TW: Suicide. Please read with caution!
The rest of the weekend passed by quicker than I wanted it to. I mainly spent time with Noel and Sugar, taking turns having sleepovers at each other's houses. We ate, drank, and generally did nothing else. No one talked about or thought of work, and finally, we all got the vacation we deserved.
So when Sunday rolled around, and everyone took turns leaving, there was an air of annoyance and sadness in everyone's mood. Sugar was the first to leave at five in the morning—she had to open the bakery. She woke each of us and hugged us goodbye—adding a see you later for me. Noel left next, as Charlie had left with Alex on Thursday night to see his parents in Maryland for the rest of the weekend. Noel had to pick Charlie up before returning to South Jersey to their condo. I was, for the first time ever, free to stay longer.
Alex was answering sporadically when I texted him about his meeting with Shawn, mainly telling me not to worry. Then any time I texted a question that required a detailed answer about the matter, he would text some form of, "Go enjoy your time with the family! We'll talk in person later."
Finally, around three in the afternoon, my curiosity got the best of me. Plus, the house was empty now with Sugar and Noel gone and my parents busy preparing for their Mondays by going shopping for the week. So I packed up and headed to Alex's apartment.
****
There were several rings of the doorbell and three loud knocks to his apartment, and still no answer. Where was this man? Before getting here, I called several times as well. Starting to worry, I contemplated calling the building manager and asking him to unlock the door with a master key. Still, I tried ringing the doorbell again, adding an "Alex" with each button press.
Finally, the door swung open, and a half-naked Alex appeared before me. A towel clung onto his glistening torso, threatening to come loose at any given moment.
"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" He crooned. "Come in!"
He kissed me quickly and moved from the doorway to let me in. "Why are you just showering? It's almost 5!" I commented as I walked in and took my usual seat on the couch.
"I've been talking on and off to Shawn all weekend. So my days have been all over the place." He casually mentioned joining me on the couch, getting a bit of my shoulders wet as his bare chest touched them.
"And...?" I nervously asked.
"And nothing. I told you it was just a conversation. We just talked about my options." He said, not meeting my eyes.
"What are the options?" I questioned.
"How was your weekend?" He asked, smiling. When I stared at him, stone straight, he kissed my cheeks. Still, I did not give in. "Ugh, fine, my father wants to make an offer to buy LongD."
"YOUR SELLING TO YOUR FATHER?" I jumped up out of my seat screaming.
"Would you relax? No, I am not?" He calmly said. "At least I have not decided yet."
"Alex, I didn't bust my tail for eight years, listening to you go on and on about how LongD will get somewhere to have you sell to your daddy!"
"Why do you care? You are halfway out the door!" He retorted.
"Hey, I still want to ensure my work doesn't go under. You know, once you give up on LongD, your dad will just sell the company for its parts." I argued.
"Okay, come back, and I won't sell!" He widened his smile.
"Nope, still in my Quiet Quitting phase!" I said, tapping his bare chest a few times, but when I went to move my hand, he held them there in place. I tried snatching it out of his grip, but that only made him tighten it, wiggling his eyebrows. "Don't try to change the subject. Why are you trying to sell?"
"Because it's not fun without you anymore. It occurred to me that I don't like working there without you. So I will sell and work on something new, something I can enjoy without you." He moved my hand to his cheeks. "So yes, I might sell even though you busted your tail for me. I have no tail to watch now, so what's the point?" He went around my waist and tapped my bottom slightly.
"Fine, don't give me the real reason. When are you selling?"
"Not until next year, at least! So relax and worry about it then--when we are married and living together. How about we talk about that instead?"
"Nope, still trying to establish a career in about a month. When can I quit?" I said, getting out of his grip.
"Oh, speaking of which, Shawn mentioned you. Well, repeatedly asked about you more like it." Alex said with a twinge of annoyance.
"Me? Why?"
"At first, I thought it was because he was interested in you–but it turned out he wanted to offer you a job. He loved working with you at LongD–said you were the only competent worker here—kinda rude if you ask me. But if you're interested, he is working on a contract for a company my father is acquiring. The company created an app that pairs personal stylists with customers. So he thought you would be a good fit for it."
"Oh, so I'll be working for your father?" I asked. I was curious but also very cautious.
"Not really, probably whoever is in charge of the project. I can send you the details if you're interested."
"Sure, it can't hurt to take a look!" I nodded.
"Okay, I will. Just let me know if you're working too closely with Shawn. Don't trust that guy at all. No, not at all." He said as if he was a detective in an old movie.
"I thought you said he was a friend," I questioned.
"Oh, he is, but can't trust anyone when they are in love with a dame." He continued in the same voice.
"Did you drink before I got here or something? What's wrong with you?" I said, trying to stifle a laugh.
"No, I am just happy to see you!" He pecked my lips and smiled again.
