Sunday, May 8, 2022
"congrats"
You stirred around in bed, trying to hide from the Miami sunrise that was creeping through your hotel room curtains to no avail. You started to awake. As you lifted your head, it was throbbing, along with your eyes felt puffy.
When you finally gained the strength to lift your head and open your eyes, it reminded you of why you were feeling this way. On the desk in front of your bed sat your laptop, the screen still on. Your notebooks were slightly scattered around the desk and your backpack was wide open. It looked like the desk of a college student cramming for finals. It may have looked like a normal mess to most, but it wasn't like you. Last night left you drained and defeated.
It was nearing one in the morning, and you couldn't sleep after sending your response to Lewis, so you wrote. Your mind was racing with ideas and thoughts, but you could not type the words. Writing was your escape but, at that moment, it was your biggest obstacle. That frustration had built up inside and was like a dam ready to burst.
You wanted to go back to bed, but you forced yourself to get it. You walked over to the cluttered desk to try and clean things back up. A blank Word document with a blinking cursor stared back at you as you closed the screen. The remnants of anger and despair were clear, but you had no choice but to pull yourself together.
As you looked around your hotel room, your eyes noticed the small coffee maker. You walked over and looked at the limited choices of coffee pods.
Drinking coffee wasn't your thing, but you thought a simple change in your morning routine would help you move in the right direction. You chose a random pod and placed it into the machine before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
When you entered the bathroom and turned on the light, an unrecognizable face greeted you in the mirror. Your once radiant demeanor had vanished. Bloodshot red eyes with dark circles underneath, along with faint creases in your forehead to top it off. You hadn't realized how much weight you had been carrying until it was staring back at you. With a heavy head, you slowly walked to the shower, hoping the hot water would give you some energy.
As you applied your makeup and got dressed, you stared at the person in the mirror. You uttered words of affirmation to yourself, hoping they would boost your confidence, but the words felt empty and forced. You mumbled, "It is what it is," as you took one final look at your reflection in the mirror. You sighed and turned off the bathroom light, feeling disappointed in yourself for not being able to believe your own words.
You walked over to the cup of coffee you had brewed earlier. With one sip, the familiar bitterness reminded you that you still hated coffee. You wondered if it was because you forgot to add creamer or maybe because you had brushed your teeth. Regardless of the reasons, it only added to your growing frustration this morning. However, you kept drinking, as if trying to force yourself to like it, just like you were trying to force yourself to feel confident.
You moved around your hotel room with coffee in hand, gathering your essentials for the day. You triple-checked your bags, making sure you had everything you needed before leaving. As you grabbed the doorknob, you took a deep breath, realizing that just changing your routine wouldn't magically change your situation as you hoped. You couldn't change your circumstances overnight, but you also knew that you couldn't keep wallowing in self-pity. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but you had to be willing to take small steps toward your goals. It meant facing your own doubts and fears along the way, but you had to continue. It was up to you to make positive changes in your life, and that dwelling on negativity would only hold you back. You control your own destiny.
//
The morning of the Miami Grand Prix, you found yourself once again sitting alone at your table in the media center. You were typing away on the same Word document as last night. Your race analysis and recaps were past due in your mind, but you were still struggling to put your thoughts and ideas into coherent statements.
Your phone pinged with a text notification from an unknown number. Your initial instinct was to immediately delete the message without even opening it, knowing better than to click on links from unfamiliar numbers. However, something inside you told you to read it, and you hesitantly tapped on the message.
"Congrats," the text read, with a link to Twitter. Your curiosity got the best of you. You clicked on the link. As the Twitter app opened, your eyes widened in surprise. There was a photo of you, announcing you as a guest on "Any Driven Monday," for tomorrow evening. Your heart skipped a beat as you read the tweet over and over again, trying to process what was right in front of you.
Then you remembered you had completely forgotten about agreeing to be on the show just days ago on the Paddock. With so much happening during, the appearance had slipped your mind. However, a surge of excitement washed over you as the reality of the opportunity sank in.
As you looked up from your phone, you noticed the other reporters in the media room staring at you with narrowed eyes filled with envy. You could sense a mix of emotions in the air- jealousy, and curiosity. It made you frown, and a sense of unease rose in your chest, along with a side of satisfaction creeping in. You knew that the world of racing journalism could be competitive and cutthroat, and not everyone would be happy for your success.
You quote retweeted the tweet with, "So much has been going on, I forgot. It's been months in the making so I'm excited it's finally happening! Hope you can all tune in wherever you are in the world." As you hit the send button, a sense of anticipation and nervousness washed over you. You couldn't run away and play sick this time.
