February 6th 2023
Dallas, Texas
4:25 am
The moonlight hit Amina's body at a perfect angle, giving Rashad a perfect view of her in the dark room. Her mouth fell slightly ajar, allowing a snore to fall from between her lips. Sleeping Amina could closely be compared to an Angel. Most men would say they liked when their girl was sleep, because she was quiet, but Rashad didn't agree with that. He loved hearing Amina's voice, regardless of what she was talking about. So, when she was asleep, he found himself longing to hear her voice again.
Without warning, his phone began to ring. Rashad quickly reached over to retrieve the ringing phone from the nightstand. Seeing Lozada's contact name sent a sense of urgency through his body. He slid the bar to the right to answer the call before pushing the phone up to his ear, "What's the word?" He answered the phone.
"Rico Williams—you know him?" Lozada questioned, Rashad furrowed his eyebrows together, remembering that he was on his personal phone and not his burner. "What about him?" Rashad questioned back.
"There's a large amount of narcotics that was found that's for sure linked to him, right now they're only speculating that you're tied to it." Lozada explained, Rashad licked his plump lips as he sighed. "Well tell them niggas they got the wrong idea." Rashad replied.
"I'm already two steps ahead of you—it's handled, just do me one favor." Lo spoke, Rashad nodded his head as if Lo could see him. The feeling of Amina lightly tossing and turning made Rashad glance over at her. Out of respect, he carefully removed himself from the bed and walked out of the bedroom and into his upstairs home office. "What's that?" Rashad questioned as he sat in the office chair.
"Stop letting idiots work for you." Lo spoke, Rashad sighed as he shook his head. He hated that Rico made such of a rookie mistake, a big one at that. "Kid better be glad your his boss, or his ass woulda been dead meat." Lo added. Little did he know, Rico was dead meat regardless. He still had an outstanding balance with Rashad, and although Rashad wasn't going to kill him, as promised to Amina. He was still gonna get the rest of his money.
"And what about the niggas that was following me?" Rashad questioned. "I put them on paid leave and updated them on the protocol." Lozada spoke.
"I'm tellin you Lo—I'll wipe them niggas out and sit them in your office with a cup of coffee in their hands" Rashad spoke through his teeth with his accent on full blast. The sound of footsteps caused him to look up. In the door frame stood Amina, her arms were folded across her chest as her right eyebrow was slightly up in the air.
"I'll hit you later." Rashad quickly spoke before ending the call. "Why you up mama?" He questioned as he got up and inched closer to Amina.
"Who was that?" She questioned, completely disregarding his question. "It's nothing you gotta lose sleep over." Rashad answered as he kissed Amina's neck. Amina slightly pushed him back and looked up at him without saying a word.
"Yes?" Rashad questioned, "Why you on that phone talking like you lost your damn mind?" Amina questioned back. Although the situation wasn't funny, Rashad let out a small chuckle as he eyed her. It was crazy that nobody else had the audacity to talk to him how Amina did and nobody would get away with it how Amina did.
"Can we go lay back down mama? It's mad early." Rashad spoke, as a few more laughs escaped from his mouth. "I want a snack now." Amina spoke. She grabbed his hand and led him down the spiral staircase and into the kitchen. Rashad sat at the island and watched as Amina cut the light on and began to rummage through the kitchen. A few moments later she sat a oatmeal cream pie and a bottle of water on the island before sitting in the barstool next to Rashad.
"You not hungry?" Amina questioned. Rashad shook his head no, he'd never been one to night snack. If he woke up hungry, he'd fuck around and make a whole meal. Rashad watched as Amina opened the small snack and removed the cream pie from the plastic packaging. "You ever ate something and it taste like a certain time period of your life?" Amina queried as she took a bite.
"Yeah—that chopped cheese we had in New York reminded me of when I was in high school. Swear I was eating at least two of the bitches a day." Rashad replied. A faint smile painted his face as he recollected the memory. "Oatmeal cream pies taste like 5th grade for me. I barely had them though, cause my mama never bought them." Amina spoke, causing Rashad to chuckle.
"Moms had beef with the cream pies?" He questioned as he reached over and tore a small piece of the treat. "Shit, probably. She had the biggest sweet tooth, but she didn't like those kinds of sweets. She loved bakeries." Amina spoke as she finished off the oatmeal cream pie and reached for her water.