"Something good happened, didn't it?"
"Yes, a few days ago!" He enthusiastically offered. "My girlfriend agreed to marry me!"
"I can't talk about this anymore!" I exclaimed.
"What? It was a good weekend. I got to meet your family. You and I figured a lot of things out. I figured a lot of things out. For the first time, I feel stress-free. So yeah, I am in a good mood!" He smiled, and it reached his glittering eyes like a child playing his favorite game.
"Yeah?" And I couldn't help but try to imitate him. His energy today was infectious, so I smiled back.
"You know what would make this weekend even better?" He unhooked the place where the two ends of the towel met around his torso. The childlike happiness was replaced by hunger and want in his eyes. It was dark but inviting. He wasn't fully naked yet. He was waiting for me to do that job. So I did. And we both intertwined, taking in each other's scent and taste as we crashed into each other, touching everything we could hold—could squeeze.
When we were both satisfied and tired, huffing and puffing on the couch, I contemplated telling him about Glenn, but the words kept getting stuck in my throat. Instead, the bigger truth slipped out. "I can't wait till Christmas!"
"Me either. But what rules say I have to?" He wrapped his hands around me a bit tighter.
"You're gonna wait, though, right? Till Christmas?" I nervously asked.
He laughed. "Yes, but only if you promise to spend every day till then with me!"
"Now that...I can do."
****
It happened quickly. Alex and I, as usual, had fallen asleep on the couch. His phone rang, but he ignored it a few times. I was in and out of sleep with each call. I remember moaning, "Alex, who keeps calling?" But I wasn't sure if Alex even answered me back. Then I went back into a sleepy trance straddling the world between reality and my crazy thoughts being formulated into indecipherable dreams.
The next time I woke up, it wasn't because of his phone. Instead, it was him, frantically packing in the middle of the dark night. Throwing anything he could find in his room caused his whole apartment to thunder. He seemed angry in his movement! I remember, still slightly in a trance, running into the room to see what was happening.
I stopped him in his tracks just as he was about to throw a pair of mismatched shoes into his bag.
"Alex!" I jolted him. He did not appreciate it and repaid me with a deathly glare. "What's going on?"
"The motherfucker is dead! Glenn is gone," He yelled, not in hurt but in anger. The kind of anger that makes a person's eyes turn into flames—flames that could burn him, burn me. Destroy us.
"What...how...I just talked to him. H...how is that possible? What happened?" I stuttered.
His glare switched. The heat from the frames was solely burning me now.
"You've been talking to him?" He slowly said, his lips barely parting, but his words were clear cut.
"He called during our Thanksgiving lunch. But you had such a bad night the night before that I didn't want to ruin your day. After that, you seemed different, like you were trying to escape it all." I said, trying not to break my voice. I had no right to cry. "I was going to tell you tomorrow when you had other things on your mind. Or maybe I was just scared that another mention of Glenn would throw you over the edge. I didn't know this was going to happen."
"What the fuck did he say?" His voice was curt and filled with poisonous anger now.
"He just wanted to talk to you. He didn't say why. I think he just felt bad about what happened." I quickly answered.
"Why did you decide all on your own what is right for me and what's not?" He softly said. "I don't need an emotional bodyguard."
"After everything the night before, I thought maybe you needed a break."
"Well, I got my break. Now I'll be paying the fucking price for it." He bitterly said, dropping his shoes into the bag. I tried approaching him, putting my hand into his, but he swatted them away. "You're the reason he is dead, Char. I could have saved him if I had gotten a chance to talk to him. I always did! But because of you, he couldn't talk to his brother, and he offed himself."
The words broke me before I fully heard them. I wanted to react. To defend me, but I had no energy. I had no argument to stand. For a split second, I even believed Alex. Maybe it was because I didn't let Glenn talk to Alex that he—but then I let the fog of guilt and confusion clear. I let logic do the work in the corners of my mind. Glenn was a depressed alcoholic who was destroying himself and everyone in his path. Alex has tried time and time again to help him. The most this phone call would have done is defer Glenn, or maybe not even that. We would never know. Plus, he didn't reach out to me first. He reached out to Alex—who did not want to talk to him. I stopped my train of thought because I understood who Alex was furious at, and at this time, it was easier to be mad at me than himself.
"Alex..." I slowly started. "I understand you are angry right now, but let me help. I'll get you packed up, look for a flight to Australia, and get you there."
I wanted to know what happened--how Glenn--but right now, I just wanted to help Alex, but my offer seemed to anger him further. I saw his eyes turn dark as he turned to face me fully for the first time since this conversation. The childlike twinkle I saw in his eyes yesterday afternoon was gone. It seemed to be eclipsed by this new darkness. "Don't fucking bother. How about I do you a favor? You are fired. Leave my apartment."