//
You looked up from your phone, feeling a sudden presence, and locked eyes with a woman standing in front of you. Her sly grin sent a shiver down your spine. You knew she was stirring up something.
"So, how'd you luck in this appearance on Any Driven Monday?" she asked, her tone dripping with jealousy and disdain for you. You knew she was trying to belittle you, and you were getting more annoyed every second she stood next to you.
Without even thinking, you blurted out, "Damn, you're not even going to congratulate me?" The words slipped out before you could even process them. You realized it was a bold move, but you couldn't back down now. You were now drawn into the game she started, and you were going to play along. Her grin slowly slipped into a frown because your response caught her off guard. She mumbled some words under her breath, and her annoyance became more clear. You stood your ground, feeling a surge of confidence developing.
You couldn't resist watching as she made her way back to a table filled with the others. It was obvious she was telling them about your interaction just seconds ago, and you were certain she was twisting the truth to be the victim. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the table as they all turned around in sync to look at you. Their facial expressions read a mix of surprise and curiosity.
Feeling a surge of satisfaction, you gave them a quick wave and let out a quiet laugh as you caught them turning red with embarrassment, realizing you caught them. It was a rare moment of carefreeness amid the constant tension, and you soaked in the joy it brought you.
As you went back to try and make sense of what was on your laptop screen, you felt a new sense of confidence. You were proud of yourself at that moment. You wouldn't know how long it would last, so you tried not to dwell on that. Your focus now was getting ready for the race and interviews that followed.
//
You walked out of the media center, and into the grandstand area, and you were feeling amazing.
The Miami Grand Prix was moments away from starting and you wanted to be outside to experience it. Watching this inaugural Grand Prix from a monitor felt wrong. You weren't sure if it was you being delusional, but part of you was slightly optimistic about Lewis' chances, even though he was starting from P6. You watched the cars line up on the grid and listened to the sounds of the crowd and engines being revved. Then it was time for lights out.
As the cars rounded Turn 1, your hopes quickly faded. "Same shit, different track," you muttered to yourself in frustration as a Red Bull easily took P2 from Carlos. By Lap 9, you had seen enough overtakes that it took nearly everything out of you not to walk back inside and start writing the same article from the previous week. You decided against it and found an area off to the side to continue watching this race for second and third place.
At Lap 41, a virtual safety car turned into a full Safety Car, making the race become interesting, but not how you'd hoped. You watched as Russell took advantage of the Safety Car, taking new tires, but Lewis stayed out as a sitting duck-in
P6. You weren't sure if it was the teams or Lewis call to not get new tires, but as an outsider, you hated it. In annoyance you sent out a tweet," need someone to explain what's going on at Mercedes, please. Not calling in both drivers is crazy to me. Then again, I'm not a strategist or World Champion. You were trying to make light of this questionable situation.
By Lap 49, what you didn't want to happen happened. The two Mercedes teammates dueled, and your heart sank as you watched, once again, new tires winning against Lewis. As they reached Turn 11, his teammate forced Lewis off the track, giving Lewis his spot back. You cringed on the inside, imagining how tense radio communication and commentary would make of that moment.
You knew it would be only a matter of time before another bad tire call would screw Lewis, and you didn't want to be around to witness any more of it. You took the time to cool off and head to the media center, trying your hardest to hide your disappointment. If it frustrated you from watching, there were no words you could think of to describe how Lewis was feeling. You knew that this was just the latest in a long line of bad tire calls that had cost Lewis valuable points. You took a deep breath and reminded yourself to stay calm and professional, knowing that there would be post-race pit interviews to conduct and articles for you to write.
But deep down, you couldn't shake your emotions. You knew Lewis was a talented driver, but it seemed like he was constantly being held back by poor strategy and bad luck. You couldn't wait to hear his thoughts on the race and see how he was coping with yet another setback.
//
You were back in the bustling media pits watching, and driver by driver went back. You didn't have questions for them because you were becoming familiar with how they would respond and it didn't seem worth it at that moment. That was until Lewis stopped at your section.
You listened as Lewis expertly answered the bait questions, hiding his annoyance. When the questions finally stopped, you took it as your time to ask yours. "First, hi Lewis, I hope you're well. I just have one question, if you don't mind?" Lewis nodded and answered,"Of course, I have time for your questions."
"Thanks. You've had a lot of success in your career, Lewis, and it's still early in the season, but how do you stay positive after not having won so far this season? Would you say so far, this car hasn't been successful?" you asked Lewis cautiously. You didn't know if that question would touch a nerve because it was looking as if Lewis was sacrificing his season for data. The situation annoyed you as an outsider looking in. If it were frustrating you, it probably would be tough for Lewis.
