needed it the most. She let the floodgates of her feelings release as she kissed him back, fingers disappearing into his curls, tilting his head down even more. Her heart hammered away.
There was no camera, Justin speculated as his lips remained on hers and his wobbly legs walked her backward to the futon. There were no spectators. There was no movie set, no direction, no cues.
There was no acting.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"You feel like going somewhere right now? Just the two of us?"
"Mmmm ... I'm sorry, what?"
"Earth to Emma," J.C. sighed as he sat on the futon, watching her pace around the guys' trailer. "We could go listen to some jazz or something."
"Sure, fine," Emma said absently.
Disappointed, he knew she wasn't hearing a word. She barely knew he was in the room.
"You've been pretty on edge lately," he said, concerned. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"How is Justin?" she asked absently.
"I think he's smitten," came the answer.
Emma nodded. "That's what I was afraid of."
J.C. sat up. "Why? I thought you and Madeline got along good."
"We did. I mean, we do," Emma said, wrinkling her mouth in thought. "It's just that something doesn't fit. Madeline's been pushing him away pretty hard, and she was trying to tell me something she thought would be hurtful. I'm trying to figure out if the two are connected."
"I don't think Madeline's pushing him away anymore," J.C. observed. "Did you see the kiss?"
Emma had seen it, standing a good distance away from the set. She knew it was unscripted, and could tell Justin had initiated it. Madeline's reaction, turning and fleeing when she clearly felt the same, nagged at her.
"I have no doubt they like each other a lot," J.C. said, leaning back into the futon frame. "Even though she tried to fight it. The question now is what they're gonna do about it."
"I don't think they've even thought that far, those kids," Emma said, shaking her head. "But something doesn't fit."
J.C. looked up at her worried face and took her hand, making her sit down. "You know, you're cute when you're playing Sherlock."
Emma smiled briefly at him. "She said I would understand, of all people," she continued.
J.C. examined the worry lines on his girlfriend's face. "Why would you understand the most? Because you're female?"
"No, because she said we're in the same fie..." Emma drifted off, gears turning in her mind. Her eyes slowly widened, and she looked toward the door.
"Oh my goodness," she said softly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Justin?"
His eyes met hers. She was biting the corner of her lower lip as she stared at him. Something about that little gesture seemed innocent and sensual at the same time. He couldn't explain it. He cocked his head sideways with a smile and looked at her.
"Yes, Madwoman?" he said, holding her hand against his face.
Sitting next to him, she traced his features slowly, making a memory of each part of him. She touched his eyebrows and his temples; his eyelids and cheekbones. Then his nose and jaw.
"Whatever happens, just know that this is real," she said quietly.
"I know."
"No, you don't," she said, eyes taking on a pained expression. "Hear me. Right here, right now, all this – is nothing false. No pretending. OK?"
He stared at her, trying to understand. His heart still beat frantically at her gaze. She opened her mouth to explain more.
In response, Justin covered her mouth with his again, and Madeline's next sentence was lost forever.
©1999 by Twinkiegurl