~•~•~•~
𝐂𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥.
~•~•~•~
I go back to Haymitch and Effie and they reassure me that everything went better than they expected it to. I'm still shaking with excitement, but not as much as before. I can't wait for Peeta to finish his interview because I really want to get this makeup off my face.
"Welcome, Peeta! How are you finding the Capitol? Don't say with a map." Ceaser jokes again.
"It's um... different. It's very different than home."
Peeta seems to have no problem standing in front of so many people, unlike me. The audience likes him a lot, but it's clear why. The boy is not so bad in appearance, and he is even a very good person, at least from what I have seen so far.
"Different in what way? Give us an example."
"Uh, okay. The showers here are weird." Everyone starts laughing and I can see what he's trying to do. His strategy is to entertain the audience.
"The showers, we have different showers."
"I have a question for you, Ceaser. Do I smell like roses to you?" I bet they must have rehearsed that with Haymitch.
People can't stop laughing and Caesar is having fun too. He sniffs Peeta's neck to see if he really smells like roses. I'm surprised how the boy plays his role with ease as if he's been doing it all his life. I admit Peeta is one hundred percent better than me in that.
"Do I smell like-?" Ceaser asks and Peeta sniffs him in the same way.
"You definitely smell better than I do."
"Well, I have lived here longer." Again, only laughter can be heard from the audience. "You're funny. So Peeta tell me, is there any special girl back home?" I roll my eyes when I hear the same question again.
"No, not really."
"I don't believe it for a second. Look at that face, handsome man like you! Peeta, tell me!" I'm interested to know what he's going to say. I've never wondered if Peeta likes anyone, but now I'm intrigued to find out.
"Well, there is-um... there is this one girl that I have a crush on, like forever. But I don't think she actually recognizes me until the Reaping." I'm starting to think that what he's saying isn't true. I don't think there's a girl in twelve who hasn't noticed Peeta, I mean a guy who looks like him is a rarity in our district. There's no way the girls weren't paying attention to him.
"I'll tell you what Peeta. You go out there and you win this thing, and when you get home, she has to go out with you. Right folks?"
"Thanks, but I don't think winning is gonna help me." What is he talking about?
"And why not?" We are all glued to the TV to find out the answer. This got very interesting.
"Because um... because she came here with me." For a moment I stand still not realizing what he said, but after a few seconds, I understand what he means. He's talking about me! Oh, shit.
"Well, that's bad luck," Ceaser tells him.
Bad luck? No, it's not bad luck, it's Peeta's dumb strategy. Who gave him the right to use me to win sponsors? I'm angry that he didn't tell me, I'm angry that he ignored me all day and now he says he has a crush on me. What the hell?
"Well, I don't think any of us can blame you. It would be hard not to fall for this young lady." Peeta just nods in answer. "Well, I wish you the best of luck, Peeta Mellark, and I think I speak for all of Panem when I say our hearts go out to you." They send Peeta away and the show ends.
He comes back to us and everyone congratulates him on the interview, but I don't say anything. I wait until we get out of the room where everyone else is, so I don't make unnecessary scenes. Before we leave I catch the eye of Cato who looks like he's ready to kill someone. I try not to hold his gaze too much because I don't I want to think about him.
Once when we're in the elevator with Peeta and Haymitch, I stop pretending nothing happened.
"Why did you do that? You had no right to say that about me!" I directly ask, without caring if I shout.
"Hey, hey! Calm down!" Haymitch tells me.
"That was your idea, wasn't it? Make a fool of me in front of the whole country?" That's what they did all day, thinking about how to screw me up.
"The idea was mine. Haymitch just helped me."
"Melanie, stop acting like that! He didn't harm you in any way, he even helped you."
"How? By making me look weak?" I ask.
"No! He made you look desirable! Now everyone wants you. They only talk about you!" The elevator opens and we enter the apartment where Effie, Cinna, and Portia are.
"But I don't want them to think we're in love!"
"What happens?" Effie asks worried, but everyone ignores her.