Lewis took a quick breath before answering, causing you to panic on the inside. "That's an interesting question. Many people believe that success is all about winning, but it's not. It's about how you bounce back from disappointment and handle adversity. At times, this car felt like a disappointment, but the team and I keep going race by race. I collect data and we as a team try to figure out what to fix so we can be back up front. Success is about how you keep pushing even when things aren't how you dreamed they would."
There was a moment of silence before Lewis finished speaking. The pause felt almost intentional. It was as if Lewis wanted you to take a second to process what he had just told you. "To be successful, you have to stay focused and positive, even when the odds are against you.
And that's what I try my hardest to do every day.
I can't let the lack of wins so far in the season keep me down. I can't let constant criticism get in my head. I keep pushing, keep working, and keep believing in myself. I'm sure you understand what I mean."
"Yeah, I totally understand what you mean." another reporter who must have been listening blurted out. "Good for you," Lewis responded, without breaking eye contact with you.
You had interviewed Lewis a couple of times in your short period here, but this interview felt different. You weren't sure if Lewis was asking you a question or finishing his statement. It brought you back to reality when you heard Lewis say your name in a calm voice. "You understand what I'm getting at, right?" You looked at Lewis to see his head slightly tilted as if he was trying to read your body language because you hadn't responded yet. You were the reporter, not the athlete, so you weren't used to being asked questions. That moment causes you to become flustered and struggle to find your words again.
"Thank you, Lewis," was all you could mutter out.
Though it wasn't a direct yes, your tone of voice let Lewis know you understood what he was getting at. You watched as he let out a sigh of relief. You knew he was trying to give you subtle advice in a way that the other reporters that stood around watching wouldn't catch. To them, it was a simple "Lewis Hamilton answer", but to you, it was a heart-to-heart. You were both experiencing the same struggles just at different extremes.
A Mercedes PR member, loudly asked, "Any more questions?" effectively signaling the end of the media session for everyone. Ending the moment with Lewis, you didn't know if it would happen again. As it became clear that no one had any further questions, the media members started making their way back toward the media center.
Just as you were about to leave, you locked eyes with Lewis. He uttered the word "Congrats," accompanied by a swift wink, before walking towards the team's garage. Everything happened so suddenly that you barely had time to realize what had just happened or respond before Lewis disappeared from your sight.
As you stood alone in the media pit, you were still trying to process the whirlwind of events that had just unfolded. Your mind was drawn back to the text from the unknown number hours ago.
"Congrats," it had read. Earlier you had brushed it off as a wrong number or spam and hadn't bothered to reply. But now, the sender of the message could be more important than you thought.
You quickly gathered your belongings and headed back to the media center to play FBI detective.
The short walk back to your seat felt like an eternity as your mind raced with various scenarios. Could it be Lewis? But how could he have gotten my number? Did I leave my number on my business accounts? Or was it a prank?
As you got back into your seat, you stared at your phone screen. The coincidence was too strange to ignore, even though it was highly unlikely. You were running on a little sleep, and the lack of clarity only added to your sense of delusion. You debated on calling the number or just ignoring it again. But you settled on texting the unknown number back.
You typed a quick reply: "Thank you." But as soon as you hit the arrow button, the once blue iMessage bubbles turned green, which usually indicated that you had been blocked. Confusion washed over you as you stared at your phone, trying to make sense of it all. It was going to be a long night.
//
When you walked into your hotel room, you headed straight for the shower to end your night.
Instead of heading straight to bed as you first started to, you grabbed your laptop from your bag and sat at the desk in your room. The only light came from your laptop screen and the half-crescent moon peeking through the curtains. You found yourself writing, unlike last night. You were writing an article that differed from your usual race recaps and analysis. A topic that was often avoided in mainstream motorsports, including yourself. You couldn't shake your encounter from earlier and felt writing about it would help.
As you wrote, the words flowed more easily than they had the previous night. You were back to being able to write your thoughts and emotions into sentences. That urge and passion that was dimming was reigniting. It was taking you longer to come up with a title than to write the article because you wanted to capture the message without giving everything away. You read over it one last time and whatever the first title came to mind, you'd stick with it.
//
It's nearing 2 in the morning as I write this and outside my hotel window dimly shines the moon. It's in the "half-crescent" phase. Gazing at it told me two things. First, it's time for me to sleep and second, well, you can read on for that answer:
Lewis Hamilton is no stranger to success. With 103 wins and 7 championships, he is considered the "Greatest of All Time," whether or not people want to give him his flowers.
