{there is a ton of fluff near the end-ish. i feel like this chapter is sorta boring near the start, but its a good length and im sorta satisfied with it}
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The ride was bumpy, which made it even worse for me, who was sitting on the lap of Serj.
I tried to restrict any movement, so it was comfortable for him. I also felt as though I shouldn't put all my weight on him, so I tried to slightly shift my weight to one side.
"You're so timid, girlie," he chuckled, his warm breath hitting my neck. He brought his hand up to lightly squeeze my shoulder, gently resting it on my thigh once more. My hand fell upon his. His hand was much larger than mine, as well as rough against my own soft skin.
Why did he call me girlie? Couldn't tell you. He was just weird like that sometimes.
"Probably because I'm sitting on your lap, douchey," I sarcastically told him. "Why, did you want me to help you with that stiffy?" I jokingly added in, moving my hips back and forth slightly just to tease him. He didn't have a hard on, of course, but I wanted to tease him a little just to make the situation less awkward.
He let out a sharp breath and ignored my comment.
The van was almost silent aside from the faint sound of whatever song was playing on the radio. Daron was smoking a blunt and fanning it out the window, while Andy just stared straight ahead, eyes on the road, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.
The vibe was tense. The nerves of the entire band was something I sensed, and it was understandable. This was their first "big" show. Their first show in front of (assumably) over 150 people.
That was scary.
Performing, in my eyes, seemed like their favorite part of being in a band, but this was different. It was exciting and new, but also vomit inducing. I don't know if I could've done it.
We parked at the back door. I couldn't tell you how quickly I jumped out the door, out of fear that I had somehow annoyed Serj.
We were lucky to find that there were two guys inside who were willing to help set up, making the work go by fast. Daron had an instant bond with whoever the hell it was who helped us, so him and Andy went with them, assumingely to explore the building.
Shavo, Serj, and I, sat in the very small area backstage, contemplating what we were going to do for the next couple of hours. We were surrounded by equipment, some of it dusty and unused. There was a small table in the corner, but no chairs. I leaned against the table, while Shavo sat criss-crossed atop it, and Serj sat on the floor.
"I have edibles." Shavo started digging in the pocket of his cargo shorts.
"Save 'em for before the show." Serj said.
"Yeah, that would make more sense."
Typical of Shavo to always have something on him. Not that I was complaining, though. It was actually quite convenient.
The room was hot, and it smelt as if it'd been hotboxed millions of times before. That, and filled with sweaty men. I could smell it in the air, and I knew that it probably hadn't been cleaned much either.
Eventually, Daron and Andy were back, along with a few other guys who's names I didn't care to remember.
"Least I'm not datin' a crack whore." A man with pale blue eyes and ratty blond hair chortled, elbowing the man next to him. I had dazed out, so I didn't know how the topic came to this.
"Don't diss on my chick just cause you ain't have one! You're fuckin' trailer trash, don't even start this." He looked genuinely pissed. He stormed off without saying another word.
The ratty-haired one's eyes skimmed the room, and something must've clicked in his head, because he turned around and frantically followed his buddy.
"Jesus christ Daron, what kinda people are you bringing back here?" Serj asked, his face reading half concerned, half amused.
☆
We had about a half hour until the band was on.
I'd eaten two of Shavo's gummies, and I was just waiting for them to come into affect.
I didn't know why I was nervous, but I was.
Me and Serj stood outside, smoking and talking about anything and everything. The nice thing about Serj was that together, we could joke around, but we could also talk serious.
The sun hitting my skin was nice. I didn't know how much I missed nice weather until it came. I hoped that maybe the absurd paleness of my skin would go away if I spent more time outside.
We turned around the corner of the building, where no one could see us, but we had a small view of the front. There was a line of people, mostly aged 15-25, pooling inside.
I could see the excitement in Serj's eyes, just seeing how many people wanted to come see them.
I dropped my half-smoked cigarette and we rushed inside to talk to then others.
"Dude, you should fucking see how many people there are out there!" Serj almost squealed, like some crazed school girl.
Shavo grinned. "This is dope, man. I'm kinda scared, though."
"You and me both. We'll do good, though."
Before we knew it, the four of them were being instructed by a few people who ran the place, and they were getting ready to go on.
They were led to the side of the stage, just out of view of the crowd. I trailed behind them, hoping to maybe feel important. I didn't want to be left behind and not know where to go.