"Who cares? It's all one big performance. It's just about how he perceives you. The most I could say about you after your interview was that you seemed pretty nice and now everyone thinks boys adore you." I never wanted my fame to be with that. I want to be known for myself and not because someone is in love with me.
"He is right, Mel" Cinna tells me. The nickname Mel brings me back to Layla. She used to call me that. That calms me down and Cinna hugs me. I don't know what to think anymore.
"Are you calm now?" Haymitch asks me.
"Yes."
"Good. Now go and get ready for dinner. I can't look at you like this anymore." He's angry about my reaction, but he can't blame me. If they had told me, this wouldn't have happened.
"I don't know if I'll have dinner with you. I want to be alone for a while." I need to go to the rooftop, but this time alone. This can only happen if I miss dinner.
"Do whatever you want. Just get out of my sight."
~•~
I needed those twenty minutes all along. Tomorrow the real Games start and I have no idea if I'll survive the first day. I am scared. In what horrible way will I be killed? I hope it's quick, I don't want Layla and her family to watch me being tortured. If I had no chance of winning, I would kill myself, but knowing that everyone tried so hard to help me, I can't end it like that. I have to try to win.
Looking down at the Capitol I realize these people can't wait to watch us kill each other. Freaks. It should be illegal to have that mindset. If they let them into the arena, they won't have much fun.
The familiar chime of the elevator interrupts my thoughts.
Someone is here and I can bet who that someone is.
I turn to see Cato, who still seems angry. This reminds me that he did the same thing as Peeta, except unlike him, he didn't mention who it was. And better because then it would be the real problem.
"What happened? Is that your strategy?" Cato asks me.
"Wow, wow. Strategy? What are you talking about?" Out of the two of us, I'm not the one with the strategy. What is he trying to say with that?
"Don't pretend you don't understand. You know very well what I'm talking about."
"No, actually I don't," I say confused.
"So you're going to pretend there's nothing between you and that baker boy? I know what you're doing, you want to make all the boys-"
"Wait, what? Is that your problem? Peeta said he likes me, is that why you're mad?" I'm finally starting to get it. I didn't think Cato cared that Peeta said he was in love with me. He's pretending too though, I thought it would be clear to him that Peeta wasn't telling the truth.
"Yeah, that boy is my problem. Is all this true?"
"Which one? That he likes me? I don't know if it's true, but-"
"No, not that. That there's something between you two. Everyone says you're in love." He interrupts me. What? I had no idea that even the other tributes believed Peeta's story. I thought everyone knew it was an act.
"No-I um... I don't feel that way about him, at least under these conditions I can't feel that way."
"So if you could, you would be in a relationship with him?" What does Cato want from me so much? I'm not used to being asked about boys, and it doesn't even matter now. I don't understand why he's questioning me about that since we're going to the arena tomorrow.
"I didn't say that. I-Cato... Why are you even mad about this?" He just stands and looks me in the eyes like he wants to tell me something but he can't. I can't understand what he is trying to explain to me. "So are you going to tell me or-"
And this is the thing I least expected to happen to me. One moment we're yelling at each other and the next: I'm kissing Cato Hadley's lips. My feelings are so confused right now, even I can't understand what's going on. On the one hand, I hate him as a person, I hate him so much I can't even describe it, but on the other hand, I don't want my lips to ever leave his. I feel like my body is on fire and every second it gets better and better. I really am the girl on fire.
It's quiet, but I can hear my heartbeat. Our lips don't let go of each other for about twenty seconds. I put my hands on his cheeks and he lowers his down my waist. I feel all of him, his perfume, his closeness to me, and I feel as safe as I have ever felt in my entire life. I know it's wrong, but I don't care.
Then his lips leave mine and Cato brushes his forehead against mine. I expect him to kiss me one more time, but instead, he just looks into my eyes.
"I wanted to do it at least once... in case I don't get a chance to talk to you anymore." That's all he says before he lets me go and walks away. I watch his every step to the elevator and when he gets in it, we don't stop looking at each other until the last second, before the doors close.
For the first time, he is the one who leaves. He left me on the rooftop alone and confused. Now I'm sure I won't be able to sleep.
xoxo.