"You sleepy as hell." Rashad voiced as he watched Amina let out a yawn. He used his thumb to gently wipe her face free of any crumbs. He grabbed the plastic wrapper and threw it into the trash on behalf of Amina. She took one last swig from the water bottle before sticking it in the fridge and walking over to Rashad, the duo then traveled up the stairs and back into the bedroom. They climbed into the bed and Amina assumed her position, laying on Rashad's chest. The room was tranquil, with nothing to be heard besides the running AC.
"Mi." Rashad called out as he slightly shook Amina's arm. "Hm?" Amina hummed, making Rashad feel bad since it was evident that she was on her way back to sleep.
"Miss Holly been coming to get her hair done lately?" He randomly questioned as the older lady popped up in his brain. Oddly, he thought about her and the conversation that they had a lot. "No." Amina answered before sniffling. "She hasn't had an appointment since that one day matter of fact." She added.
Rashad furrowed his eyebrows together, "What the hell—call her Bae." He instructed. Knowing she was older, Rashad wanted to make sure she was good. "Mhm." Amina hummed just before her light snores began to fill the room.
February 6th 2023
Dallas, Texas
3:18 pm
Amina sat her hand on her hip as she looked around her upstairs living room. Since she never really came upstairs, everything looked the same. She used the large living room space as storage, everything was neatly stored away and could be easily accessed if she needed it.
Amina bit down on her lip and scrunched her eyes, as she attempted to remember what she came all the way up here for. A couple seconds later, it finally came to her. After random thought, Amina decided to set aside some time to find her old Von Dutch t shirt. Sure that she could still fit it, even though it was from middle school. Amina remembered begging her mother for an article of clothing when the brand became the latest craze. She begged so much for about a month straight, which was part of the reason she couldn't bring herself to give it up. The other part was her sense of style, she felt like it was timeless. A lot of her old clothes were still in rotation, she thanked God that she didn't have an "Ugly dressing phase."
Amina grabbed the large clear container full of everything that she brought to her dad's house, when she left her mother's house. She removed the lid and stood on her knees as she rummaged through the box. While in search of the top, a black journal caught her attention. Amina knit her eyebrows together in confusion as she got off her knees and sat on her butt, she flipped to the first page and her heart sunk.
Adaya Rose
6/20/06
Today was one of the tough ones. Picking up my prescription always puts me in a...mood. The 5 stages of grief hit me every time. I can't believe I got myself in this predicament. Sometimes, it seems as if suicide is my only way out. No pain..just peace. I quickly snap into reality at the sight of my baby. Amina Sade.
I pray I get to see all that life has to offer for my baby girl, I pray that love and life treats her much kinder than it's treated me. If I'm paying the price to make sure that life is good to my baby—than so be it. I'll live all of my bad days over and over just for her to see the sunshine.
I never knew my best friend could be a 10 year old, but I love it. This makes me wonder why my mama always stressed the fact that she wasn't my friend. Having a friend in her woulda kept me outta so much shit. I looked for love and friendship in all of the wrong places.
The old company I kept is still acting funny with me. Them hoes sucked and fucked half of Dallas but still clean as a whistle...I don't get it, And I'm starting to realize it's not for me to get. Life just ain't fair that's just that.
Pain is only temporary..today is today and tomorrow will be tomorrow.
Xo, A. Monet
Amina slowly closed the journal, confident in her choice of not wanting to see the next page. Amina tried her best to block out the memories of her mother from when she was sick, knowing that her mother was hurting physically and emotionally, but constantly putting on a smile in the name of Amina. It didn't dawn on Amina that that was taking place until she was about 15 years old and she no longer had her mother.
The more Amina eyed the journal, the more inflicted she became. She didn't realize she was crying until a tears rolled from eyes, to her lap. Oddly, seeing that one tear made her cry even harder. Leaving every thing where it was, Amina got up from the floor and quickly traveled down the stairs. She approached the couch and grabbed her phone. With her few taps she was in her call log, she didn't have to scroll too far or at all for that matter since Rashad was the first one on the list.
Amina's tears continued to fall as she listened to the callback sound, "Wassup mama." Rashad voice greeted once the call connected. "Hi...where are you?" Amina questioned before sniffling.
"I just left the—you crying Mi?" Rashad replied, cutting himself off. Something about Rashad asking if she was crying, made her cry even harder. "What's wrong—talk to me." He added. As bad as Amina wanted to reply, she couldn't. At this point, she was bawling out.