Serj slipped his tee shirt over his head and threw it off to the side to reveal the wife beater beneath, the fabric slightly riding up his waste, showing his hip dips and stomach. He pulled it down with his index finger and paid no mind.
I tried not to stare, not knowing what excuse I'd have if I were to be caught, but I couldn't help it and found myself unable to pull my eyes away. Serj never seemed to notice the way I looked at him, never noticed how my eyes flickered across his body, my gaze on his dark hair and solemn face. It was better that he didn't.
The cheers of the crowd grew louder as the minutes passed, small chants starting. The smell of sweat was almost unbearable, but I tolerated it, because what else was I supposed to expect at a show such as this?
Serj moved to my side, leaning his head onto mine and then pulling me into a tight embrace. He met out a small sigh and let go, giving me a weak smile.
I wished he would've held me forever.
Soon, the group was on stage, and I was lucky to find that I was allowed to watch them from the side of the stage.
Serj's body twisted in ways I never thought it could as he let out a low, growly, "Sugar..." An small introduction to the catchy, yet oddly unsettling song.
His lips almost engulfed the microphone as he sang, screaming occasionally deep from his throat. The audience ate it up, and although there was no way they could've known the lyrics, they caught on and screamed in any way they could.
Daron cussed up a storm after the song was over. That was how he always was. It was childish, really, but he enjoyed it.
I found myself slightly moving to the music, something I didn't often do.
I caught glances from Serj, as he'd occasionally shoot a little grin my way, or a quick wink of the eye.
A feeling of pride bubbled up through me. The four never stopped smiling throughout the whole show, never lost momentum. Especially Serj. It was like he was meant for this.
The show ended with the song P.L.U.C.K., which was a song that'd always given me chills. The lyrics were much more literal compared to their other songs. All politically driven, but this one... this one was different.
A whole race, genocide
Taken away all of our pride
A whole race, genocide
Taken away-
Watch them all fall down!
The riff was comical, almost. The lyrics strongly contrasted it.
I could tell I wasn't the only one shocked by the change from playful songs to this. Nonetheless, the crowd stayed energetic.
The show ended with a screech from Daron, along with some slurred speech in which I did not understand. He ran off stage, followed by Serj. But, before he forgot, he picked up the microphone and said "Thank you, you guys are fucking awesome!" followed by the loudest cheers I'd heard that night.
He rushed to me, his body coated in sweat. He hesitated to touch me, realizing that his sweat would rub off on me, but I didn't care. I simply hugged him.
He only pulled away to say, "I'm way too hot to hug you, the body heat is too much." He panted.
I giggled. "That's alright."
A stage tech threw him a towel, which he used to sop up the liquid pouring down his body. "Let's go outside, to cool off." He said, taking my hand and tossing the rag off to the side.
We sat in silence for a moment, neither of us having a clue what to say.
"You did great. There had to have been over 200 people show up, dude." I broke the silence to congratulate him.
"Thank you." He breathed out, giving me a genuine smile.
It was so nice to see him so genuinely happy.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Serj pulled out a joint, and waved it in front of my face, a sheepish smile on his face.
"You wanna?" He asked me, pulling a lighter out of his pocket.
My eyes moved from the joint between his fingers to his face, my mind wanting to say no. I already knew I wouldn't let myself say no, though.
I quietly nodded my head, Serj flicking on the lighter and lighting up the joint, the smell already filling the air between us.
Serj, opened his mouth to speak, closing it, but opening it once more to ask the question he almost didn't want to. "Wanna shotgun again?"
"Yeah."
Our faces moved in closer towards each other, my face naturally welcoming the intrusion, my eyes half lidded as I watched him. Serj brought the joint to his lips and inhaled. I watched the way his lips wrapped around it, pushing away the dirty intrusive thoughts that entered my mind.
Serj held the smoke in his mouth and leaned in, our lips open, parted as we leaned in. I wanted to move in and kiss him but I never did. Maybe I was a coward, maybe I was being smart.
Serj blew the smoke into my mouth, our lips so close, my mind racing as I thought about those soft lips against my own. I took in the smoke as I began to feel that gentle high finally take over.
I noticed the way Serj's eyes were glued onto me, the way he watched so carefully, licking his lips as he slowly separated from me.