However, the 2022 season hasn't been kind to him. Five races into the season, and only a single podium at Bahrain, it could feel to some like the pressure is mounting.
Lewis has made it known he's testing different setups for Mercedes. With so much success had to come sacrifice, right? To some, he is sacrificing his season for data, and to others who waited for this moment, he is "washed." No matter how people viewed Lewis Hamilton, it feels odd seeing him up front.
I asked about Lewis' lack of success so far in the season and his answer shocked me. There was no anger or resentment, but it was an answer of resilience. Lewis spoke about how success was not just about winning, but about how one bounced back from disappointment and handled adversity.
Success isn't just about winning to Lewis, but about how one bounced back from disappointment and handled adversity. Yes, he acknowledged the car had been a disappointment at times, but he and the team were pushing forward. He emphasized that success was about how one keeps pushing even when things don't go as planned, and how one stayed focused and positive despite the odds.
Lewis exemplified resilience and mental toughness at that moment. He keeps pushing forward, despite setbacks and criticism. No one can say positively that's how it always is for Lewis; he's made us aware of that in an Instagram story. "I have struggled mentally and emotionally for a long time. To keep going is a constant effort, but we have to keep fighting. We have so much to do and achieve."
You could ask "What else is there for Lewis Hamilton to achieve?" but the sky is truly the limit for him. Lewis Hamilton is a reminder of how success is not always measured by wins and accomplishments in life, but by how one handles setbacks and keeps pushing forward -even when the odds are against you. You may be the only one in your field, and feel you don't belong, but you must remember you got there because of your hard work. There's no need to explain yourself.
The half-crescent shape is less than half illuminated, a visible portion of the moon. It's said to represent the passage of time, the concept of change and transformation. To me, it's a reminder that even in darkness there's always a glimmer of light - a glimmer of hope.
//
You felt a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction after reading your work. You didn't know you were capable of writing a piece that carried a message. Resilience and Mental Toughness popped into your mind, and sticking to your word, you decided on that title. It was a testament to the inner strength is required in work and in life, something that resonated with you deeply. You took a deep breath, feeling a sense of fulfillment as you hit the Publish button on your website, knowing that you had shared something important.
Somewhere in the world people were awake, so you sent out a tweet linking to the article, "This is a little different from normal race recaps and analysis. They'll be back soon." You closed your laptop immediately after sending the tweet, knowing you needed sleep. But your mind kept going back to that text from the unknown number. You grabbed your phone and started scrolling through the people you followed online, thinking it could be someone you knew personally who got a new number. But no one was sticking out or seemed familiar.
Time slipped by quickly as you scrolled through Instagram, and before you knew it, the app forced closed and you saw it was already half past 3 in the morning. You sighed and decided to call it quits for the night, preparing to plug in your phone when you noticed a Twitter notification - a direct message from Lewis. Suddenly, you were wide awake.
"From the title alone, I'm intrigued. I normally don't read things like this, but I may take a peek. Also, I hope you understood when I was getting at earlier today"
You read the message over and over, trying to grasp what was happening. Would he actually read something I wrote? You wrote so many responses. You debated on bringing up the race, telling him he gave it all he could and you're sorry it didn't go how he'd hoped. You decided against it because you wanted to talk to Lewis, the individual, not the driver you saw less than 10 hours ago. So you kept the reply simple,
"It means a lot, thank you. Please let me know if I should edit anything or if you feel should be added in. It's not my normal way of doing things, but this is a first."
You didn't expect Lewis to respond until the morning, but to your surprise, he was typing. "I'll see. Have a nice night ... well, morning. Also, don't you have a show to prepare for in the evening?"
His message brought a smile to your face. He was using your own words from the previous night against you. You couldn't think of a witty reply, so all you could type was, "Those words sound familiar. For once in my life, I'll take someone else's advice. Have a nice night as well." You were in bed smiling like an idiot over a direct message.
You quickly put your phone on the charger face down to avoid seeing any more notifications. You couldn't believe what your life was like right now, nor did you have anyone to tell.
//
author's notes: this is a little different. i took some of what i wrote from a personal article i wrote an incorporated it in part ix. this is the "something different" i tried.
i know it's been a minute, and i hope this isn't underwhelming. life, i've been busy. this isn't proofread, so forgive me. i'll edit it tomorrow.
ps: i'm going to start writing one shots. my tumblr is: www.writinginfinite.tumblr.com to send your request.
feedback will also be great