"Cmon mama, you gotta talk to me so I can know what to do." Rashad spoke, Amina could hear the defeat in his voice, the same defeat that she felt as she continued to cry. As a world wind of emotions came over her, she couldn't bring herself to explain. Rashad continued to question her, concern and confusion could be heard in his tone. "I just found my mama's journal—I miss her so much." Amina wailed out again.
Rashad sighed, "Where you at, I'm boutta come get you." He voiced. Amina used the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe her eyes. "I'm at home." She sniffled as she laid back, now feeling weak from all the crying she did.
"Can you stay on the phone until you come?" Amina questioned. In that moment in dawned on her how vulnerable Rashad had her, she knew this was because of how secure he made her feel. Vulnerability no longer had a negative connotation to Amina, in a sense, she felt like it was playing a major role in her dynamic with Rashad. "I wasn't planning on hanging up." He assured.
February 6th 2023
Dallas, Texas
4:51 pm
Rashad sat the plastic convenient store bag on Amina's lap before reaching for his seatbelt and fastening it. Amina looked up from her phone and began to rummage through the bag. Rashad reached over and reached into the bag, shortly he pulled a red a white swisher package and sat it in the cup holder. Amina knew Rashad smoked, he just never did it around her. Occasionally, he'd smell like weed, but it was never overpowering. "You bout to smoke?" Amina questioned as she looked over at him. She had to admit the blonde tips were doing him Justice, adding to his glory.
"Yeah...probably later." Rashad replied, he swiftly looked to the left and the right before pulling out of the parking. "Nigga in there talking bout he needa see my ID." Rashad announced as he shook his head in annoyance, causing Amina to lightly chuckle.
"Did you show it to him?" Amina questioned. Rashad looked over at Amina with his face made up, "Hell no, don't nothing about me scream no young nigga. I jumped off the porch before that nigga was even thought of. " He replied, making Amina continue her chuckle. She grabbed the pack of swishers and eyed one side before flipping it over.
"I wanna smoke with you—You think if I get high enough I'll see my mama?" Amina voiced. When she finally looked up, Rashad was grilling her with his face made up. He grabbed the swishers from her hand and pushed them into the pocket of his hoodie. "Yo, stop talking like that, that ain't even you." Rashad replied. She figured his response had something to do with her telling him how much her mom smoked when she got depressed, and how this made Amina feel.
Once they stopped at the light, Rashad used his pointer finger to turn Amina's head toward him. "I don't want you to think I'm being rough with you or mean Mi—I just don't want you crashing out, and I'm sure your moms don't either." He lectured, the car fell silent just until the light turned green.
"Look Mi, I don't know what mommy said in the journal—but look at it like this, it's almost like she sent you a letter today, you know? You can read a page every time you missing her a lil extra." Rashad spoke, Amina looked over at him and weakly smiled. "It's hard though...knowing what she was going through." Amina replied.
"I get it. Problems don't stop though, if she was still here today y'all would probably have down conversations every now again too—but think about all the good that might be in there too." Rashad spoke. He was making a lot of sense, especially encouraging Amina to look at her mother's journal entries as letters. "I love how you think...everything's always half full instead of half empty with you." Amina voiced as she reached over and held Rashad'a forearm.
Rashad sighed before lightly chuckling, "Got to...highlighting the bad in shit only gon' make you miserable, miserable make you ugly—and I ain't trynna be no ugly nigga." He spoke, causing Amina to laugh.
"You good mama?" He questioned as he leaned in to place a kiss on her lips, Amina nodded her head yes. "Where you trynna go?" Rashad asked.
Amina shrugged her shoulders, "It don't really matter." She answered as she grabbed her phone, she quickly replied to Ro's message before sitting her back back on her lap. "I got class in a lil bit...we probably gon' have to stop at my shit for a second." Rashad announced, causing Amina to furrow her eyebrows together.
"Class?" She questioned, Rashad nodded his head yes. "Yeah, I thought I told you I was picking up Chinese and I got a tutor." He spoke. Amina instinctively began to chuckle, Rashad taking on Chinese was so random, she was slightly taken aback.
"Why?" Amina wondered. She looked over at him and licked her lips, the very sight of this man gave her a "heartbeat."
"Cause—it's just better and resourceful to know more than one language." Rashad explained, "You just wanna moan in my ear in every language." Amina joked, making them both laugh.