"Hm, you're so cute." He said quietly, breaking the comfortable silence between us.
My cheeks began to burn, my heart skipping a beat at those simple words, catching me by surprise. My eyes flickered away, not sure what to say in response.
Serj passed the joint to me. I brought it to my lips and inhaled the smoke which slightly burned my lungs and leaned closer into Serj. He pulled me in closer, which surprised me.
Our lips never met as I transferred the smoke into Serj's mouth, our eyes half lidded, staring into each other's before we close it, reveling in the nice high.
I would be lying if I said I didn't love the feeling of our lips brushing, didn't love the feeling of Serj's warm breath inside of mine, didn't love the feeling of his large hands holding my jaw.
I wondered how it would feel to kiss him, how it would feel to kiss Serj with him so close to me, our chests almost touching. I thought about it and felt a pit in my stomach, yearning to feel his lips against my own, to feel his hands hold me in place, to hold my face as we kissed endlessly.
I hated that I wanted to kiss him, that I wanted to feel his soft gentle lips against mine, to feel our lips collide and hands tangle into each others hair. I hated how my stomach twisted whenever Serj got closer, how my heart skipped a beat whenever he touched me, or the way I lost my breath whenever he looked at me in a certain way. I wanted to scream and tell my mind to shut up and shove those feelings away forever.
"Are you alright, hon?"
Again with that stupid pet name. Stupid.
I hated that I loved whenever he called me that.
"Hm?"
"Are you alright?"
"I... yeah."
I knew Serj didn't believe me just by the simple look on his face, but he dropped the topic. I was way in my head, I shouldn't have been feeling these things about my friend and doing activities that involved brushing our lips together with this said friend, but, here I was doing exactly that.
The door opened, Daron appearing, shivering. His eyes were dilated and his hair was all over the place and tangled. "The fuck you two doin' out here?" He asked, Serj turning at the sound of his voice.
"Nothing, just smoking." Serj responded, flashing the shrunken joint held between his fingers.
Andy's voice could be heard from inside. "Leave them alone, Daron, they're bonding!"
"What, you want him all to yourself, huh?" Daron dropped a hand onto his hip, turning to me.
"Just go, dipshit." Serj chuckled.
Daron did go, and with that, we resumed our activities per Serj's request.
We got impossibly closer with each shotgun, without ever touching our lips. I didn't know what was happening, what we were doing, but I went along with it anyways.
Serj finally leaned in, his eyes closing shut as he connected our lips, kissing me. I kissed back almost immediately, a wave of emotions hitting me. I savored the taste of his lips, ignoring the pounding of my heart in my chest.
Our kiss was slow, gentle. Serj's lips were everything I imagined they would be. I was obsessed, addicted... in love.
I hesitantly pulled away. My cheeks were bright red as I looked up at Serj in awe, almost shock. Serj breathed harder than before, licking his lips, looking directly into my eyes.
Serj leaned back in, reconnecting our lips and kissing me. I opened myself up, welcoming the sudden intrusion, the kiss turning rougher and quicker. Our lips were fully parted against each other's, fitting together perfectly, like they were meant for each other.
I kissed back, trying to match Serj's pace, kissing with intent, my hands trembling. My mind was clouded, the only decipherable image being Serj.
My heart was on fire, rapidly beating against my chest, seeming to grow bigger with each passing second. I couldn't think straight. What was even going on?
Our kiss deepened, opening my mouth without question after feeling Serj's tongue poke against my bottom lip. I hummed at the feeling, our tongues dancing together, pushing back and forth against each other, darting in and out of each other's mouthes.
The smoke between us had dissolved into the air around us, the smell still prominent, the two of us still very much high.
The joint Serj had held between his fingers was gone, no where to be seen. I couldn't have cared less, not when Serj held my face, kissing me with so much force and passion.
I felt weak, my heart pounding so loud in my chest that it echoed through my ears, electricity between our lips each time they moved against each other, the kiss turning sloppy.
Serj's large hand snaked down my body, reaching my back, touching my bare skin exposed from my slightly raised up shirt. I liked the feeling, the gentle warm emitting a safe feeling, a small bubble around us.
Maybe it was just Serj.
It felt as though my mind was dissolving, my brain disintegrating, melting inside of my skull as each second passed. I couldn't think straight, my mind going through multiple arrays of thoughts, images flashing through my mind.
Maybe it was the weed.