"Oh, and I talked to Ms. Holly." Amina announced, Rashad looked at her with his eyebrows raised, showing full interest. "Foreal? What she say?" He questioned.
"She said the drive is a bit too far for her now and she doesn't have anybody to bring her to her appointments." Amina elucidated. "Damn...where the stay?" Rashad asked.
"I think in Lancaster." Amina answered, Rashad furrowed his eyebrows together. "It's kinda by where I grew up." Amina clarified.
"Damn, that is far as fuck." Rashad spoke, "Yeah. I was gonna send her an Uber but she was very adamant about not getting in the car with somebody she doesn't know." Amina voiced, Rashad lightly chuckled. Soon, they arrived at Rashad's studio apartment. They traveled through the parking garage and the lobby before making it to his door.
"After my class imma take you to dinner, Aight?" Rashad voiced as he stepped out of his shoes. Just before Amina could reply, he pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her body. He removed his head from the crook of her neck so he could place his lips on hers. "What I get if I do good in school today?" He questioned with a slight chuckle, resulting in Amina doing the same. She stroked his goatee as she looked at him in reverence. She didn't give a damn how Rashad did during his Chinese lesson—he was getting some coochie regardless.
While Rashad set up for his lesson, Amina made herself comfortable in his bedroom. She started a FaceTime call with Chalyn to kill time.
February 9th 2023
Dallas, Texas
1:37 pm
Amina sat her Louis Vuitton Neverfull on her shoulder, before turning around to close the door to her aunt's vehicle. She began to quickly regret using a purse that sat on her shoulder while wearing her coat. She was sure that while in the mall, she would continuously have to adjust the straps, so it would fall.
"Wait MiMi!" Michelle exclaimed as she pulled Amina back by her coat. Once Amina looked up, she noticed a car speeding off. "She almost fuckin hit you—I woulda pulled her out that damn car and whooped her ass." Michelle added, causing Amina to chuckle. It was always a shocker to hear Michelle cuss, mainly because she was one of those people that believed you could still get your point across without cursing. Michelle knew every vocabulary word in the book and could call you something you wouldn't recognize as an insult.
"Thank God for your mommy senses, cause I definitely wasn't looking." Amina spoke. The event that happened reminded her a lot of when your mom would smash her breaks and extend her arm across your body, as if her arm was more effective than the seatbelt. "With a kid like Mav—I gotta keep my mommy senses on." Michelle briefly chuckled as she opened the door, allowing her niece to go in first.
Tomorrow was Rashad's birthday, and although she already had his gifts, she figured it wouldn't hurt to do a little extra looking while accompanying Michelle to the mall. "What did you get Travis for his birthday when y'all first met?" Amina questioned.
"Nothing—Thank God my birthday was before his." Michelle answered, Amina laughed. "Well, when it finally got to that point." She explained.
A smile covered Michelle's face as she thought about it, these days, Amina was experiencing that same smile. "Oh...still nothing. We got into it so bad a few days before his birthday." Michelle answered, Amina furrowed her eyebrows together before laughing. They took a straight shot through Dillard's and up the escalator before making it to the main mall.
"Have you been busy with work or is this this mystery man keeping you away from us?" Michelle questioned, causing Amina to smile at the thought of Rashad. "It's work." She assured.
"I see your books filled up 30 minutes after you opened them, Michelle proudly spoke. "Yeah. It's real hectic with Valentine's Day approaching." Amina replied. She extended her books for extra people to grab appointments up until Valentine's Day, she wasn't sure if Rashad had something planned and didn't want to be stuck at work if he did.
"So, I have something I wanna tell you—and you're the first person I'm telling this to." Michelle spoke as a sly smirk covered her mouth, Amina nodded her head, eager to know what was causing her aunt's smirk. "My cycle is late." She announced, instantly making Amina's eyes widen.
"Have you taken a test yet?" Amina questioned, Michelle shook her head no. "I'm just so nervous, you know how hard it was for me to get Mav." Michelle spoke. She had pcos, a disease that affected her reproductive system and hormones. Amina remembered her aunt and uncle starting the IVF route, but ending up naturally conceiving Maverick in the process.
"Let's go get one." Amina suggested, she stopped in her tracks and turned to Michelle. "At the mall?" Michelle questioned.
Amina chuckled, "No, it's a Walgreens not too far from here—come on." She spoke as she grabbed her aunts hand, rushing down the opposite side of the route that they just took.